Topic : 07/04 Body Dysmorphia

hi.  its cj.  again.  2 lovely women took courage to present themselves and this issue.  the brunett i especially feel sorry for.  i can relate in that i also was abused.

this requires, in my mind, special help.  u have to consider that.  it is an important aspect of  who the vicitim was and who they have become.  it explains and helps relieve the burden and ease the pain for healing.

i would suggest a good, well checked out Female therapist who knows about women and abuse.  also careful and patient self analysis.  please let me know how it goes.  she can email me if she wants.

thanks for the opportunity and for tuning in.  - cj

Dear Dr. Phil,

  I've just finished watching your segment on body dysmorphia.  I had to respond to these beauitful women.

  I don't know anything about your disorder, but I send the angels to you to give you what you need to see your beauty when you look in the mirror.

 I do not have your disease, and I do not pretend that I can understand what you are suffering.

 But, I do have my own demons to face when I look in the mirror. Every day I look at a face disfigured by domestic abuse.  I've lost a large % of my left inner cheek, as well as about 1/3 of my left lip.  My jaws and teeth are affected by the large amount of stretching it took to close the gap created when a compassionate surgeon took over my case.  I laid in ICU for3 weeks, an LTAC for 8. I lost everything. I was unable to move or speak for over 6 weeks.

 There have been numerous procedures to corrert my disfigurement.  And every day when I look in the mirror to groom myself for the day; do you know what I think?

" My God you are beauitful today girl!"   Why just look at the way you hopped out of bed on your own 2 legs!  What a wonderful day!  I can walk!  I can talk!  I can think!  I'm ALIVE!!!!

When you lose your life, and then get it back, it changes you.  You suddenly understand just how fleating and totally unimportant appeareance is.  But if your soul shines, then your beauty can be seen by all. 

Love yourself ladies, God does.  And he doesn't make any mistakes.

Sending Light, Love and Bright Blessings,

Healer06

First of all, I would like to say that I am shocked and dismayed by some of the harsh criticisms with regards to Body Dysmorphic Disorder.  I have been dealing with it for most of my life (I am now 48) and I can assure you that my life has NOT been a pity party.

The last thing that BDD sufferers need is help in feeling bad about themselves -- believe me, we feel bad enough already.  And, to those that have dealt with "real" problems -- I lost my beloved mother to cancer on July 31st of this year and know all too well how it is to have someone deteriorate in front of you and there's not a thing you can do about it.  I have suffered other family traumas throughout the years and know very well what "real" problems are.

And, would you please stop with the "you're so vain" attitude about BDD sufferers standing in front of the mirror?  We are NOT trying to make ourselves beautiful -- we just want to look "normal".  When my disorder was totally out of control, I remember still being in front of the mirror at 4:00 in the afternoon trying to hide all my ugliness with make-up -- and I won't even go near the hair issue.  I now take 22 pills a day and see a psychiatrist once a month and have made considerable progress.  I still do not drive because I can't trust what I might see in the rear-view and side mirrors. 

It has also been known for BDD sufferers to attempt plastic surgery on themselves when they can't afford a real doctor to do it.  Many of us resort to self-mutilation to try to correct certain problems.  In order to function as well as I do, I psyche myself up to believe that I am an extra-terrestrial being and of course people are going to look at me -- I just have to show them how friendly "we" are.  Needless to say, this takes up a great deal of mental energy.  I've spent far too many beautiful days peering out of the windows and hearing people laughing and chatting and wanting so bad to be a part of all that.

So, please try to have some compassion and understanding about this very real issue.  It is already painfull enough.  Thank you.

I have been to the doctors and according to my blood test I am fine, and my ultrasonds and such are fine too.  I went for a consultation for laser hair removal, and the Doctor used an area on my cheek for an example.  It hurt, and was to expensive for me.  Right now I am shavng and well that isn't going so well.  I really am hating all this hair.  Thanks for the support!   

At first, I hadn't watched enough of the show to say anything intelligent. 

I thought that these poor people needed to get a life and go volunteer in service to mankind.  Go volunteer to help people with serious injuries, assist the elderly, DO SOMETHING FOR OTHERS.  I thought I had never seen such narcissistic people in my life!  Manipulative, self-obsessed emotional wrecks.  Me, me, me, boohoo, more me, I wish I had more than 24 hrs in a day to think about ME!

And then it happened.  I heard it and immediately understood that Diana had a serious problem.  THIS is something that yes, just as I though next....cognitive behavior therapy, years of counseling, etc.  I am glad Dr. Phil brought someone in who could help.  It also helped me to understand when it was revealed how many times she had seriously tried to kill herself.  My heart goes out to her.

At first, I thought Cheyenne needed to get a life outside of pageants.  We are a youth-obsessed country now and she is steeped in it.  This country of ours has strayed so far from our roots it is truly pathetic.  We used to be concerned with serious issues in this country like fighting the British, settling vast open territories, building a might y nation from sea to shining sea.  Now it is all about Hollywood and who is doing what to whom and are they on the A-List.

At times I wanted to shake Cheyenne.  Maybe Dr. Phil's statement and insinuation will take hold of her....he mentioned the word "narcissistic" and the look on her face was one of a slight blushing.  Perhaps it had already occurred to her that she is just so shallow.  Get a life, girl.  Quitcherwhining, for God's sake.  Go volunteer to hold crack babies in your local hospital.  Now THERE'S suffering.

There are certain personality disorders.  They fall into the realm of mental illnesses.  Sometimes we make decisions in life that make us part of the problem, sometimes it is something that has happened to us.  Such as in Diana's being triggered by her rape or abuse.  Her families horrendous reaction to it.

Dr. Phl knocks "using labels" but then uses them.  Like with this.  Well, it is because people spend time observing this and after awhile PATTERNS EMERGE.  A label is put on it to make identification easier; to give it a NAME.  I know someone with NPD....narcissistic as hell.  (Satan was narcissistic BIG TIME, after all.)

It is a mental disorder.  I think brain chemistry plays a large part.

But YOU have to have compassion, too.  YOU need to look at how others see this.  Stand in THEIR shoes.  It isn't all about YOU!  It is easy to see where someone, including myself, might say, "Sheeesh, will all you self-absorbed people PLEEEASE go do something constructive with your lives, for cryin' out loud?!

Doesn't Dr. Phil also say, "CHOOSE THE BEHAVIOR, choose the consequences"???  Do you CHOOSE to stand in front of some mirror for nine hours or don't you?

I don't know; I'm asking.

Bottom line for me?  Jesus said, "Come unto Me, all ye who are heavy-laden and I will give you rest."  I believe Him.