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Topic : 03/19 A Model's Dangerous Marriage

Number of Replies: 322
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Created on : Friday, October 26, 2007, 02:55:30 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/31/07) It was the picture–perfect wedding -- a model marrying the handsome man she says treated her like gold. But after a few years of marriage, Kevin and Heather are in a dangerous relationship. They constantly yell, scream and fight, and their home life has gotten so bad that Heather says Kevin has picked her up by the throat, thrown her to the ground, held her at knifepoint and even taught their 3-year-old daughter to call her the C-word. You won't believe where their daughter ends up during the chaos! Kevin says Heather is the one who gets in his face, and she needs to stop being so controlling. He claims he's a changed man, but should she trust his behavior now? The Dr. Phil show installed cameras in their home. Why does Dr. Phil say the footage caught on tape is frightening? And, their moms weigh in on the situation. Should Heather spend another night under the same roof as Kevin? Her uncle offers her a safe place to rest, but will she take him up on the offer, or return home with the man she says could kill her or her daughter? Join the discussion.


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October 31, 2007, 12:44 pm CDT

RE: A DANGEROUS MARRIAGE!

Dr. Phil, I believe that Heather should take her uncle's offer and get away so that she can sort out in her heart and mind where she really stands at this crossroad.  Heather must make the 'CHOICE' that will best suit the situation that she and her daughter face.  Heather needs to remember that her child is a "PRIORITY" and that it is HER responsibility to PROTECT her child at all costs!!  Kevin needs to re-evaluate his position as a HUSBAND and FATHER!  Why is he treating Heather this way and for 'PETE'S SAKE', why is he teaching his daughter to be vindictful??  Kevin is supposed to be supportive, protective (as long as it does not cross the line into being CONTROLLING!), loving, caring, sensitive, and above all that, Kevin must remember that his family depends upon him for leadership, security, strength, dependability, reliability and especially to be the man that GOD made him to be!!!  Kevin really needs Dr. Phil's advice, help, guidance and direction if he is unable to find the way by himself!  Marriage is a sacred union and is ordained by GOD!!  Kevin needs to re-evaluate himself to find out where and how he lost his way in being the cornerstone of his marital and family foundation!!  Dr. Phil can help you Kevin and Heather, but remember this, Dr. Phil is "THE PREMIER CHILD ADVOCATE", and he will do whatever it takes to help you two to resolve your problems, but make no mistake, Dr. Phil will take the necessary LEGAL steps available to him to protect your daughter if you two won't!!!!!  As always GOD Bless Dr. Phil and his family, AMERICA and those who continually support, defend and protect HER!!!  Your Friend always, David W. Wisner
 
October 31, 2007, 12:47 pm CDT

Deja Vu

 So many things I want to say...

- I lived in a household just like this. Mom was the instigator and dad had a short temper. I am now 23 years old and now that I look back, I have so much in common with their daughter. I have resentment towards my parents and try to avoid them as much as possible.

- Heather is PLAYING the victim role. She provokes him and blames him for his reactions. My mom used to do that to my dad and never took the blame for the damage in their relationship.
- Kevin's use of Christ and salvation is not new for me. I have seen so many of those and I once was in his shoes. He claims that he is saved and uses scripture to fight for his cause but lacks to see that the scriptures also have words for his actions. He is using the lord in vein and he is doing nothing but lying to himself. Salvation is giving your life to God and using your life to glorify him. What in his actions glorifies the lord?
- Heather brings the child into this because she needs someone to be on her side. She doesnt physically contribute to the fight but she nags and instigates to Kevin's breaking point at which, she brings in the daughter to let her see her father in a negative way. SHAME ON YOU HEATHER. you are a horrible mother and you are doing this to get your daughter on your side. Being in your daughters shoes, I want to tell you that if you keep exposing yourself as a victim and provoke your husband, your daughter will eventually see that YOU are just as evil as he is.
- Kevin, I want to talk to you from a spiritual standpoint. One thing I want to ask you, do you pray as much as you read the bible? I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but atheists read the bible. However, the difference is that Christians pray and focus on the word of God instead of using what you read to find faults in others and defend your wrongs. I am quite young and not married, but I have seen everything you have done and are going through. As a man, I think you need to realize that you are the leader of your household and you set the example. The fall of man starts with Adam and Eve, when Adam couldn't take responsibility for his actions. Instead he tried to blame Eve. You are doing the same. You need to fess up to your wrongs and stop saying, well if she didnt do this, I wouldnt respond that way. This is a test of your character. If you really did trust and love the lord as much as you say you do, you would realize that God is throwing this at you to test your love for him. If you continue on the way you are, you will not be in God's favor, despite what you think. Read the book of Job, I think you can relate to it well. I read it when I had my rough times and it has helped immensely.
 
October 31, 2007, 12:55 pm CDT

Dr. Phil

 I think Dr. Phil is being harsher on Heather than he is that creep. I was married to an abusive man  and it is not easy to just get out. I eventually did, but we went back and forth for 6 years. We would break up, I would leave and a couple weeks later he would call me and tell me how sorry he was and how much he missed and loved me. He had me so emotionally beaten down and insecure that I thought I needed him. Anyone who has ever been with a misogynist knows what I am talking about.
 
October 31, 2007, 12:56 pm CDT

Controlling nasty people

I understand the duh look on his face but that little nasty chick is trying to create drama at any chance she gets. Been there buddy. I had to run away fast before someone got killed. I was with the same girl (ok ... a girl that was just like this one) for two years and wow ... running away was soooo good. Of course she had called the police after slicing my arm open with a saw (I was actually facing the other way and trying really hard to get her to stop antagonizing me at the time) ... but she called the police and informed them that I was abusive. I shrugged at the cops and they left me with my arm bleeding.
This is the same kind of chick ... just anything she can do to make him look bad ... maybe it makes her feel good when he feels bad. Dunno ...
Anyway, I have a wife and two kids now and we are a happy family and there hasn't been any yelling in this house for 4 years now.
I really feel sorry for big dumb guys that just don't get it until it is too late. tee hee Sorry dude
 
October 31, 2007, 1:04 pm CDT

Hope they get help

I hope this couple gets the help they need. My cousin was killed 2 years ago after her father drove the family van into oncoming traffic hitting head on into a semi truck. The father, mom, and oldest daughter died. The youngest daughter survived. She said her mom and dad were arguing and he couldn't deal with the arguing anymore. Anytime I hear of cases like this I cringe because I fear what could happen. If someone says they will harm the other person take it seriously and leave.
 
October 31, 2007, 1:15 pm CDT

The child doesn't deserve this

First, thank you, Dr. Phil, for this show. When I was a child people didn't talk about things like this. You had to pretend everything was fine. I'm 56 and have been to 11 therapists in 29 years and the one I am seeing now is the first one who has zeroed in on the problem. She said if I could deal with the childhood, most of these other things would fall into place. People, please! Realize what this does to a child. The child can't make the decision to leave or not. I remember praying that the few times we did leave, that we'd STAY away. Back then a mother with 4 kids didn't have much recourse to get away. A child growing  up seeing their mother beat (or father if that's the case) all the time learns by example to be a doormat.  I could have really screwed up. I got married to a man I had not known very long at all just to get away from my "sperm donor". It took me a dozen or more years, and being in a mental hospital for a month, to learn I didn't have to be that doormat. My first marriage was not physically abusive, but after 20 years with an alcoholic I finally figured out how to leave and take care of myself and my teenage kids. I finally am with a wonderful man who is more a father to my grown kids and my grandchildren. Oh, and I have not seen the "sperm donor" for 10 years, after trying for 3 months to have a relationship with him. I just coulnd't do it. It had been 20 years before that since I'd seen him.  They are still married, it must be about 60 years now. I love my mother, but I cannot respect her. Mothers in a domestic abuse situation, please, please realize what it's doing to your kids. They'd be better off in foster care than in that family. Lynn
 
October 31, 2007, 1:16 pm CDT

model

There really isn't to much you can say about this couple.  It is very simple, they  just hate each other.  Model?  What kind of model? Model is certainly not a good role model for her daughter.  Dad is no honey either.   Why are these people still together?    This couple needs to divorce as quickly as possible for their sakes as well as their childs.
 
October 31, 2007, 1:22 pm CDT

Help is needed!

Wow! Dr.Phil..did a great job addressing this one.  Through everything that was said; the key thing that was said was when Dr.Phil told Kevin that he is a work in progress(Kevin's own words).  Kevin and Heather need to separate for awhile(not divorce)but separate.  She has issues that needed to be addressed just like Kevin does. What people have to understand is that this is a spiritual battle!  Kevin has professed himself as a Christian. Once Kevin openly professed being a Christian; the enemy is going to attack him and his family. The bible talks about the devil being the prince(ruler) of this world. So the things of this world belong to him (drugs, alcohol, abuse, lust, murder, etc..) Christians have been called out of darkness(this world) into this marvelous light(Christ)...Kevin obviously has not arrived because he has not experienced true deliverance (Acts 2:38-40).  Once he seeks God by himself  and for himself (Mt.6:33).  He can truly be free; then   he can work on building his family back up and take his position as head of the home.  REMEMBER this is spiritual (Eph. 6:10-14)...Followers of Christ wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against powers and principalities of this world.... Kevin and Heather I am praying for you! The daughter needs parents that are stable! I pray they will allow God to heal there lives!

 
October 31, 2007, 1:22 pm CDT

outraged!

My hat goes off to Dr. Phil,I was so angry watching this show today!The woman kept dodging the Questions and seem to think she was so inocent in the whole mess.I wantd to strangle her myself.Don't get me wrong I'm not saying the husband was perfect either.... but my gosh they both need help!Atleast he was willing to admit he had a problem she wasnt.I really feel sorry for that poor baby.I think Dr. Phil gave excelent advice for them to slit up and get away from each other.
 
October 31, 2007, 1:23 pm CDT

Women are usually killed after they leave.

 The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship, is after the person leaves.  To blame the person being abused is easy, because as a society we believe that a women choice to remain in the marriage, somehow suggest she is partly responsible for the abuse. 

Marriage therapy is often dangeous and not recommened for couple of domestic violence.  The women on your show was revictimized today, and I was very disappoint that Dr. Phil placed so many other out women who are in these situations at greater risk.  I hope  that Dr. Phil follows this closely, because this situation has just risen to the point of extreme danger.

We need to ask the question why do men abuse??? Not why do women stay?? 
Often the victim imitates the abuser, to try and hold a mirror to the abuser, in order to get the abuser to see what it is like to be abused.  The person does not realize this has little or no effect.

Dr. Phil please educate your veiwers on the importance of understanding domestic violence, from a educated place. 
 
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