Topic : 03/19 A Model's Dangerous Marriage

Dr. Phil quoted the Bible to the husband.   Seems like the wife could use a dose, too.  Like "Wives, submit to your husbands, as to The Lord."   A little submission could go a long way in this marriage.  (Taking nothing away from the husband's responsibilty.)

I would like to see a sow addresing a number of women in society especialy nowadays who appear to be under high stress, and who have intense anger within them. I would certainy never hit a women unles my lfe was in danger, i.e. if she was coming at me in ager wth a knife, etc.

 

The real domestic violence statistics are that the incidents happen via men and women by about a 50/50 ratio The media seems to portray the men usually as the primar DV initiaer and that is just plain wrong.

 

Real stats for divorce intiation are that 70% of divorces are initiated by the women in the USA.  This can be  (thanks to no fault divorce) for something as ridiculous as "boredom". Not a good reasn to get divorced. I think that the real divorce rates would be closer to about 70-80 percent range including first, second and third and beyond marriages. Th 50% rate is completely an innaccurate figure. The real divorce rate for CA is hovering at 80% some states stopped eleasing figures i got so bad.

 

In this show it appears to me that both are wrong, and need to go get some "counseling" for both of their anger management issues.  However, it also appearso me that she has instigated much of the problems via nagging, controlling, etc, quite frankly she seems like a bitch.

 

 

 

 

  I just want to say that Heather has me sick!  She is playing the victim role and not even doing a good job at it !  She certainly is all about the spot light.  I don't believe for a second that she even thinks she has done anything wrong or at least what she has done is so minimal in her mind.  She needs to grow up and stop acting!  She wants attention and thats about it! 

  I don't agree with anything her husband has said or the actions he has taken, but truely she is the one who makes me ill!

I've had too many dealings with these people who are "saved".  God is one of the most dangerous weapons we have these days.  One is not "saved again".  This is man's comment, not God's.  God is a weapon and an excuse.  If I were her, I would run the other direction.  These "born agains" can get really violent, and then claim God said.  He is deranged.  Run, girl, run!

 

 

I wish you had taken a moment to question her about her childhood and past.  She reminds me very much of my ex wife.  She too had a very mixed up childhood with very litle adult guidance.  It stunted her growth and created what some experts have classified as narcacistic and bi-polar.  Although I was never abusive, she would continuously start fights in front of my son and was verbally abusive to me.  I left the marriage 6 years ago and she is a very bad influence on my son.  People like this woman hate men and love themselves.  It is a protection measure from their childhood abuse and neglect.  The shame is, they refuse to accept responsibility and will not seek help, because they don't thnk they have a problem.  If forced into counseling, I promise it will not last.  I cannot condone the mans behavior, but ths type of person (the wife) requires people in her life who she can manipulate and control.  She chose the wrong guy.  He definately needs help. As I said, I cannot condone his behavior, but unless someone intervenes and forces her into long term therapy, she will continue to make his life miserable even living apart and their daughter will be taught unacceptable behaviors by a very ill person who has no comprehension of what is right vs. wrong.   I would love to see a follow up to this story.

I thought that Dr. Phil was right on with everything that he said today to Kevin and Heather, but I was a bit dissapointed that he did not get on Heather more for her behavior. I completely agree whole heartedly that a woman should never allow herself to be treated in an abusive manner by any man. for that matter nobody should be treated that way by another person. But was I the only person who noticed her attitude!!! you could see right through her! I believe that she goads him on constantly as he described to Dr. Phil. that does not give him the right to do or say the things that he did by no means, but she sounds like a spoiled brat that is just craving for attention no matter what form she receives it. they both need help for sure, he for his anger and rage issues and her for her immature and controling ways. Even her own mother didn't seem to get it, only coming down on Kevin!! Don't get me wrong, Kevin needs some serious help, But I would have liked to see Dr. Phil get inside of Heathers head a bit more.

For the first time, I don't think Dr. Phil was harsh enough with this abuser. 

 

I do not believe he should have any visitation rights with this little girl.  He has has admitted to threatening to hurt this child in a serious way.  Unless this man has serious counselling, understands the harm that he has caused his wife and daughter, understands how his actions have hurt his wife and child,  undersands and heals the anger inside himself, then he should NOT have ANY VISITATIONS with his daughter.  Unless all of the above has been corrected, there is a high risk of hurting his own little girl.  In my opinion, he has lost all of those rights.

 

For the mother, if she is so afraid of this man, then why is she aggravating situations to make him ever angrier.  I believe that most women in an abusive situation will do everything to not upset the husband.  She does not seem to understand how their behaviors are affecfting her daughter.  Sleeping with a knife under her pillow?  Come on, she can't be that naive.  And she thinks that knife is going to protect her if he does something.  He would probably turn the knife on her.  How immature can she be?

If the mother has custody, I still believe this child is in danger.

 

Dr. Phil, I wish you would have mentioned that if they do not work on their emotional baggage, they will fall into another relationship exactly the same.  I think that this information is so important because one is trying to change or fix the other.  By not accepting responsibility for their actions and doing something to work on themselves, they wil both find another partner to abuse.

 

Lynne 

 

 

Any guy, man, male, or husband who is physical with ANY woman IN MY EYES is a gutless, spineless person. I mean if you remove her and insert a person of similar stature, size, age, etc or even someone who works out alot and is bigger or more intimidating. I'll guarntee you that Kevin will cower and quiver like a little doggie. I cant beleive for a second that anyone would do that to a person who they marry.

 

Yea he can say well 'she wont stop bugging me' or 'she wont be quiet'. Yea I know and understand that woman do and can have a tendancy to run at the mouth for lack of a better word and they will tend to 'push the situation' and 'push the situation more' and 'push it more and more to the point' and where a fight in inevitable. So I mean I DO understand to a POINT where a man is serioulsy 'poked and pulled and pricked and agitated to the point where she's almost wishing or hoping that the guy starts something just so she can say  'he does this' or 'he does that' etc... I do understand the nagging, poking and driving someone crazy...because I need it with my mom and dad soooooooooo much to the point where i counted the days until I could move out or prayed and prayed for me to be at an age where I could just leave that nightmare at the time.

 

So I understand both points of the issue but at noooooooooo point or no matter how bad the arguement is, does it warrant a male to get physical with a female BECAUSE remove the female and put in another BIG male and Ill promise you Kevin wont do a damn thing.

 

Heather need to stop running at the mouth, pushing Kevin to the point where he does snap and then at that point Heather plays the nice, innocent person, but at that point its too late because she's already pushed the guy past the point where he's gonna 'respond' to the point that he wants too and no matter how much Heather trys to put out the fire she already started, its too late....

 

I know Kevin does threaten alot of the times about the baby and Heather, but I think IF it would come right down to it, I dont believe he would do anything really serious, he's all talk..

 

Heather needs ot keep her mouth shut after a point, but not the point after 'no return' but well before that! She knows what buttons to push with him...

 

Who knows what will happen. Why did they even get married?

As usual, I found myself becoming a bit perturbed with my favorite tv advisor Dr Phil.

 

First of all, the lady clearly showed signs of being narcissistic, even while Dr Phil was questioning her.  One of the typical things narcissists do, is continue to justify their actions and project their own behaviors onto others, so that they dont' have to admit to doing wrong or being bad.  A narcissist must uphold a false image of being "all that" or else their vain world falls apart or feels like it will.  I know this from time spent with one such person not long ago in a minstry relationship, believe it or not.

 

Secondly, I BELIEVE that man IS indeed saved.  Did anyone notice that he was very calm, admitted to what he was being accused of, and did not raise up in anger toward Dr Phil.  Am I saying he should do the things he did or threaten that lady?  No way, but I do know that narcissists can PROVOKE you and not allow you to "save face," in situations.  They will often follow you around, screaming at you, blaming you, trying to GUILT you from everything you've ever done to them.  Just VICIOUS to live with!

 

Thirdly, as far as the people having the child present during the yelling...that is pretty COMMON, Dr Phil.  The child in a tiny apt is going to be on the mother's hip or on the chair or playing nearby.  That is pretty logical to me...where else will you put a 3 yr old when an argument breaks out?  I mean, I think it's a bit unreasonable to think that people "plan" these battles and remove the child before they start...Again, I have lived it so I know.

 

Now, all of the people involved, including the child NEED THERAPY!  There IS a way to ward off a verbal abuser, in the way you respond vs react to them and what part of the message you respond to.  I am learning this with some people as well.  It's all in COMMUNICATION.

 

If this man, however OR the woman (cause women abuse too), are hitting, choking, threatening...then SEPARATE, GET HELP, and, after you are able to talk without hurting each other, then decide to get back together.

 

That's my advice.

 

~Pastor Laura

Personally, I am getting very tired of people using their religious affiliation as some sort of excuse for bad behavior. When I hear someone play  the "I'm a Christian" card I can pretty much rely on everything they say after that being a string of excuses.

 

It also has a way of somehow setting them above others of different faiths. At least in their minds.

 

Please stop using that as a defense. I owe 135,000.00 and my husband knows nothing about it. But I'm a Christian. I beat my wife, but I'm a Christian. I molest little girls, but I'm a Christian. It's getting very wearisome.