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Topic : 03/19 A Model's Dangerous Marriage

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Created on : Friday, October 26, 2007, 02:55:30 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/31/07) It was the picture–perfect wedding -- a model marrying the handsome man she says treated her like gold. But after a few years of marriage, Kevin and Heather are in a dangerous relationship. They constantly yell, scream and fight, and their home life has gotten so bad that Heather says Kevin has picked her up by the throat, thrown her to the ground, held her at knifepoint and even taught their 3-year-old daughter to call her the C-word. You won't believe where their daughter ends up during the chaos! Kevin says Heather is the one who gets in his face, and she needs to stop being so controlling. He claims he's a changed man, but should she trust his behavior now? The Dr. Phil show installed cameras in their home. Why does Dr. Phil say the footage caught on tape is frightening? And, their moms weigh in on the situation. Should Heather spend another night under the same roof as Kevin? Her uncle offers her a safe place to rest, but will she take him up on the offer, or return home with the man she says could kill her or her daughter? Join the discussion.


Find out what happened on the show.



 
wendyu
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October 31, 2007, 5:02 pm PDT

Not buying it

This guy was abusive, I am not disputing that. I don't believe his wife was an angel either. Provoking someone is abuse, too. It's emotional abuse. She deliberately put that child into the line of fire to prove something to Dr Phil's cameras.
The end of the show shocked me, when it was suggested she take their daughter and leave. She's an abuser too. What they need is intervention from children's services, family and marriage counselling, and a mediator to help with the child access thing.
I left a 14 year abusive common-law marriage in January, 2007 and I'm sick to death of women crying abuse when they are perpetrating abuse themselves. What next? Will she be taking advantage of the women's shelters and social service organizations in her area, while continuing to put her child at risk?
The one who needs help is the wife. Dr. Phil didn't even listen to the husband's side, once he admitted having behaved abusively.
 
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wendyu
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October 31, 2007, 5:03 pm PDT

yes

Quote From: samsport

I was appaled at the wife's inability to own up to anything, Clearly she taunted, pushed buttons and harrased him into violence. not that it is any excuse for his anger or abuse, but I got the feeling watching the tapes she likes fighting and gets a kick out of crying abuse.  her mother comes on saying something has never been right with him, take a look at your daughter... BOTH need serious HELP... 
I TOTALLY agree with you.
 
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dave777
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October 31, 2007, 5:03 pm PDT

10/31 A Model's Dangerous Marriage

Quote From: yahssis

As usual, I found myself becoming a bit perturbed with my favorite tv advisor Dr Phil.

 

First of all, the lady clearly showed signs of being narcissistic, even while Dr Phil was questioning her.  One of the typical things narcissists do, is continue to justify their actions and project their own behaviors onto others, so that they dont' have to admit to doing wrong or being bad.  A narcissist must uphold a false image of being "all that" or else their vain world falls apart or feels like it will.  I know this from time spent with one such person not long ago in a minstry relationship, believe it or not.

 

Secondly, I BELIEVE that man IS indeed saved.  Did anyone notice that he was very calm, admitted to what he was being accused of, and did not raise up in anger toward Dr Phil.  Am I saying he should do the things he did or threaten that lady?  No way, but I do know that narcissists can PROVOKE you and not allow you to "save face," in situations.  They will often follow you around, screaming at you, blaming you, trying to GUILT you from everything you've ever done to them.  Just VICIOUS to live with!

 

Thirdly, as far as the people having the child present during the yelling...that is pretty COMMON, Dr Phil.  The child in a tiny apt is going to be on the mother's hip or on the chair or playing nearby.  That is pretty logical to me...where else will you put a 3 yr old when an argument breaks out?  I mean, I think it's a bit unreasonable to think that people "plan" these battles and remove the child before they start...Again, I have lived it so I know.

 

Now, all of the people involved, including the child NEED THERAPY!  There IS a way to ward off a verbal abuser, in the way you respond vs react to them and what part of the message you respond to.  I am learning this with some people as well.  It's all in COMMUNICATION.

 

If this man, however OR the woman (cause women abuse too), are hitting, choking, threatening...then SEPARATE, GET HELP, and, after you are able to talk without hurting each other, then decide to get back together.

 

That's my advice.

 

Pastor Laura

Great post, I do think heather has more mental problems than kevin. Kevin seem genuine, and honest, just has a hard time with temper.She seemed psychotic and kinda evil.
 
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jmo134
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October 31, 2007, 5:10 pm PDT

Protect Children at What Cost

While I feel children should be protected from physical violence, I don't agree with protecting them from the realities of life.

 

My parents were divorced when I was 9 and my brother was 8.  I was actually glad they divorced because it meant they wouldn't be arguing any more.

 

I am now 45 years old.  My father is now deceased.  My brother is 44 years old with mental and emotional problems.  I know that some of my problems are a result of the events of my childhood.

 

I feel children should be told in an age-appropraite way what is happening within their family.  They have a right to know.  In fact, most of the time they already know more than people give them credit for.

 

 
 
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tomama
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October 31, 2007, 5:16 pm PDT

What was he thinking?

I'm usually right up there with Dr. Phil, but today wasn't one of them.  They OBVIOUSLY have a bad marriage, but why make her move 2-3 states away????  If Dr. Phil REALLY is concerned with the child, taking her away from her father IS NOT the best thing for the child.  She should be able to spend quality time with each parent (supervised or not) without someone moving 2-3 states away.  What was he thinking?????????
 
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monhol
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October 31, 2007, 5:24 pm PDT

10/31 A Model's Dangerous Marriage

this is some sick sh#@. she needs to leave right away. he is now saying if she goes with uncle eddie he can not see his baby. that is an excuse to keep her around. using the child as a trap to keep her. there are courts and he may be granted supervised visitation since he has made threats against the child and her. i also believe hubby is on drugs . all that anger. where is it coming from and his mama ain't no day in the park. saying the wife needs help but her son is putting his hands on her and threatening his own daughter. just like a woman to protect a sorry man. his mama is part of his problem. talking about putting his daughter on the block to get back at her. what kind of mess is that?? this is some sick stuff. he married her because she is pretty and i bet he is whipped. he knows if he goes another man will gladly take his spot. he claims she is so terrible then why is he still there?? because he knows what will happen if he does go. she is probably a good catch. and he knows that. a man knows when he has a good woman. even if he "claims" to want out sooo badly. hell just leave it is that simple. if he is that unhappy leave. i was with a older man, no kids together, but he claimed i was cheating on him. he was telling my family that bull. he would come home all highed and drunk up wanting to argue all night. he was out there getting high and i did not know and i believe he was cheating. he wanted me to have his baby so bad. yeah i knew what that was about. so he could keep coming around me. 13 years later he still has the nerve to speak to me and my kids. i had to put him out. he would not leave. he was stalking me and i had to call the police on him. but mind you i was such a terrible person but he would not leave me or my house until the police got involved. this looks like my old situation. leave him alone. he is not a good person at all. it was all a front to get her and she is not the first woman he has put his hands on. a man does not wake up one morning and say iam going to hit my wife. i bet old mama knows all.
 
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dollface54
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October 31, 2007, 5:37 pm PDT

Separate Now

 Dr. Phil...u are right about one thing they cannot stay together at all....i dont even think they should stay married.....she seems like she just enjoys the fights always eggying him on, following him all over the house , trying to start fights all the time....no wonder he looses it....that not saying he has a right to say and do the things he has...absolutely not.....but she's is something else....it shows that she's troubled...never could answer
Dr. Phil when he asked her a question...always makes herself look the martyr, when they are both as responsible for this situation...could not believe her walking around and chasing down her husband around the house with her daughter in hand.....IS SHE NUTS!!!! HAS TO BE!!!!
Hubby said she had some issues to deal with ...and boy do i believe it after i saw her actions....he's not much better with his threats and shoving her.....im sure she's done her fair share of it also....just by the way she reacted to Dr. Phil......
Before she goes and lives with this uncle.....interesting to find out who molested her and raped her as a child first???? this uncle seems really interested in having her move in , even though he lives states away...why wouldnt she go to her mom's house....
I find this young woman very peculiar....she likes the fighting i think...she needs councelling both of them do.....and then go find a divorce attorney...councelling or no councelling ..they shouldnt be married
 
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christymormino
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October 31, 2007, 5:45 pm PDT

Recovery

After watching todays show I was moved to let out a note of hope...

After realizing I have anger issues and PRIDE issues it sought out the LORD.

Seeing thier frustration I had to speak up.

 

A great program I wanted to suggest that both of them to check out is called

Celebrate Recovery.  It is Christ centered recovery program designed to help people dealing with all kinds of addictions...

:INCLUDING anger managment,  and SELF PRIDE issues..

 

I hope that this reaches someone and helps offer hope!
 
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jbutler70

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October 31, 2007, 5:48 pm PDT

What are you thinking???

Quote From: tomama

I'm usually right up there with Dr. Phil, but today wasn't one of them.  They OBVIOUSLY have a bad marriage, but why make her move 2-3 states away????  If Dr. Phil REALLY is concerned with the child, taking her away from her father IS NOT the best thing for the child.  She should be able to spend quality time with each parent (supervised or not) without someone moving 2-3 states away.  What was he thinking?????????
He's protecting the child.  Plain and simple.  Quality time isn't anything that's going to happen with either parent anytime soon.  She needs to be safe- first and foremost.  That means leaving the state.  Any reasonable parent understands that.
 
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princess1
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October 31, 2007, 6:12 pm PDT

What are you thinking?

Quote From: jbutler70

He's protecting the child.  Plain and simple.  Quality time isn't anything that's going to happen with either parent anytime soon.  She needs to be safe- first and foremost.  That means leaving the state.  Any reasonable parent understands that.
That mother is just as toxic to the baby as the father is.  She is the one  putting the baby in the middle.  She had an excuse  for eveything and took no responsibility for her actions.
 
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