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Topic : 03/19 A Model's Dangerous Marriage

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Created on : Friday, October 26, 2007, 02:55:30 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/31/07) It was the picture–perfect wedding -- a model marrying the handsome man she says treated her like gold. But after a few years of marriage, Kevin and Heather are in a dangerous relationship. They constantly yell, scream and fight, and their home life has gotten so bad that Heather says Kevin has picked her up by the throat, thrown her to the ground, held her at knifepoint and even taught their 3-year-old daughter to call her the C-word. You won't believe where their daughter ends up during the chaos! Kevin says Heather is the one who gets in his face, and she needs to stop being so controlling. He claims he's a changed man, but should she trust his behavior now? The Dr. Phil show installed cameras in their home. Why does Dr. Phil say the footage caught on tape is frightening? And, their moms weigh in on the situation. Should Heather spend another night under the same roof as Kevin? Her uncle offers her a safe place to rest, but will she take him up on the offer, or return home with the man she says could kill her or her daughter? Join the discussion.


Find out what happened on the show.



 
shanecp68
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March 19, 2008, 2:42 pm PDT

Dysfunctional Mess

I just have to say that It's not worth staying together.  You're both toxic and the best thing for your daughter is not to have  a relationship and set up visitation and custody.  You don't need God guy, you need to grow up.  You sit there and tell your wife that you won't sit in front of your wife and argue but you'll lift her off the floor by the neck and strangle her in front of the baby and teach her to hate her mom?  You are lost man.  You also are very twisted.  Heather doesn't need anything but a supportive, loving husband who has a head on his shoulders and can communicate with you.  I'd do anything to be with someone so beautiful, and have made the mistakes you've made for the same reasons. Kevin will be this way maybe for the rest of his life, but if he does change, it will be at least 10 more years of pain before it gets tolerable.  Kevin needs some serious therapy and is dangerous to everyone he's around when he's in a rage.  That child will also find an abusive boyfriend/husband by watching how her father treats her mother. She will grow up confused, angry,and possibly self-destructive.  You won't work it out, I promise that. because your relationship is too far gone.  Kevin doesn't respect Heather and I think they are in a co-dependent relationship.  Best of luck, hopefully Child protective or Dept of Children and Families gets involved .  Dr Phil has an obligation to call DCF just by the abusive behavior that Kevin has admitted and by the films he decided to let Dr. Phil. If Dr. Phil doesn't hold him accountable, I would be surprised.
 
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yoyoqn
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March 19, 2008, 2:42 pm PDT

03/19 A Model's Dangerous Marriage

Quote From: kneec64

I think Dr. Phil is being too hard on Heather.   She is in an abusive relationship and has probably been told before they went on stage what she can or can't say or do.   Kevin is an egotistical liar.  He sits on the stage trying to blame his behavior on Heather.   He shows no emotion.  He seems to be a heartless cold man.  She probably knows that if she says the wrong thing she will get the crap beat out of her when she gets home.  She probably has the daughter with her all the time to try to prevent the abuse, hoping he won't do it if she has the child.   This is wrong, but it is her only defense mechanism.  You say get out, do you not know how many women tried that and were hunted down and killed.  Most of these women are told that if they ever leave they will kill them.   He says he just wants to leave or her to leave, if that was true he would just walk out, he wants the fight and probably enjoys it, makes him feel like more of a man.    She needs a SAFE place to go where he can't find her.  If he will beat on her, he will do it to the child, it only takes a matter of time for that to start happening.

Knee I agree with you.

 

I think if he wanted her to leave (or HIM leave) he wouldn't be trying to control the KEYS so that she COULD NOT Leave.

 

Dr. Phil, you were right to point out that she shouldn't carry the child with her into the situation.

 

You are WRONG to put ALL of the blame on HER, and practically NONE on that PSYCHO JERK!

 

Do you not realize that you just JUSTIFIED the rationalzation that he can and will get away with possibly KILLING her and possibly the three year old child as well?
 
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daisybud
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March 19, 2008, 2:44 pm PDT

totally agree

Quote From: kimme0461

If anyone thinks that the husband is the only villian in this marriage, they're not looking at the real picture.  She KNOWS what provokes him and takes pleasure in egging him on.  The fact that they both do it in front of the child shows that they both have serious problems.  My mother was this woman, she would poke and prod at my Dad constantly until she pushed him to his breaking point.  Fortunately he would leave, with her following behind hitting him the whole way.   That poor child needs to be removed from both parents, until they both get counseling.  If any part of the mothers past, that was recited by the father, then she's in SERIOUS need of counseling.  I don't think it's in the child's best interest to left with the mother.
I totally agree with you,vilence is vilence no matter who's doing it,women can be as bad as men and yes women get murdered because men go too far .Women do the same and can be just like men,its more common with men abusing women,very few men talk about women abusing them because they are too ashame.Neither is right.
 
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sommerlyn
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March 19, 2008, 2:45 pm PDT

no its not that easy

Quote From: poppyseed454

   I have it is not as easy as that!

I have been in that and my ex was mean and a bad man and

could still come after me.

All the police said to me is we cant do anything to help you.

So until you are in that kind of spot, be careful on what you say.

And to this day my son will not tell me what my ex did to him,

my son will be 36 so think how what you say.

they can all ways find you I,vie been where this woman is NOW

I have been in those shoes and its not that easy to just up and leave!! People love to sit on the outside of a sittuation and say well I would leave and they have never been there!!! So until you have lived through do not judge so quickly!!!!
 
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shanecp68
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March 19, 2008, 2:50 pm PDT

Diddo

Quote From: damara1210

I Do Not Care What reason he or she gives as to why they put their hands on their wife or husband. It is wrong, and there is no way, reason, or thought you can give me for fighting in front of your child or children. Do these people not understand the pure damage they are doing to their child or children. Do they not understand that they are ripping the child's mind and body apart.

 

These people need their children placed in a safer place, and they need allot of time apart. in fact I vote for a immediate divorce. I believe that if it has become violent physical then the marriage is over, and there is no Sorry, Forgiving, or returning from that type of harm. It's over, and it time to say Goodbye to all. Now the only thing left is to fix the damage done to the child or children, and to make a serious go of never repeating the damage to them again. Period, NO HITTING!!!!!

Diddo, I couldn't agree with you more.  Good insight and at this point, they're both guilty of abuse and endangerment.  Only if...  I'm sure they both are hoping each other will change and things will be peachy, but the reality is when someone lives all messed up for 30 years of their lives, it takes at least 5-10 years of therapy and hard work to get past that, and in the meanwhile, the child's suffering and being exposed to toxic bs.  The fact that Kevin is so violent and abusive makes me afraid for both of them. That's the problem when the gut values a woman for only her looks. We all are a work in progress, but that doesn't change the behavior that they both choose to do.  Nice post   by: shanecp68@yahoo
 
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manofgoods
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March 19, 2008, 2:52 pm PDT

Exactly!

Quote From: butterfly88

If that man says that he is a Christian-he his a liar! People say that they are Christians and they don't even live up to it. Being  all "religious" for that man is just an exucse and he should really read and I mean really read the Bible again. I feel sorry for him because he is fooling/ lying/deceiving himself :(

As far as the woman, she needs to take her daughter and leave him now!!! I feel so sorry for their daughter and I hope that she heals from this situation.

Exactly my point! I am an acting christian & I will admit that I've fallen from God & that I'm now trying to climb back into his life (No christian is perfect, anyway), but I will never go as far as him to have his daughter call her mother awful names (I don't have any children just to let you know), start hitting her, & taking the Lord's name in vain. Plus for your own sake, Kevin (& that goes for everyone else) don't come on National TV claming to be a Christian, when you have shown us that you have done or said those awful things. People will view you as a hypocrite, & that wouldn't make you look good. Also, doesn't the Bible claim to love your wives? Same goes for the other way around.

 

As for Heather, if she hasn't done that already five months ago when this was originally aired, she should stop provoking him, take her child, & leave this abusive situation.
 
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stardust74
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March 19, 2008, 2:53 pm PDT

Been in dangerous marrigae before.

I have been in one of those dangerous marriages before. It is not fair to the child / children. I have learned that out of being abused for 10 years and finally got myself and 4 children out. My soon to be ex always told me it was my fault I pushed him to his breaking point.  Everyone has boundaries but they have to learn to control the enviroment they are putting the child in.
If the differences can't be fixed then Heather needs to take the child and leave before authorities hold her responsible for neglect and abuse. She can do it on her own with the child. I did it with 4. He needs serious help. Heather and the child need therapy in order to have somewhat of a normal life. I know my children carry the scars of the domestic violence and the abuse. They had told me what they have seen and I have cried. Her best option is to stay with family that can help her get on her feet. This man she is married to who has threatened this little girls life, he has no right to lay claim that he does not get to see the child. He put this child in danger as well. I am not one bit suprised that Child services is not involved. Heather needs to get an order of protection to protect her and this child.  Concerned Viewer
 
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shanecp68
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March 19, 2008, 2:53 pm PDT

Exactly

Quote From: kiki78_99

   The daughter should be taken and put in a safe haven until they both resolve their problems.   Her behavior is using her daughter as a pawn to keep encourging his behavior.  He did the same when teaching the daughter to call the mother the c word.  I only see the daughter being hurt by the mother since the mother feels its all the dad's fault.  Who knows what bad things could be said now to the daughter about the dad by the mother.  Another thing is the mother had some awful things happen to her and made choices that were not good.  Who's to say the same thing won't happen to her daughter if the mother doesn't  cope with all her issues..  
I totally agree with you.  Put the daughter in CPS custody because they won't change.  The lady has this uncontrollable need to be loved and Kevin has this uncontrollable need to be in control and is psychotically obsessive. Great post and I hope Dr. Phil steps in here and helps that child.  by: shanecp68@yahoo
 
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shanecp68
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March 19, 2008, 3:01 pm PDT

In Regards to happy shows

Quote From: poppyseed454

                           DR PHIL CANT YOU HAVE SOME HAPPY SHOE'S

IT IS REALLY HARD TO SEE THE SHOWS THAT YOU ARE PUTTING ON.

 DO SOME SHOWS THAT ARE HAPPY WITH FAMILY'S WITH KIDS DOING

THINGS TO HELP PEOPLE NOT THIS KINDA THINGS.

  WE HAVE A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD PUT SOME SHOWS THAT ARE FULL OF

LIFE AND WELL BEING PLEASE.

                                                       In The Pool  Hello Contacts  Thumbs Up

i think Dr. Phil has happy shows like dating hook ups, weight loss, and more alike.  The problem is that happy people don't usually seek out therapy and the ones that do need attending to the most for the victims sake.  Interventions save lives, and if someone's in need of intervention, saving a life is more important than pretending like everything is good in the world.  This stuff is all around us.  I guess that's whats cool about a remote control.  you can flick to a different station and live in your own world of make believe and avoid the tuff subjects. Oprah does a good job at wearing happy shoes. Try her show. Good luck
 
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nplmom
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March 19, 2008, 3:07 pm PDT

same circumstances

I know what it is like to be "stuck" in a terrifying marriage...and No, my excuse is not that I still love him. I have no freinds or family within 3 states of me. I only make about $75 a week and we live in a rural community. I am in school full time on scholarship. I can't leave at this point. I have no where to go and state law says that I cannot take my son out of state, so even if I wanted to, I can't leave...To make matters wore, my husband is in law enforcment. It is not as easy to leave as most people think it is. Of course, my husband refuses to leave. I agree that the "but I love him" excuse is not a reason to stay, but what about those that are not staying because they love, but because they can't leave?
 
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