Home Message Boards

Topic : 03/19 A Model's Dangerous Marriage

Number of Replies: 319
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, October 26, 2007, 02:55:30 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/31/07) It was the picture–perfect wedding -- a model marrying the handsome man she says treated her like gold. But after a few years of marriage, Kevin and Heather are in a dangerous relationship. They constantly yell, scream and fight, and their home life has gotten so bad that Heather says Kevin has picked her up by the throat, thrown her to the ground, held her at knifepoint and even taught their 3-year-old daughter to call her the C-word. You won't believe where their daughter ends up during the chaos! Kevin says Heather is the one who gets in his face, and she needs to stop being so controlling. He claims he's a changed man, but should she trust his behavior now? The Dr. Phil show installed cameras in their home. Why does Dr. Phil say the footage caught on tape is frightening? And, their moms weigh in on the situation. Should Heather spend another night under the same roof as Kevin? Her uncle offers her a safe place to rest, but will she take him up on the offer, or return home with the man she says could kill her or her daughter? Join the discussion.


Find out what happened on the show.



 
cindyzg
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
March 19, 2008, 5:17 pm PDT

Perfectly said Terrbin

  Terrbin said what I wanted to say perfectly. I've never even tried to sign on to a message board before but while watching Dr Phil I got angrier as the show went on.

 

  In the beginning I thought Dr Phil's plan was to blame Heather so Kevin wouldn't feel badgered right off the bat and then he would let him have it . I could hardly wait for that momet as I sat with my eyes glued to the TV. I even recorded it so I could show my husband, but it never happened.

 

  What were you thinking Dr Phil when you candy coated the seriousness of Kevin's abuse? Sure you made a statement about what could happen if it continued but it wasn't directed at Kevin it was more in general to all abusive relationships.

  When Kevin said his behavior is from being nagged I wanted Dr Phil to point out that he is an abuser, plain and simple and if Heather didn't nag him he would find another reason to hurt her. Even if he was with someone else he would still abuse that person because that is who he is.

 

I have to wonder if Kevin decided to become a Christian after he knew he was coming on the Dr Phil show. If he was a Christian he would have love in his heart  and feel at peace because he had turned his life over to Jesus Christ.  All I see is an angry man who still hurts women.

 

   I could hardly believe it when I heard the comment from Kevin's mother that it was "Heather's fault" and she needed help  I get the feeling his mother has always covered for him when he did something wrong . It makes me wonder what the family dynamics were like when he was growing up. 

 

  Lastly, I find it hard to believe his mother wasn't aware that her  grandaughter and daughter-in-law were staying in shelters. The situation had to be serious if Heather chose to stay in  a shelter rather than her own home.

As a victim of an abusive relationship I am upset over this Dr Phil show.

 

Bottom line...NO ONE deserves to be hit or abused EVER, no matter what.

 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
caregiver53
User Mood
Cheerful

Message Emote
blank
March 19, 2008, 5:19 pm PDT

03/19 A Model's Dangerous Marriage

Quote From: txhope

Your experience, I think may be different from most women who are abused.  I do appreciate that your history is different.  Your quote that she knows what provokes him is such a cop out.  Also, if you would have seen the wife's stature - FEAR.  She sat stiffly, with little expression.  She was terrified to say anything for fear of a backlash from him.  It made her look cold or somehow disassociated from the pain of her child.  I know that fear, if you shed a tear or try to take up for yourself, HELL will be paid (meaning he will beat you).  He will come after her.  I pray that she does get help, so the cycle of violence stops after he's gone and not a product of her next relationship. When a woman is abused (or man), her mental state changes.  Your psyche is tormented and twisted, reason doesn't always follow, there's only trying to SURVIVE each day.   From experience, if my mom woke up and just smiled, she might get beaten.  As I child I didnt understand why we couldn't escape.  I learned through education that most women stay because the fear of leaving and being killed is chosen over being abused.  My mom was terrified, lacked an education and was brainwashed. A woman is so broken by the man, that he makes her believe that he deserves it, that she made him beat her - it was her fault!  FEAR!!  I lived in it and it has harmed me and my sister in many ways.  He instilled in her such worthlessness that the cycle continued after their divorce (which saved her life).  What I do know is that there are women who truly have done NOTHING to provoke an ANGRY man.  Dr. Phil does not know that or he wouldn't have gone so overboard in trying to prove that she HAD to have had something to do with bad marriage.  Sometimes people are just evil, a product of their own past environment or mentally deranged.  As an adult with children, I now can forgive my father with God's help for his abuse to me but it's not my place to forgive him on behalf of my mom and sister.  Next to my mom, my sister is still mentally tortured by him, even after his death. 

To quote.  You hit the nail on the head.  Only one who has experienced this can speak the way you do.

You are so right when you say Nothing has to be done to provoke and Angry man.  Some misguided children sometimes believe what they hear their father saying about ther mother because of immaturity or because the mother is silent to protect them. I'm afraid Dr. Phil got this one wrong.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
cindyzg
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
March 19, 2008, 5:27 pm PDT

abuse question on hospital forms

Maleabused...I am also a nurse of 20 years and I ask the same questions when admitting a patient... "do you feel safe in your home" and  "have you been  hit or abused" .

 When you said the question of abuse is asked of women I must correct you. It is asked of all people... young, old, male, female. It is a standard question to ALL on admission forms. Not JUST women.

 
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
patsymec
User Mood
Peaceful

Message Emote
blank
March 19, 2008, 6:13 pm PDT

The Daughter is being used as a shield

Personally I observed that whenever the argument got heated, Heather picked up her daughter.  In the scene when the husband was telling her about her past, she got up for no reason, took her daughter's hand and pulled her into her lap.  That tells me that she feels safer with her daughter in her lap or on her hip, like it gives her the courage to fight back.  Maybe she knows he won't physically abuse her if she is holding her daughter.  I didn't see a lot of loving mothering by Heather either.  I think the child should be taken until they both get help AND parenting classes.  Maybe they both have narcissistic tendencies.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
cares4critters
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
surprised
March 19, 2008, 6:16 pm PDT

Spousal abuse is not just for wives

As Dr. Phil often says "What were you thinking?"  I had to call someone else for a reality check to see if Dr. Phil actually said a man should stand there while a woman bloodies his nose and knocks out his teeth and still NEVER hits a woman.  I don't know the stats but just like sexual harrassment, men are abused too.  So they shouldn't defend themselves?  I'm nearly 6' and in my younger days I could have done some real damage if I had the anger problems of your guest today.  Put a baseball bat in my hands and a guy could really be in danger.  Sorry but this time I don't agree with the southern rules.  I personally don't think anyone should be using violence (come from a family where my father drank and more than once put my mother in the hospital) but if one person starts hitting another, there is a need to protect themselves.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
irishgarbacz
User Mood
Silly

Message Emote
blank
March 19, 2008, 7:01 pm PDT

I agree to a degree

Quote From: cares4critters

As Dr. Phil often says "What were you thinking?"  I had to call someone else for a reality check to see if Dr. Phil actually said a man should stand there while a woman bloodies his nose and knocks out his teeth and still NEVER hits a woman.  I don't know the stats but just like sexual harrassment, men are abused too.  So they shouldn't defend themselves?  I'm nearly 6' and in my younger days I could have done some real damage if I had the anger problems of your guest today.  Put a baseball bat in my hands and a guy could really be in danger.  Sorry but this time I don't agree with the southern rules.  I personally don't think anyone should be using violence (come from a family where my father drank and more than once put my mother in the hospital) but if one person starts hitting another, there is a need to protect themselves.
 I do have to agree to a point that a man does have the right to defend himself against attack whether it be by a man or woman.  I only agree to the point that a man should be able to block and if need be push the woman off, and get out of the area.  There is no excuse to to lay hands on each other in anger, but I have seen men get attacked and seriously hurt by a female, and sometimes a female has had to jump in and defend the male.  The only form of defense in most situations has been to push her back and get out of place, and let her know that he does not want anything to do with her ever again. There isn't always gonna be a female around to help, so they have to be able to do something to save them selves.  That is just my opinion though.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
onefrazzledmom
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
March 19, 2008, 7:06 pm PDT

Child and CPS

Since Dr. Phil didn't call CPS on this one, I hope they were watching and did their own investigation. This child is clearly in danger and should have never had to stay one more day.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
augustdiva
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
March 19, 2008, 7:14 pm PDT

03/19 A Model's Dangerous Marriage

hi dr phil first let me applaude you for doing this show but i'm going to get straight to the point i viewed the show and agreed with everything you had to say but i must say speaking from a woman who was also in  a very abusive marriage myself i have to say that both heather and kevin really need to be away from each other having said that there's absolutely no excuse for kevin's actions but it takes two to tango and heather need's to learn and understand not only when kevin but anyone that say's to leave them alone she should respect their wishes i beleive they are both equally responsible for their marriage being in that state  and i truly hope and pray they get the help they need i feel that you were too easy on heather and we need to stop letting women like her wear the poor victim hat the true victim in this mess is that precious little girl and these two adults need to stop being selfish and put her first i also beleive it's unfair to allow heather to move with her and not let kevin have access they should have a neutral drop off point so while they're both getting their act together he at least has access to her also
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
patsymec
User Mood
Peaceful

Message Emote
blank
March 19, 2008, 7:51 pm PDT

03/19 A Model's Dangerous Marriage

Quote From: onefrazzledmom

Since Dr. Phil didn't call CPS on this one, I hope they were watching and did their own investigation. This child is clearly in danger and should have never had to stay one more day.
I agree, and like I said already, I don't think either of them think of the child as a responsibility nor do they show her any love.  I think she is used as a shield by Heather. Both are very narcissistic and need parenting help.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
housewife52
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
blank
March 19, 2008, 8:23 pm PDT

03/19 A Model's Dangerous Marriage

Quote From: cares4critters

As Dr. Phil often says "What were you thinking?"  I had to call someone else for a reality check to see if Dr. Phil actually said a man should stand there while a woman bloodies his nose and knocks out his teeth and still NEVER hits a woman.  I don't know the stats but just like sexual harrassment, men are abused too.  So they shouldn't defend themselves?  I'm nearly 6' and in my younger days I could have done some real damage if I had the anger problems of your guest today.  Put a baseball bat in my hands and a guy could really be in danger.  Sorry but this time I don't agree with the southern rules.  I personally don't think anyone should be using violence (come from a family where my father drank and more than once put my mother in the hospital) but if one person starts hitting another, there is a need to protect themselves.
I have a son who is now 21. From the time he was old enough to understand, I told him "You must never hit a girl, even if she hits you first. If a girl hits you, you must walk away." Back when he was small, I heard a lot about men abusing women, just like we still hear about today. I decided at that time  to do what I could to help my son to grow up to NOT be an abuser. Well, he has never hit a girl, and he was always a good kid anyway, I'm not sayin' I can take all the credit for him turning out the way he has. I just thought it was the least I could do. I didn't realize this was just "southern rules". 
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
Post a Message

First | Prev | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | Next | Last