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Topic : 03/13 DNA Dramas

Number of Replies: 421
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, November 02, 2007, 11:42:49 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 11/05/07) Dr. Phil tackles the emotionally-charged topic of DNA tests. Over 300,000 paternity tests are done every year, 100,000 of which actually prove a father has been previously misidentified. Dr. Phil’s guest, Terrie, claims one of her grandchildren does not look like any of the men on her side of the family, and definitely not like her son, Adam. Terrie has called her daughter-in-law, Diane, a "bald-faced liar" and "a crazy woman," and Diane says her mother-in-law is dead to her! Is Terrie just a meddling mother-in-law, or is she right in thinking her son is not her grandson’s biological father? When Dr. Phil reads the results of a top-notch DNA test, will her fears be legitimized or put to rest? And what will they mean for the feuding in-laws? Then, meet Kristie, who says that after a brief affair, she found out she was pregnant. When she told the father, she says he changed his phone number and disappeared … until Dr. Phil found him. A hidden camera captures the moment when a Dr. Phil’s investigator tracks down the alleged father-to-be -- and you won’t believe his reaction. Will he take responsibility? Or will Kristie’s next rendezvous with her former paramour take place before a judge? Share your thoughts here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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November 2, 2007, 9:00 pm CDT

Steppartents and child support issue

this issue was tackled the week of 10/29 with Enrique and Maria, the non-bio father who ceased a r'ship with his "daughter" after he found out DNA test.  My stance is in support of these men not having to pay for children that are not theirs.  Women in this situation made the decisions of who they have intercourse with, they can be responsible for the consequences and ensuring the right man is paying his share. 

 

The law is currently built around the best interest of the child.  Yet men are being punished w/o recourse.  Take the instance of a stepparent or parents.  If a divorce occurs, there is no legal recourse to a stepparent to continue to monetarily or emotionally contribute; in fact, they have NO rights to continue the r'ship with the children unless one parent deems it acceptable.  So why are men the scapegoats for children that are not theirs biologically?  They essentially have the same r'ship with the child as a stepparent does: (hopefuly) an emotional bond - that's it. 

 
November 2, 2007, 11:09 pm CDT

Our we crazy?!

  Really, Our we crazy? I was so frustrated by this show I cried! I felt so sad for this poor girl. How awful it would be to have your daddy not be your bio father but then to turn his back on you like it's your fault. I bet if she had the choice it would not have ended that way! DNA is NOT the only factor in loving a child. And not only this obvious injustice but to constantly have to listen to the ridicule of this man for his obvious bad decision. While the fact that her mother the one left comforting her is the one who did this to her! She lied and caused so much pain to every one that loved and trusted her! Her daughter had her heart riped out at a very young age, Her other daughter is trapped in the middle of a father who still loves her a mother who she still loves and a sister that is hurt so bad by these two people!   And a father who lost a child. Maybe not lost to this world and the possibility of a new and changed relationship but his daughter is now the child of another man! And this woman may not grasp the reality of this but no woman will ever have to be told that this child your husband said was yours is not! How horrid that must be!

 

 And to the point of child support. NO!!! Are you crazy why should any one have to pay for a child they did not bring in to this world? Financial responsibility of a child falls to the people who created it! I would be shocked if the court made me pay support for a child I did not mother! Now how stupid dose that sound with the shoe on the other foot!

 

 

 
November 3, 2007, 8:06 am CDT

DNA surprises

How sad that at this point in time there are still women that go around having unprotected sex. With all the information, warnings and available education we can still find women acting as if they were living in the jungle.  We are so good at going to other countries and tell/teach them how to live a "better" life and yet we don't seem to be able to reach our young generation. And why is t that now a days less and less people want to be responsible for their acts?

 
November 3, 2007, 9:02 am CDT

Doctor Phil Show

DNA Doctor Dramas Phil. Drama what is that all about? See you on Monday November 05th, 2007.----------

Sincerley Your.. Russell Vlaannderen.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 
November 3, 2007, 12:02 pm CDT

The child

               The synopsis doesn't mention the age of the child and don't worry about the adults, what about the child.  It depends on the age of the child, that child has already bonded with the father.   How is that child suppose to be after being possibly neglected now by the grandmother and possibly the father?  Some things need to be left alone.
 
November 3, 2007, 12:14 pm CDT

dna

In this particular case I think that the biggest problem is the step mom. I think the husband should have kept the secret from his daughter and he should have continued to let her know that there was never anything that would change the way he loves her. A few dollars from his pocket would not hurt him as much as he has hurt this young lady. And the bond between him and his daughter should have been stronger then the love of a second wife who is only interested in the money and how it would effect her.

There is a time and place for all things and this man ,at the insistance of this second wife, picked the wrong time and place to tell his daughter. Sorry isn't enough.  Blame, at this time in the life of the child, will not change facts. And the fact is the mother was wrong from the beginning but until all this fuss was made from the step mom the child could have continued until adulthood and then the message of parenthood could have been made available to her. If the health of the child was at stake it would have been another matter completely.

And oh yes I am married for 56 years and all my children are my husbands and there is no second wife.

 
November 3, 2007, 3:05 pm CDT

RESENTMENT - PROMISCUITY - MANIPULATIONS - CRUELTY - REVENGE

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a psychological disorder characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior.  This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity. 

 

While less known than schizophrenia or bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), BPD is more common, affecting 2% of adults (1-33), mostly females.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are:

 

 

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward AND Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss

 

Get Me Out of Here:  My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland OR Girl Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen OR Stop Walking on Eggshells:  Taking Your Life Back...by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger

 

Understanding the Borderline (Parent) Mother:  Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson OR Surviving a Borderline Parent:  How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries and Self-Esteem by Kimberlee Roth and Freda Friedman

 

High Conflict People in Legal Disputes by Bill Eddy OR Divorce Poison:  Protecting the Parent-Child Bond from a Vindictive Ex

 

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm 

 

 

Some of the story is typical:  insecurity contributing to destructive behaviors such as resentment, promiscuity, manipulations, cruelty, rage attacks, revenge, self-abuse, addictions, and eating disorders.  The extreme behaviors of BPD constitute the high drama in the stories of those who endure its ravages.

 

There are relationships, marriages and families that are so destructive the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  As painful as it may be, make a promise to yourself to leave.  Leave so you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can learn how to live a joyful, peaceful, trusting and fulfilling life.

 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 
November 3, 2007, 3:48 pm CDT

DNA Drama

I believe that the father should have continued the relationship with the daughter.  Nothing should have changed.  How could he love her one day and not the next.  I do have a problem with a man paying child support for a child that isn't his.  But my biggest problem with this whole show was that there was no mention of the biological father.  This child deserves the right to know her biological father and the father deserves the right to have a relationship with his daughter.  The have both been deprived.  As far as I am concerned this woman has committed the crime of child abuse and child neglect.  She deceived everyone.

My husband and I just found out he has a 14 year old son.  When he was dating his x-girlfriend he made it perfectly clear that he didn't want anymore children.  He also made that perfectly clear to me when we met.  He already had a son that was 7 when I met him and he had a crazy x-wife to deal with.  He and his girlfriend broke up and he never saw her again.  Now 14 years later she has served him with child support papers and brought the child to our house unannounced to introduce him to his father.  We just had a DNA test done this week but looking at him he probably is his son.  I can not believe this woman thought she could raise this child and he would never care about who his daddy was.  She too committed a crime!!

 
November 3, 2007, 4:30 pm CDT

where is the sex education?

and why are these children born? DNA can prove whether or not a man is the biological father - big deal!
I know darn well who my father was. He was a spoiled, irresponsible jerk and my mother was a free wheeling bedhopper. Now I am in my seventies and still angry when the topic comes up. Who cares who is who and who is the biological parent--- a child needs a warm and reliable, consistent and dependable nest in which to grow up. My nest was my grand parents, bless their souls. Without them I would have wound up on the streets instead of having a great husband, super kids and a joyful life. Dr.Phil is so right: Parents write on the souls and spirit of their children every day. The pain never goes away, one just learns to cope with it and learn from it (if one is lucky). Women and Men who are so cruel and immature should be forbidden to have children.
Period...So take the children away from these immature mothers and fathers and give them a home!
  The wives and husbands can fight it out in Dr. Phil's house. They are grown people. Children are helpless, so save them.
 
November 3, 2007, 6:01 pm CDT

DNA

 I think DNA testing is a fantastic thing, generally speaking. It can help us determine so many facts that once we could only guess at or take on faith. Where paternity is concerned, it can point to the truth. It is much harder for a man today to airily deny he's the dad  and just walk away. It is also much harder for a woman to get away with lying about who really fathered her child.

But like anything else, this wonderful tool must be used wisely. If a man assumes his wife's child is his, what purpose is there in questioning that? I hesitate to talk about a show before i've seen it or to judge the peoplebefore i've heard them out, but I can barely imagine why someone like Terrie would raise this issue. Children don't always look obviously like their biological parents or siblings. Why cause suspicion between a husband and wife and raise doubts in a child's mind just because of that? And if the DNA test confirms her fears, what then? Why rip a part a family and possibly break a child's heart? ( I say "possibly" because I don't know the age of the child, but I'm sure some fatheer-child boncing has already occured.) Right now, it seems to me, it can only be out of hatred of her daughter-in-law or an overprotective attitude toward her son.

Yes, I said  "overprotective." Maybe she's trying to save him money, hoping he won't have to support this child if he'snot the biological father. Perhaps she truly believes his wife has been cheating on him and wants him to know, so he can leave her and no longer be in that situation. Either way, she is trying to protect him-- and yes, I understand that, but that is no longer her job. "A man leaves his parents and cleaves to his wife," and is supposed to work things out with her, to stand by her, etc. I don't even know why this man didn't brush off his mom's accusations and tell her to chill out. (I guess I'll find out on the show.) But no matter how much she loves him, she should not be trying to protect him now, especially not form his own wife -- and that is why this kind of  "protectiveness" leads to so much pain for so many people.

Of course, I may change my mind about Terrie'sbehavior after I see the show.  But I will never be for anything that causes unnecessary pain, especially not to an innocent child.
 
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