Topic : 06/02 Banned From the Wedding

I'm sorry to see such animosity between families. A wedding should be a very Happy time for all. I watched the episode and from my perspective the bride to be had a smirk on her face the entire time. I guess she thinks it is great that she has turned the son against his mother. How would that son feel if his mother would die as she was leaving the show? I can tell you the bride to be seems as if she would be over joyed. And don't get me started on the mother of the bride! She came across as evil as her daughter! I had in-laws whom hated me and made no bones about it but I tried to get along with them for my husband. When my youngest son decided to marry a girl he had met only weeks before I tried to talk him into waiting but couldn't and  I did not want to be like my in-laws so I excepted her and her son from another relationship. I grew close to her and her son is my grandson in every sense. Hopefully someone can help them to come to terms with each other and the son will ask his mom to come to the wedding!

Didn't you just judge the future mother-in-law and put her down?????

When you find yourself in a HOLE it’s time to stop digging!!!

 

Sadly, for both Jane and Michelle, there’s a whole lot of blame to go around in this relationship.

I believe that to salvage this relationship each of these women need to decide what is more important to them, the current WAR Or a more peaceful and stable relationship.

 

Jay is NOT without responsibility, here. He has to STOP supporting the war in his life!

This couple could be clones of my son and dil.  I was glad to see that Jane was at least "allowed" to have her sister there for some support.  Usually it is the mother alone with the others against her.  When Jane said the only option she has left is to withdraw, I thought, "You GO, Girlfriend!"  This is what I did and my "payoff" is peace and happiness in my life at last.  I have a stepdaughter who is like my very own.  Her children and I adore each other.  I have great friends who are my "family" as well.  I do not want or need some toxic little witch taking potshots at me and a wuss of a son who lets it happen.  I thoroughly identified with Jane when she said that everything she said or tried was "wrong".  Whatever happened to consideration and respect for one's parents?  I believe it was the aunt who said that this nasty little girl would eventually turn on HIM.  I suspect this will happen to my son, too.  I do not want to hear from him when it does.  And by the way, Dr. Phil, I do not want this to happen; it is just that it usually does.

Watching this I thought I was watching my mother-in-law.  When my husband and I got married 19 years ago they threatened to not come to the wedding because they did not know how they would be treated.  They had a meeting with my parents and told them what an awful husband their son would be.  She walked out of my bridal shower because enough people did not pay attention to her.  Her mother-in-law was shocked and had to apologize for her behavior.  They ended up coming but they disowned us seven years later for three years.  My husband finally decided that he could not change them and we had to accept them for what they are.  They currently have not talked to their youngest son or seen his children for 7 years, and have not talked to their daughter for at least 5 and that is for the second time.  I feel sorry for them because they are older now and have missed out on so much because they could not admit they had done something wrong.  They still feel today that it is always the child's fault and the child needs to come to the adult and make amends.

After watching the show today I realize that there are alot of sons & daughter in laws that ALL act badly.  My son has been married for 16 yrs now with 3 children.  His wife is a "spoiled" brath 2.  They have cut us out of their lives because we don't "call" or "come see" the g'kids "everyday".  The g'kids are 16, 14 and 10.  When they were small, me & my husband kept them (all 3) every weekend.  We help support them when they were 1st married, and now that we don't "jump" when they think we should, they don't come around.  I'm not sure what has happened this time around for them 2 be so upset, but my son does me the same way this lady's son does her, "mom, plz tell her your sorry" so things will get back to normal.  Well, as that mom said, I have done this more than I can count.  Nothing has changed!!! My daughter in law & son both need to grow up.  My husband & I have just decided that it is better if we just stay put, no contact, so that we have a piece of mind and don't get "chewed" out everytime the phone rings!!!  I feel just like this mother, you can't WIN no matter what you do!!!!

what about the mother in laws conscionse?

I think, No one on todays show was willing to take responsibility for their actions. The Son / Fiance should have set boundaries and limitations, on the Mother and the future wife, at the beginning of this situation. All they have been doing is stirring the stink pot and wondering where the smell is coming from.

 

Woman can be opinionated and over bearing, The Son / Fiance set the tone for this situation. If he does not work this out with his Mother, in the end, He will end up having the same problem with his wife. If you do not try to resolve the first problem, when the second problem arises, the first problem will come back to haunt you.

 

Two wrongs will never make a Right! You have to rise above it all. If someone hurts you, approach them and tell them, you were hurt by them, tell them how it made you feel. Don't Blame and name call, even if that is how the other person approaches the situation. If they say that you hurt them, find out what you did and apologize. You may not get an apology from them, but you are taking responsibility for you part in the situation.

 

Set the example! Be the person who does the right thing, no matter what!

 

Some people get it, some people don't! You can't change someone else's behavior, you can only change your own. I think you will find that if you change your approach on how you handle yourself in situations like these, more times than not, the other person will react differently. Even if the other person never changes, you have done the right thing. The He said, She said road, never takes you anywhere.

 

Life is so very short, Always take the High Road, I promise you, you will have less regrets in the end!

 

It Takes some people longer to learn than others, some people may never learn. You may have to let go of those people that never learn!

 

If everyone took responsibility for their own actions, you should be able to get past it. If the other person does not take responibility and continues with bad behavior, part company, unless you enjoy being treated badly.

 

No matter how bad you want it, You can not change other people, you can only change yourself. If you always try to do the right thing and Love yourself, then you have done your job.

Just a note to the mom who is banned.  I feel for you and know your hurt. My ONLY son eloped with a gal I had never met and when I did meet her, they didn't tell me they were married. A mother knows her child inside and out and I knew he was married although "THEY" tried to keep it from me.  I was hurt and couldn't believe my son would leave me and his dad out. The girl your son is marrying is a selfish child and very insecure. Your son is thinking with the wrong head.  I tell you this....HE WILL RESENT HER FOR THIS and yes if you were to go to the wedding she would look out on the crowd and see a mother who is sad ...For the mother she is seeing the end of her relationship with her son....and realizes that she won't be a part of his everyday problems.  This gal isn't looking to the future with him. She is looking to protect something that she is fantasizing about that never ever turns out the way you think.  I am sure all the mothers life she has dreamed of watching her son walk down the aisle as I had my son. My son was remorseful in his way of getting married the gal he married was a drama queen too.  This new bride has to be very insecure in her relationship and she is trying to make sure she wrecks a secure relationship. HE WILL RESENT HER LATER ON DOWN THE ROAD FOR THIS....HE might love her and he should stick by his bride ....what is it a couple of hours during the wedding that the mother will be there? HOW Rotten of that bride to be so damn selfish.  OH and by the way.....my son's marriage didn't last.  They were on their own and the minute I accepted her as a daughter in law...she ran.  That little girl will have it all come back and bite her in the ass.  How would she feel if HE said...I DON"T WANT YOUR MOM AT OUR WEDDING  lETS JUST ELOPE.  She would resent him.  That son has NO IDEA how he hurt his mother....HE IS JUST AS SELFISH AS THE BRIDE TO BE.  IT IS ONLY A FEW HOURS OUT OF THE REST OF THEIR LIVES....A FEW HOURS AND AFTER THIS SHOW CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF THE TWO OF THEM. I WOULDN"T DARE WANT TO BE A WITNESS TO SOMETHING THAT IS OBVIOUSLY GOING TO END IN DISASTER WITH OR WITHOUT THE MOM THERE.

I completely agree with you. I wish I would have got out when I had the chance. Don't get me wrong I love my husband and if I hadn't married him I wouldn't have my beautiful daugther. But you are right, the mother is never going to change. And let me tell you the hate will only increase as the years go by and it will eat you up inside. I made the big mistake of thinking that after our daugther was born our relationship would get better. But it hasn't, it's only gotten worse than ever. She has always underminded me as a wife and now a mother. And she feels she has the RIGHT to tell us how to live our life, spend our money, raise our child and even when and who we should spend time with.

I've had to accept my situation and I've learned how to cope, just one day at a time is sometimes all you can do.