I am a military spouse and my husband and I recently got married in May of this year. We were dealing with somewhat of the same issues that occurred in this show. My husband and I went back and forth for about a month about when we were going to have our wedding. Being that we are stationed overseas in germany, it was a debate for about a month as to whether we were going to go back to the states and get married or stay here and have it. My husband and I finally came to a decision that the wedding would be held here in germany. The reason we came to this decision was because one night around 3:00 in the morning we received a phone call. And I got up and looked at the caller ID and noticed that it was his moms number. I thought that something was wrong because we are 6 hours ahead of the US and she calls sometimes so she knew what time it was as well. So I had my husband get up and call them back. Come to find out it was his uncle calling from his moms house and his uncle got on the phone asking my husband, fiance at the time what the hell was wrong with him. My husband asked what he meant and his uncle replied with why you over there (germany) trying to get married to someone you dont know. So because my husband wasn't about to let anyone disrespect me he told his uncle that he is grown and he makes his own decisions. His uncle was really upset and saying some rude things about me. So my husband refreshed his memory and told him who I was, because my husband and I had been knowing each other since November 2004, and I had met a lot of his relatives. My husband told him who I was and that he had met me before, and his uncle then began to feel really stupid because he knew who I was and that I was a good girl, but my husbands mom had him believing that I was some random hoe that he just met and tried to marry. So his uncle apologized for calling so late and being out of line. We both just feared that we didn't have it in the states because we knew it would be a disaster if any of his relatives, so he insisted that he would be held over here. My mom called his mom and invited her here to germany and offered to help purchase a ticket for her to fly over and everything. It never got as far as my mother-in-law not being able to come to the wedding because I always made it know that she was always more than welcome to be there, because either way we were going to get married. I dont hold any grudges against her because thats his mom. I'll never forget anything that she's done but I dont throw it in my husbands face or hers. When and if we talked I've always been very curtious, never disrespectful. My mom supported it and so did my dad. The reason why we were so anxious to get married is because in July 2007, my husband would be sent down range, and he wanted to get married before he left. My mother-in-law and I have never gone as far as bickering back and forth and calling each other bitches, because I distance myself. I allow my husband to deal with his mother because that is his mother, and you only get one. I never disrespect her, but she has said some really rude things to me and about me. I just blow them off and let my husband handle it because he knows his mom and how to deal with her. I dont call her, she doesn't call me and thats how its been since MAY. Before she knew we were serious about each other she was fine. But when it became more it was a problem and I saw a totally new side of her. Currently I am 8 1/2 months pregnant, and she doesn't even know how here grandson is doing. Out of 4 siblings that he has its only one sister that I get along with and its because she dealt with the same issues when she was about to marry her husband, and I get along with his grandmother and his father. Anyone else goes by the opinion that his mother has formed about me.
Bottom line I think that when it comes to you having issues between the bride to be and the mother in law you should allow the groom to deal with his mom. If he has made it clear that you are who he's going to marry then dont worry. It is not your job to try to fix anything. He knows he mother better than you do, and everything that you do or she does isn't going to be to someone elses likings.
I know from experience. My husband loves me and his mother this I know. I never try to get him not to talk to his mother or anything. I encourage him to call and check on her and make sure she's ok. I tell him all the time that he may not agree with the way she acts but its nothing he can do. But to save him from feeling guilty if anything happens to her to keep a steady bond between them, even if I'm not in the three rind bond because she doesn't have to like me. I didn't marry her, I married her son.
And bride to be shouldn't want to be caught up in her future husband and future mother in law, because if something were to happen to her (god forbid), he will already beat himself up for the distance he had between them, and if you are what made sure that he didn't talk to her that will then cause a problem in your family because he could then possibly turn and put some fault on you for it.
My husband and I are doing great now, we have a new 2007 Toyota Camry, Apartment and waiting on our new baby to get here. We dont have to live from Check to check and things are going great. We dont have to borrow anything from anyone.
MY family was 100% supportive and yes that is the way that I felt his family should have been but I didn't voice it. They thought he was moving too fast and that I was no good for him. But I dont care.
Bride to Be's, STAY CLEAR OF IT. Let your mother in law pitch all the tantrums in the world.
(Original Air Date: 11/08/07) A bride-to-be takes on her future mother-in-law in an ugly feud that has torn a family apart. The wedding day is fast approaching and the best man has resigned, the aunt has disowned the groom, and the wedding planner is on alert to call the police if the mother-in-law shows up -- which she’s threatened to do! Michelle says she cannot stand her future mother-in-law, Jane, whom she thinks has a sick and inappropriate relationship with her son, Jay. Jane thinks Michelle is a cold-hearted “you know what” who has stolen her only son. She says unless they hire a hit man, they can’t stop her from being at the wedding. Jay stands by his fiancée, which is why his whole family is saying they won’t attend the wedding. Has Michelle manipulated Jay? What happens when the mother of the bride and the soon-to-be mother-in-law come face to face for the first time in four months? Can Dr. Phil cut through the drama and heal this family feud? Tell us what you think.
