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Topic : 06/02 Banned From the Wedding

Number of Replies: 2261
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Created on : Friday, November 02, 2007, 11:50:57 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 11/08/07) A bride-to-be takes on her future mother-in-law in an ugly feud that has torn a family apart. The wedding day is fast approaching and the best man has resigned, the aunt has disowned the groom, and the wedding planner is on alert to call the police if the mother-in-law shows up -- which she’s threatened to do! Michelle says she cannot stand her future mother-in-law, Jane, whom she thinks has a sick and inappropriate relationship with her son, Jay. Jane thinks Michelle is a cold-hearted “you know what” who has stolen her only son. She says unless they hire a hit man, they can’t stop her from being at the wedding. Jay stands by his fiancée, which is why his whole family is saying they won’t attend the wedding. Has Michelle manipulated Jay? What happens when the mother of the bride and the soon-to-be mother-in-law come face to face for the first time in four months? Can Dr. Phil cut through the drama and heal this family feud? Tell us what you think.

Find out what happened on the show.

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November 6, 2007, 1:56 pm CST

Wow!

Has this show aired yet?????? It seems like these people know more then what they have just read. I feel sorry for this couple. It a hard enough world and hard enough times for a new couple to be married and live life with out the added stress of a mother in law that can't be nice or butt out. I'm not sure what She has done but it must be something if her son doesn't want her at his own wedding. And I don't understand why everyone wants to blame the bride? Maybe the groom is fed up with his mother, maybe this has been long time coming. We don't know what kind of mother she was, I've met plenty of mothers that if I were there son/daughter I would stay as far away from them as possible. Some people are just toxic. I think it is unfair to put the blame on this couple. I'm sure they aren't wanting this drama with the mother. Who would?????? I don't know one bride that would cuase anymore stress for herself while planning a wedding. I bet this is just an over bearing un willing to let go kind of mother. I know there are plenty of you out them. A few on this message board. LOL... Advise: Let your sons go, if they are happy be happy for them, if you don't like there wife to BAD! it's there wife not yours, They should always have there spouses back over there mothers that is what marriage is about, Get lives and let your grown children be just that grown adults!!!!! Wow some people really have issues.! Bride and groom, I hope you go on with the wedding and I hope it is beautiful! Mother in Law, Respect there wishes and stay away. Saying your coming anyway is just pathetic!!!!!!!!
 
November 6, 2007, 2:56 pm CST

banned...

Here we go again, more gasoline for the beat on M.I.L.s (mother-in-laws) fire. It's about time Dr. P showed some bad D.I.L.s (daughter-in-laws) on the show and how the parties (all three: mother, son, bride) can come together and add to the family rather than tear it apart. This is directly related to sons who estrange themselves from their families/mother (that they were once close and bonded to) and never see them again, a situation which causes untold and unncessary grief to people who don't deserve it. Why do sons who love their families cut off their ties? Is this about standing-up, fear of losing a wife's love/attn, or?Yeah, I know, life's not fair, but help us out, Dr. P, -- what can we do about this (that's positive)?!
 
November 6, 2007, 10:08 pm CST

I called off the wedding

 The nite my ex fiance (thank GOD for EX) - and I announced that I had gotten a ring to his mother she had the nerve to say oh yeah from WHO ?  Can we say WITCH ?  Then and there I told him the wedding would never happen and it didn't.  I took the ring back a few days later and sent him a refund check, changed my phone number to unpublished and never looked back.  If the fiance is standing by the wife then there must be something to this.  They have a right to have who THEY want at their wedding and the future witch in law can just butt out and stay home
 
November 8, 2007, 2:11 am CST

As a WIFE

I feel as a WIFE, there should be SOME kind of respect you show to your (future) mother-in-law... and on the flip side of that, the mother-in-law shouldn't have stooped to the level that she did. Also, as a MAN, why would you LET this go on?? Why would you let someone treat your mother in such a manner. I just don't get it. I felt really bad for all of them for the simple fact that, they will have to deal with this for a long time to come if something doesn't get resolved. But I believe, the daughter-in-law needs to know her place. She really does. And how can her mother defend her actions???? So sad. I'd never even DARE speak to the mother of my husband like that. I just think the whole situation is twisted. And the guy needs to sit back and re-examine his life. Because in reality, his mother will ALWAYS be there. Regardless. His wife isn't a sure thing.
 
November 8, 2007, 2:54 am CST

My family can somewhat relate

I am a military spouse and my husband and I recently got married in May of this year. We were dealing with somewhat of the same issues that occurred in this show. My husband and I went back and forth for about a month about when we were going to have our wedding. Being that we are stationed overseas in germany, it was a debate for about a month as to whether we were going to go back to the states and get married or stay here and have it. My husband and I finally came to a decision that the wedding would be held here in germany. The reason we came to this decision was because one night around 3:00 in the morning we received a phone call. And I got up and looked at the caller ID and noticed that it was his moms number. I thought that something was wrong because we are 6 hours ahead of the US and she calls sometimes so she knew what time it was as well. So I had my husband get up and call them back. Come to find out it was his uncle calling from his moms house and his uncle got on the phone asking my husband, fiance at the time what the hell was wrong with him. My husband asked what he meant and his uncle replied with why you over there (germany) trying to get married to someone you dont know. So because my husband wasn't about to let anyone disrespect me he told his uncle that he is grown and he makes his own decisions. His uncle was really upset and saying some rude things about me. So my husband refreshed his memory and told him who I was, because my husband and I had been knowing each other since November 2004, and I had met a lot of his relatives. My husband told him who I was and that he had met me before, and his uncle then began to feel really stupid because he knew who I was and that I was a good girl, but my husbands mom had him believing that I was some random hoe that he just met and tried to marry. So his uncle apologized for calling so late and being out of line. We both just feared that we didn't have it in the states because we knew it would be a disaster if any of his relatives, so he insisted that he would be held over here. My mom called his mom and invited her here to germany and offered to help purchase a ticket for her to fly over and everything.  It never got as far as my mother-in-law not  being able to come to the wedding because I always made it know that she was always more than welcome to be there, because either way we were going to get  married. I dont hold any grudges against her because thats his mom. I'll never forget anything that she's done but I dont throw it in my husbands face or hers. When and if  we talked I've always been very curtious, never disrespectful.  My mom supported it and so did my dad. The reason why we were so anxious to get married is because in July 2007, my husband would be sent down range, and he wanted to get married before he left. My mother-in-law and I have never gone as far as bickering back and forth and calling each other bitches, because I distance myself. I allow my husband to deal with his mother because that is his mother, and you only get one. I never disrespect her, but she has said some really rude things to me and about me. I just blow them off and let my husband handle it because he knows his mom and how to deal with her. I dont call her, she doesn't call me and thats how its been since MAY. Before she knew we were serious about each other she was fine. But when it became more it was a problem and I saw a totally new side of her. Currently I am 8 1/2 months pregnant, and she doesn't even know how here grandson is doing. Out of 4 siblings that he has its only one sister that I get along with and its because she dealt with the same issues when she was about to marry her husband, and I get along with his grandmother and his father. Anyone else goes by the opinion that his mother has formed about me.

 

Bottom line I think that when it comes to you having issues between the bride to be and the mother in law you should allow the groom to deal with his mom. If he has made it clear that you are who he's going to marry then dont worry. It is not your job to try to fix anything. He knows he mother better than you do, and everything that you do or she does isn't going to be to someone elses likings.

 

I know from experience. My husband loves me and his mother this I know. I never try to get him not to talk  to his mother or anything. I encourage him to call and check on her and make sure she's ok. I tell him all the time that he may not agree with the way she acts but its nothing he can do. But to save him from feeling guilty if anything happens to her to keep a steady bond between them, even if I'm not in the three rind bond because she doesn't have to like me. I didn't marry her, I married her son.

And bride to be shouldn't want to be caught up in her future husband and future mother in law, because if something were to happen to her (god forbid), he will already beat himself up for the distance he had between them, and if you are what made sure that he didn't talk to her that will then cause a problem in your family because he could then possibly turn and put some fault on you for it.

My husband and I are doing great now, we have a new 2007 Toyota Camry, Apartment and waiting on our new baby to get here. We dont have to live from Check to check and things are going great. We dont have to borrow anything from anyone.

 

MY family was 100% supportive and yes that is the way that I felt his family should have been but I didn't voice it. They thought he was moving too fast and that I was no good for him. But I dont care.

 

Bride to Be's, STAY CLEAR OF IT. Let your mother in law pitch all the tantrums in the world.

 
November 8, 2007, 2:57 am CST

11/08 Banned From the Wedding

Quote From: silvers31

I want to share my story with the forum.  We have two sons, the oldest has had a rough past 6 years. My husband and I have been there for him.  He had a child out of wedlock, that we help him get fraternity established and visitation set up which was a very hard thing to do with the mother of the child un-willing to co-operated. Had to get DNA ordered etc.  Everything finally got settled and everything running smoothly.  He lived with us for 3 years to be able to pay his child support. He meets his now wife. We were very happy for him and thought this person would be a very good person for him. We gave them an engagement dinner etc. Very happy for him. However, Something happened , I never knew what Bridezilla really meant until about a month after they were engaged.  She completely starting shutting us out,  we were omitted from everything.  We spent an anormous amount of money on her for Christmas and she never came after  being invited not that she needed an invitation to our Family Christmas to exchange presents and to be with the family, she didn't come, she wanted my son to go to her families function ( which he had already been to two different functions that they had the previous day) and then proceeds to tell some of our friends that the gifts they got from us for  Christmas were probably her presents that we didn't buy her anything.  Just to make us look bad.  We were totally baffled because our son knew we had all the presents and he didn't nothing to stop her.  These friends we have known for years and were very embarrassed that she would talk about us like that to them.  We were thrilled to know that our son had finally found someone that would make him happy we just didn't expect to be shut out of his life. I know there is alot of pressure planning a wedding etc.  But this was totally out of hand.  We did confort her about this after our friends told us about it and she told us that they had a right to know how we were. This all came out of the blue.  We were not invited to any wedding showers, or the wedding until 1 week before the wedding. We had dreamed about our son's wedding his entire life and we were not included, we had saved money to contribute our part to his wedding and were not included in any of the plans and at the last minute was invited not by her or our son but from a friend of our sons.  We did not go. Our hearts are broken.  I know this all seems a little one sided believe me if I hadn't just gone thru it the last 10 months of my life I wouldn't have believed it either.  But there is a reason for the word "Bridezilla"  Trust me.  We recently found out that the mother of our "Daughter In Law" did something similar to her "Mother In Law" when she married her Father.  I don't know if this their way of keeping their "Clan" to themselves or what? but , we are still waiting for a knock on our door to make things right and believe us when that knock happens we are more than willing to put it all behind us.  We love our family it is all we have.   I wanted to share this because not always is it the "IN LAWS" Or The "MOTHER IN LAWS that cause problems.  There are some people who thrive on drama.    Thanks for letting me post. 
You know what?  Life is too short for all of this.  It sounds like the bride and groom wanted to plan their own wedding.  The most important thing is your son is happy, right?  Let it go before it's too late.
 
November 8, 2007, 3:31 am CST

I'm banning myself from THIS loud show!

What are the odds THIS marriage is going to last? 

 

I'm not wasting my time on this high-spirited show that will showcase loud, selfish, immature, irresponsble, cruel supposed "adults."

 

Let them yell....I'll be relaxing with my peaceful family that doesn't need drama and chaos to get high!

 
November 8, 2007, 3:35 am CST

Respect is due, regardless.

Quote From: lauraa3113

 So if your mother or father abused you physically or mentally  you would still have to honor them?? give me a break! and what happens if you dont have a set religion?? I dont think the commandments apply to those people...

The Commandments apply to all people. Do you really think God would be selective???

 

Respecting one's parents doesn't mean hanging out with them, agreeing with them, liking them or doing everything they say. Respecting means being mature enough to be polite, tactful, non-vengeful, etc.

 

Any woman who doesn't like her mother-in-law should simply be polite, choose not to be around her very much and YES tolerate a family member who acts stupid, crazy, etc. It's called being an ADULT. I would pity the mother-in-law, not try to instigate things and not have confrontations. That would also show respect to my spouse (whom I supposedly loved) and to myself.

 

Besides, we should all respect OURSELVES enough not to get down in the mud with others who are behaving badly! It's not easy to do, but it's what GOD wants us to do and we should all aspire to be better, nicer human beings.

 
November 8, 2007, 5:51 am CST

11/08 Banned From the Wedding

My husband's family is the same way.  Took bets on our marriage, lied, tried to cause trouble, put me down, treated the children like they were "not quite as good" as the rest of the grandchildren.  After multiple tries over numerous years, they are out of our lives.  He has a "foster" family that makes up for the empty space.  When he contacts any member of his biological family,  he ends up in thearapy.  No,  I am with the bride here.  She could take the high road here, but she needs to distance them from the family.
 
November 8, 2007, 6:20 am CST

life is to short

No matter what has happened, don't let it control your life. My brother and I didn't talk for 15 years because of a stupid argument and we wasted all those years. We started talking 2 weeks ago and neither of us can believe we let it go that long. Also he wasn't speaking to our mom and she passed away in 95 and he has regrets. life is to short to hang onto anger....
 
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