Topic : 06/02 Banned From the Wedding

Since this young lady likes computers and emails i'm sure she'll be tuning in to hear what people say and I'd like to give her some advice, my mother gave me when I started dating as a adult.

when you pick your future husband "WATCH HIM WITH MOTHER WATCH HOW HE TALKS AND TREATS HER, BECAUSE THIS IS HOW HE'LL TREAT YOU!!!! IF HE'S GENTLE AND LOVING AND KIND TO HIS MOTHER HE'LL BE WONDERFUL TO YOU FOREVER TOO!!!"

Now i'm going to get off the computer and call my wonderful Mother in Law and tell her how much I love her and again Thank her for the wonderful gift she gave me.................her son, my husband, the father of my children and my best friend.

This family is way of line here she is banned from her son's wedding I don't understand it's almost Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving is a time to spend with your family I feel so so sorry for this family and this

mother-in-law is way off line she doesn't like her wife to be at all what's the matter with you I want to read my message really carefully and you at to be ashamed of your self and your famliy the holidays are coming up and you need to look at youself in the mirror and I mean take a good look one day your haterd toward

your your son and your family will cost you everything you have your family,home,and health STOP STOP STOP STOP this anger,hate excuses everthing toward your family right NOW!! and get along NOW!!          and GROW UP like an adult. I've been there done it. now it's your turn.

I'm not instigating or wanting to be disrespectful, but at what point does it start being HIS life and not yours?

Neither the bride nor the mother are much to speak of in this show. They're both selfish and bratty. The son needs to step up and start being the broker of peace in the family. The mother needs to step back and figure out WHY she's so angry that she's been calling the girl names.  The girl needs to loosen that butt of hers and realize that you don't have to CONTROL everything to be happy. In fact, it's better if you DON'T.

I'm a daughter in law to a woman I absolutely adore and I'd be devastated if she'd ever called me names like that. Mum in Law and I share a name too, so I guess that's something in our favor.

you say:  'my day' ?

Poor Michelle - she's got a hard life ahead of her with this MIL.

Makes me even more grateful to have a wonderful, caring, Christian MIL who I am proud to call "Mom".

Hope the joint counseling works...

I just had a small piece of advice for this young couple. I met my husband when i was 15 and his mom never really liked me, i was raised to take the high road and be respectful to adults... thats exactly what i did. No matter what she did or said i brushed it off, until 4 yrs later it was still happening, i became angry and began speaking the things i had been thinking for a very long time..I took it upon myself to tell my future mother-in-law exactly how her son and i felt about her!  Big mistake when you speak for your other half about their parents it is never a good thing because you become the horrible person who just wants to destroy the relationship. At some point you as the wife or husband have to step out of the equation and allow the parent and child speak for them selves. If your husband has a problem with something his mom is doing, allow him to be the one that lets her know...she is not going to be as defensive as if it were coming from you.  Trust me, once i started making my husband answer the phone when his mother called or returning her messages things were alot easier on me.

There is a simple answer to the dilema of the relationship between those two women.

The mother must remember that she is her son's past and his wife will be his future.  One would hope he chose wisely, but in any case, the choice is his.  His mother must accept this fact.  I too have a daughter-in-law.  As moms we all think no one is quite good enough for our children.

The wife needs to accept that this woman is the mother of the man she is going to marry.  If he is good enough to become her husband, then the mother can't be all bad.  After all, she raised him.  Also any children of the isssue should not be denied the unconditional love and dotage that only a grandparent can give. 

So go to your corner and think about this.  Remember, you both love the same man.  Do what is going to make him feel good.  It must hurt him terribly to see the two most important women in his life behaving thus.  If you love him, why would you intentionally hurt him?

THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THIS on either party's part!  I can find few reasons why adults in these roles (In-law/parent/child) should have these problems.  I was taught as a child that you show respect REGARDLESS of what is done or said to you when it comes to your elders.  There are some things you JUST DON'T SAY!!!  If you are raised this way then when you become the parent you don't do it to the child!  This also carries over into other relationships like a marriage.  There are things you just don't say to another person regardless of what they say or do.

On behalf of the Bride's Mom and the Groom's Aunt - they should be the peace makers regardless and to the end and beyond! They certainly don't need to be showing up on national television voicing their opinion that doesn't belong.

I have a MIL and we get along very well.  We even lived together in our house for several months while she was having a home built.

The key to our relationship is that we respect each other.  She is my husband's mother and my children's grandmother.  It is because of her that I have the wonderful man that I am married to (so she can't be all bad anyway).  We all benefit from this relationship and would be lost without one of the elements.  I am the wife and mother and she respects that.  I have things I am good at and she respects that, gives me credit and stays out of my role.  She has talents that I don't have, she cares for my children well and does not permit things that I say no to, I have the utmost respect for her (in her presence and away from her) and I stay out of her role and allow her to be his Mom and their grandmother.

We laugh and say the bottom line is it could have been so much worse.  I look at those I dated prior to my husband and say a word of thanks and she looks at those he dated prior to me and does the same! :)