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Topic : General Advice

Number of Replies: 465
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 12:00:07 pm
Author : dataimport
Share advice and support with other parents of pre-schoolers and school age kids.

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August 23, 2007, 2:05 pm CDT

General Advice

Quote From: crjcapt

I am the father of a 7yr old son,  He lives with his mother in another state.  I am an airline pilot so travel benefits allow me to see him frequently and bring him here as often.   I talk to him everyday sometimes more than once.  Here is the problem.   His mother tells me that he has been getting up early and sneaking food.  Half a jar of peanut buter one morning,  a couple fruit roll ups another morning.   He goes so far as to climb the counters to reach the things that she hides.  He also has a huge problem with ADHD.  He is on medication for it,  but it only lasts a few hours and he is almost unbearable when he's not on it.  When he is with me we can jump on the bikes and ride for hours.  When he is at home that is not the case.  Hence the meds.    What causes kids to sneak food?  He is not small,  I won't say he is overweight but he is not skinny.  When he is with me I can regulate what he eats and only feed him healthy things since that is all my wife and I eat.  We are both athletic and I try very hard to instill that with my son.   When he is here we are always doing something, he will help with house work,  yard work whatever.     The biggest problem now is the food sneaking.  He has done it at my house once that he admitted to.  I am very worried about this.  What causes it?  I want him to be healthy and happy.  

i think the only one who can answer the question, what causes it, is your son, or maybe some educated psych. so i'd say try to talk to your son, and show that he will not be judged because of something he might say, and see if you can get something out of him. if that doesn't work, you could keep only absolute healthy foods, it doesn't really matter if he 'sneaks' a carrot, you would probably have given it to him anyway. but since that might be a problem, you could also put locks on the cabinet, but that might seem a bit dramatic. so i'd try really hard to find out what the reason is, if he doesn't know himself, just start talking to him about his life, and maybe he'll say something, what might cause it, even though he doesn't know it causes it. but you might be able to notice. make sure he feels safe, and make it clear to him, that you don't like him sneaking food, that he can ask for it, or say that he can get a sandwich by himself if he wants too. my step-daughter usually gets up at 8 or nine in the weekends, and she wants candy because she gets hungry, so we now say, she can get herself a sandwich if she's hungry, so she doesn't want the candy anyore.

 
August 27, 2007, 12:31 pm CDT

Flip Flops When Making Decisions

OK...my daughter just turned 8 and recently has not been able to stick to any of her own decisions when it comes to spending time with her friends.  For example...a good friend asks her to go somewhere and my daughter accepts the invitation and looks forward to going but once she gets into the car and the mother drives away, my daughter wants to return home...another instance is when she's invited to a friend's house to have a girls only movie night, she's thrilled with the invitation and says she'll be there but at the last minute ends up changing her mind.  Just today she was invited to go to a birthday party that began at a waterpark, she didn't want to go to the waterpark but wanted to wait until the girls returned to the house for cake and ice cream, that is until she saw all her  friends leaving to go to the waterpark without her and she's now upset that it's too late to go and she'll have to wait until the girls return.  How do I make her understand that once you accept or decline an invitation, you need to stick to it?

 
August 28, 2007, 8:21 am CDT

General Advice

Quote From: emhayes

OK...my daughter just turned 8 and recently has not been able to stick to any of her own decisions when it comes to spending time with her friends.  For example...a good friend asks her to go somewhere and my daughter accepts the invitation and looks forward to going but once she gets into the car and the mother drives away, my daughter wants to return home...another instance is when she's invited to a friend's house to have a girls only movie night, she's thrilled with the invitation and says she'll be there but at the last minute ends up changing her mind.  Just today she was invited to go to a birthday party that began at a waterpark, she didn't want to go to the waterpark but wanted to wait until the girls returned to the house for cake and ice cream, that is until she saw all her  friends leaving to go to the waterpark without her and she's now upset that it's too late to go and she'll have to wait until the girls return.  How do I make her understand that once you accept or decline an invitation, you need to stick to it?

i think you should just make her go a couple of times, and she might learn it that way. you could also try to talk to her, why she changes her mind so often. if you make her go, when she leaves, she might make a bit of a scene, but when she's there, she'll probably have fun. because with not going anywere, she isn't really making her life fun. talk to her about why she doesn't want to go, and tell her that when she accepts an invitation, she has to go, and if she doesn't want to know if she wants to go, that she should tell them, that she needs to think about it.
 
September 5, 2007, 12:05 pm CDT

A curious 6 year old

My 6 year old step daughter and our friend's 8 year old son was caught in a very compromising position. I should start by saying that my husband and his friends have been good friends since before any kids were born. Our friends have an 8 year old son and a 4 year old daughter. My husband has a 7 year old son, 6 year old daughter, and a 2 year old son. I have a 3 year old son. All of the kids besides my son have grown up together all of their lives. The kids have all stayed at each other's houses millions of times. Well just last Friday our friend wanted the kids to come over and stay the night. My 3 year old was sick so he stayed home. The next morning our friend called and my husband answered. She said that we needed to come get the kids and explained why. She caught her 8 year old son under the covers and between our 6 year old daughters legs with her pants and panties off. We do not know the exactly what was done but anything is not good. I understand that they are at a "curious" age but I am at my wit's end with this little girl. Let me let you in on a couple of examples to get you up to speed. Her 1st year in kindergarten she was caught under the table kissing a boy, and then two weeks prior to this incident we got her in trouble for pulling her nightgown up to her brother and saying "look, look".  Other brief examples are ...she has spray painted her sitters AC unit and then begged the boys not to tell on her. if they didn't she would give them money, she peeled the paint off the walls at her mom's house when they made her stand in the corner for hitting her brother in the head, and she she went to the bathroom at her grandmother's house and opened and poured 36 pairs of contacts down the sink. She is on maxed dosage of adderall for ADHD and I am on antidepressants just to try and deal with her!! We sit her down and talk to her everytime she gets into trouble and no matter what we say or do it does not seem to get through to her. Any advice on anyone has is more than appreciated......

 
September 11, 2007, 6:54 am CDT

My 6yr old keeps having poop in her panties

I am searching for some help, my 6 yr old has alot of poop in her panties several times a week, she is in 1st grade, and i am worried about her being teased at school, it has only happened at school a few times, and I have had to go to the school and clean her up.  My x husband phoned me over his last w/e visit with her, and he was very upset about this situation, He has went as far as making her clean her dirty undies, I don't agree with that, he forces her to sit on the potty and poop, when she doesn't she tells me she is in big trouble, Myself I don't make a big deal of it, I talk to her, and explain to her that i know she isn't doing it on purpose.  I would be thankful for any suggestions.  I am worried that the way my x is handling it I am afraid he is making the situation worse.  But as usual like most x's I think, don't listen to you,
 
September 11, 2007, 8:58 pm CDT

Thanks

Quote From: jaimie1974

You are right; your ex IS making the situation worse. My advice to you is to make an appt. with your childs dr. to find out if she has digestive issues or some other medical issue that would contribute to her pooping in her pants. My nephew had this issue when he was a child; he was actually so constipated that liquid would squeeze out around the poop in an uncontrollable way. This happened in school as well as at home, he really could not help it. The Dr. did some tests and diagnosed him, then he prescribed a detailed treatment for him. This is what you must do for your daughter ASAP! You dont want her to have to deal with being teased about this problem, and you dont want her to suffer at the hands of her father for something she has no control over, either. When you make the Dr. appt to get the results of her tests, I urge you to make sure her father can come to the appt., too. He needs to hear from the Dr.s mouth what is wrong with his child. Best wishes.
Thank you for the advice,  I was thinking that maybe she was getting constipated too,  She came home yesterday from her w/e with the x, and she told me she had not had a BM while she was with her dad.  I gave her some benefiber with her drink last night and this morning too,  When she got home from school, she had no accidents, and she actually went ALOT and she was so proud,  of course she didn't know i did the benefiber thing,   shhhhh,,,,,  I hope this works, I did make her an appointment with her doctor too, just to make sure, 
 
September 13, 2007, 7:08 am CDT

General Advice

Quote From: wanabprincez

I am searching for some help, my 6 yr old has alot of poop in her panties several times a week, she is in 1st grade, and i am worried about her being teased at school, it has only happened at school a few times, and I have had to go to the school and clean her up.  My x husband phoned me over his last w/e visit with her, and he was very upset about this situation, He has went as far as making her clean her dirty undies, I don't agree with that, he forces her to sit on the potty and poop, when she doesn't she tells me she is in big trouble, Myself I don't make a big deal of it, I talk to her, and explain to her that i know she isn't doing it on purpose.  I would be thankful for any suggestions.  I am worried that the way my x is handling it I am afraid he is making the situation worse.  But as usual like most x's I think, don't listen to you,

Since you responded to another poster that you are going to talk to your child's doctor, I would suggest you check out "Encopresis" first. And ask him/her about it as well. It's a much more common than most people realize, and it can be managed. This might be the problem your daughter has.

Good luck, I wish you and your daughter the best....

 
September 20, 2007, 7:31 pm CDT

My 4 year old daughter

She gets an attitude like she is my boss and I dont know what to do.
 
September 22, 2007, 12:57 am CDT

General Advice

Quote From: marriedcouple

She gets an attitude like she is my boss and I dont know what to do.
just show her who's boss, warn her that such  an attitude isn't acceptable, and if she does it again, put her in the corner, or take a toy away, or what you usually do to discipline her.
 
October 4, 2007, 11:15 am CDT

dealing w/ difficult behavior

Quote From: hogankimberly

My 6 year old step daughter and our friend's 8 year old son was caught in a very compromising position. I should start by saying that my husband and his friends have been good friends since before any kids were born. Our friends have an 8 year old son and a 4 year old daughter. My husband has a 7 year old son, 6 year old daughter, and a 2 year old son. I have a 3 year old son. All of the kids besides my son have grown up together all of their lives. The kids have all stayed at each other's houses millions of times. Well just last Friday our friend wanted the kids to come over and stay the night. My 3 year old was sick so he stayed home. The next morning our friend called and my husband answered. She said that we needed to come get the kids and explained why. She caught her 8 year old son under the covers and between our 6 year old daughters legs with her pants and panties off. We do not know the exactly what was done but anything is not good. I understand that they are at a "curious" age but I am at my wit's end with this little girl. Let me let you in on a couple of examples to get you up to speed. Her 1st year in kindergarten she was caught under the table kissing a boy, and then two weeks prior to this incident we got her in trouble for pulling her nightgown up to her brother and saying "look, look".  Other brief examples are ...she has spray painted her sitters AC unit and then begged the boys not to tell on her. if they didn't she would give them money, she peeled the paint off the walls at her mom's house when they made her stand in the corner for hitting her brother in the head, and she she went to the bathroom at her grandmother's house and opened and poured 36 pairs of contacts down the sink. She is on maxed dosage of adderall for ADHD and I am on antidepressants just to try and deal with her!! We sit her down and talk to her everytime she gets into trouble and no matter what we say or do it does not seem to get through to her. Any advice on anyone has is more than appreciated......

Are you sure that you have the right diagnosis?  (ADHD).  I recently read an article about Child and Adolescent Bipolar Disorder from the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).  It said that medications used to treat ADHD and depression can exacerbate the symptoms of bipolar disorder.  Then they listed the symptoms of the manic phase, which includes "hypersexuality."  If I were you, I would talk to her physician about the accuracy of her diagnosis and about changing her medication.

 
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