Message Boards

Topic : General Advice

Number of Replies: 465
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 12:00:07 pm
Author : dataimport
Share advice and support with other parents of pre-schoolers and school age kids.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

January 6, 2008, 4:45 pm CST

the imaginary friends

I would like to give you a great piece of advice that I have learned from this all and through my son. Please start listening to your children how have these gifts/friends. They will actually tell you parts of their lives that some how you have missed. It is not something to worry about unless the start making up where they can fly. At this time try to see if you can once in awhile join them at play time Or try to be in the same room for clues. It also might sound strang but the names of the friends find out if they either once lived in that house or could it be a lost relative. Younger children can see alot more than you.

Believe me try this

 

 
January 6, 2008, 5:07 pm CST

Decisions

Quote From: hogankimberly

It's a pretty simple story.well my 6 year old step daughter Miranda is bad, bad, bad! I mean even my mother and his mom think so, so does the sitter. I can tell you some of her small stories like when spray painted the sitter AC unit outside and then begged and tried to bribe the boys not to tell her on. Another small story is she poured out 36 pair her grandmothers contacts right down the sink cause she was bored.those are all small stories but then you have two big issues like she was caught with our friends son with no clothes on either of them, with his face between her legs. Don't know exactly what all happened or what they were doing but these kind of things happen often with her. She is very very hard to handle. Well when the whole boy thing happened I just knew I wouldn't be able to deal with her the older she got well yesterday really pushed me to the edge and if it wasn't for my love for Larry (her dad) I would have been gone right then and there.Larry has been working late all this week and some last week. They have some special project thing they have to do and can only do it at night.anyway so he's been working till like 1-2 in the morningyesterday I thought I would be nice and let him sleep in a little and take the kids to school since I had a dr's appointment at 9:30. So I got them dressed and was taking them to school well Chandler, my 7.5 year old step son, moved something off the front seat that I told him not to touch and I reached over and popped him on his hand which was IN HIS LAP! Told him I said not to move it or you would mess it up. Not that big of a deal. So I got back from taking them and finished getting ready and the school principal called about 30 mins later and Larry answered the phone. He comes in there to the bathroom and says the school just called and said I needed to come up there because Chandler and Miranda said I hit Chandler in his eye. So I freaked out ya know I was so ticked off that they would lie on me like that. He goes up there and everything and my friend called and said she took her son to school late and seen Chandler in the office with ice on his eye and she asked him what happened. It was so bad that the principal had to make sure she was allowed to talk to him before he would let Chandler say anything to her. Well Tricia said that the teacher told her that Chandler and Miranda was in the cafeteria eating breakfast and Chandler kept scratching his eye and finally the teacher asked him what was wrong and Miranda said "momma Kim hit him in the eye". I assume they hurried him to the office thinking child abuse or whatever put ice on it when I got home later last night and picked them up and he has like this teny tiny little scratch next to his eye not even enough for a band-aid let alone ice.anyway I was severely upset the entire day. I don't think they did it knowing what kinda trouble it would cause but it's the simple fact that they did it. HRS has already been called on us twice before because of misunderstandings. Once for a bruise seen on Miranda by the teacher. She fell on our trampoline during a birthday party and got bruised but the teachers like to cause problems so she called HRS saying child abuse on my husband and then the end of school last year the nurse called HRS cause our kids had headlice allll year last year. We tried everything and did everything right but they like to cause trouble so they said we were neglecting them. We eventually got rid of it during the summer when we switch them to a sitter instead of my sister in-law watching them. Because of stuff like this and just a whole combination of things I truly am to a point where I could careless about them anymore. I'm sick of not being able to buy my son the things I want to without having to buy his kids anything. It is literally killing me inside. I want to get Dalton's pictures done for Christmas so bad but I can't cause Larry would get very mad if I did it and didn't take his kids too. Which I can't blame him either cause I know I would be mad but I refuse to take his kids.I don't want to and I'm not going to. Especially now. Anyway me and Larry are great as far as our relationship.he is the perfect guy ya know. I told him last night that my love for him is the ONLY thing keeping me around but after what they did yesterday it's to a point now where that isn't enough anymore. I am miserable in that house.I can't stand to try and go anywhere cause we have to take all them and it is such a hassle, I can't even stand to be seen with his kids.it's horrible of me to say that I do not like his kids but I don't.Miranda is a horrible horrible little girl I have absolutely no patients with her and no forgiveness and Chandler is a great kid as far as not doing anything wrong but he is sooo slow and can't do anything by himself can't even tie his own shoes and he's almost 8. He falls down and runs into walls constantly. I know he's got a disability (just a small disability) but OMG it doesn't make him run into walls he just DOES NOT pay attention. Anyway that's my feelings about them and it's causing a very big strain on our marriage because I'm miserable around them not to mention I HATE where we live, his family disgusts me (they are so nasty), I have no friends there and now thinks to them kids I have a name as a child abuser in our town, even though it's not true. It's a very small town and people talk and i was assuced of it so that's enough for them! Plus I miss my mom so much. If I go over there Larry always wants to go with me and I hate telling him no and I wouldn't if we didn't always have to take everybody. If it was just me, Larry, and Dalton I would be super happy and life would be great. I assume there is not hope for our marriage since I can't get along with his kids. With him comes his bad kids (which did i mention he has custody of cause there known mother didn't want them?) and if I can't have have his kids I can't have him. I guess I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop before I finally just give in and call it quits. I want my husband so bad it hurts but I don't want his kids. Can't have one without the other.

As I read all of your letter I actually had to stop for a minute. I have no say in this matter but please look at your 6 year old step-daughter and please eithre strt seeing someone for counceling. If she is already showing interest into boys and experimenting there is more going on then you know.

For instant: My sons father doesn't live with us and both of my children only see him twice a month and when they do they are around people and things they shouldn't be. Their father watches porn with my son , of course father denies it all but  my daughter even told me. Any ways After I found out all about this I tried turning him in to CPS but their responce was there in no proff. I recieved a phone call from school saying a mandatory meeting was planed because of my son. After he got off the bus he was kicked off for a week because he tried to go up a girls shirt. Same day this happend I was called by my nighbor and friend telling me to hurry and get down there so I did. TO find out that my son and hers were trying to stick their objects in eachothers butts. I was fit to be tied!!! I knew how he learned it and now am seeing a councelor for all this as well as my son being BP

So please take the time to talk to your daughter because to be honest there might have been something that happend and all she needs is a friend.

 
January 11, 2008, 10:56 am CST

Dentists Who Tie Up Children

How do you feel about dentist using "papoose boards" or other type of restraints on children 6 and under or any age for that matter?

Would you let a dentist tie up your child to fix a tooth?  Especially a baby tooth. 


 
January 13, 2008, 6:00 am CST

This isn't about food

Ok...I looked at the PICKY EATER board and decided that this 'behavior' isn't picky eating.  It is a big huge control issue and neither of the natural parents seem to want to deal with it.  We are a blended family of 7........5 kids.....mine are 14, 13 and 12.  His are 7 and 10.  The problem is the 7 year old, we will call Dean,  only eats chicken nuggets or a piece of cut up chicken.  REFUSES any vegetables or fruit...I MEAN NONE!  NO banana's...grapes....apples.....applesauce......NOTHING!  His mother told us that she simply has 'given up' and isn't going to bother trying anymore.  GIVEN UP?  I didn't realize that was an option.  Last night Dean's father made him try rice.. .....RICE A RONI PEOPLE!  Who doesn't like that San Francisco treat?  It took 1 1/2 hours and he finally tried 2 pieces of rice....not 2 spoonfuls.....2 pieces....and then he made himself gag like he was going to vomit.  I told him if he vomited, he would clean it up.  I wasn't about too play that game.  As soon as he heard that he stopped himself.   Needless to say, it should not have gone on this long.  When we finished with dinner, he should have had his plate taken from him and he should have been done for the night.  Unfortunately, my husband has some issues of his own when it comes to discipline and eating nutricious foods. 

I say that he has to try everything on his plate.....vegetables included....and it has to be done during the meal.   He shouldn't be able to dictate what he is or isn't going to eat.  Chicken Nuggets and french fries are doing nothing for him.  I am aggrevated and wonder why I even care when Dean's biological parents don't seem too?  Any advice?

 
January 15, 2008, 12:25 pm CST

General Advice

Quote From: debhgn

How do you feel about dentist using "papoose boards" or other type of restraints on children 6 and under or any age for that matter?

Would you let a dentist tie up your child to fix a tooth?  Especially a baby tooth. 


This is a tough one.  I am going to give my opinion, but bare in mind that I have not had to see my son strapped to the dentist's chair before.  I believe that if the parent(s) and/or nurse can not restrain the child, it may be necessary.  I'm not a professional, so I'm not sure what could happen if you left a baby tooth uncared for.  My guess is it could cause a lot of issues that could cause problems in the future.  A prime example of this is children sucking their thumb.  Many parents believe it's not a problem at all... at least not until they see the dentist bill when their child needs braces.  Anyways, back to my point.  In some senerios, the pro's may outweigh the con's in that situation.  Either restrain the child, or suffer the consequences of poor dental hygiene.  I just certainly hope the dentist isn't pulling out the straps as soon as the child walks in the room.  If they are out of options, and it is legal (that's another issue I'm unaware of), I think it would be beneficial in the long run.
 
January 15, 2008, 4:07 pm CST

family pet insanity

I'm not sure I'm using these boards correctly... they are a little different from other forums I've posted on in that I can't just start a thread on a new topic.  I've posted 3 messages in the past here and never rec'd a single response on any of them, although they were 3 different topics.  I'll try this again!

 

I really need help/advice.

We are animal lovers, please believe that. I am a happily-married SAHM w/3 school-aged children at home. We have a wonderful housecat, many fish, 2 birds (cockatiels), and a standard American Eskimo (dog). Our dog wasn't right from the time we got her 3 years ago as a little puppy. When I say "wasn't right", I mean - she is excessively nervous, throws up the instant she gets in a car, pees all over our house at every insecurity, fear, bit of anger, disappointment, etc... and once even bit my husband (broke skin) because she didn't want to do what he wanted her to do (go outside).  She is USUALLY okay w/going out on the leash, but not always... and we can't pick up a pattern of when/how/why she sometimes just decides she's not going to.  We can't take her anywhere - not the pet store, not the park, not on a visit to family or friend's houses... first because she'll throw up the minute we pull out of the driveway, second because she'll bark endlessly in a new situation, and third because she'll pee no matter where she is - supposedly it's a nervous reaction to any strong emotion (fear, excitement, etc...). Yes, we've been through crate-training - she understands that she's supposed to "go" outside. Yes, we've obedience-trained her. She obeys most commands, but has a mind of her own. We can't go anywhere more than 24 hours w/out putting her in a kennel because she'll pee everywhere and we can't take her anywhere with us.

     And now we'd like to re-do our home (carpets, etc...) but can't bear the thought of her continual "issues" on new carpeting. I know it sounds awful, but we're at the end of our ropes (my husband and I). We've talked to the vet... the general consensus is that sure, we can put her on meds, etc... that MIGHT help, but the bottom line is, she's an Eskie and while Eskies tend to have these nervous problems, hers seem a little worse, considering how much we've worked w/her.  Please, this is hard enough w/out the animal-lovers' criticism of how she's supposed to be a family member, etc... so this is not where I'm going here in the Dr.Phil message board.

     The reason I came here is to seek advice or guidance as to how to explain this to our kids... who obviously know our frustration, but love our dog. We know a family that we aren't exactly close to (like, we wouldn't be visiting)... but they have a small farm-like home, a huge fenced-in area, they have 5 dogs already that roam in and out of their house, and she is a registered animal-rescue person (the mom). They have kids, and plenty of experience with dogs. They are great people - and I'm starting to think our dog might just be happier there... and maybe her issues will then tone down a bit... or maybe it won't bother them as much, IDK. But they've volunteered to take her (gosh, she's beautiful) if we decide we can't do it anymore. 

     It's just our 9-yr-old son, a self-chosen vegetarian, animal-lover, naturalist, etc... is insistent that he'll never get over it, never forgive us, etc... if we "get rid of" her. The youngest (6) we're confident will adapt although likely be upset at first... Our oldest often agrees that she wreaks havoc on our home more days than not... but our 9-yr-old thinks that we should just "deal with it" - she's ours. And God love him for that. So for the past 3 years that we've been tossing up the idea of letting her go somewhere she might be happier, we've never carried through due to our middle son's feelings.

     I just feel like I can't do this anymore, and neither can my husband. It's so much stress on our home, and we've tried EVERYTHING - except medication, and I REALLY don't want to go that route.  How can we help our son to understand what is happening and why we might do this?

 

 
January 16, 2008, 3:57 am CST

General Advice

Quote From: tajelilant

I'm not sure I'm using these boards correctly... they are a little different from other forums I've posted on in that I can't just start a thread on a new topic.  I've posted 3 messages in the past here and never rec'd a single response on any of them, although they were 3 different topics.  I'll try this again!

 

I really need help/advice.

We are animal lovers, please believe that. I am a happily-married SAHM w/3 school-aged children at home. We have a wonderful housecat, many fish, 2 birds (cockatiels), and a standard American Eskimo (dog). Our dog wasn't right from the time we got her 3 years ago as a little puppy. When I say "wasn't right", I mean - she is excessively nervous, throws up the instant she gets in a car, pees all over our house at every insecurity, fear, bit of anger, disappointment, etc... and once even bit my husband (broke skin) because she didn't want to do what he wanted her to do (go outside).  She is USUALLY okay w/going out on the leash, but not always... and we can't pick up a pattern of when/how/why she sometimes just decides she's not going to.  We can't take her anywhere - not the pet store, not the park, not on a visit to family or friend's houses... first because she'll throw up the minute we pull out of the driveway, second because she'll bark endlessly in a new situation, and third because she'll pee no matter where she is - supposedly it's a nervous reaction to any strong emotion (fear, excitement, etc...). Yes, we've been through crate-training - she understands that she's supposed to "go" outside. Yes, we've obedience-trained her. She obeys most commands, but has a mind of her own. We can't go anywhere more than 24 hours w/out putting her in a kennel because she'll pee everywhere and we can't take her anywhere with us.

     And now we'd like to re-do our home (carpets, etc...) but can't bear the thought of her continual "issues" on new carpeting. I know it sounds awful, but we're at the end of our ropes (my husband and I). We've talked to the vet... the general consensus is that sure, we can put her on meds, etc... that MIGHT help, but the bottom line is, she's an Eskie and while Eskies tend to have these nervous problems, hers seem a little worse, considering how much we've worked w/her.  Please, this is hard enough w/out the animal-lovers' criticism of how she's supposed to be a family member, etc... so this is not where I'm going here in the Dr.Phil message board.

     The reason I came here is to seek advice or guidance as to how to explain this to our kids... who obviously know our frustration, but love our dog. We know a family that we aren't exactly close to (like, we wouldn't be visiting)... but they have a small farm-like home, a huge fenced-in area, they have 5 dogs already that roam in and out of their house, and she is a registered animal-rescue person (the mom). They have kids, and plenty of experience with dogs. They are great people - and I'm starting to think our dog might just be happier there... and maybe her issues will then tone down a bit... or maybe it won't bother them as much, IDK. But they've volunteered to take her (gosh, she's beautiful) if we decide we can't do it anymore. 

     It's just our 9-yr-old son, a self-chosen vegetarian, animal-lover, naturalist, etc... is insistent that he'll never get over it, never forgive us, etc... if we "get rid of" her. The youngest (6) we're confident will adapt although likely be upset at first... Our oldest often agrees that she wreaks havoc on our home more days than not... but our 9-yr-old thinks that we should just "deal with it" - she's ours. And God love him for that. So for the past 3 years that we've been tossing up the idea of letting her go somewhere she might be happier, we've never carried through due to our middle son's feelings.

     I just feel like I can't do this anymore, and neither can my husband. It's so much stress on our home, and we've tried EVERYTHING - except medication, and I REALLY don't want to go that route.  How can we help our son to understand what is happening and why we might do this?

 

This is definitely a 'catch 22' situation.  You're damned if you do, damned if you don't.  If you and your husband are absolutely sure you can no longer handle this, and you know a great home for her, I think you're making the right decision.  Unfortunatly, your 9 year old animal loving son could never grasp it.  I know I wouldn't have been able to when I was 9.  What I would do in this situation is call your vet.  Explain the situation to him, and get an appointment for your dog.  Bring your son along, and have the vet explain everything.  It may mean a little more coming from a professional animal lover (haha)!  Hopefully when your son hears the same thing coming from your vet he may understand a little bit more.  Maybe then he won't blame you so much.  He truly will want his pet to be happy, and I think he will let her go.  Be prepared for lot's of tears, and maybe a new puppy for a surprise for Christmas, if you feel like trying it again!  Good luck with everything, I hope it all works out! 
 
January 17, 2008, 7:22 am CST

Anxiety in daugter

I am having a problem with my 9 year old. She is very shy and is unable to speak up for herself. She has many fears. She has reflux and IBS. In school a boy has been calling her names and saying she has no friends.This has been going on for about a month now. I have just been able to get her to tell me what is wrong. She is scared. I believe she thinks girls don't like her but they do. It is hard for her to play with friends at lunch time.  It has made her sick. Stomache aches and headaces. It takes her 2 or 3 hours after she comes home to get over this.

 

I have spoke with the teacher and she is suppose to be checking into the matter. Seeing exactly what is happening and going on. But in life this will happen alot. How can I help her to overcome this? She is a happy child but cannot handle anything bad, loud noises or crowds.

 

I just don't know what to do to help her. She has come a long way. She was worse when she was a baby. Scared of people. Needing adjusting times when arriving places. At 6 months old I couldn't put her in a grocery cart because she screamed in complete fear. We have come a long way but we are stuck at this point.

 

Please help!!

 
January 17, 2008, 7:49 am CST

Restraining Children At The Dentist

Quote From: jaimie1974

I would not agree to a dentist using this method on my child.
I had a very scary experience at the dentist when I was a child. Back then, (early 70s) they didnt allow parents to come in with the child. (perhaps they would have if my mother persisted, but she trusted the authority figure, thinking he knew what he was talking about.) The dentist was going to give me Novocain, but when I saw the needle, I got very scared and tried to get up. The dentist and his assistance held me down, covered my mouth, and then said, well, well do it the hard way then. They proceeded to hold me down, give me the shot, threaten me that I would be sorry if I moved while they put in a filling. This was simply a filling! I was so scared.
Ive never heard of papoose-style restraints, but I would be 100% against it.
I have never heard of this in my life until last week, and I'm  "old"! 

However this technique was used on my 5 year old grandson, who was traumatized beyond belief.  So I started researching it a bit.

The makers of these things even say that they can be dangerous and are for urgent care, not to be used to the convenience of the dentist or parent.  They are mostly desgined for autistic or otherwise handicapped children in emergency situations.  NOT to make a more cost effect office setting, aka get 'em in, get 'er done and get another kid back here.

When they strap the children down, then add the dental dam if the child has been crying, which I'm sure he has, he can hardly breath, and he can't communicate to ANYONE if the numbness has wore off or if the dentist has hit a hot nerve. 

Some children litterly panic, surprise surprise, and still continue to thrash about.  Arms, wrists and even a couple of legs have been broken due to the assistants, who may well be the parent, still trying to hold the child down.

While searching the internet on this I found a few news reports on this and it shows some video and interviews with parents and children.  The videos are VERY upsetting!

There are very strick guidlines as to using restraints on our elderly, but there seem to be none of tying up our children for many times frivolous dental care.  Really, how bad can a 2 year olds teeth be, they've only had them about 18 months!

I have found that dentist are no longer taking the time needed to ease the anxiety of children and would much rather just strap them down and go at it.  I've put a lot of time trying to gather up as much info as I can about this and put it at debbiehagan.blogspot.com so I can show people what is happening.  Especially if you are like me and had no clue anyone would do this to a child. 

Please if you know any dentist who are doing this to your children, find a more experieced and patient dentist.  God only knows what the long term consequences are going to be for these poor kids.




 
January 17, 2008, 11:50 pm CST

Warning for medicaid covered!

Quote From: debhgn

I have never heard of this in my life until last week, and I'm  "old"! 

However this technique was used on my 5 year old grandson, who was traumatized beyond belief.  So I started researching it a bit.

The makers of these things even say that they can be dangerous and are for urgent care, not to be used to the convenience of the dentist or parent.  They are mostly desgined for autistic or otherwise handicapped children in emergency situations.  NOT to make a more cost effect office setting, aka get 'em in, get 'er done and get another kid back here.

When they strap the children down, then add the dental dam if the child has been crying, which I'm sure he has, he can hardly breath, and he can't communicate to ANYONE if the numbness has wore off or if the dentist has hit a hot nerve. 

Some children litterly panic, surprise surprise, and still continue to thrash about.  Arms, wrists and even a couple of legs have been broken due to the assistants, who may well be the parent, still trying to hold the child down.

While searching the internet on this I found a few news reports on this and it shows some video and interviews with parents and children.  The videos are VERY upsetting!

There are very strick guidlines as to using restraints on our elderly, but there seem to be none of tying up our children for many times frivolous dental care.  Really, how bad can a 2 year olds teeth be, they've only had them about 18 months!

I have found that dentist are no longer taking the time needed to ease the anxiety of children and would much rather just strap them down and go at it.  I've put a lot of time trying to gather up as much info as I can about this and put it at debbiehagan.blogspot.com so I can show people what is happening.  Especially if you are like me and had no clue anyone would do this to a child. 

Please if you know any dentist who are doing this to your children, find a more experieced and patient dentist.  God only knows what the long term consequences are going to be for these poor kids.




If you are relying on medicaid coverage and seeking dental care for your child, who is insured, watch out for this!  One company, called "Small Smiles" and in our city they were called "Smile High" has been known to have this type of BAD practice!

 

I took my twin daughters there for their first visit to the dentist when they were 18 months old.  Main reason for going there was it's close proximity to my home.  We are in a poor part of central Denver.

 

Strangely, and for the sake of my girls, I was involved in CNA clinicals at a local hospital at this time.  The very day, I spent several hours in a class at the hospital discussing the federal laws governing restraint of patients in hospitals and LTC facilities.  So, I was educated on this and it's ethical and moral issues.

 

When I got to the dentist, the first thing I had to do was read and sign a consent form for treatment which listed the 10 ways that the dentist might restrain my child for treatment.  This threw me, given the class I'd just had.  I was very surprised, this being my first experience taking kids to dentist, that this was a regular part of their practice.  When the clinician came out to call one of my daughters back, I got up and started gathering everyone up.  She said, "You can't go back."  I was aghast!  What do you mean?  Don't you see this is just a baby?  I will go with her, as well as her twin!  Well, none of the dentists will treat the child with the parent present, I was told.  I couldn't believe it! 

 

So, I asked for the records that I filled out and signed, as well as that restrain form.  I left.  Not before hearing a young dentist tell me that ALL pediatric dentists were trained in this practice of restraint and disallowing parents into exams.  He warned me that I would not another dentist in this city who would allow me to accompany my child into the exam.  I told him that my child would just not have dental care then! 

 

Next day, I took that form into class for my instructor to see.  She told me that EVERY form listed there was patently illegal practice with ANY patient in the US, by FEDERAL law.  So, my advice:  if you or your child is subjected to this practice when going to the dentist, call them on it.  Tell them you'll report them to the Dental licensing board for illegally using restraint.

 

Thankfully, we have found a great pediatric practice here in Denver which has wonderful doctors and staff.  They always allow me to be present for exams and NEVER use restraint or scare tactics for treatment.  They are clean, bright and have a great attitude.  And all my children, the twins are 9 now, son 6 and daughter 3, enjoy their visits to the dentist without fear.  It's called Primary Dental and they are located in Wheatridge, CO.

 

I have heard some horrible news reports about children subjected to numerous root canals on their baby teeth in one visit.  These are primarily done on children who have medicaid coverage.  And it's been found that these dental practices are using any way they can to overbill medicaid.  Some ex employees interviewed told of promotions and expectations of employees to add services to pad the bills to the government.  Adult practices won't even do more than two at a time!  Another report about a 6 yr old boy who was so severely restrained that the dentist broke his leg!  So, please, you owe it to your children to find another practice, if this is happening to them.  LISTEN to them about their fears if they are distressed about visiting the dentist! 

 

Good luck and take care.

 

 
First | Prev | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 | Next | Last