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Topic : General Advice

Number of Replies: 465
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 12:00:07 pm
Author : dataimport
Share advice and support with other parents of pre-schoolers and school age kids.

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May 22, 2008, 5:59 pm CDT

not adhd

Quote From: mommy8532

Hello.  I need some opinions.  I am a mother of 4 children  9,6,4 nd 3.  Yes i know it sounds bad.  But recently in the past few yrs has been hard for us.  Jan 5 2004 my mother passes away with out warning, Jan 5 2006 my hubby Neal is diagnosed with stage 3 cancer of the throat.  then Jan 31,  2008  my house catches on fire.  And well one more thing I have kidney stones...

 

Now u know what all is happening to have things the way they are.  My hubby and I have a happy marriage.  I work 2nd and he works 1st. My 4 yr old son is my problem.  When he was born we WAs very happy that we got a boy.  Time moves on,  he is now 4.  when he was 2 things started to change.  my son had become more hyper he was in preschool.  the teachers and us was working on all the behavioral issues not sitting still  cant think real clear and  hes sweet and loving. 

 

My son  has some anger issues nowtoday he said to the sitter "i don't like u,  daddy or mommy"  I want to burn down the house.  i hate u  he has spurts every now and then of theses.  i think he can sense when stress happens.  we have been thru therapists-a few sessions.  we have also done positive reinforcement.  i can only keep my cool with him for a little while.  the constant ups and downs are making me sad, hurtful and well frustrated.  I feel i have not succeeded as a parent.  my other children relationships are suffering from me being stressed.  my hubby is all part of this too, he has the cool but wants to do something about it also.  help us someone.  plz....

 

ty- 

I think your child is thinking that things like the house burning down and his dad getting sick are more important than him and obviously he has had alot of attention taken away from him because of these problems. When i was a child my mother always thaught i had adhd but looking back now i think i was just crying out for some attention as there were 6 kids in my family and mum and dad had limited time for me. So by being naughty i made them have time for me. I think all you need to do is when your son is being naughty you need to give him one set punishment and always stick to it. But when he is being punnished you need to be calm and hardly pay attention to him so for eg, He has said something bad to the babysitter what you need to do is calmly tell him to go to his room and if he says 'no!' calmly grab the top of his arm and lead him to his room without saying anything eles. While he is in his room and yelling out stuff, you need to egnore him and around 4 minuits later you go into his room and calmly talk to him about what he has done tell him to apologise and when he does, praise him for that. So when ever he does something good you need to make a big deal about it and praise him and when he is naughty you need to punnish him whith as little attention as possible. That way after a few weeks he will know that he only gets your full attention when he does something good.
 
May 26, 2008, 1:11 pm CDT

Toddler trouble

Hi all i'm a 22 year old single mother and full time college student. I live on my own and have for years through mostly hard times. I have a son who will be 3 next month who i love more than anything in the world everything i do and am is because of him. his father is not in his life at all but we have lots of friends and family who love him. I have a hard time with his behaviour he never does anything i ask his response is always no he is generally in a miserable mood and he hits me often. I'm so drained and frustrated i have begun to raise my voice at him i have such a hard time keeping my cool because everything is a constant battle. He doesnt act this way with anyone other than me he mostly only disrespect me. I dont know what to do.. i wanna do the right thing.. i constantly feel guilty like im not parenting well... its so stressful going to school full time and my son acting up... i just need some advice so he will listen a bit better and respect me.... i understand he is young and doesnt grasp everything.... but what can i change or do? Thank you so much.
 
May 28, 2008, 7:24 pm CDT

my daughters

hi, I am a 25 year old mother of two girls, I have been through a lot in the last 8 years , One of them being abused by my oldest daughters father and after him spending 4 months in jail and doing anger management we are back together and he no longer hits me but now he is so unaffectionate and he blames him going to jail on me.  while he was in jail i had had another daughter from another guy and we lost touch while i was pregnant, and when i found him he had a girlfriend but i still care very much about him and have asked my oldest daughters father to leave but he won't and i don't want to get the police involved as my children have seen enough of them how do i make this man understand without a confrintation that this relationship is over and how do i help my kids to deal with him moving out i need him gone asap, as i need to move on with my life. Please help i can't take the insanity anymore and my kids don't need to start seeing us argue.  
 
June 16, 2008, 2:25 pm CDT

Mother abusing grandduaghter

I need some help here. My daughter-in-law coaches her 5 year old daughter to say the "F" word the "N" word and so on. SHe calls her 10 year old son a F____ing A-- H--- and if I say any thing I am not allowed to see my grandchildren.

 

On Farher's day she told her 5 year old daughter(my granddaughter) to call he dad (my son) and my daughter-in-laws husband (who was out helping his brother install a pool at 7 am when all his family members were sleeping) when her dad answered his cell phone she the 5 year old said "Happy F------- Father's Day!) and hung up on her dad. This was what her mother told her to say.  

 

Why would a mother tell her little daughter to say that? Why would a mother curse her 10 year old son, who is considered by his teachers all his teachers as the best kid in the class. He just made the dandy dozen at his school, he aspires to be a lawyer, he is such a good kid that I cannot understand this. Also why would my son accept this behavior from his wife?  

 
June 17, 2008, 5:54 pm CDT

follow through

Quote From: babyred

Hi all i'm a 22 year old single mother and full time college student. I live on my own and have for years through mostly hard times. I have a son who will be 3 next month who i love more than anything in the world everything i do and am is because of him. his father is not in his life at all but we have lots of friends and family who love him. I have a hard time with his behaviour he never does anything i ask his response is always no he is generally in a miserable mood and he hits me often. I'm so drained and frustrated i have begun to raise my voice at him i have such a hard time keeping my cool because everything is a constant battle. He doesnt act this way with anyone other than me he mostly only disrespect me. I dont know what to do.. i wanna do the right thing.. i constantly feel guilty like im not parenting well... its so stressful going to school full time and my son acting up... i just need some advice so he will listen a bit better and respect me.... i understand he is young and doesnt grasp everything.... but what can i change or do? Thank you so much.

my advice would be that should always, i mean always follow through with the punishment from his behaviour. When you punish him you dont need to smack him thats only if you do, because that would just be showing him that when your frustrated the first thing he should do is smack. and thats not the message we need to get through to kids. I recomend positive parenting, allways telling him what he does that makes you happy and when he does something wrong send him to a room with nothing interesting in it for 3 mins or maybee longer if he hasn't calmed down. When he is finished with the punishment get down on your knees and talk to him calmly about what he did. Then leave him to play, But make sure the next thing he does that is good after he gets out of the room you prais him for it. If he leaves the room during punnishment just calmly put him back until time is up. Never talk to him about what he has done wrong in front of people cause that will embarase him and he might get angry at you for doing that and that would leed to him having no respect for you. before he is sent to a room on his own make sure that he has already had one warning. I did this with my boy and he was the same age and had the same problem as ur son. After a while he ended up being able to control his temper by walking away from stressful situations and comming back when he had calmed down. Just doing that made him want to be a good boy cause he knew that he only got real attention from me when he was good otherwise he would be in his room on his own. My advice is not something that is going to work over night but if you keep it up and maybee chuck in a bedtime story or even an extra hour a day with just you and him doing what he wants to do then your relationship will become a really healthy one.

ps, well done for asking for help you obviously love your son very much, I know its hard being a single mum but when you do something that requires a lot of effort and then you see a real positive change that you have worked so hard for, its all worth it. "goodluck"  

 
June 17, 2008, 6:02 pm CDT

General Advice

Quote From: ammap51

I need some help here. My daughter-in-law coaches her 5 year old daughter to say the "F" word the "N" word and so on. SHe calls her 10 year old son a F____ing A-- H--- and if I say any thing I am not allowed to see my grandchildren.

 

On Farher's day she told her 5 year old daughter(my granddaughter) to call he dad (my son) and my daughter-in-laws husband (who was out helping his brother install a pool at 7 am when all his family members were sleeping) when her dad answered his cell phone she the 5 year old said "Happy F------- Father's Day!) and hung up on her dad. This was what her mother told her to say.  

 

Why would a mother tell her little daughter to say that? Why would a mother curse her 10 year old son, who is considered by his teachers all his teachers as the best kid in the class. He just made the dandy dozen at his school, he aspires to be a lawyer, he is such a good kid that I cannot understand this. Also why would my son accept this behavior from his wife?  

i am so repulsed at what your daughter in-law does to her children. I recomend that she and the family go to a consiler, even though from what you have said i doubt she would. i think that all you can do is make sure that the children know that they are not what she says they are. you dont need to say it in front of her all you need to do is praise them for doing the right thing and egnore them when she gets them to say things like that. maybee even stand up and leave the room as though your descusted just to show the kids what most people think of behaviour like that.
 
July 22, 2008, 7:29 am CDT

Having a Godchild Stay With Us for a Week

We are Godparents to a 5, soon to be 6 year old. His parents have asked us to have him stay with us for a week. This is the first time he has been away from his parents for an extended period of time.

We are proceeding on a day-to-day basis, meaning that if he is really upset, we will bring him back home. So far, he cries at night when talking with his parents, but the tears have stopped and he's done well the next day.

Our question is: Are there any psychological issues that we should be aware of? We have thought about the concept of being abandoned or not wanted at home. Is this an issue at his age? Can it leave emotional scars at this age?

He is in pre-school and will soon make the jump to Kindergarten.

We would appreciate any guidance / experience comments on this.

 
August 20, 2008, 7:55 pm CDT

This is about one of the recent shows

I find it really hard to believe that school teachers or carers just let the students go with anyone. I saw the show on the kidnapping/taking kids with the girl who got picked up by some guy and signed out of school. Its unnerving. Though, I must admit I laughed when i heard about the grandpa that bought the wrong kid home from school. Rode a bike to their house and the wife goes "dang you got the wrong kid!".

 

His answer was he has lots of grandkids and doesnt know what they all look like! At least with both of those kids they were returned safely to their families.

 

Dont they have a procedure that if anyone besides a parent comes they call the parent to confirm?

 
August 29, 2008, 10:06 am CDT

Kindergarten Concerns

My husband & I enrolled our son in a school that is supposed to be one of the best schools in our area. We went to the orientation & JJ (our son) was so excited as we were. My concern is that he started to have accidents going #1 in his pants during the summer before school. Now, it is required that kids are all fully potty trained when entering Kindergarten. So when we met the teacher she had all the parents sit as she explained how she runs the class. I asked her "what happens if they have accidents?" First she asked, almost condescendingly "Does he usually have accidents?" Then she explained that she doesn't make a big deal of it & she sends them over to the school secretary & she finds them something to wear. I always put an extra pair of clothes just in case, which I told her. So on the first day of school when my son got home, I asked how his day went & he said "great." Then he said he asked the teacher to go potty & she told him to wait. My husband said that JJ held his potty until he got home. His stomach was also hurting. I was so upset. I e-mailed the principal & explained what happened & asked her to please address this problem. She e-mailed me back & apologized & said she would pass this on to the teacher. After this I researched the teachers' credentials and found that she is indeed a very good teacher with only 1 complaint on her record. Which is by a parent who had a similar incident. It bothers me to know that his teacher may not be sensitive to this kind of problem and we think she is even a little arrogant. My husband told her that he knows her background and is confident she will do a good job however, to explain what happened and why she asked him to wait. She also apologized and said there wasn't adequate supervision to escort him at that time. However, after my husband said that we had in fact looked up her credentials she was very surprised and now always has a weary look on her face like we did something to offend her.

I encourage all parents to research the teachers that are teaching your children. In California you can go to Commission on Teacher Credentials then Search for teachers. Also talk to the other parents who have had this teacher in the past which is how I found out about the complaint. The website only gives you the teaching credentials but for further information you must be an investigator.

This is our children and we have the right to know. My son seems very happy after only the first week. My husband & I are still concerned but are optimistic & will definitely stay involved in his education.

 
September 16, 2008, 2:19 pm CDT

selective mutism

Quote From: biscotte

I have an 8 year old daughter who has something called selective mutism.  She speaks normally to me, my husband,my other daughter and a selected few people but is completely mute when it comes to talking to her grand-parents, aunts & uncles, cousins and especially teachers, etc.  She has been like this for 3 years now.  By reading your post, it reminds me quite a lot of my daughter.  Please visit the following website and you will learn all about selective mutism.  I am sure you will be amazed by what you find and many of your questions will be answered.  www.selectivemutism.org 

The name is very deceiving.  People do not realize that the child is not choosing to speak but they have a difficult time.  You can see in their faces that they want to play and talk with other kids. I have had more people tell me to socialize my son.  He was in MDO (similar to pre-K) in the same location for three years and never talked to any of them.  If he seen one of the kids or teachers in another location (store, etc) he would clam up and almost be afraid.  What is the most difficult is this affects the entire family.  My daughter is 1 1/2 years older and he follows her around  when we go anywhere to play (playground, etc) and does not want her to play with anyone else but him because he couldn't talk.  It made it difficult for me because I wanted both of them to have fun but she wanted to play with other kids and he was afraid to and wanted her undivided attention.  My daughter now has her own attention getting behaviors.   To make it more difficult, there is very little to no help available that specializes in this - other than the internet.  Sometimes it would be much easier to meet face to face with someone with same difficulties.
 
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