Message Boards

Topic : General Advice

Number of Replies: 465
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 12:00:07 pm
Author : dataimport
Share advice and support with other parents of pre-schoolers and school age kids.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

October 27, 2005, 1:07 pm CDT

All American Girl w/ ADD ??????

My daughter is your typical 8 year old. Extremely happy, outgoing participates in several activities. She is the girl next door. She is extremely well behaved.  Her only downfall is that she has struggled with comprehension / literacy since preschool. She has had tutors and has been a student at an after school learning program for years, so why isn't any of this working?????? I took her to a pediatric neurologist and he has scheduled her for neuropsychological testing. In the meantime, he has prescribed CONCERTA 18mg for her. I cant bring myself to medicate her. I don't want to turn her into an emotional pill popper or make her an experiment to try several medications...........I just cant do it. I am such a private person, I cant even believe I am on a message board speaking about this. Yet I am hoping someone out there can relate and give advice.........HELP.
 
October 30, 2005, 6:30 pm CST

Just an idea...

Quote From: jjsmom

Does anyone have advice about effective discipline for a child who has begun stealing? My 6 year old (extremely bright and 2 grades ahead in school) has become very sneaky and has twice (that I know about) stolen something - 1) a pack of gum from a store (which I made him bring back to the store manager and confess what he did) and 2) Money from his cousin's purse (which he used to purchase souveniers from a gift shop on a school field trip. My son has always been very clever, but now he is using this talent for evil instead of good, and my husband and I are EXTREMELY concerned about this new behavior. I have done all the things that I think I should, but he just isn't getting the message - He now has to do chores around the house and for his cousin to pay back the money, he's had to return the items to the gift shop, he has written 100 times "I will not take things that don't belong to me" - I have talked to him about all the consequences of being an untrustworthy person, and it just DOESN'T seem to be sinking in. In every other way he is a joy to have around - he is funny, musically talented, helpful around the house, kind to his friends and his older brother, compassionate, and has so many of the traits that any parent would hope for. How do we nip this problem now and make him understand how wrong this is? 

Thank you for any help. 

  

  

You could try making him take back the items and "paying" you for the theft with an item he values, such as a toy.  Does he have a TV in his room?  Take it away.  Also, and this may seem severe, disallow any activity that would put him in a position to steal.  Don't take him to stores, don't allow him to leave your side at family functions.  Explain to him that until he earns your trust and he has proven that he will not take anything that doesn't belong to him, you must monitor him.  It sounds as though he's trying to see what he can get away with.  I wouldn't make a huge scene out of it, but stay calm & consistent with the punishment, and stress how disappointed you are.  He needs to know that you & your husband will find out if he steals anything else.  Could it be possible that he's overheard his apparently older classmates talk about stealing things, and he wants to fit in with them?  He could be picking up bad behaviors from being with children who are older, and trying to fit in with them if he's younger than everyone else.
 
October 30, 2005, 7:21 pm CST

Your discussions must be age-appropriate....

Quote From: ryantamy

I need some help with my 5 year old son. I am in the military. The town we moved to is all white and rather racist.  My son has already come home from kindergarten asking why God made black people and that their color skin hurts his eyes. I am horrified.  He only has one black boy in his class. His 2nd day care provider in Florida was black and her son Zoin was his best friend. I tried to talk to him about how he would feel if someone didn't like him because he has blue eyes. I pointed out that is nephew has brown eyes,  and so on. I have tried to find books that have multi racial kids in the stories. But I can't find any books on overcoming this, or kids stories. I am planning on getting a globe for him for Christmas so we can talk about cultures.  I will be moving him to the on base school for first grade which has a higher cultural mix. I try to watch shows like Medgar Evars, Mississippi Burning.  He saw some of  "A time to kill" and he wanted to know why the people were having fights in front of the courthouse. I am trying to approach it subtly.  Does anyone have any other ideas. We were planning on retiring here but now we are planning on moving back to Ohio because of the school.  Alexander is a surving twin. His brother Nicholas died from Air Force negligence, I know Alex did not survive to become a racial bigot.

I applaud your efforts to teach your son about differences in people, but a 5 year old cannot comprehend Mississippi Burning, and should not be viewing "A Time to Kill" due to the violence & subject matter  (it is a great movie for adults!).  I have taught 5 year olds for the past 6 years in Sunday School.  If you are churchgoers, the easiest explanation would be that God created all people, and He knew them before they were born.  We all look the same on the inside, but God knew the world would be a boring place if everyone looked alike on the outside, so He created each person to be beautiful & special in his or her own way, and He wanted Alex to have blue eyes and so on...  Please don't think that you should move because of this, you actually have a wonderful opportunity to teach your son about the differences in others that he will certainly face when he grow up.  Your public library will have loads of books about different children.  I encourage you to pick some out that show other races & cultures in a positive light.  This will help him to understand that just because he sees differences in others, those differences aren't bad.  Some good titles include, "The Snowy Day" by Ezra Jack Keats & "Amazing Grace" by Mary Hoffman.  If he likes Dora & Diego (TV Cartoons), you could gently explain that they are Latino, and maybe discuss the food they may eat.  (Many children love Mexican food!)  Best wishes! 

 
November 4, 2005, 12:17 pm CST

Funerals & Young Children - Yes or No?

I was wondering if anyone had an opinion on taking young children (under 10) to funerals.  And does it make a difference if the child is closely related to the deceased?  I recently witnessed a 6 year old watch her 31 year old Mother being burried and it was really gut-wrentching.  Any thoughts?
 
November 5, 2005, 12:29 pm CST

Sensative boy who cries too easily

My son who just turned 7 in September but he is in 2nd grade (academically we needed to send him to school young intstead of holding him back)  has always been on the sensative side but now that he is getting older I am growing more concerned.  He seems to get upset and cries much much easier than most of the boys he plays with that are around his age.  He is probably about 4-6 months younger than the other kids because of his birthday.  I think this is really starting to cause a few problems with kids not being nice or wanting to play with him.  Any ideas on how to toughen him up without being too tough on him?   He is into sports and plays football and basketball with the kids but his feelings get hurt pretty easily and he seems to be starting to have problems with some of our neighbor kids.  They just don't seem to be including him and if he goes down to play he comes home crying that they don't like him or want him to play with them. 

 
November 6, 2005, 7:39 pm CST

Funerals

Quote From: techmom

I was wondering if anyone had an opinion on taking young children (under 10) to funerals.  And does it make a difference if the child is closely related to the deceased?  I recently witnessed a 6 year old watch her 31 year old Mother being burried and it was really gut-wrentching.  Any thoughts?
As difficult it is to see a child view a funeral it is a part of life. When our daufghter died we took her two brothers to the funeral and now as adults they have understanding that may not have been had they been excluded. They were asked if they wanted to go and through all funerals we had to attend they attended too. Being excluded from a funeral will later surface in a possible negative manner---As for myself I was taken to my great grandmothers viewing, but not the funeral. I thought for many years she was sleeping in the mansion house I lat saw her. Children need truth and be given understanding to accept life - good and bad.
 
November 8, 2005, 8:47 am CST

Ideas

Does anyone have any ideas on games for a 4 year old birthday party. I have got the normal ones I just need a couple more. I have pin the tail and pinata and were going to do an egg race. Does any one have any other Ideas.  I want this to be fun for the kids and hopefully quite a few show up. Thanks for any ideas.
 
November 9, 2005, 9:37 am CST

General Advice

Quote From: techmom

I was wondering if anyone had an opinion on taking young children (under 10) to funerals.  And does it make a difference if the child is closely related to the deceased?  I recently witnessed a 6 year old watch her 31 year old Mother being burried and it was really gut-wrentching.  Any thoughts?
I took my 5 yr old to her great-grandfather's funeral, they were close, she was the joy of his life.  I worried about the funeral because they were Catholic and we viewed the body and followed the viewing with the Rosery prayer.  I am not Catholic, but his family is.  I simply explained this to her on an elementary level about how people pass on and how we pray for them.  It was hard, but she understood what was going on, I answered every question she had the best way I knew how and we got through it without any major problems.
 
November 9, 2005, 9:53 am CST

General Advice

Hello, I have a 5 yr old daughter, Zoe, and I will be taking her to visit my mother who is in a women's correction facility.  So far I have not talked with Zoe on what is going on in our family, but now that I will be taking her to see her "MiMi", I feel that she should be given some sort of heads up on what is going on, we will be searched going in and will have to sit with guards while there.  She know's that MiMi has moved but doesn't know much more than that.  This is a sensative subject for the entire family, we are a very close family.  My mother has not done anything wrong, but is being held responsible for some money missing out of a gov. office, she was managing this office and took the responsability.  Does anyone have any ideas of how I can be open and honest with Zoe about her MiMi without making her seem bad?
 
November 13, 2005, 7:32 pm CST

Our 6 year old is behaving differently...why

HI.I need some advice.We have a normal 6 year old.He is usually happy and well behaved. For about a week we noticed he was crying alot more and gets angry very quick.He s very sensitive all of the sudden. For example if he doesn't get his way he will act out and cry or hit. His teacher noticed a change in his behavior too. I asked all the questions I can think of. He is active.He plays football and has a good amount of friends. We are just concerned abut his crying.If you ask him why he is crying he responds he just doesn't know.It is frustrating and I don't want to yell at him or ground him.I really want to figure out why the sudden change. Any advice would be great. Thank you from a concerned Mommy.
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Next | Last