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Topic : General Advice

Number of Replies: 465
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 12:00:07 pm
Author : dataimport
Share advice and support with other parents of pre-schoolers and school age kids.

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January 4, 2006, 10:15 am CST

General Advice

Quote From: anne745ny

i feel the same way, except i might have a bigger problem. the same happens to toys as well, but i have been through 4 sets of living room furniture in 8 years, 4 sets of carpeting to the entire house, cars, and you name it. I have had a new car on mothers day every year for the past 4 years. I am  

not kidding you. I have 4 boys, 1 girl( who is just like them but prettier) my husband who thinks that tkids are kids and a golden retriever that fits right in. I would like to buy something and have it last longer than 5 minutes. this is no fun. HELP FROM ANYONE? 

We only have two kids but they are both animal lovers and my house is a bit like Noah's ark :) I bought leather furniture for my sitting rooms.  Buy cheap leather couches and wash them every month. Inexpensive leather furniture actually is the best in this situation because they have more glaze on the leather-those butter soft leather pieces are too fragile.   

  

The animals can scratch the surface a bit, but that has been the only damage in 10 years. Nail polish came off with nail polish remover, crayons and paint just wash off. It doesn't collect fur.  

 
January 4, 2006, 10:27 am CST

General Advice

Quote From: hanlukari

Hi, 

  

My 7 year old daughter took a sparkly rock from her 5 year old cousin's room on Christmas Day.  I just found it this morning and she admitted to taking it.  Also, yesterday at the bank she took more than one lollipop out of the basket and hid it in her pocketbook after I told her she could only have one.  She also took a hundred dollar bill out of my wallet, but admitted to it when I asked her if she had seen it.  Then, a few weeks ago, i found some jewelry from my jewelry box in her dresser drawer.  She said she and her sister were playing "spy" and had hidden it there.   

  

Anyone have any effective ways to nip this in the bud?  She is going to be returning the rock to her cousin and apologizing to her for what she did.    WHy do kids do this? 

  

An embarrassed Mom 

You are smart to recognise that you need to know what is causing this behaviour before you can figure out a solution.  My daughter went through a stealing stage like that when she was 6.  Before I figured it out, I came up with lots of punishments and ways to shame her out of it.  They didn't work.  She didn't even know herself why she was doing it. 

  

Look at what has been happening in her world and see if you can identify anything that has changed recently.  That would be a clue to her problem.   In my daughter's case, we had just had her little brother and she was acting out from insecurity.   When I figured it out (duh!) I just gave her all kinds of extra attention and she stopped stealing completely.  

  

  

 
January 4, 2006, 10:39 am CST

General Advice

Quote From: daizeedee

Christmas becomes a stressful time of year for everybody, but my stess is much different.  I want and don't want to buy things for my boys.  I know that before long we would have just wasted more money .  My boys are 10 and 8 and as of right now, they don't have any toys (maybe a couple of matchbox cars).  It isn't because they haven't  gotten any, it's that they have either broken them or lost them.  This is the second year that by Christmas we are restocking rather than adding to their stuff ( I guess I should be thankful that i don't have to find room for the new things, ha).  It isn't just with toys its with everything.  We have been thru several pairs of glasses, shoes and socks.  We have tried talking with them and we don't replace things.  When its gone its gone.  They only receive gifts or rewards.  I need suggestions on how to have them take better care of their things.  We have tried giving them one toy at a time, usually comes back broken or with pieces missing.  

One thing I did that really changed how my children care for their property was to give them the money and let them choose their toys and clothes. Both of them have an allowance and they choose what to buy with their money. I still buy all of the necessities for my son(7) but my daughter (13) has to budget for most of her own expenses. When I give gifts, they are generally money or practical things they need. 

  

When my kids have taken money out of their bank account to buy something, they look after it. 

 
January 4, 2006, 10:48 am CST

General Advice

Quote From: techmom

I was wondering if anyone had an opinion on taking young children (under 10) to funerals.  And does it make a difference if the child is closely related to the deceased?  I recently witnessed a 6 year old watch her 31 year old Mother being burried and it was really gut-wrentching.  Any thoughts?

Death is a part of life and children need to learn about it.  It would be nice if it starts out small, like the loss of a pet, before the child has to face a huge loss, but sadly life isn't always tidy like that.   

  

When my children lost a dear uncle several years ago, we explained everything to them and answered all of their questions without shutting them down on anything. We took them to the funeral and let them choose if they wanted to view the body or not (my son didn't and my daughter did). There were questions after the funeral too, and we answered them.  We also explained the situation to their teachers. 

  

I believe that being included with family to share our grief was better for my children than being excluded.  

 
January 4, 2006, 11:12 am CST

General Advice

Quote From: hlfleming

Hello. I have a 5 year old girl in kindergarten (Stephanie). Stephanie is very bright and loves animals and playing with kids. Stephanie does very well with kids around the neighborhood. As soon as we get to school she hides in her shell and doesn't talk to no one. I know she loves to talk but don't understand why she is so scared. I have been letting her friend from school come to our house for a couple of hours and it helps Stephanie out a lot. Stephanie tells me that she will talk when I leave the room so I don't hear her. I would like to know why she is having a hard time talking and how long it is going to take her to open up and relax. I ask Stephanie why she doesn't talk in school because the teacher would like to know how smart she is, she tells me that there is too many kids there and it makes her nervous. 

Please give me some advice to maker her feel comfortable. 

  

Thanks 

  

My son is shy, too.  It is hard to understand, especially for me because I have never been shy. I tried a few things that made him more comfortable:   

 - he has school friends over a couple of times a week. I had to initiate this at first-but now he phones and asks :) 

 - I gave him a dog that is just his. He feeds him, reads to him, walks him and puts him to bed.  

 - my husband and I are often parent helpers in his class or we hand around a bit after we walk them to school..   

 - we asked his teacher to tell us when he has show and tell or another high stress event and we make sure one of us is parent helper on those days. 

  

The big thing that I learned from my son's shyness is how important it is to accept your child as he is. Being shy is part of who my son is and he will always have it, just like his red hair and his speedy legs. It isn't fair to suggest to him that part of his personality isn't acceptable. I'm sad to say that I did tell him "don't be shy" or pushed him to do things he wasn't comfortable doing or explained to people (in front of him!) that he was shy.  Once when we were talking about wishes, I said I didn't know what I could wish for and he suggested that I would like a kid that isn't shy.  It broke my heart that he thought that. 

 
January 4, 2006, 12:45 pm CST

8yr old daughter acting inappropriate sexually?

My 8yr old daughter has had a history (since about 6yr's old) of  playing doctor and touching boys and girls in inappropriate places.  She has admitted to kissing and touching around 9 children.  We saw her the other day follow my half naked (in her panties only right after a bath) 3yr old into another room and close the door behind them.  I not thinking something was right went in and saw them on the floor with my 8yr old tickling the 3yr old under the arms.  Granted she heard me come in and could have moved her hands. 

  

We asked our 3yr old if our oldest daughter had ever touched her down there, and she said that our 8yr old daughter has run into the room and tickled her privates and ran out, on several occassions.  Granted she is 3 and gets confused quite a bit... 

  

What do you all recommend?  Is this normal?  Help... 

 
January 5, 2006, 9:03 am CST

General Advice

Quote From: stevef

My 8yr old daughter has had a history (since about 6yr's old) of  playing doctor and touching boys and girls in inappropriate places.  She has admitted to kissing and touching around 9 children.  We saw her the other day follow my half naked (in her panties only right after a bath) 3yr old into another room and close the door behind them.  I not thinking something was right went in and saw them on the floor with my 8yr old tickling the 3yr old under the arms.  Granted she heard me come in and could have moved her hands. 

  

We asked our 3yr old if our oldest daughter had ever touched her down there, and she said that our 8yr old daughter has run into the room and tickled her privates and ran out, on several occassions.  Granted she is 3 and gets confused quite a bit... 

  

What do you all recommend?  Is this normal?  Help... 

I would recommend professional assessment and advice.  This is often the behaviour a child who IS being sexually abused herself.   

  

In the meantime, I would protect the other children in the house any way you can.  Try to make sure that they all know that sexual touching is not ok and that you mean to protect them from it.  It might enable your 8 year old to open up about herself.  

 
January 6, 2006, 7:49 pm CST

potty training regress

My daughter is 3 years old and has been fully potty trained for about 4 or 5 months.  She recently started peeing and pooping in her panties again, and it happens about 3 times a day.  When I ask her why she does it, she tells me that she just wants to pee and poop in her panties.  I have tried taking some of her more valued toys away, not letting her watch her cartoons for a day, swatting her bum, putting her on time-out, and nothing seems to phase her.  She understands that she doesn't have this stuff because she dirtied her panties, but it doesn't stop her, and she still does it.  I am so frusterated, I just don't know what to do to get her to start using the potty regularily again.  Any advice would be awesome!! 

 
January 7, 2006, 2:30 pm CST

General Advice

Quote From: judyblue22

My son is shy, too.  It is hard to understand, especially for me because I have never been shy. I tried a few things that made him more comfortable:   

 - he has school friends over a couple of times a week. I had to initiate this at first-but now he phones and asks :) 

 - I gave him a dog that is just his. He feeds him, reads to him, walks him and puts him to bed.  

 - my husband and I are often parent helpers in his class or we hand around a bit after we walk them to school..   

 - we asked his teacher to tell us when he has show and tell or another high stress event and we make sure one of us is parent helper on those days. 

  

The big thing that I learned from my son's shyness is how important it is to accept your child as he is. Being shy is part of who my son is and he will always have it, just like his red hair and his speedy legs. It isn't fair to suggest to him that part of his personality isn't acceptable. I'm sad to say that I did tell him "don't be shy" or pushed him to do things he wasn't comfortable doing or explained to people (in front of him!) that he was shy.  Once when we were talking about wishes, I said I didn't know what I could wish for and he suggested that I would like a kid that isn't shy.  It broke my heart that he thought that. 

There is quite a bit of new research out about shyness or "inhibited personality"  you might want to consider searching the internet using the term " amygdala shy." 
 
January 7, 2006, 4:01 pm CST

General Advice

Quote From: edpsychmom

There is quite a bit of new research out about shyness or "inhibited personality"  you might want to consider searching the internet using the term " amygdala shy." 
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being shy. I was shy as a child but yet I achieved many things in life. No, I wasn't the most popular student in the school but I made good grades and was active and had many friends. My youngest daughter just turned 3 and she is shy, but very active and a social little girl. She is excelling in academics already and a great joy to be around. I wouldn't change anything about her in any way, shape or form.
 
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