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Topic : General Advice

Number of Replies: 465
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 12:00:07 pm
Author : dataimport
Share advice and support with other parents of pre-schoolers and school age kids.

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October 18, 2005, 5:06 pm CDT

Interested in hearing more

Quote From: jettav

My 4 year old has imaginary friends as well. What she does is, she changes her voice, she uses her own voice for herself and then when asking a question or just saying something to her imaginary friend, she uses a different voice for the other person. she too has imagined being some one else but not to the extreme that she refuses to be herself, I think getting your daughter involved in preschool or something may help her and though I believe this is probably a phase, I wouldn't worry about it but yet moniter it and maybe document what she is saying and doing. My daughter has a slight disorder where she pulls her hair, when she first started this, we were really worried but didn't know what to do but then when we found out that there is actually a disorder with this, I started documenting and communicating with her like asking her what she was thinking about, and why she just pulled her hair, in her own words, she told me that it "comforts" her, she does this when a change occurs in her life or she is over whelmed/over stimulated. She is a bit of perfectionist and likes things a certain way. after finding all this out, we use only positive reinforcement and try directing her to a new activity or whatever the case may be. We also talk to her about other ways of dealing with the situation. Thankfully it isn't a problem like it was as we discovered it at a very early age are appropiately dealing with it. If it makes you feel better, talk to your doctor about it just to get some professional input, it certainly helped in our case but in all honesty, I think it is probably a phase and I personally wouldn't stress over it, communicate with her and see what she is thinking about at the time, interact with her and listen to her as she plays and talks.

I am wondering if you would care to share what you have been experiencing with myself. I am currently researching for a book I am writing. I have strong beliefs from the research I have currently undertaken that there may be a communication with spirits. Deseased family members acting as guardian angels in some cases. 

  

Please send your stories and comments to: davidmelrose@joe15.fsnet.co.uk 

  

Thank you 

 
October 18, 2005, 5:09 pm CDT

Interested

Quote From: mrsmootz

My daughter Valerie will be 3 years old in a few weeks. For the past few months, she has pretended to have an imaginary friend - with a twist.  You see, instead of having an imaginary friend, Valerie IS the imaginary friend. She says she is "Timmy" and that "Valerie" is someplace else - usually in the forest picking flowers and sometimes on her lap or sitting with her in the car. This is disturbing to me, as I don't know if she's being unusually creative or just kind psychotic in this behavior. Is she casting off her own identify for some reason? And how can I get her to be herself again?

I am wondering if you would care to share what you have been experiencing with myself. I am currently researching for a book I am writing. I have strong beliefs from the research I have currently undertaken that there may be a communication with spirits. Deseased family members acting as guardian angels in some cases. 

  

Please send your stories and comments to: davidmelrose@joe15.fsnet.co.uk 

  

Thank you 

 
October 18, 2005, 5:11 pm CDT

Interested

Quote From: jb7ctx

My sister who is younger than me, used to have imaginary friends also. She was about 3-4 years old at the time. Their names were "Frankie" and "Johnny". One was red and the other was green. She would constantly talk to these "invisible" people and play with them. She would aske them questions and according to her, they would answere her back. It was phase she went through. My toddlers ages 4 and 5 do the same thing at times. It is only their own imagination being creative. One thing that helped to get my sister from having imanginary friends was that my mom took her to play with other "real" kids. Eventually her invisible friends went somewhere else. I think it is just a phase they go through and they are just being creative in their imagination. My sister was the baby of the family and she had no one to play with so she made up her own friends. Hope this helps some.

I am wondering if you would care to share what you have been experiencing with myself. I am currently researching for a book I am writing. I have strong beliefs from the research I have currently undertaken that there may be a communication with spirits. Deseased family members acting as guardian angels in some cases. 

  

Please send your stories and comments to: davidmelrose@joe15.fsnet.co.uk 

  

Thank you 

 
October 18, 2005, 5:12 pm CDT

Interested in hearing more

Quote From: azanco

My 5 year old (Sabrina) used to have imaginary friends then became her own imaginery friend - Cher.  Cher would come over and she would leave.  She started doing this around 3 1/2.  It started getting a little frustrating and I became concerned as well.  I started talking to her about Sabrina and all the great things does and that I missed her while she was gone (while Cher visited)and that I loved her, then Sabrina would come back.  Cher's visit came for shorter intervals.  Now at 5, Cher is often talked about but rarely visits!!  Good luck.

I am wondering if you would care to share what you have been experiencing with myself. I am currently researching for a book I am writing. I have strong beliefs from the research I have currently undertaken that there may be a communication with spirits. Deseased family members acting as guardian angels in some cases. 

  

Please send your stories and comments to: davidmelrose@joe15.fsnet.co.uk 

  

Thank you 

 
October 19, 2005, 4:08 pm CDT

be honest, but stick to facts

Quote From: cscutie79

 Desperately need some advice .          I am a 26yr old single mom of a very beautiful and intelligent 8 yr old. When I found out I was pregnant for her I broke up with her father because I finally saw who he was( Liar, Cheat and troublemaker). Well a couple of yrs ago he talked me into letting them meet. My daughter was quickly drawn to him but I realized he was never going to change. Shortly after he got into trouble and was placed behind bars.My Daughter didn't know him very long but she fell in love with her "dad" and now I am torn about what I should Do.  Should I let him fade like some distant memory?   SHould I tell my daughter that he is in jail???   I feel like she is happy and we have a stable home...
I never Bad mouth him...As a matter of fact I always remind her that He does love her very much and Im sure he misses her.   Do you think knowing her dad is a bad person will affect her?? Should I allow him to write or should I keep on telling my daughter that I am clueless to his whereabouts?
I dont want her to be angry at me when she gets older for not telling her, but on the same note I'm not sure if children should know that one of their parents is BAD.   PLease Help me If you can...

My gut reaction is that she deserves to know the truth.  You tell her that her daddy loves her, but she never gets to see him.  That's got to be confusing.  She may wonder if he's staying away because of something that she said or did. 

  

But while you're telling her the truth, stick to facts, not opinions.  Don't say that her daddy is "bad."  Tell her that Daddy is in jail because he made some really bad choices and he broke the law.  (You don't have to be too specific if she's not developmentally ready to hear what he did, like if he committed rape or something).  It's okay to teach her that actions have consequences and that people who choose to break the law--no matter who they are--have to go to jail. 

 
October 20, 2005, 4:35 pm CDT

Why are men treated badly in Family Court

Hello

  

 

  

 

         I am a father of two wonderful kids. My daughter is 8 years old and smart as a whip. My son is 6 years old and also smart as a whip. I recently had a case in family court, where I was made to pay for 50% of the plane tickets for my children to fly and SEE THERE MOTHER. I was ordered to do this because she is unemployed.  Now I recently quit working to attend college full time. I used to run heavy equipment and made good money doing that. I did it for 5 years out of my 8 years in the US Army then two more years after I was discharged. I don't like doing that kind of work. I was wrongfully terminated from my last employer as an operator, it just so happened to be the largest heavy construction company within 100 miles and one of the oldest. So after that I applied with some of the other companies none would hire me. I them went to work for a nation wide home improvement store. At this point I decided to go back to school and work part time. Once school started the store would not work with me on scheduling so I was forced to quit. I now take care of my kids the house and go to school full time. In my recent hearing to set visitation for my ex-wife I was demonized because I was going back to school. But she was put on a pedestal like a great person for being lazy and just not working. She quit her job right after I filed for FULL custody of my children. I am in no way saying I am perfect and have never made mistakes. But it is people like her that do everything wrong lie, cheat, steal, yet they are rewarded for it. She mentally and psychical abused my children. So much so that they both are in counseling for an attachment disorder, my daughter has an eating disorder on top of that. When they came to live with me they were dirt had head lice (this was at least the 20 time for my daughter) there clothes were filthy reeked of smoke. And my daughter had to sit 3 feet from the TV to even see it. Two days after her arriving to live with me my fiancée had her an appointment with an eye doctor she was 20-80 and 20-300 sight but yet her mother never took her to see an eye doctor she never had an eye exam at school. My son was malnourished undersized and you could see every rib and see his entire spine. My daughter has allergies mainly to smoke yet her mother after finding out this still continued to smoke around her. I also smoke; I smoke out side of the house and never within 20 feet of my daughter or my son. This lady was found guilty of child abuse in Texas when we lived there but no one ever did anything about it not CPS, not the court system no one At the time she had taken my daughter and moved back to California where we were both from. CPS there was notified and still nothing was done. I fly back to California to see my family and children one year. I drove to her house to pick up my children and found NOT one but THREE dead animals in her yard within 2 feet of my children’s toys. I called CPS nothing was done, I got told by CPS “My clean might not be her clean” clean is clean and dead animals in the yard are not even close to clean... Yet I go back to college to better myself and make a better life for my children and I am a bad person. Oh I think all lawyers should be shot!!! This woman makes every other woman on this planet look bad. But I was born a man so I am bad in there eyes. She KIDNAPPED my children this summer but nothing was done. The court left the visitation OPEN. She sent me an e-mail stating “If you want YOUR kids back you can come get them after Aug 19”. The local police and state police are on the phone in front of me calling each other names. I didn't spend 8 years in the ARMY to get treated like a pile of dog excrement. She flew over 3,000 miles to go to court she didn’t try and call our children or even ask anything about them nothing. She has used my daughter as a human shield to keep from getting hit by one of her DRUG dealing boyfriends.  

  

 
October 22, 2005, 8:04 am CDT

Stealing

Does anyone have advice about effective discipline for a child who has begun stealing? My 6 year old (extremely bright and 2 grades ahead in school) has become very sneaky and has twice (that I know about) stolen something - 1) a pack of gum from a store (which I made him bring back to the store manager and confess what he did) and 2) Money from his cousin's purse (which he used to purchase souveniers from a gift shop on a school field trip. My son has always been very clever, but now he is using this talent for evil instead of good, and my husband and I are EXTREMELY concerned about this new behavior. I have done all the things that I think I should, but he just isn't getting the message - He now has to do chores around the house and for his cousin to pay back the money, he's had to return the items to the gift shop, he has written 100 times "I will not take things that don't belong to me" - I have talked to him about all the consequences of being an untrustworthy person, and it just DOESN'T seem to be sinking in. In every other way he is a joy to have around - he is funny, musically talented, helpful around the house, kind to his friends and his older brother, compassionate, and has so many of the traits that any parent would hope for. How do we nip this problem now and make him understand how wrong this is? 

Thank you for any help. 

  

  

 
October 22, 2005, 12:15 pm CDT

Normal curiosity or should I be worried???

My husband and I have 3 children.  The oldest is mine from a previous marriage who is an 8-yr old boy.  The next is my husband's from a previous relationship who is a 4-yr old boy.  The youngest is a 22-month old girl we have together.   

  

I just checked in on the boys who were supposed to be taking a nap...when I opened the door my 8yr old was laying on top of his younger brother...doing nothing else..just laying there, oldest with his pants down.  I still cannot think straight.  I immediately pulled him out of the room and took him to another part of the house to find out what in the world was going on.  Of course he's now upset because he knew he was doing something not acceptable and most of all I can get out of him is "I don't know..I don't know".  I'm trying to remain calm and discuss this with him...hoping this is nothing more than normal curiosity...but I can't help but feel like I'm about to explode inside with all the "what if's".  I know there have to have been others out there that have experienced this...please share with me your thoughts ...I don't know what to think at this point.   

 
October 22, 2005, 3:36 pm CDT

General Advice

Quote From: dozerman30

Hello

  

 

  

 

         I am a father of two wonderful kids. My daughter is 8 years old and smart as a whip. My son is 6 years old and also smart as a whip. I recently had a case in family court, where I was made to pay for 50% of the plane tickets for my children to fly and SEE THERE MOTHER. I was ordered to do this because she is unemployed.  Now I recently quit working to attend college full time. I used to run heavy equipment and made good money doing that. I did it for 5 years out of my 8 years in the US Army then two more years after I was discharged. I don't like doing that kind of work. I was wrongfully terminated from my last employer as an operator, it just so happened to be the largest heavy construction company within 100 miles and one of the oldest. So after that I applied with some of the other companies none would hire me. I them went to work for a nation wide home improvement store. At this point I decided to go back to school and work part time. Once school started the store would not work with me on scheduling so I was forced to quit. I now take care of my kids the house and go to school full time. In my recent hearing to set visitation for my ex-wife I was demonized because I was going back to school. But she was put on a pedestal like a great person for being lazy and just not working. She quit her job right after I filed for FULL custody of my children. I am in no way saying I am perfect and have never made mistakes. But it is people like her that do everything wrong lie, cheat, steal, yet they are rewarded for it. She mentally and psychical abused my children. So much so that they both are in counseling for an attachment disorder, my daughter has an eating disorder on top of that. When they came to live with me they were dirt had head lice (this was at least the 20 time for my daughter) there clothes were filthy reeked of smoke. And my daughter had to sit 3 feet from the TV to even see it. Two days after her arriving to live with me my fiancée had her an appointment with an eye doctor she was 20-80 and 20-300 sight but yet her mother never took her to see an eye doctor she never had an eye exam at school. My son was malnourished undersized and you could see every rib and see his entire spine. My daughter has allergies mainly to smoke yet her mother after finding out this still continued to smoke around her. I also smoke; I smoke out side of the house and never within 20 feet of my daughter or my son. This lady was found guilty of child abuse in Texas when we lived there but no one ever did anything about it not CPS, not the court system no one At the time she had taken my daughter and moved back to California where we were both from. CPS there was notified and still nothing was done. I fly back to California to see my family and children one year. I drove to her house to pick up my children and found NOT one but THREE dead animals in her yard within 2 feet of my children’s toys. I called CPS nothing was done, I got told by CPS “My clean might not be her clean” clean is clean and dead animals in the yard are not even close to clean... Yet I go back to college to better myself and make a better life for my children and I am a bad person. Oh I think all lawyers should be shot!!! This woman makes every other woman on this planet look bad. But I was born a man so I am bad in there eyes. She KIDNAPPED my children this summer but nothing was done. The court left the visitation OPEN. She sent me an e-mail stating “If you want YOUR kids back you can come get them after Aug 19”. The local police and state police are on the phone in front of me calling each other names. I didn't spend 8 years in the ARMY to get treated like a pile of dog excrement. She flew over 3,000 miles to go to court she didn’t try and call our children or even ask anything about them nothing. She has used my daughter as a human shield to keep from getting hit by one of her DRUG dealing boyfriends.  

  

ZI am sorry about what you are going through and I will be honest and say that I do not have much respect for the "system" at all, I think there are many flaws there and hopefully they are worj=king on these things, I think the best thing you can doa t this point is keep doing the positive and document everything that you see and hear and date it as well, be able to back your self up and if there are any witnesses, make sure they too document or at least sign their name to your documentations. I honestly don't know what else to say to you other then keep your self clean and honest and keep talking until some one listens, unfortunetly these people don't always listen the first time a round so sometimes you just have to keep going at it, maybe even try taking children's services to court, just make sure you can back yourslef up, Keep fighting for the safety of your kids.
 
October 24, 2005, 8:32 pm CDT

Shy 5 year old

Hello. I have a 5 year old girl in kindergarten (Stephanie). Stephanie is very bright and loves animals and playing with kids. Stephanie does very well with kids around the neighborhood. As soon as we get to school she hides in her shell and doesn't talk to no one. I know she loves to talk but don't understand why she is so scared. I have been letting her friend from school come to our house for a couple of hours and it helps Stephanie out a lot. Stephanie tells me that she will talk when I leave the room so I don't hear her. I would like to know why she is having a hard time talking and how long it is going to take her to open up and relax. I ask Stephanie why she doesn't talk in school because the teacher would like to know how smart she is, she tells me that there is too many kids there and it makes her nervous. 

Please give me some advice to maker her feel comfortable. 

  

Thanks 

  

 
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