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Topic : General Advice

Number of Replies: 486
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 12:00:07 pm
Author : dataimport
Share advice and support with other parents of pre-schoolers and school age kids.

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January 8, 2006, 9:21 am PST

General Advice

Quote From: maddie7397

My husband and I have 3 children.  The oldest is mine from a previous marriage who is an 8-yr old boy.  The next is my husband's from a previous relationship who is a 4-yr old boy.  The youngest is a 22-month old girl we have together.   

  

I just checked in on the boys who were supposed to be taking a nap...when I opened the door my 8yr old was laying on top of his younger brother...doing nothing else..just laying there, oldest with his pants down.  I still cannot think straight.  I immediately pulled him out of the room and took him to another part of the house to find out what in the world was going on.  Of course he's now upset because he knew he was doing something not acceptable and most of all I can get out of him is "I don't know..I don't know".  I'm trying to remain calm and discuss this with him...hoping this is nothing more than normal curiosity...but I can't help but feel like I'm about to explode inside with all the "what if's".  I know there have to have been others out there that have experienced this...please share with me your thoughts ...I don't know what to think at this point.   

I am the mother of a nine year old boy and I am going thought the same thing.  Except my son does these things out of the home with friends, but feels guilty and tells me about it.  I am not sure if this is a part of growing up.  I know that other children are doing the same things but they just aren't telling their parents so am I blowing this out of proportion or not and I cannot seem to find a website with advice on this issue.  I will be talking with my family doctor but I would still like to hear from other parents going through the same thing .   

 
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January 11, 2006, 7:55 pm PST

Death

Quote From: judyblue22

Death is a part of life and children need to learn about it.  It would be nice if it starts out small, like the loss of a pet, before the child has to face a huge loss, but sadly life isn't always tidy like that.   

  

When my children lost a dear uncle several years ago, we explained everything to them and answered all of their questions without shutting them down on anything. We took them to the funeral and let them choose if they wanted to view the body or not (my son didn't and my daughter did). There were questions after the funeral too, and we answered them.  We also explained the situation to their teachers. 

  

I believe that being included with family to share our grief was better for my children than being excluded.  

I think it's a parents choice.My daughter is now 13 she went to her first funeral at the age of 10 but before she went I went to the funeral home and they gave me a pamplet for kids.It had alot of interesting things in it,questions and answers that kids could understand.Death is apart of life and I don't think kids should be excluded.But I would go to the funeral home to see if they have information for children. 

 
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January 11, 2006, 9:02 pm PST

HELP!!!!!!

This is my first time bringing something to the board for advice.  We have tried everything and even gone to doctors with no success.  I have a niece that is 8 years old she has been masturbating for a long time.  The doctors keep telling my sister she will grow out of it.  She hasn't grown out of it yet it is getting worse.  She has been doing it in school for awhile and kids never noticed it because they were too young.  Now that she is older they are starting to notice what she is doing.  She has a callous on her finger from rubbing herself so much.  Her teachers have contacted my sister and so has the principal from the school.  They asked my sister if my niece had been molested and my sister freaked and took her to the doctor.  The doctor examined her and said she had never been molested.  My sister is just beside herself.  She is so embarrased because she feels like she has done everything possible and the problem is getting worse. 
 

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January 17, 2006, 10:02 am PST

General Advice

Quote From: jettav

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being shy. I was shy as a child but yet I achieved many things in life. No, I wasn't the most popular student in the school but I made good grades and was active and had many friends. My youngest daughter just turned 3 and she is shy, but very active and a social little girl. She is excelling in academics already and a great joy to be around. I wouldn't change anything about her in any way, shape or form.
That is the perfect parental attitude for promoting success in a shy child!  I'm sorry that I came to it later than earlier and I hope others can learn from my mistakes and your example.
 

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January 17, 2006, 11:52 am PST

General Advice

Quote From: woqueen

This is my first time bringing something to the board for advice.  We have tried everything and even gone to doctors with no success.  I have a niece that is 8 years old she has been masturbating for a long time.  The doctors keep telling my sister she will grow out of it.  She hasn't grown out of it yet it is getting worse.  She has been doing it in school for awhile and kids never noticed it because they were too young.  Now that she is older they are starting to notice what she is doing.  She has a callous on her finger from rubbing herself so much.  Her teachers have contacted my sister and so has the principal from the school.  They asked my sister if my niece had been molested and my sister freaked and took her to the doctor.  The doctor examined her and said she had never been molested.  My sister is just beside herself.  She is so embarrased because she feels like she has done everything possible and the problem is getting worse. 

Usually, as with any bad habit, (I'm thinking nose picking or thumb sucking) children control themselves in front of their peers to avoid being teased.  This child is doing this openly in front of her peers and her teachers.  That strikes me as odd.  Is she either socially unaware or awkward in other areas?  Is she perhaps seeking attention?  

  

What I did about my children masturbating was to tell them that it is normal and that everyone does it but that it is a private thing that they should do in their bedroom.  

  

  

 
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January 19, 2006, 6:22 pm PST

Have you ever heard of selective mutism

Quote From: hlfleming

Hello. I have a 5 year old girl in kindergarten (Stephanie). Stephanie is very bright and loves animals and playing with kids. Stephanie does very well with kids around the neighborhood. As soon as we get to school she hides in her shell and doesn't talk to no one. I know she loves to talk but don't understand why she is so scared. I have been letting her friend from school come to our house for a couple of hours and it helps Stephanie out a lot. Stephanie tells me that she will talk when I leave the room so I don't hear her. I would like to know why she is having a hard time talking and how long it is going to take her to open up and relax. I ask Stephanie why she doesn't talk in school because the teacher would like to know how smart she is, she tells me that there is too many kids there and it makes her nervous. 

Please give me some advice to maker her feel comfortable. 

  

Thanks 

  

I have an 8 year old daughter who has something called selective mutism.  She speaks normally to me, my husband,my other daughter and a selected few people but is completely mute when it comes to talking to her grand-parents, aunts & uncles, cousins and especially teachers, etc.  She has been like this for 3 years now.  By reading your post, it reminds me quite a lot of my daughter.  Please visit the following website and you will learn all about selective mutism.  I am sure you will be amazed by what you find and many of your questions will be answered.  www.selectivemutism.org 

 
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January 19, 2006, 6:35 pm PST

General Advice

Quote From: judyblue22

That is the perfect parental attitude for promoting success in a shy child!  I'm sorry that I came to it later than earlier and I hope others can learn from my mistakes and your example.
I just think we need to accept our kids for whi they are. As long as they are healthy, happy and being taken care of, this is what is imporant. Now, I was a bit timid for a bit which was caused by some emotional abuse, but once I felt some security and acceptance, I was ok and excelled in many areas of my life, still was a bit shy but it didn't affect me in a negative ay, My little one may be little shy, but she is as friendly and outgoing as any other child, she's wonderful
 
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January 30, 2006, 9:39 pm PST

there is a silver linning......

Quote From: jessdomino

My 3 year old daughter "rubs" herself on things (arms of chairs, rocking horse, etc.).  I believe she is doing this for pleasure.  Is this normal?  How do I stop her from doing it?

  

      I KNOW IT MAY BOTHER YOU THAT YOUR BABY IS DOING THIS WHILE SHE IS SO YOUNG. 

AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT AS WERD AS IT IS YOUR NOT THE ONLY ONE GOING THROUGH THIS PHASE SHE IS GOING THROUGH.  I ALSO HAD THIS PROBLEM WITH MY DAUGHTER .  SHE FINALLY GREW OUT OF IT AT THE AGE OF 8.  I ALSO KNOW WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SO ABOUT IT.  YOU KNOW THE PEOPLE THAT HAVE AN OPINION ABOUT EVERYTHING.   

  

      THE TRUE IS I WAS WORRIED THAT MAYBE SOMEONE HAD HURT HER.  THAT WASN'T TRUE  I HAVE SEEN DOCUMENTATION ON THIS SUBJECT AND ALL OF IT SAYS THE SAME THING " IT IS A PHASE " NOT ALL KIDS GO THROUGH IT AND " IT WILL PASS"  

  

      I TRUELY HOPE THAT I HAVE EASED YOUR MIND.  AND REMEMBER IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA TO BELITTLE HER. 

  

      WHEN I RELIZED IT WAS A PHASE I ACTED LIKE I DIDN'T SEE HER DOING IT AND I QUIT GETTING ON TO HER, BEFORE I KNEW IT SHE QUIT.  SHE HASN'T DONE IT IN 2YEARS. 

                                                   GOOD LUCK!!!!! 

 
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February 2, 2006, 6:06 am PST

Cheerleading camp for 3 yr 4 mo old?

The camp is for 4+, but she may participate if we think she is ready.  I think so, as she likes to cheer at the games I take her to.  Mom is not so sure.  Should I let it go for a year - or push it further?  Of course my plan was for mom to take her to the camp - and stay for the whole 4 hours if necessary.  I take her to the games myself.  Am I missing something?  If Mom was a cheerleader why should Dad take her to the camp?  It was my idea for some time together for them, but not hers.  Need some advice please as this one is at a standstill. 

 
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February 2, 2006, 8:37 am PST

potty training help!

HI! 

  I am new to these boards but wanted to find somewhere where I might get some sound advice!  We have a three year old who isn't potty trained.  He started in August and jsut before Labor Day used the potty to poop and pee and then my mom died two days later.  The pediatrician thought this may have something to do with it since kids know more than we give them credit for.  M son saw his grandmother almost daily and then suddenly she was gone.  AT this point we cannot even get him to sit on the toilet or potty seat unlesss we hold him down.  We have tried bribery ( toys candy you name it!) and gotten no where.  We have tried just letting it go and asking him if he wants to use the potty and of course the answer is no.  I am frustrated beyond belief especially since we now have a five week old!   

  Has anyone had any big problems with potty training?  What worked?  Any sound advice??? 

Thanks! 

 
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