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Topic : General Advice

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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 12:00:07 pm
Author : dataimport
Share advice and support with other parents of pre-schoolers and school age kids.

 
chumusgirl
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September 1, 2005, 5:56 pm PDT

Frustrated MOMMY..

I have a three year old daughter who throws wicked tantrums. When she is mad at me she starts to throw things and begins to hit me. Every single time. At the moment, I am a stay at home mom, and pregnant with my third child. She has a few times began in anger slappin my belly(I am 7 months pregnant.) I feel like I am at my wits end. I have a 12 year old son who was just the total opposite. He was a very good little boy, I never had problems with him hitting other kids or anyone at that matter. I don't like to compare my children, but I do... because my son would just sit there when he was asked. My daughter is the type of toddler who is on the go at all times. MOVE MOVE MOVE... right from the day she was born. After her tantrum is over, I have sat her down and told her that hitting is not nice... especially my belly. I asked her if baby was right here would she hit her too. She said no, and apologized to the baby in my belly. When she is angry I just send her to bed fighting the whole time, then when calm she does come out to say sorry. I do explain after why she went to bed. I have tried to explain it on the way into the room, but she constantly yells at me... telling me not to talk to her. She has even told me that she doesn't love me anymore. I HONESTLY CAN'T EVER RECALL MY SON SAYING THOSE WORDS ABOUT ANYONE...she has used the word hate too. And I don't know where she has learned these words in a sentence. I know kids nowadays are learning more than when my boy was small. but man... I feel like just giving up on this child. I know in my heart of hearts that I wouldn't but it's part of my frustrations. My spouse and I are not at all on the same page for discipline. It's frustrating. I have thought about offering to take over all the disciplinary actions. He has a 15 year old daughter who I think he just gave her what she wanted. I know he used to buy her things when he wouldn't do things for her if the plans couldn't fall through. That's another story.... :) Please looking for advice... what else can I do...
 
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boys2girl1
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September 3, 2005, 6:04 am PDT

need help for our 5 year old daughter

 we have three children in all, two boys and our beautiful 5 year old daughter. We have been having trouble with her going to the toilet since about 2 months after she was toilet trained, she was about 14months when we toilet trained her.She was older than her older brother was when we trained him and she showed all the signs that she was ready. Everything went smoothly then all of a sudden thats it , it all stopped and she only done it in her underpants. She only does poohs in her underpants. We have taken her to a psycologist which told us to decorate the toilet and reward her (done no success).At the momment she goes to a peditrician tried behaviour charts, (no success) had her on medication (no success-took her off it as it's too much) Now we are waiting for a test to be done at the hospital, called anal manometry (they measure the pressure in the bottom), we've been waiting for this and had to beg the doctor to get it done.People tell me it's all behaviour, even her own peditrician, but being her mother i just know there's something wrong medically and no-one will listen or believe me.It breaks my heart as i have a 11month son and i clean my daughter more than him, i feel real bad for my daughter as it must be imbarrassing for her when she smeels, she says she doesn't know when she's doing it, shes supposed to go to school next year i do not know what to do.She went to preschool 2 days a week and still did poohs in her underpants and i thought if it's bahavioual she definately wouldn't do it at school in front of all her friends, i'm pretty sure a 5 year old wouldn't choose to dirty her underpants and then smell infront of everyone.She's a smart kid.It's effecting my marriage and i just need someone to listen to me HELP !!!!!!
If anyone has any suggestions please tell me willing to try anything PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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minerj73

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September 5, 2005, 8:50 am PDT

Blended family frustation

I am the mother of a 10 y/o son, from a previous marriage that ended 7 yrs ago,and I have a 10 mo old from a new relationship.  I bit of a surprise baby.  My Son and my Partner, the father of my 10 m/o daughter don't have mush of a relationship at all.  I just kind of fingured it would get there eventually, but it's been over a year now and nothing has seemed to develop.  It is like they are both too shy or something to talk much to eachother in order to get to know eachother.  My partner respects my son and talks about my disipline tactics, which I take a bit of defence to sometimes.  But he rarely does much else with my son to get to know him....I'm not sure if I should do nothing and just let it work itself out or address the issue and help them some how get to know eachother better....and if so then how?? 
 
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jenoc99
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September 6, 2005, 11:05 am PDT

Forgive yourself

Quote From: amirmikey

Hello everyone I am new to the forum so please bear with me. I went to my son's school today because his teacher wanted to have a confrence with me.I go and she asks me if my son has any mental problem or if I did drugs while I was pregnant with him. I told her NO to both.She stated that he does nothing at all he acts as those he is confused and his brain is out in no mans land, and only talks to say "My mommy will be back". My son has a issue because his dad left a couple years ago and now has the fear of being left by me which would never ever happen. I feel like its my fault that he is not doing anything in school. He does everything at home but not at school. I called the hunnigton and Sylvia learning schools to see if they could help him and they canm but I can not afford 40.00-46.00 per hour a week. I have no money...I get no child support. I am so upset that I can not stop crying because I feel like a failure as a mother because I can not help my child with what he needs help with.I am a bad mom. Its my fauly. Thats all that keeps going through my head.Have any of you went through this and what did you do that helped your child? Any and all info would great.Thanks for listening to me.

You don't need to take your son to Sylvia learning center, you need to find a  child psychiatrist and have tests done on your son ASAP. I'm surprised that his teacher didn't recommend this for him, if she is noticing obvious signs of a real problem! If you don't have the health insurance to cover psychiatric tests, then your son's school system has to, by law, have their psychiatrist do the testing. Everyone is different, but in my situation when my daughter needed to have tests done, I preferred to have it done through our own physician's office. This was so that the information came directly to ME first, not to the school/teachers. I don't like to be the last person to know whats going on with my kids, but as I already said, if you don't have insurance and you have no other option, the school has a system in place to test children and create an individual plan for any child that needs it. Its a law that came into effect years ago, called the "no child left behind" act. You and your son have rights.  

Please forgive yourself for whatever wrong you've done when it comes to your parenting skills- because blaming yourself over and over isn't going to help you or your son, its only going to make you even more depressed in the long run. You've got to take action as soon as possible. Look in your yellow pages for child/family therepists. I wish you the best. 
 
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jenoc99
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September 6, 2005, 11:12 am PDT

Blended family issues

Quote From: minerj73

I am the mother of a 10 y/o son, from a previous marriage that ended 7 yrs ago,and I have a 10 mo old from a new relationship.  I bit of a surprise baby.  My Son and my Partner, the father of my 10 m/o daughter don't have mush of a relationship at all.  I just kind of fingured it would get there eventually, but it's been over a year now and nothing has seemed to develop.  It is like they are both too shy or something to talk much to eachother in order to get to know eachother.  My partner respects my son and talks about my disipline tactics, which I take a bit of defence to sometimes.  But he rarely does much else with my son to get to know him....I'm not sure if I should do nothing and just let it work itself out or address the issue and help them some how get to know eachother better....and if so then how?? 

Yes you need to address these issues now, mom!! Your son doesn't know how to create a relationship with this man. You said its been over a year now, so if they were going to be friendly they would be by now, they need intervention. My suggestions are to do family outings where your partner and son can partner up in activities, like at a go-cart track or something... and you can cheer them on. You've got to create situations where they will bond, plan activities where they must interact and create pleasant memories with one another. This doesn't just come naturaly to many people, especially men I think. So think about what kinds of things your partner likes to do... does he like sports? He should take your son to a ball game or something. Have you talked with your partner about this? If not, I think it is time to bring it up. If he is going to be in your life long term, which I assume he is- then he's got to make more of an effort to get to know your son. After all, the teen years will be comming right along, and your son will need the guidance of a man. I wish you well.
 
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abecker_1
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September 7, 2005, 11:27 am PDT

Abuse

I am new to the board, I just need some advice about sometihing, I am not sure if this is the right topic for this room but... Any ways. I have 4 girls and the one that I am concerned about is my 4 almost five year old. She has a bad temper and she does not like going over to her fathers house. He was not involved in her life for the first 4 years just came into her life about 6 months ago, I have had problems with her ever sience she was 2 years old but the thing is she has gotten much worse she no longer listens to me, tells me that she hates me, does not like me, hits me and puches me she has so much anger towards me and It just started about a month or so ago and the only thing that has changed with in that time is that she has spent the night at her fathers house. I asked her what she did at her dads house and she said that we lay on the couch and watch tv I asked her what you do on the couch and she said we kissin I asked her what she ment and she started kissing her arms and leggs and playing with her private area. and lifted up her dress, I have also noticed that he behavior has gotten better know that he is not around so much anymore. She is behind on her speach and does not understand alot that is said to her. she has a learning disablity, not yet know what type yet.    she is seeing a theripist and I made an appointment for her but they can not get her in tell Friday and I have to tell someone before then, I will no longer let her be alone or see her father right know untel I figure out what is going on with this situation. I am just wondering if I am blowing this out of proportion if she does not understand what I am talking about. and input would be apprechated.
 
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tammyo1973
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September 8, 2005, 7:34 pm PDT

go with your gut

Quote From: abecker_1

I am new to the board, I just need some advice about sometihing, I am not sure if this is the right topic for this room but... Any ways. I have 4 girls and the one that I am concerned about is my 4 almost five year old. She has a bad temper and she does not like going over to her fathers house. He was not involved in her life for the first 4 years just came into her life about 6 months ago, I have had problems with her ever sience she was 2 years old but the thing is she has gotten much worse she no longer listens to me, tells me that she hates me, does not like me, hits me and puches me she has so much anger towards me and It just started about a month or so ago and the only thing that has changed with in that time is that she has spent the night at her fathers house. I asked her what she did at her dads house and she said that we lay on the couch and watch tv I asked her what you do on the couch and she said we kissin I asked her what she ment and she started kissing her arms and leggs and playing with her private area. and lifted up her dress, I have also noticed that he behavior has gotten better know that he is not around so much anymore. She is behind on her speach and does not understand alot that is said to her. she has a learning disablity, not yet know what type yet.    she is seeing a theripist and I made an appointment for her but they can not get her in tell Friday and I have to tell someone before then, I will no longer let her be alone or see her father right know untel I figure out what is going on with this situation. I am just wondering if I am blowing this out of proportion if she does not understand what I am talking about. and input would be apprechated.

Make sure the therapist knows what she said to you and showed you (try and say this inof without her around) that way the therapist can ask questions and get her own answers. 

  

My daughter is 14 and was molested by the man she called dad and she acts out with me in the same ways. 

  

I do not want to further scare you but nothing is better than a mothers gut feeling. 

  

I wish you luck and no I wouldn't let her even see him until you talk to the therapist. 

  

if you need someone to talk to you can email me at  

  

mommaoof2@yahoo.com 

  

Tammy 
 
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youngmom23
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September 9, 2005, 9:46 am PDT

Been there

Quote From: chumusgirl

I have a three year old daughter who throws wicked tantrums. When she is mad at me she starts to throw things and begins to hit me. Every single time. At the moment, I am a stay at home mom, and pregnant with my third child. She has a few times began in anger slappin my belly(I am 7 months pregnant.) I feel like I am at my wits end. I have a 12 year old son who was just the total opposite. He was a very good little boy, I never had problems with him hitting other kids or anyone at that matter. I don't like to compare my children, but I do... because my son would just sit there when he was asked. My daughter is the type of toddler who is on the go at all times. MOVE MOVE MOVE... right from the day she was born. After her tantrum is over, I have sat her down and told her that hitting is not nice... especially my belly. I asked her if baby was right here would she hit her too. She said no, and apologized to the baby in my belly. When she is angry I just send her to bed fighting the whole time, then when calm she does come out to say sorry. I do explain after why she went to bed. I have tried to explain it on the way into the room, but she constantly yells at me... telling me not to talk to her. She has even told me that she doesn't love me anymore. I HONESTLY CAN'T EVER RECALL MY SON SAYING THOSE WORDS ABOUT ANYONE...she has used the word hate too. And I don't know where she has learned these words in a sentence. I know kids nowadays are learning more than when my boy was small. but man... I feel like just giving up on this child. I know in my heart of hearts that I wouldn't but it's part of my frustrations. My spouse and I are not at all on the same page for discipline. It's frustrating. I have thought about offering to take over all the disciplinary actions. He has a 15 year old daughter who I think he just gave her what she wanted. I know he used to buy her things when he wouldn't do things for her if the plans couldn't fall through. That's another story.... :) Please looking for advice... what else can I do...
My five year does the same thing I know that there is 2 years differnce but I was with child and she hit my tummy and said Ha Ha I hit baby and had a lot of anger towards me. I just reciently found out that he father has been sexually abusing her and that is why she had so much anger towards me, Is it just towards U. I know that no parent wants to think of this but it happens I never thought that it would happen to my childern becuse no one watches them but family and her father just came into the pitcher a few months ago and she got way worse then what she did. I would just check into it it could just be the age 2 tantrums that everyone talks about,   Just thoaught I would metion to u just in case. 
 
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tammyo1973
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September 9, 2005, 11:13 am PDT

same here

Quote From: youngmom23

My five year does the same thing I know that there is 2 years differnce but I was with child and she hit my tummy and said Ha Ha I hit baby and had a lot of anger towards me. I just reciently found out that he father has been sexually abusing her and that is why she had so much anger towards me, Is it just towards U. I know that no parent wants to think of this but it happens I never thought that it would happen to my childern becuse no one watches them but family and her father just came into the pitcher a few months ago and she got way worse then what she did. I would just check into it it could just be the age 2 tantrums that everyone talks about,   Just thoaught I would metion to u just in case. 

Same here. The anger is only directed towards me and it got worse after I had my second child. 

  

Tammy 
 
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jettav
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September 9, 2005, 3:43 pm PDT

General Advice

Quote From: abecker_1

I am new to the board, I just need some advice about sometihing, I am not sure if this is the right topic for this room but... Any ways. I have 4 girls and the one that I am concerned about is my 4 almost five year old. She has a bad temper and she does not like going over to her fathers house. He was not involved in her life for the first 4 years just came into her life about 6 months ago, I have had problems with her ever sience she was 2 years old but the thing is she has gotten much worse she no longer listens to me, tells me that she hates me, does not like me, hits me and puches me she has so much anger towards me and It just started about a month or so ago and the only thing that has changed with in that time is that she has spent the night at her fathers house. I asked her what she did at her dads house and she said that we lay on the couch and watch tv I asked her what you do on the couch and she said we kissin I asked her what she ment and she started kissing her arms and leggs and playing with her private area. and lifted up her dress, I have also noticed that he behavior has gotten better know that he is not around so much anymore. She is behind on her speach and does not understand alot that is said to her. she has a learning disablity, not yet know what type yet.    she is seeing a theripist and I made an appointment for her but they can not get her in tell Friday and I have to tell someone before then, I will no longer let her be alone or see her father right know untel I figure out what is going on with this situation. I am just wondering if I am blowing this out of proportion if she does not understand what I am talking about. and input would be apprechated.
sounds like abuse to me. you need to document everything she tells you as well as her actions. Those are definetly signs of sexual abuse and you need to get the help now. She doesn't not need to be around that man, definetly follow your gut feeling and stay on top of the situation, don't let it slide.
 
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