Quote From: jaidynsmomI am very stressed out, over something my 6 year old son told me last nite... he told me not to tell anyone. His 9 year old 2nd cousin on his fathers side whom he only sees 3 times a year, (they saw each other this weekend, they live a 3 hour drive away, and his mom and I are best friends...) had my son "experiment" with their penis'. Austin who is 9 and has had this happen to him when he was 6, with another 6 year old boy. Austin told my son Jaidyn, not to tell anyone (which leads me to believe he knew it was wrong, he also got caught when he was 7 and a half showing his penis to a 5 year old girl and she was showing him her private, he had instigated that and was told then, AGAIN, that privates are your own private, for yourself only to touch and see in the privacy of your own room... so he was talked to about this TWICE already) Anyhow, sorry to get into details but, Austin had Jaidyn (whom again is only 6), giving and receiving a hand job, blow job and anal intercourse (now I am not sure if during the intercourse they "got it in" or just tried, and if they did get it in, how many times it penetrated, I am just in tears over this) I was clearly in shock when Jaidyn told me this, and I at first told Jaidyn that that was pretty silly, and remember how I told you, privates where OK to touch but only for you to touch and in the privacy of your own room/bathroom, he said "oh ya, I forgot"... I asked him how they touched each others penis' by holding up my finger and he stroked it from the bottom to the top (I almost puked, had instant knots in my stomach) and again told him that was silly and told him to get ready for bed... as he was doing that, I got my husband to come out to the balcony for a smoke and told him what happened, I was in tears, and shaking and dry heaving, it was horrible... my husband told me to call Austin's mom, so I did... she was in shock too, and let me go to talk to him, upon retuning my call, is when she told me about the sex part of all this, for some reason jaidyn didn't tell me that part... while i was waiting for this returned call, I went to tuck jaidyn in for bed, and told him, it was really great of him to tel me this and that he wasn't in trouble at all, and that it is perfectly normal to want to touch and play with your penis. I told him Austin was older and shouldn't have taught him about that stuff, and explained to him that he sucked on a boys penis, where they pee out of (to try and gross him out form doing that again). I told him, i needed him to promise me that he wouldn't go and teach anyone else what austin had taught him so he pinky promised(but how do I know he wont) and how do explain to a 6 year old that it's nor mal to touch but not normal to force it upon others, even if jaidyn didn't feel forced by austin, how do i make jaidyn understand that it was SO WRONG what austin did, even though it's so normal to experiment, but Austin did take it past "the line" but how do I let jaidyn know it's OK in any way, even before "the line" what if jaidyn wants to teach someone else before it crosses "the line" how do I teach him that there even is "a line". OMG, I Am so stressed... I feel that Jaidyn was sexually abused because Austin had been talked to about this before and he told Jaidyn not to tell anyone therefore, He KNEW it was wrong... Jaidyn on the other hand, I don't think he feels like he was violated, But I don't know for sure... and Jaidyn will remember this experience for the rest of his life. I remember my first experiment with a french kiss from when i was 5... how do I make jaidyn feel OK with what has happened to him when he gets older? I don't want him to grow up with never talking about this again, I want to make sure, he is open and honest with me about sex and his feelings, I want to make sure, he knows not to impose this upon others when he is 9 or any other age for that matter... i don't know where the fine line is for me to talk to him about it because I don't want to be overbearing about it, and have him not want to come to me in the future about anything else that is bothering him and i don't want to not talk about it and try to erase that it happened because it won't get erased, every time he sees Austin it will re-trigger, and they are freaking family, so they will see each other again, even if I dropped my friendship with his mom, his dad would take him to Christmas sinner where austin will be there.
My first reaction to this was I wanted to RIP AUSTINS little head of his f**king body and beat the crap out of him, my sister reminded me that he is only 9 and was just experimenting too, even if it did go too far, so I told her ya but he is 9 and he knew it was wrong, he told jaidyn not to tell anyone and her reaction to that was ya, but as adults we still do things even though we know it's wrong... I am happy for her input and it did calm me down but, I still don't want jaidyn to ever see austin again and I still think that if this happened to her son, she wouldn't be seeing the lighter side of things, and it is not realistic of me to have jaidyn NEVER see austin again...
My main concern is how do I keep my son from teaching other kids about this, and also how can I keep him from feeling like he was molested my Austin as he gets older. Even by just reinforcing to him not to do what austin did, may make jaidyn feel like he was abused, maybe he won't "get that" right now at 6, but maybe he will later... should he get counseling for it now, or should it be when he feels like he is a victim, can i prevent him from feeling like a victim... and how do I tel him to get counseling when he confided in me, won't that make him feel like he can never come to me again, because I will make him see a counselor and make him share his story with a complete stranger, (when he doesn't even feel like it was wrong, (for now) what austin did to him) how do I visit austins mom (obviously not with jaidyn anytime soon if ever) when austin is there, how do i treat him the same when I feel he abused my baby, how do i not ignore him, or give him dirty looks, or yell at him, when i do see him???
I hate that this happened, sorry for the long vent, but I really could use other peoples opinions and experiences if this or something like this has happened to them or their children... I mean, I experimented as a kid, but I was older and it never got that far :'(
yes, your child was sexually abused and I can bet that the other child has been also. Maybe he was just experimenting, whatever, it is still wrong and no way would I allow the two boys together alone.
I think you need to realize that the other boy is a kid and chances are he has been abused and hopefully his parents will talk to him about where he was taught about this, they really do ned to know. Don't hate the kid just be cautious and alert., you have to protect your child the best that you can.
keep an eye on your son and maybe even read some books to him about respecting our bodies and stuff like that, keep the communication lines open and watch for signs of abuse, might not even hurt to see a therapist at this point, better to catch while they are little then 10, 20 years down the line.
