Topic : General Advice

I have noticed that the good children seem to get the bad end of the rope. I have a young child,4, and is very active, happy, positve, well like your son, he has been diagnosed with asma, he is alway's sick, (ear infections, colds, ect..) But he doesn'T mind, My oldes son 7 could not handle all of that, he is the complete opposite of his brother, if it would have been him, to be sick like his brother he would not be able to handle it. So the moral of this is if he doesn't seem to mind, it's cause he can handle it.

 

You can alway's tell him that its ok to be sad and disapointed sometimes and that he can tell you about his feelings, he may be just trying to protect you, kids do that! But also tell him that his attitude is a good one and he should never change it! One day it will be his turn. but he should be allowed to show disapointement sometimes.

I have a 7 year old son who is outgoing, loving, very close to me, my problem is that he still pees his pants.  When he does this it is always during the day when is knows that he has to go, I have tried disciplining him, taking his playstation away from him and taking other favorite toys away from him.  I have even gone as far as telling him that if he wants to continue to sleep with his nightlight on that he needs to stop peeing, and that when he stopped peeing i would turn it back on, needless to say he has gotten use to sleeping with out his nightlight.  I am at wits end and frustrated, can someone please help!!

Punishing your son for peeing in his pants isn't going to solve a thing. He CAN'T HELP it...his getting used to sleeping without his nightlight should have shown you that. This is beyond his control. It could be that his bladder simply hasn't grown along with the rest of his body yet. There could be any number of purely PHYSICAL reasons why he still urinates in his pants. But disciplining him isn't going to solve or fix a thing.

Have you talked to his pediatrician about this? That would be a good first step. There are a lot of resources available...I've seen a lot of pamphets on this very thing in my own son's doctor's office. Your son is far from being the only one with this problem.

Please talk to his doctor...and ease off of him. He's not doing this to spite you...not with the other things you describe him to be. He's not doing this to make you mad, or to get even with you for something. It's very likely just beyond his control. His doctor can advise you better. Please talk to him, and good luck....

i have talk to his doctor about this and they sent me him to a specialist and they performed a procedure i forget what they called it but the doctor cut the hole thinking maybe it was not wide enough and he wasn't getting it all out.  what i don't understand is he tells me that he that he knows he when he has to go but it is like he holds it until the last minute, do you still think that is his bladder?  i really don't know  so i am apperciative of any and all advice i can get.

Jeez. I don't know about this one, since you've talked to his pediatrician. Have you talked to the doc again since the procedure's been done? Maybe you could set up some kind of reward system to where when he DOES go, you give him a sticker..and when he gets "so many" stickers, he gets a special treat? Reward systems work very well...but I'm not so sure this is an answer to this one. There might be an emotional issue at work here that you're unaware of, or something else. I think I'd talk to the doctor again, if you haven't done so.

Good luck. I feel for your little boy having to go through this, and you as well. It's not easy....

I use to feel like I was failing as a mother.  By the time I picked my son up from daycare, he had been there for 10 hours while I was at work.  I was exhausted and he was full of energy, excited to be home with me.  We would squabble, he would be upset, I would be upset and our evening together was tense.  He was only 4.  He didn't understand why I couldn't play a game with him.  I only had about an hour to get him feed, bathed, and in bed.  I cried a lot.  I started researching work at home businesses.  I lost money on the stuffing envelope scams, the pyramid schemes.  But then, after 3 years of looking I found a legitimate company with a 21 year history.  I was still skeptical, but I figured I had nothing to lose.  Much to my surprise, it worked and it worked well!  I am now able to spend time with my son, and I am much more relaxed.  My health has improved simply because I have very little stress in my life.  I don't worry about my bills anymore, and I don't feel guilty about my time with my son since I have plenty!  I worked hard and it paid off!

Heather Baye

hwbaye@yahoo.com

http://workathomeunited.com/hwbaye

i have a 3 1/2 year old daughter and she goes to church with me. well she has this one guy at my church that she has really taken a liking to. i have known him since childhood and he is a great guy. now my daughter does not have a relationship with her own dad, so i think she is kinda of looking for that in my friend. but now she is coming home and pretending that he is here with her. she talks to him in the bath and while she is playing, is this something i should be worried about?

I wouldn't worry about her "pretending"....that's something all normal, healthy children do. It's likely that she's just inserting something into her life that's missing by way of pretending. I don't see where there's anything to worry about at this point....

Am I expecting too much of my children ages 4 and 2, to make it through a few errands in an afternoon?  We needed to go to the bank, the post office and the grocery store.  Is this too much to expect from two pre-schoolers? I don't understand what's going on because at home they are generally well-behaved, but as soon as we walk out the door....a different being takes over my four-year-old.  Am I just supposed to forgo errands and staying caught up with my life for a few years? Hannah (4) runs away from me, she doesn't do what she's told, she screams, takes off her seatbelt in the carseat and climbs all over the car, she cries hysterically, she grabs everything in sight.  I really feel bad for the two-year-old because she is just caught in the cross-fire, its almost like the poor thing just understands that mommy's head is going to explode if she starts acting out too.  So, she just sits quietly ignored, poor baby.  My four-year old is a challenging child, like "The Strong-Willed Child" or whatever, but we get by at home with a lot of creative discipline; coloring our feelings,  time-outs, and mom distracting by dancing around, making puppets, etc.  This takes so much energy out of me but I'm happy to do it because she's highly intelligent and this is the downside of that.  Its just when we are in public, everyone stares at me, I had three people comment to me on what they perceived as bad parenting on my part just today.  I said to Hannah the four-year-old, "Help me watch your sissy while I talk to the bank teller," and this women stopped me and said, "How is she supposed to be expected to watch her little sister?" and shook her head at me, sighing.  Well, dumb woman who has no business putting her nose in, it makes Hannah feel important like she's on my team if I give her something to be in charge of.  It usually makes her behave better, and who the heck are you to put your two senses in anyway?  This is the issue: children who are like my daughter: hyper, extremely intelligent, creative and challenging; are more difficult to discipline than other children.  Parents who sit there and shake their heads at you and say, "Haven't you tried time-outs?" have MELLOW children like my two-year-old.  Yes, actually, time-outs work like a charm for my two-year-old, I usually don't even have to go that far because she's so sensitive that the slight tweak of my tone will correct her behavior in a heartbeat.   I'm tired of people assuming I'm a bad parent because of the way my child behaves. I had another man tell me, "Bad children are the result of bad parents"....well I am the EXACT SAME DAMN parent to the perfectly WELL-BEHAVED child as I am to the HOLY TERROR.....so.....what do you make of that?  Why the heck don't people just mind their own business and walk a mile in someone else's shoes before trying to critize and judge?  Like I don't feel guilty enough that my child is screaming at the top of her lungs.  At the post office, my kid starting throwing a fit because she wanted me to buy her something there, so she wasn't going to leave and then the two-year-old wasn't going to leave either so I had to pick up Haleigh (2) and hold Hannah's hand, firmly (practically dragging her to the car.)  I didn't have a free hand to carry the rest of my packages, so I went and put them in the car, parked it in the emergency lane, put the emergency lights on and SPRINTED, RAN LIKE HELL, back inside got my packages and SPRINTED back, having not taken my eyes off them for more than 10 seconds (I'm a marathon runner, I could run around the whole building in 20 seconds if I wanted.)  Just enough time for her to get herself out of the car, right as I was sprinting back.....a woman looked at her EXTREMELY MELLOW child and said, "I love you, I would never leave you in the car." just loud enough for me to hear and then shot me a glare.   Like I don't love my kids, that's why I'm breaking a sweat at the POST OFFICE.....What the heck was I supposed to do, teleport the packages to my car?  Its funny how all these people offer me judgement, glares, stares, but did one single person offer to help me with the boxes, or so much as hold open a door for me....no!   The real issue is that I feel guilty myself so whenever someone comments, I take it personally and it makes me feel more guilty.  I'm constantly getting those looks from the old men (who you know probably just beat their kids...) that say, "Get control of your kids for goodness sakes." But why do I even bother paying attention to them when my attention should clearly be more focused on my kids and being the kind of creative parent I am at home.  Its really just the stares and comments and rudeness from people that get me overwhelmed, not my kids.  Why don't I see too much advice on here specifically about being out in public?  Does anyone know the link?

the 1-2-3 might work for some but I personally don't believe in 1-2-3 it gives the kids time to act out 2 times before stopping! I do 1 warning, that's it!

 

When I used to go out in public with my then 4 y/o child he used to scream, run, hide, well everything you had said, I used to be very embaressed, you know what I did once, I found a corner, and put him there for 4 min, well belive me he was embaressed, yes he did not want to go, no he did not stay, It took me 20 min of me putting him back in the corner everytime he would run away,(I also had his brother who was 1 in his stroller) With no words no arm grabbing, he would kick and scream the whole nine yards, After he finished his 4 min, belive me he DID NOT want to go back!!!! I even had people giving me the thumbs up and smilling at me for doing this in a calm manner, I did not freak out once.<

 

Now he is 8 and his brogher 5, when we go out in public, I have people telling me "wow your children listen and are quite"  Because they know that even if we are in public,. the disciplin will still happen, that is why you should alway's do the same disciplin at home and out! As soon as they do something that is unaceptable, time out! don't give them the chance to make that mistake 3 times before doing something!