Topic : General Advice

This might take a bit of explaining so you'll have to bear with me. My name is Rick & I'm an 18 yr old College Student from England. During the Summer Holidays the Assistant Manager of the Cancer Research Store I volunteer at brought in her two Nephews (the youngest being ten & the oldest being eleven) on a number of days. I get along pretty well with the pair of them as well as the A.M. and her Mother. 

Most recently I found out about the boys family background : They were completely rejected by their Mother and now have (from what I can tell) no contact with her. On top of that because their Father travels around alot they bearly see him. I was told that the A.M. & her Mother went to court and won custody of the boys & they now live with them. 

Now on to the part I need advice on : 

At the weekend while the two boys were visiting the store I got chatting with the eldest of the two boys. When we went up onto the Store roof (there's like a stair way you can use you go up onto it) it was brought to my attention that he smokes ! At 11 ! This has seriously troubled me since he told me. What really tore me up though was when I tried to explain to him about the side effects (not enforcing them upon him - just politely explaining) he just replied with (when told about the shortened life span) "Oh well I'd only spend that hour causing trouble" ! 

I know I probably have no right to interfear but this has been seriously bugging me. The thing is I think my A.M. might have a part to place in this. She always seems to be praising the Youngest boy and Scolding the eldest. 

Apparently the eldest has some behavioural issues that they have been seeing Doctors & such about which probably stem from his Family background but could that cause him to want to smoke ? 

I know he's a good kid , I just know it - I just think he needs some moral support/guidance rather than being scolded. He's alright most of the time when he's with me - I mean sure he can be abit rude & doesn't always listen when you ask him to do something but what 11 yr old doesn't ? 

I would approach my A.M. about this but on some levels I worry that it might not be my place to say as I've not seen how the boy acts at home & she might take it the wrong way. 

I'm sorry I'm really rambling on now but if anyone could give me advice on what to do her I'd be most greatful. I don't really get a chance to see him all that often but I know if I could just sit down with him on a regular basis and just talk with him that I could get through to him I just know it ! 

I don't know if Robin reads this area but if you do I'd appreciate your input on this issue. 

Thanking you all in advance , 

Rick Cole 

KEY : A.M. = Assistant Manager 

Thank you that has helped me out a great deal. Being the youngest person in my family (literally I'm the only teen in my family lol) I guess I feel an older brother mentality towards him ya know ? Like I said he is a good kid he just needs someone to help build that up. 

I've complimented & praised him on various occasions due to things like what he might happen to be wearing at the time or (in the case of when he was in during the Summer Holiday) if he has helped me around the store. When I saw him after his first week back at school he told me he had avoided getting into a fight & I praised him for that too. Yet it seems he's been getting into trouble at school again. 

I've been considering offering to babysit actually. As both my A.M. & her Mother work on a regular basis I was going to offer but I didn't know if that might be taken the wrong way too ( yes I think into things too much ^^; ). What do you think would be the best way to bring up the idea ? 

I know I shouldn't expect anything in return I just feel like he needs someone to be there for him and be a strong male rolemodel (no offence ladies) as he doesn't really have what I would call a stable Father figure. 

Thing is - he has asked me about my family on a number of occasions and each time has said "Do you live with your Dad ?". I feel abit uneasy talking to him about my family as both my parents are thankfully still together & he always seems to say 'with your Dad' & not 'with your Mum & Dad'. 

Anyway I'm rambling again lol Thanks once again ^_^ 

- Rick - 

Just to give you a little background, my daughter will be 5 years old in December, she is the youngest of 3.  Her dad and I have been divorced for over 2 years now and the kids visit their father every other weekend for basically 1 1/2 days.  My daughter has this strange and frustrating sleeping habit, that has just gotten worse.  About 2 weeks ago I moved the boys out of her room to give them their own space and some peace and quiet.  She seems to do ok, but there are a few things she insists on me doing.  She has 2 night lights in her room, she has to have the bathroom door open part way w/ the light on and she likes to have music playing.  Her latest thing is that she wants me to "check on her" and when she asks me if I will check on her, just saying "I will come up right before I go to bed and check on you" does not satisfy her.  She also wants me to wake her up in the mornings before I leave for work (which is very early) so she can watch cartoons.  She has gotten to the point where she throws absolute fits (kicking, screaming, yelling, you name it) if I don't give in to her.  She comes downstairs to my room 2 - 3 times a night and the other morning when I woke up to get ready for work, I noticed her curled up on the dog bed.  She has accidents from time-to-time in the middle of the night as well.  I don't think she is having bad dreams, she never wakes up crying.  I have a set routine, if you will, at bedtime and have even tried mixing up what goes on before bed time.  Nothing has seemed to help.  I just don't know what to do any more.  Help!!!!