Topic : 04/07 Will Fights

It's very nice to spout platitudes about money not fixing money problems. That's easy to say when you are comfortable and well fed! We are overwhelmed by debt from medical bills, that is even after insurance! We have people suing us, demanding money we simply do not have and cannot get! We can't make more than we do now, we are doing all that we can yet we are in danger of having our already inadequate salaries garnished. An inheritance would be INCREDIBLY helpful about now, but I don't have anyone who's about to die, and I can't think of anyone who I would want to go away!

Linda said that if the other sisters had children they would have gotten money also.  How would she know this? And apparently Dr. Phil has never experienced the hurt you feel when one of your siblings does something as despicable as manipulating a Family Elder without open communication with other family members involved.  It really isn't about money but how else can you bring out such an injustice . 

 I watch the story about the sisters and felt that their story could have been handled better.  I REALLY HOPE DR. PHIL DOES A  FOLLOWUP.

Key points being:

...that the attorney that drew up the new will wasn't on...he may have had valuable input that could have helped heal the family, especially about whether there was influence from the one sister, without disclosing confidential information, or at least the reason he wasn't on should have been discussed.

...there was no discussion about offering to have the girls take a polygraph, the aunt could very well have told the one woman that her sister had asked for an advance, even if it wasn't true...it may have been the aunt's perception or story...so both could have been telling the truth...and they indicated that was their main source of disagreement.

...the long standing will...how long standing was it we weren't told, if it was drawn up when they were much younger the aunt may have felt at that time that the youngest sister would need more help and that the others had their lives together, and then later changed it as the younger sister had grown up and living with the one sister's family observed that the great-niece & great-nephew were grown decided that fair would be to divide the money evenly among remaining descendants. Certainly from the information we were given it would seem more than natural for the aunt to have changed her will in this way, especially since she was living with this niece and presumably seeing her great-niece and great-nephew, much more than these other nieces.

...Dr. Phil put on a lawyer not involved with this case that seemed to imply that the niece whom the aunt was living with "could have" pulled the "Perfect Crime", which seemed to deepen this family's crisis, was the niece that the aunt lived with even aware of the new Will's terms? We weren't told....The discussion should have focused on steps to take to avoid these situations.

...Many family's go through these types of problems, including mine. The discussion should have included ways that those drawing up wills could help to diminish these problems, such as informing everyone what is in the will, or other steps.

 I REALLY HOPE DR. PHIL DOES A FOLLOWUP on this story and brings some healing to this family and provides valuable information on how other families can avoid these situations.

 

I believe you put it perfect.

Dr Phil those sister' s should be ashamed of themselves.   Don't  you think that when that will was made none of the sister's had any kids.  After the aunt went to live with Linda is it not natural that the aunt would form a closer bond with the children. Being involved in their everyday life graduation and the like.  I would think that the aunt thought about things she had not thought of before.  The aunt was still making her own decisions.  I would think that if Linda did any manipulating the other sisters would have gotten less not more(not counting carol of couse).  Then if they were so worried about what Linda was getting from the aunt why didn't one of them step-up to the plate and take her in and take care of her.  That is no small task taking care of the elderly.  Your life is not your own anymore,  who can put a price on what you do from your heart.  I can tell you that not even money will make a person become a caregiver, a good caregiver. I think that if all Linda thought about was the money she could get , she would have been lacking in the care that she gave the aunt, and I didn't hear anyone say anything about that except the mother and  she saId Linda had taking very good care of the aunt. How can you be angry over something you did not work for or save.

you're right, there was a lot of information left out.  And obviously the aunt can give her money to whomever she wants to, but did Linda know before her aunt passed away that her children were going to be included in the will? If she did and didn't tell her sisters, that seems pretty underhanded.  I missed the part where this might have been discussed.  But Linda did not strike me as being totally honest about what happened.

  My younger sister spent most of her adult life sponging off my widowed mother, even living with her in between her three husbands and having my mother raise her children while she did her own thing.  When my mother passed, the house was left to this sister (presumably to provide a safe haven for my sister's two children) and the money was to be divided amongst us four children.  My sister, in a letter to me , admits that my mom wanted the money divided equally but then proceeds to write, "but if mom knew what kind of a bitch you really are, she would never have wanted you to have anything" 
A lifetime of jealousy had reared its ugly head.  Sister promptly sold the house and most of my mother's belongings and moved out of state into a quarter of a million dollar home, courtesy of my mother's lifetime of frugal living.  I wasn't even offered a few momentos from my mother's home or any pictures my mother had from when I was growing up,  Talk about evil.  That truly was flat out  cruel and evil on my sister's part.
Greed and jealousy created a monster in my family.

If there was anything in the will stating something like "And to my two grand nephews I leave $10,000 each for the loving attention they gave me...' or something to that effect.  It sure might have saved this family fued.  I think expressing your thoughts in your will and testement for after your gone could help family members feel more like its coming from a person rather than an estate.

one day, especially once our mom passes on.  I AIN'T LOOKING FORWARD TO IT!!

 

Barbara reminds me of my eldest sister.  I haven't talked to her since she blamed me for not attending our dad's funeral over 7 years ago!!!  She maintains to this day that I forbade her to attend, and everyone believes her.  Has anyone ever asked me about what was said/done?  NO!!!

 

My sister has always ran hot/cold.  Mostly cold.  Fact is, as I type this...as far as I know she is NOT in contact with any of the family & hasn't been for months.  Yes, this includes her our own mother!!!!  She has told me & my hubby of nearly 20 years that we are NOT part of  "her family" on more than a few ocassions.  And I know I'm not the only one in my family who has been told this.

 

It's really difficult for me, cause I want to be close to my family.  I'm the youngest in a rather large family, and I really only talk to one of my siblings.  I can't imagine what it will be like at Mom's funeral...looking across her casket at a row of total strangers who were born of the same parents that I was.  I try not to think about it & hope that Mom will live for many, many, many more years.

 

Believe me, if I had to choose between having part of my parents' estate or having a loving family...I'd choose the loving family.  The fond & wonderful memories I have of my family are pretty distant and are getting more & more faded with each passing year.  Having a screwed up family like this makes the upcoming holiday season a really depressing, painful struggle.

Today's show really hit me close to home. My family is going through a will fight. My dad passsed away in March 2006 and my mother recently passed away in june 2007.  It has been horrible. Fighting over money and property has made this situation unbareable. You would think that death would  make people stop and think how short life is. In our case the war began between  the sibilings almost imediadeately. As a matter of fact it actually started long before my parents actually passed. I was feeling as if my heart was breaking ( I would say it all the time, until it finally did break for real.) Two months after the death of my mother I suffered a major heart attack at 49 years old. It still didn't stop the maddness.

My oldest sister called a meeting imediately to establish she was in charge. My mother wasn't even burried yet. I couldn't ride in the limo to the cememtary because my oldest sister was trying to force everyone to discuss the assets.  When we refused, she took the family car and loaded it up with whatever she could, hired a lawyer and went back home to Georgia. Since then she found a copy of a will and tried to enter it into propate court behind our backs. She got upset because we wouldn't sign a wavier of process and her children started threating us.  Now we are all trying to sell my parents house before it goes into forclosure but she is still insiting that she's in charge. My three oldest sisters cleaned out the bank accounts and took everything they could get their hands on like vultures.  They even came up with a will that desinated everything to the Three oldest children. It was a perfect crime. They knew my mother was dying and got her to say that they could have everything and then tried to bully the rest of us  into signing away all our rights to them. It really makes me sad that my mother died lonely with a broken heart.  My sisters saddled her with guilt for not rasing them while they were young. My mom spent her whole life making up to my sisters for mistakes she had made in their lives. They hated my father who is their step father. According to them my  father treated them badly so(he was a chronic alcholic) so they deserved everything he had and was determined that his offspring would recieve nothing from his estate.  They used emotional blackmail against my parents all their lifes and never participated in their care while they were ailing. This will fight is actually deeper than money and property it's about revenge, after all the sins of the father visited the sons.