Topic : 04/07 Will Fights

 Word of advice - DON'T LET THE LAWYER SHARKS become the biggest beneficiaries of all.  When my stepfather died in Florida, he had no will so it became intestate meaning that the probate laws of the state are supposed to rule. HA! Apparently even probate code is subject to adversarial filing. Although state law says his wife was to get 1/2 and his four kids (2 from !st marriage and 2 from current marriage) were to equally split the remaining half, the 2 kids from the prior marriage had him be listed as "divorced" on his death certificate without the wife's knowledge (even though we were all at the funeral) on the premise that  he and his current wife of 34 years decided to live separately for the past years, and that this  "AS IF" situation made it so. He could have gotten divorced, but CHOSE not to. (He actually had filed years ago but voluntarily dismissed it and stayed LEGALLY married on paper.) He could have written a will, but obviously chose not to. He kept his wife as sole beneficiary of his pension and wanted her to get his Social Security if he died first. Although they may have led an "unmarried" lifestyle, they remained legally married by law because there was NO DIVORCE DECREE! Yet the lawyers manged to drag out the case with the opposing side's endless manipulation which drained the small estate of nearly $30,000 in legal fees and wasted a lot of time. I WAS NOT A BENEFICIARY at all (child of wife's first husband) but my stepfather raised me and there is NO WAY he would have wanted HIS money doled out to the lawyers like this! I lost so much time of my own life and had so much stress on me and MY family since I had to assist my mom in the suit. Because of this maheim and now knowing how complicated passing on assets can be, I urged my mom to put in writing her wishes after considering many possible scenarios for equitable spits since my mom has 5 kids and 7 grandchildren. Some of my siblings are only related by blood (her death would be no love loss to them and they'll just wait with their hand out like Carol and Barbara are). The fact that my mom's grandchildren who are in my mom's life and love her should definately factor into the "division equation". The fact that this aunt had gone to a lawyer speaks volumes. She took the extra initiative most people don't. If she had done a simple will unwitnessed by a third-party, it might have appeared more suspect. However, the thing I think is unrealistic in the first place would have been WHY in the world would she have even considered leaving the large lump sum to Carol? I wonder why nothing goes to her own Sister? Including the 2 kids as equals makes complete sense since they're blood too and sharing in their mother's share really would be unfair to Linda. If Carol or Barbara had any kid(s), you can bet they'd sing a different tune! Plus giving care to an elderly person is not a piece of cake so I give Linda a lot of credit for stepping up to the plate. In my opinion, she should've been collecting a service fee for her time and trouble as a caregiver. WHO'S going to care for these girls' mom if the necessitiy arises? You can bet who I have my money on. I just hope that the sisters mom has her affairs in solid order, or maybe she should start giving/gifting it to whom she wants to spend it on now while alive (my grandma gave away the little she had, little by little, and saw our gratitude for her generousity while she could appreciate our words of thanks). Plus these sisters' mom should definately include her grandchildren as equal heirs too. Plus maybe backup her signed legally-witnessed/notarized Last Will with a videotaped recitation of her intentions (read it into a camera with the date mentioned) to avoid this chaos upon HER death. God only knows what Carol and Barbara will argue about when that time comes. They should just have the assets distributed according to the will since nothing supercedes it, and "graciously" accept the $79,500 each without having legal fees truly WASTE it. Be darned appreciative that this aunt even had something to pass on in the first place.

The thing is, I think it was odd that the aunt wanted to give money to only one of her nieces to begin with.  After all, talk about a way to stir up strife!  If there hadn't been any strife among the four to begin with, seems like that big wrench thrown into things was enough to stir up resentments! 

 

If she had changed the will at the end of her life to leave it all to one niece, that would have been suspicious, but it really seems to me that the second will was more equitable.  It's not fair for one niece to get all this money and all these perks along the way and for the other three to not get so much.

 

As for the one niece remodeling the room, that wasn't so bad.  She wanted a nice place for her aunt to live.  I really don't think she was operating out of greed.

 

My grandmother had four sisters, and when they were in their 70's, they travelled to Austrailia together.  We used to call them 'Le Girls.'  Being four sisters is a blessing.  It's a shame that these women can't get along.

 

Of course, each one of them probably says that too, to what good does that do?

 

*Sigh*

I definitely agree with you there!

 

When my mother died, I walked out of the house with her Bible and her cookbook, and the others fought over the rest ~ and there was a LOT of it!

 

My one older brother and I were the ones who were with her when she died.  We were the ones closest to her.  And, I think, out of the whole family, we are the ones who have peace with it.  We loved and appreciated her while she was here.  We remember her and her life.  We have peace and we have closure.

 

Those things are priceless!

I can certainly relate to the predicament of this family.  It is really difficult when the almight dollar means more to people than their own flesh and blood.  My husband's brother was diagnosed with cancer 18 months ago.  He went through 5 months of treatment and thought things were better.  While he was sick and recovering, his two adult children (both in their 30's) spent at least some time (not enough in my opinion) with their dad --- I realize now that it was mostly to scope out what they should get in case he passed away.  On several occasions, the son asked my husband 'how long are they giving him'... and asked if he could take his father's truck out for  'test drive'.    Five months ago, my husband's much loved brother passed away.  The recurrence was diagnosed in March, he passed away in May.  In those few months, his children did not even visit him (although they both live less than a half hour away).  He so badly wanted to pass away at home, but couldn't... he spent the last 5 days of his life in hospital.... the children were both contacted upon his admission.......and neither of them showed up to hold their dad's hand in his last moments.  

 

Their antics at the funeral home were grammy nominee worthy........their were tears and friends brought in etc etc......  The son even rented a stretch SUV to take him to the church from the funeral home...it was all about HIM!     All they really cared about was what they were going to 'get'..... after being missing in action for the last 3 months of their father's life, they showed up the day after the funeral with their hands out.  They wanted a copy of the death certificate to cash in on their father's death benefit (they had stolen an old copy of their dad's will and knew they were at least getting that).  It was their fathers preference that all his assets (totalling approx $400,000) go to his brother and sister -  - - but he knew in his heart of hearts that his kids would drag us through courts and probate forever and ever and didn't want to see us put through the misery........ so, in the end.... he changed his will to give us piece of mine.     The money was not as important to us... It was more important that he die with dignity, respect and peace in his heart.

 

His kids had lawyers at the ready........waiting to contest the will  and drag us through court- - - which they did not have to as they got everything.  We asked that the lawyer tell them that they were never to contact any member of our family ever again........       So, they could not be a part of their father's life when he needed them and was dying, but certainly had a sense of entitlement about everything he owned.  They even had the nerve to call the police to ask about a microwave oven that their grandmother had bought for their father!       I hope these two some day realize what they missed with their father who was a wonderful man.  It is a very sad legacy that he has left behind in the two of them.

This may not be the answer you are looking for but for what it is worth here it is.  My son got his degree from college last year and he did it on a mostly pay as you go basis.  It takes a little longer that way but it can be done if you want it bad enough.  Your daughter might have to take one or two years off to work full time so she can pay off the $1600 she owes & put all she can toward her next year of school.  After she goes back to school she will have to continue to work so she can be putting as much as she can toward her following year of school.  If she can live at home so much the better so she can put more money toward her education instead of living expenses.  My little mom always told me where there is a will there is a way.  It won't be the easy way to get a college education but then nothing in life comes easy to most of us.  Your little daughter can do it if this is something she wants bad enough & when she gets her degree she won't start her life in debt.  Best of everything to your children & God's peace on your home.

I lost my grandmother two year ago, she died of cancer. It was a long road for her giving her time to get everything in order, so she thought. She only had one kid and was not married, but lived with a boyfriend of 30yrs. She didn't have a lot of money but had some land that she had bought from her boyfriends family many years ago. A year before she died she went to a lawyer and got a will done, leaving everything to her one and only child. She also signed the land over to her daughter, putting it in her name. She even went as far as planning her own funeral down to the cloths she wore. To get to the point two years later we still have nothing of my grandmothers . My grandmothers boyfriend that she lived with for all them years said that my grandma was not in her right mind to do a will, and he refused to release anything that was on the will. The only thing that my mom got was the land  that was put into her name. After going to court 3 times and getting no where my mom is out of money and out of ever personal thing my grandmother owned. The judge said that it's a he said she said match and that he can't assume that the stuff on the will was my grandmothers are the boyfriends because it was all in his house. Now the things on the will are all things the belong to a women are my grandmothers family. This leaves my mom without any person things of her mothers and nothing to pass on to her kids. As sad as it is there is nothing left that we could do about the matter. My mom feels like she is letting my grandmother down by losing this long stressful fight that my grandmother tried to avoid by writing the will. 

My brother was given Power of Attorny becasue he is local and I am not.  He has never had an adult relationship with Dad.  Dad has been diagnosed with frontal lobal dementia and my brother refers to him as the "demented guy".  My brother has always been out for himself and is now refusing to share information with me or Dad about Dad's finances.  Anytime my Dad askes him for info he sends me a scathing email and blames me for Dad's outburst.  Dad never has these outbursts with me and i think he should be mad about having his financials stripped from him

 

A guardian for Dad is a great idea, but would create a legal battle I'm not sure I want to get into.  i know I can also challenge is POA but the results would still be a legal battle.

 

My brother and I are not close, and I feel he needs to be accountable to Dad and do what Dad asks him to do.  I also feel he should share information with me regarding Dad's finances.  Because he doesn't, I wonder what he is trying to hide.

 What should I do?

I watch your show a few times a month. Most of the time you are a common sense person, but on yesterday show when you hosted the four angry sisters, you did not pass the common sense test.

 

The aunt's original will was very biased for one sister. I am sure after observing the conflict that existed in the family and receiving the hospitality of another sister, she realized the fair thing and the most acceptable thing to all parities was to equally divide her assets between all her loved ones.  She was said to be of sound mind. Her final will was more reasonable and fair than the first.

Those sisters were full of hate and resentment to wards each other.  That  must have been very obvious everyday the aunt stayed with the sister that you were attacking. The aunt must have thought dividing the funds equally would make for less anger between the sisters, You even planted a so called expert in the audience to agree with you. I have always agreed with your approach until now.

 

I can tell you from my close friends experience, that taking a elderly person into your home to care for is a tremendous commitment.  The sister who altered her home and living arrangements for her aunt should be commended not attacked.  It was so painful to watch, I changed the channel and did not watch the remainder of the show.  You owe that woman an apology.

Do you want a relationship with your sister?   I would not get her involved in the will as you say.  If you want a relationship with her.... split all the assests with her.  Actually, you should give her something even if it is not a equal share.   You don't say if your parents have cut sister out of the will.   If sister is irresponsible... put her money into a trust that she can only recieve so much money each year. 

My situation is my Mother named me POA of Health Care over 10 yrs. ago.  A brother came in and is living with Mother so he is now also POA of health care.   The problem:  No one has ever liked him.   But now everyone has to go thru him to see Mother.  His deal is all about CONTROL & POWER.   And he is self-serving.  If I say anything that goes against what he feels or thinks he throws a 5 yr. old temper tantram.  (this is also how he controls Mother)  So, it is useless to say anything to him.  I have spent very little time with my Mother during the last 2 yrs. because I refuse to put myself in a postion on being emotionally, verbally and physically attacked.  (his wife has physically attacked me twice).   I am on the verge of not seeing my Mother again, because of there behavior toward me.  It is very hard emotionally to make such a desision.   I think there should be something included in wills and trusts that addresses the issue of siblings having such control over parnets.  When a sibling is taking fininical, emotional, and mental advantage over a parent something needs to be in place that can stop it, when the parent is scared to say anything for fear of a continual 5 yr. old temper tantram. 

Would like feedback on this issue.