Topic : 06/16 A Daughter in Danger?

This girl is yes too young to truly know if this is the right man for her.  They may be sincere in their feelings, but to be ready to give up her life for this man and start a new life with him in his country is a bit extreme.  We all know about this myspace site and it seems to be doing more harm then good for people around the world, but I cannot say anything, as I have met my husband off that site.  I think (and this is strictly my opinion) that she should take time to herself, be a teenager and see if this is really what she wants.  She may change her mind. 

 

The way the man seems, it does come across that he is hiding something, especially since they had a marriage contract ready for her.  I mean, that would put a big red flag in my face right there.  In any event, it did seem like he wanted to come to the US, for whatever reason (and we all do think of 9/11, but we cannot judge him), or keep her there with him.  That is a little odd about him "wanting to come" but he hasn't even applied yet. 

 

They need to have time apart to see if this is really what they want.  But one thing that she did need to realize is that we have a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT culture from the Middle East (from any country for that matter).  She was right in saying she had no clue about that area, and I'm not sure many of us do.  I am not stating this as fact, but from what I've learned the women over there are very submissive, they keep themselves covered, and can be beat on by their husbands.  Now, again, that is not fact, but I did learn that some time ago and it is possible that that is still how things are done.  If this is true, I think she needs to learn a little more about it before making that decision to move over there/marry him/etc.  Though it is also possible that she may have already been victim/witness to these kind of actions (since she was over there for some time).

 

All I can say is best of luck to her and her family.  Think hard before you make a life changing decision and listen to your heart.  Realize what you have, what you'd be giving up and what you have waiting for you and see which is the best road to take.

In America there is a common misconception that children runaway from home because they are societal delinquents who want to be free of authority. The media depicts homeless and street kids as "rebels without a cause", as children who have no regard for society, who have no dreams and no aspirations for life but to get high.  

 

We know this portrayal of homeless and street kids to be false. In fact we know that 90% of children who run away have encountered mental, physical, emotional, and/ or sexual abuse. No child wants to live on the streets. No child wants to have to beg, steal, sell drugs, and/ or themselves just to survive.

 

More than half of the children on the streets are still under the age of 15.  Unable to legally work, these kids get involved in criminal activity just to survive.  Based on current estimates, there are more than one and a half million children, teenagers and young adults trying to survive on the U.S. streets today.  Children now make up 27 percent of the fastest growing segment of the U.S. homeless population.

 

For more info:  www.turnpurple.org 

 

The Turn Purple Campaign is the nations' first campaign against child abuse and the resulting problem of youth homelessness. 

 

 

 

DON'T RUNAWAY - TELL SOMEONE YOU CAN TRUST

 

 

Though harder to spot, emotional abuse is easier to deny.  But just as physical and sexual abuse have signposts to mark their presence, emotional abuse, being a systematic attack on one's sense of self, has common traits.  Just as physical and sexual abuse come in degrees of severity, emotional abuse runs the gamut of intensity and damage.

 

Anyone who had the misfortune of being raised by a parent who is cruel, vicious, vindictive, calculating, manipulative, a liar, cheat, selfish or neglectful may benefit from reading some of my favorite books on the subject: 

 

 

Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss AND Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward 

 

Understanding the Borderline (Parent) Mother Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson OR Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger

 

Surviving a Borderline Parent:  How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries and Self-Esteem by Kimberlee Roth and Freda Friedman OR The Angry Heart:  Overcoming Borderline and Addictive Disorders by Joseph Santoro and Ronald Cohen

 

 

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm

 

 

If you tell your problem to someone that you can trust and still feel unhappy, unsafe, or uncomfortable, or if you don't trust anyone that you know, then you should CALL these numbers until you speak with someone you can trust:

 

National Runaway Switchboard  1-800-RUNAWAY or 1-800-621-4000

Covenant House Nine Line 1-800-999-9999

Child HELP USA 1-800-4ACHILD

Stand Up for Kids 1-800-365-4KID

Volunteers of America  www.voa.org

 

 

If you are unhappy or uncomfortable with something in your life it is up to you to change your situation and tell someone that you can trust. 

 

 

Hope it helps!

I think that Dr. Phil used the term "Palestine" out of RESPECT for the Palestinian people.  God willing we will have our homeland back and Palestine will be back on the map.  

 

 

While I had a feeling that this guy was up to no good, the show upset me with what is was implying - basically I felt that just because she went  and met a guy she met off of Myspace from the Middle East, it meant AUTOMATIC DANGER, Terrorirst Alert, Death, Abuse, disrespect for women,  etc.............

 

As a Palestinian American born and raised here in the United States, I do know that this goes on there BUT from visiting there several times, NOT EVERY PALESTINIAN is a terrorist, womanizer, and only want a ticket to America. Yes, the Gaza Strip is more of a war-zone area, but the whole West Bank Area is not a war zone and is overhyped in the media to keep tourists out.   I think the message given is a BAD stereotype of the Middle Eastern World. Had she had went out to meet a man in Italy, France, Germany, anywhere BUT the Middle East, I bet there would have been no major headlines about this.

 

While I do feel this girl is young, naive  and maybe in love, she's at the age of 18 and its on her own free will. If she really wants out, she can get out. Don't forget she is an American and they have American Embassies who will help her get out.

Ummm that is all you had to say about this show?? You didn't see any other problems that you thought that you should comment about?! How about the boyfriend that is clearly manipulating this young girl?! Or the Danger that she is in right now?! I cannot believe you take the time out of your day to comment on this disturbing post about a disagreement between Israel and Palestine. I would think  any respectable AMERICAN would be OFFENDED by a controlling idiot trying to get his hands on an American young naive girl....

         I can not believe the comments I am reading on this page. Are some of you just bored or are you really nuts?.. This is a serious issue, but because she chose to leave the united states then she is "such an awful person"?... no, do you realize how many teenagers, leave their family and journey off by themselves, daily? Do you even know how many teen girls leave home and meet people from the internet on a daily basis?.. it is serious, it should be in concern. when katherine left for the mid-east this last time, she did it because she wanted to prove everyone wrong, that she could be happy in the mid-east, that she did find true love, and mainly that when she wants something, she can get it. I am beyond happy that she did not become in danger, that her "exploring", was untainted. Katherine I believe is a smart woman, she is obviously independant and she knows what she's doing. She may have made bad choices and wrong decisions, but i guarantee she has learned something from this. Everything does happen for a reason, and we may not know the reason she did this to herself and her family, one day..... there will be positive for her. Hopefully, her and her family can go back to being "close", hopefully she doesn't have to look on the internet for "acceptance" and "love", i pray that she can now realize she has it, where it has always been.... right here at home. TO KATHERINE:... I WISH I COULD SIT WITH YOU FOR JUST A FEW MINUTES, BECAUSE WHAT YOU ARE EXPERIENCING, I TOO, HAVE EXPERIENCED... JUST KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND KNOW THAT YOU LIVE AND LEARN AND WILL MAKE MISTAKES, BUT WHEN U DO MAKE A BAD DECISION, YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY WILL ALWAYS BE THERE.. I PROMISE!.. GOOD LUCK GIRL, YOUR STRONG, YOUR INDEPENDANT, AND THANK YOU FOR COMING HOME!!!!!

 

I ran away to the Middle East like Katherine did, but at 19. I am American and in 1987, went.to be an Au Pair in German at 19. I met an Egyptian working for EgyptAir. We knew each other less than 45 days in Germany, when he had to return home. He arranged a ticket for me with the EgyptAir office once he was home and I packed my bags and ran away to be with him. The family I lived with including my own did not know what happened to me. We were in love. I was 19 and he was 27. I stayed with his family for a week or two, just like Katherine, I got to see the country and culture I was thinking about marrying into first hand. I was dependant upon my husband and his family for support because they took care of me while I was there. Shortly after we were married. I was an adult and made my decision and live with my consequences just like Katherine. Was this unconventional? Yes. Would I ever let my daughter’s consider this? No. Was this dangerous? Absolutely, but not because my husband is Arab or from the Middle East, but because of the human trafficking and dangers to women. Was I too young and immature to understand the culture differences and ramifications of what I was doing? Yes. But we married for love, the same kind that drove Katherine to Abdullah twice. This March will be our 20th wedding anniversary, we are still in love and we have five diverse, well rounded, intelligent children who are often praised by their American teachers for their projects and reports on the Prophet Muhammed’s example, as well as, tolerance and citizenry in Islam and the Middle East. The public schools have even celebrated Islamic holidays with us and even made a field trip to visit the nearby mosque in the fasting month of Ramadan. Would I change this experience? Never, I have learned so much about humankind and I attribute it all to this choice to cross all those boundries and just love humankind beyond borders, divisions, races, religions, social classes, everything. I married as a Christian and I converted to Islam 18 years ago, either way it was fine. Islam has not made me turn against my family nor any other American women or men I know who married Arabs, in fact it made us better children because of the rules regarding parental respect. The Middle East and Muslims are not scary to me because I have been there. I have studied the culture, Middle Eastern history and Arabic. I do not fear my husband abducting my children to live in the Middle East any more than any other parent would in the case of divorce, every parent who has their child snatched from them feels anguish. If the child is hidden in Kansas, Italy or the Middle East the other parent is still unable to take part in to child’s life. One hiding place is not better than the other. Right now a lot of effort is being made to negatively portray the Middle East and Muslims as bad, just as those subgroups who were blamed and outcasted before them.

 

 

 

Calling the Gaza Strip by the name of Palestine is like referring to countries like the Ukraine as simply the part of the Soviet Union. There is no Soviet Union anymore, and there is no Palestine.  It's just completely wrong and an insult to Israel. Gaza Strip and the West Bank are Palestinian territories at best. The terminology is really important, and referring to the land as Palestine is pushing an agenda of something that is not recognized and does not exist at this moment.

 

Prior to statehood in 1948, all of Israel was called Palestine by the British. A lot of people fought and died for the existence and rebirth of the Jewish homeland of the state of Israel. There needs to be differentiation and clear use of terms in discussing an area of the world that has been under stress by surrounding states who have been trying to quash the right of Israelis to exist in their democratic country of Israel for thousands of years.

 

And yes, I too, am horrified that an American girl could be so easily persuaded to give up her family and safety for a man whose culture does not show equal respect or rights for women. She has no idea what she got herself into and needs to get away from this guy. The fact that she is in the Gaza Strip is even more dangerous because it is an area that has a corrupt leadership and is full of terrorist groups who hate Americans and would love to kill them.

If you want your "homeland" back, I suggest you go back to your real homelands of Syria, Lebanon and elsewhere. Israel is the real homeland of the Jewish people and has been so for nearly 6000 years, so why don't you stop trying to wipe the tiny country of Israel off of the face of the map, and live in one of the several much larger surrounding Arab countries, which is the true lineage of your ancestors.

"from my perspective, it seems like the men overseas have a very cold way of treating women and consider them "possessions" and not partners"....how ignorant of you. Your perspective includes your two cousins right..my oh my what a wide perspective and experience you've had! So according to you, just because your two cousins were unfortunate enough to meet with two men who have no clue as to how to treat a woman, that ALL middle eastern men have that same outlook to women. Well let me clarify some things for you my dear. I know many women who are happily married to a middle eastern man and who treats them with the outmost respect. Just because the media potrays middle eastern people as barbarians and so on, doesn't make it true. You should think about making less uneducated construed judgements about another person's culture and maybe pick up a few books and find out what the middle eastern culture is all about. Maybe if we had fewer people like you who blindly accept what we hear in the media and who spread their hatred about a culture based on a couple of experiences, maybe then the world wouldn't be such a horrible place. Maybe then people wouldn't judge one another the way you obviously have without so much as an ounce of intelligent researced opinions.




p.s. the only mistake your two cousins made was that they married men who they knew nothing about. maybe next time they will take the time to find out who they're really marrying. Whether they are middle eastern, chinese, american or british!