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Topic : 06/17 A Daughter in Danger? Part 2

Number of Replies: 956
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Created on : Thursday, November 08, 2007, 07:39:52 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 11/15/07) Dr. Phil continues the story of a young woman who made international headlines when she ran away to Palestine to be with a man she met on the Internet when she was just 16. Katherine was stopped by the FBI and brought back home, but two years later and now an adult, she’s left the United States again to be with Abdullah, the man she says she loves and wants to marry. Katherine’s terrified family thinks she is being brainwashed, and may never be allowed to return home. They say they’ve witnessed Abdullah’s violent temper when he’s verbally abused her over the phone. Now, in an exclusive interview via satellite, Dr. Phil speaks with Katherine and Abdullah together. Is Abdullah lying about letting Katherine return home? Is this couple already married? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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November 15, 2007, 9:49 am CST

OMG!!!

I wish I could sit down and talk to Katherine. We have a lot in common, the only difference was that he was in America on a student visa, and I actually married him. I was twenty and I thought I was "in-love" with the handsome, exotic Egyptian man...and it turns out that he was only after a greencard and money. When it was all over I was left in twenty-three thousand dollars in debt, heartbroken and alone. Katherine cannot possibly comprehend what she is dealing with here. She does not understand the culture and the life that she is setting herself up for. I lived that life for 1 year, and it is roller coaster ride to nowhere. Unfortunatly, I don't believe that her family is going to be able to tell her, because she "knows it all". I think her family just needs to be there to pick up the pieces when he disguards her, because she is no longer useful to him. Sometimes the best life lessions are the most painful ones.

That show really hit home for me...it is like looking in a mirror of myself eight years ago...I am so sorry that she has to learn this the hard way as I did.
 
November 15, 2007, 9:52 am CST

Hope the Family has a Happy Ending

I think Dr. Phil's technique of trying to get her back was fantastic, the whole time I was watching the show today I had a knot in my stomach that her family wouldn't say something that would make things  complicated and keep Katharine close to Abdullah. This guy is trouble and I do believe he is manipulating her and abusing her verbally, mentally, and physically.

 

I just hope Katharine has the strength not to go back to him and cut ties with him for good and move on with her life. She has a great future ahead of her she's young, beautiful, and vivacious. I felt horribly for her during the show. She didn't look happy and when he came to the room her body language was very different, submissive and afraid of Abdullah.

 

I'm an American woman married to a man from the Middle East for 4 years now, and wanted to clarify to all of you that not all men in the Middle East are abusive scum bags like Betty's husband and Abdullah. My husband is a very generous, kind, dedicated man. I did have to go through my family's worries due to the stereotype of Arab men, and I'm so happy they were there for me, but they soon saw what a wonderful man my  husband is, and my parents love him very much now, and are very pleased that we are married together and have 2 beautiful girls. There are many laws in the Middle East that are based on Islamic and Tribal laws. I speak for myself, when I say that I think all women should do their homework on these countries' laws before visiting them because it can have a devastating effect on our lives. My husband is from Egypt, and although I am able to visit the country freely and leave freely I do know there is an Egyptian  law that the children are seen automatically as Egyptian citizens because their father is Egyptian, and that all children need a written permission from the father saying they are permitted to leave the country, and many Middle Eastern countries work the same way and may be even more extreme like Betty's story and not being able to leave without your husband's permission. I think these are situations that we must all analyze and study before making decisions of visiting Middle Eastern countries. Although I trust my husband and know he wouldn't try to sabotage our family, I also know that as a woman I must take precautions as a mother for my children, and things may be great during a marriage, but things can go sour very easily in the heat of divorce and custody battles. So although I'm in a happy, trusting, marriage I do know my rights for those "what ifs".  You can never be too prepared for something.

 

These are just some realities you do have to consider when marrying a man from overseas no matter the country, but hopefully things will work out and the guy's intentions are good, and the relationship will thrive, but not all stories have a happy ending so we must protect our children, and family from sick individuals such as Abdullah who are evidently all over the world and maybe even our next door neighbor.

 

I hope this was helpful to some of you who don't know the Arab world too well. Bad guys come in all races, ethnicities, creeds, and sizes. There are good Arab men, as there are good American men out there, but we have to learn to keep our radars on for bad individuals who may hurt our families. Don't let bad apples ruin your perception of those good apples still out there. 

 

Jen

 
November 15, 2007, 10:25 am CST

Romeo & Juliette

Quote From: michelebr

Most 18 year olds don't understand what it means to love someone and surely her parents warned her that women have no rights in the Middle East.  It's too bad she is going through this and maybe this experience will help her prevent a worse situation in the future.  I am sorry for the pain and suffering her parents are experiencing.

Would everyone be so upset if Abdullah was a guy named Pierre in France?  Granted he comes from a different culture, but these things can work if both families are supportive.  I wouldn't want my child in a war zone, but I don't think Abdullah is the devil incarnate like it seems he's being portrayed.  Couldn't this be as simple as two young people falling in love and wanting to be together no matter the obstacles.  Didn't Shakespeare write about this very thing in Romeo & Juliette?  I was married to an Israeli and now am dating a Bosnian Muslim.  Islam can be positive as long as the religious person isn't an extremist, same as in Christianity or Judaism.  I wish for all involved happiness, and a long life in peace.  Salaam, Shalom.
 
November 15, 2007, 10:46 am CST

GROW A BRAIN!

That girl had better grow a brain and FAST.

I converted to Islam and married a Muslim. (the came back to the church)

And I can tell you she is in DANGER!

It looked like they are having premarital sex and the punishment for that is DEATH! No joke! I saw them touching and hugging ; that is NOT allowed in Islam. If this show is seen in Jordan and the wrong person sees it ;she could be killed. This is VERY serious. She needs to grow up.

If they do get married and they have kids. Those kids are legally the fathers. Mom has NO rights to the kids. NEVER.

If the husband gets sick of her he can lie and say she committed adultery. And she WILL be stoned!

It takes 3 words to be divorced “ I divorce you” and it is done; no court; and she gets a plane ticket home and never sees the kids again.

And he can marry up to 4 wives. Does that little girl want to be 1 or 4 wives.

It is easy to predict her future if she stays. It will be death.

The cultural difference and he “lack of a brain” of her will be the death of her.

Sad but true.

 
November 15, 2007, 10:49 am CST

This is why.....

You don't give your teenager a cell phone and let them waste time on a computer online. The sewer of "myspace" will be one the first places they go. Why ? Because they don't know better.

 

May sound like a primitive solution.

 

But ask yourself how many generations of humans have survived their teen years WITHOUT a cell phone and free and private INTERNET access ?

 
November 15, 2007, 10:50 am CST

She is in trouble, he is lying

Abdellah says that if they have children, the children can decide what religion they want to be when they grow up. That is a lie. According to the Islamic religion, the children belong to the father. The mother is merely the incubator. Therefore they are automatically muslim. They will be given muslim names, raised in the muslim religion, and should they want to change later on in life, they run the risk of being severly beaten and even killed.  Secondly, once she gets married, she will need written consent from her husband to be able to travel. She is bound by national law, and the national law is Islamic Law. The fact that she carries an American passport means nothing. I was married in Egypt and those were the laws of the land. This poor young lady thinks that she is on some romantic adventure. She doesnt realize the dangerous waters that she is in. Lastly, should she have any children with this man, and he by some remote chance gives her permission to travel, 99.99% probability, she will be forced to leave her children behind. I hope she wakes up before it's too late. My prayers are with her mother, and my heart goes out to her. I am a mother too, and when I lost my husband, I almost lost custody of my child too. I had to go to court against his family and file for sole custody of MY child.

 

 

 
November 15, 2007, 10:53 am CST

11/15 A Daughter in Danger? Part 2

Quote From: gwenrod

Abdellah says that if they have children, the children can decide what religion they want to be when they grow up. That is a lie. According to the Islamic religion, the children belong to the father. The mother is merely the incubator. Therefore they are automatically muslim. They will be given muslim names, raised in the muslim religion, and should they want to change later on in life, they run the risk of being severly beaten and even killed.  Secondly, once she gets married, she will need written consent from her husband to be able to travel. She is bound by national law, and the national law is Islamic Law. The fact that she carries an American passport means nothing. I was married in Egypt and those were the laws of the land. This poor young lady thinks that she is on some romantic adventure. She doesnt realize the dangerous waters that she is in. Lastly, should she have any children with this man, and he by some remote chance gives her permission to travel, 99.99% probability, she will be forced to leave her children behind. I hope she wakes up before it's too late. My prayers are with her mother, and my heart goes out to her. I am a mother too, and when I lost my husband, I almost lost custody of my child too. I had to go to court against his family and file for sole custody of MY child.

 

 

YEP!!!!!

 

 
November 15, 2007, 10:55 am CST

11/15 A Daughter in Danger? Part 2

Quote From: flthomcat

Sadly, MYSPACE gets all the bad press becuase it earns it. When you have the largest website on the Internet when it comes to a teen following, there are going to be a large number of problems. Some of the problems are high profile (pedophiles, rape, dangerous affairs, etc) so they get the press.

.

Our 13-yr-old is not allowed on MYSPACE and never will be. There is absolutely NO REASON a young person needs to be "talking" with strangers. We wouldn't allow her to talk to a stanger on the street, so why would we allow her to "hook up with" a faceless, nameless identity behind a screen.

 

Our daughter is not alone. Many of her classmates are also barred from sites like MYSPACE. These teen girls and boy e-mail EACHOTHER and go to more innocent sites together. It can be done and it can be great for the teen!

 

It's time parents wake up to ALL the dangers on the web. Speaking to strangers (even on the Internet) is not safe and not good for teens. It's simply too risky. As parents, we are supposed to minimize that risk!

 

My hubby is a federal officer and knows all too well who is lurking on MYSPACE and other similar sites. If the general pubic knew what he knows (and sees too often), they would monitor their children MUCH more carefully.

As someone who has a Myspace profile, I just have to say that its not the site's fault for what people CHOOSE to do on there. And like the other poster, I'm sick of people blaming things on the site in general. Are there lots of creeps on there like any other site? Absolutely! BUT, there are also a lot of good, honest people on there who are looking for new friends, to reconnect with old friends, stay in contact with family members, find love (which is not wrong to do), even networking for jobs. Musicians, film makers & comedians use it to promote their work & gain audiences. I myself, have met some very nice people from that site, on & off it. With that said, I dont think Myspace is a place for someone under 16. I hate to say it but, I even have cousins on there who are younger than that & I wonder what the hell they're doing on there & its sad to say that some of their parents aren't watching what they're doing, so I like to check up on them. Anyway, most people/parents don't know that Myspace has a number of ways that you can be safer on there.

 

*YOU control WHAT info is on your profile

*YOU control WHO can look at your profile & pictures, by making it PRIVATE

*YOU control WHO can add you as a friend

*YOU control WHAT comments you want to accept

*IF someone starts harassing you, YOU can REPORT & BLOCK them

 

There may be more that isnt coming to mind... but the thing is that, some people choose not to use those features & then IF, GOD FORBID, something bad happens, they're quick to blame someone else or blame the site without looking at their part in it or what they could've done to be safer. This isn't the case for EVERYONE, but certainly enough people. People need to start being responsible for THEIR OWN actions.

 

Also, I'm tired of people saying/implying that the Internet is the only place where you can come into contact with creeps, especially creeps who pretend to be honest people. I hear people saying all the time that the net isnt the way to meet someone, specifically someone honest & decent because anyone can be charming on the net. And yes, anyone can be charming on the net, however, you can meet someone who pretends to be charming & decent anywhere... on the street, in the grocery store, working for charity, there are even some cases where others meet those kinds of people in CHURCH (no offense to anyone, just saying). And by the age of 16, you should very well know what's right, wrong, appropriate & inappropriate.

 
November 15, 2007, 10:55 am CST

11/15 A Daughter in Danger? Part 2

Quote From: jennic64

I wish I could sit down and talk to Katherine. We have a lot in common, the only difference was that he was in America on a student visa, and I actually married him. I was twenty and I thought I was "in-love" with the handsome, exotic Egyptian man...and it turns out that he was only after a greencard and money. When it was all over I was left in twenty-three thousand dollars in debt, heartbroken and alone. Katherine cannot possibly comprehend what she is dealing with here. She does not understand the culture and the life that she is setting herself up for. I lived that life for 1 year, and it is roller coaster ride to nowhere. Unfortunatly, I don't believe that her family is going to be able to tell her, because she "knows it all". I think her family just needs to be there to pick up the pieces when he disguards her, because she is no longer useful to him. Sometimes the best life lessions are the most painful ones.

That show really hit home for me...it is like looking in a mirror of myself eight years ago...I am so sorry that she has to learn this the hard way as I did.
What happened to you happens occasionally unfortunately but still isn't the norm. Regarding men marrying for a visa I have simple advice to avoid this, it may seem superficial but it's true in most cases. If you are marrying someone from the Middle East and you are a westerner, you should marry a man who is wealthy, educated, and well travelled. If he is all of these things and is wealthy enough, he could care less about going to the U.S. on a marriage visa because he would have the ability to do so on his own if he wanted. Also he is living well enough in his own land there's no need to move abroad to make money. If he is well educated he will be able to explain his traditions to you easily understandable and to respect yours.
 
November 15, 2007, 10:58 am CST

11/15 A Daughter in Danger? Part 2

Quote From: darkkiwi

Would everyone be so upset if Abdullah was a guy named Pierre in France?  Granted he comes from a different culture, but these things can work if both families are supportive.  I wouldn't want my child in a war zone, but I don't think Abdullah is the devil incarnate like it seems he's being portrayed.  Couldn't this be as simple as two young people falling in love and wanting to be together no matter the obstacles.  Didn't Shakespeare write about this very thing in Romeo & Juliette?  I was married to an Israeli and now am dating a Bosnian Muslim.  Islam can be positive as long as the religious person isn't an extremist, same as in Christianity or Judaism.  I wish for all involved happiness, and a long life in peace.  Salaam, Shalom.

In the USA ISLAM has religious freedoms; but NOT is ISLAMIC countries.

You can date whoever you want in the U.S; but you WILL BE KILLED for dating in Islamic countries.

DONT thing all countries have this "freedom to be loose"  that you have.

 
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