Topic : 07/28 A Husband's Shocking Confessions

          THIS GUY NEEDS TO BE IN A PSYCH JAIL

I will bet money, marbles and chalk this dude is a multi-personality guy!!!  What do you all think????

Michelle - I am going through the same situation.  When I saw you on TV my heart sank.  I can't believe someone is experiencing the same emotional destruction that I have.  I completely understand what you are feeling and that is a difficult thing for people who are not in your situation.  NO ONE can really understand the hurt, betrayal and guilt that we feel.  Guilt for even considering leaving when you know this man you have been with for so long needs so much help but you are not able to give it.

I have been going through this for 3 years...  I was married for 14 to a very successful, ambitious businessman.  We built a wonderful life with 2 kids, live in a beautiful house and traveled the world.  I saw the warning signs with the porn but always swept it under the rug, we pretty much had a sexless marriage but always seemed to be the best of friends.  As he made more money, his addictions slowly took over his/our life.  It became harder to trust although it wasn't until 3 years ago when I knew in my gut, it had crossed the line.  I heard many of the same excuses, lies that you did.  I have slowly found out things but not from him....He has refused to come clean with regards to his "secret" life.  The problem is that he is dealing (or not dealing) with multiple addicitions...to the poinht where we lost our marriage, his business and our family.  He cut off all ties with his best friend who has since sided with me and my kids. 

I feel like I have tried everything.  There was a time when I could have worked through this if he just came clean.  Instead he left me to find out things on my own and to this day I am still being made aware of so many disturbing things.  Most people don't understand when I say that the "cheating" was almost the easiest thing to get through.  I am still living with many unknowns and that is what makes me crazy.  I am more angry that he didn't fight when I asked him to in order to save our marriage.  I gave him many opportunities but like Dr. Phil says, "you can't change what you don't acknowledge"..... We went to several counselors...both individually and as a couple.  I know that we can't work through this marriage because he is not being honest with the issues he needs to work on to get healthy again.  Of course, it is a 2 way street, but I understand that this is much bigger than anything I can control. 

We have been separated for 2 years and are going forward with the divorce   Once again, I thought he would step up to the plate and make this as easy as possible, but he isn't.  He is dragging it out with the hopes that I will change my mind.  Although he is not doing anything to get help or try to rebuild my trust.  I feel that i am a strong woman and am taking the right steps to provide for me and my kids.  I know that they need to come first and that he will always be a part of our lives in whatever capacity he is capable .

I wish you well and just want you to know that there is someone out there who "truly" understands what you are going through.  Good luck .  If you would ever like to contact me  you can e-mail me at iizbuzz@aol.com..

My husband is also a sexual addict.  Michelle's uncontrollable shaking reminded me of what I've dreaded

while awaiting a response from my husband about his "faithfulness".  I wept to see her pain physically

erupting from the core of her being. 

Eight years ago my husband revealed his secret life of porn, strip bars, prostitutes etc. to me; we'd been married for 19 years.  I was absolutely devastated by the revelation but relieved to finally know the truth. Yet, I never for a moment believed that he'd do anything so vile, I knew that we had problems but there were no porn magazines or DVD's or any physical evidense of his addiction the only outward signs were his escalating anger, an overall offensive character, and the inexplicable loss of more jobs than I can even remember.  It took two full years of intensive counselling for me to even move in the direction of forgiveness towards him.  By forgiveness I don't mean that we reconcilled our marriage that was an issue separate and apart from the forgiveness.  Yet, because my husband was completely

repentant and exceptionally remorseful for the pain and heartbreak he'd caused our family, our counselor suggested that although we were separated ( if I could stand to see his face) that I allow him to remain in the house to take care of everything, while I recovered the shock and began to heal.  This I did and it was unbearable at times to have him around but little by little he began to change in ways that I had always prayed that he'd change.  Eventually, I began to feel as though I'd found my lost love whom I hadn't seen for many years.  The change in him was miraculous and although I had deep reservations we recommitted to one another and renewed our vows.  I wish that was the end of the story  "and they lived happily ever after", but five years later I began to see his black character emerging again so I began

to play dectective. 

I wish I could bring him to the polygraph expert to be tested on Dr. Phil.  The lying truly does make me feel crazy and although I'd like to believe him, I can't.  I've heard it said that "Sexual Addiction"

will soon become a T'sunami sweeping this continent and so little help is available!  Is there any hope?

Hi Michelle:

Having been through this, the best I can offer is to put you on my prayer list and I will pray for you and your childrens' safety daily.  Please do not even think of staying with him or going back to him until he has had at least a year of intense counselling/therapy.  I know of the hell on earth you are living right now, it feels like ... as you are waking up in the morning you madly pray that it was just a dream (nightmare) and then the reality sets back in.  Time away from him will help.  I got counselling for my grief and tendency to try to find a way to blame myself.  Maybe you would think about some healing counselling.  Dr. Phil is a nice man, he will help you.  I used to be a very trusting person and now I am a very wary person... more counselling in store for me I guess, this also might be something you will want to explore.  Good luck and God Bless.  When you come out of this at the other end, rest assured that you will be a much stronger person.

It was like reading my own life.  Just the first part alone, I'm sitting here, repeating to myself, leave him now!!  My marriage of 12 yrs finally ended when I could no longer take the cheating and lies.  You can't believe anything, from the first lie they tell.  My ex husband told me everything he thought I wanted to hear.  I'll change, I'm sorry, I'll go to therapy.  You name it, I heard it, over and over again.  Therapy won't do this man any good because he'll only sit and lie to the therapist as well.  I hope for her sake that she can leave without any incident and find happiness away from him.   Men like him and my ex and all the others...don't deserve to be happy. 

I had a chill go up and down my spine when watching this episode.  After being in a so similar marriage for many years with many of the same issues I can only strongly suggest that this woman have the courage to leave the marriage.  She may believe that she isn't strong enough to survive alone but do not be fooled, what she is dealing with now everyday has made her Wonderwoman and no matter what he has claimed he will do to her if she ever leaves, and I know he has made threats, she has the wherewithall to handle it. Get a good lawyer a great shrink and give yourself a break, it was that you are a caring, loving person that this guy picked you. I hope as well that he didn't have you break off contact with your friends and family, you will need them now.

I do have issues with Dr. Phil suggesting "help". Shrinks only make these guys better at head games. I really enjoyed how this guy tried the old victim "poor me" ploy. My ex used to do the exact same thing. Sociopaths never change and I will bet a buffalo head nickle that he has been given more than one "second chance".

Are you sure about  the"his Rights would trump yours if he is in standard housing"? This is something I  haven't  heard .I have had many women working for me throughout  the years, and I'm sad to say a few of them have had to use a shelter from time to time.  If you have proof of the cheating,  the sick  porn crap,and child abuse, that's gone on in your home, I can't see that anything would "trump" your rights  only because you are in a shelter, or any other type of safe house,friend/family etc. for that matter. You are very articulate but something just doesn't sound correct to me. You must be several miles away from  DHS or any other type of  social resources. It's a wonderful thing  that you have a therapist. You were so smart to get outside help. A lot of women wouldn't be strong enough to even ask for help in a situation like yours. 

I'm going to do a little research myself. This is interesting. Is hubby in therapy also? Do you live in the US?