The statement of 'I just get this feeling there's more that I don't know' needs to be listened to. While I am sad for this woman, at the same time, I am extremely happy for her that the extreme of her husbands lies have been revealed to the world, and not just to her privately. The probability that if she had tried to tell anyone , and I'm sure she probably has, she most likely wouldn't have been believed. I missed what it is Wade does for a living, but in my own situation my husband is/was ( was my husband/is still this way) very believable, loving, convincing, and absolutely a chronic liar.
At 13 yrs of marriage he was arrested with a prostitute. Thus began my reality shift, as we had lived a very openly public life of 'faith'. I stayed with him for three more years trying to 'save' the marriage, and getting help for myself of recovery of what I didn't even know I needed help with. I got enough healing and emotional health going that a year and 1/2 into the vast amounts of 12 step groups.....he in his, I in mine......I noticed the jeckle/hyde personality coming back........and sure enough, although he had convinced enough people that he was through his steps and healthy enough to be LEADING a men's group for sexual addiction, he was actually involved with someone online which then he went to fulfill the 'catch', or what I feel is just another form of hunting and then going in for the 'kill'. I stayed with him for one more 'chance' with the agreement of couple counseling, so I could actually hear what he was telling his 'accountability' to know if it was the same as what I was experiencing.
Another year and 1/2 later, he had this counselor wanting to be his friend, convinced him that I was the problem, all the while going off in full blown addiction.
I finally left when he slapped our 13 yr old son across the face on our daughters birthday ( Happy Birthday for her) I asked him to go for extensive anger management, to which I was told he wasn't willing, and that he saw that as nothing but me trying to control him. I knew if I stayed that night, or any longer, that I was signing up for more of the same behaviour but that he would feel there was nothing I could , or would do, to stop him. He was right. I couldn't stop him. But I didn't have to sign my kids and I up for more of the same.
Let me give anyone some hope right here. I was a stay at home, homeschooling mom of 15 yrs. of three children. I had no idea how I would manage financially. There were enormous 'unknowns'. Why I would continue to stay in a horrible known, rather than go for the unknown, I don't know. However, living in that kind of situation with a husband with a completely double life for so many years that finally started spilling over into his 'other ' life, you don't know that you are being so brain washed. Even knowing,, feeling something was horribly wrong, but not being able to put your finger on what it was. Confronting, and only getting lies......etc. I even stayed separated for 10 months before filing for divorce. I let go and actually was still open to reconciling until he left me with $250 in an account and declared how he would pay the bills........yeah, right. Up until this point he was making almost $150, 000 a yr. with a great deal of that being lump sum money. The kids and I lived on his 'job' money, and he was doing , who knows what , with money, lots of it, coming in from a new business.
I don't know if I've described what life was like well enough here. But, the similarities between my ex...Bob...and this Wade.......are identical. Delusional enough to go on national tv and take a polygraph test he knew he would fail........although, really he just thought he could beat it. Because of course, he's more intelligent than some machine in his mind........and he's been duping people for so long, of course he could dupe a machine, right?
Looking at tomorrow and Wednesdays previews are disturbing to me. I have been concerned that my hunting enthusiast ex, who's ultimate ego boost has been to kill beautiful animals and then mount them on a wall to look at, could snap someday and actually kill human life. I have one admission to the fact that he 'raped' a prostitute. Well, if he admits to some, you know there's more. It showed me right there that his issues were not with sex.......but with anger and a total disdain for women. The disdain for women came out in counseling twice through cycles of what I called from denial to awareness and admission. Truth is , I don't believe that he really remembers all that he's done. I started seeing days of 'black outs' and then him 'coming to'..When sharing this with the last counselor, who was also a pastor at our church, I don't think he believed me.........I was desperate for someone to hear me, and hoping he would get the help he needed. As it ended up, he fought the divorce, pride and all, and then I saw the unbelievable, yet again.........he actually was able to turn things around and become the victim! Poor man who's wife left him and how he 'gave' me everything in the divorce..........what? I , the unemployed mother of three 'got' the 4 times refinanced home with all the marital debt, $35,000 attorney bill, etc. Went from the 150,000 a yr to just under $40,000 of alimony and child support.........get the picture. However, what blows me away, is that he has now for the past yr. been claiming broke to his kids, does nothing over what is legally 'required' of him..........and not even that..........but what get's me, is that he is able to do so and make himself the victim and make a case as if he is the 'responsible' one!
So, what I started with , I will repeat.........I am saddened with what Michelle is hearing and learning about her husband,...........but I am THRILLED that she has Dr. Phil to back her and that she has someone who believes her.........and that this man cracked so openly. Because, at this point, my kids still have to go with their dad..........and the only thing I have going for safety is that they are not with him very much. So the odds are less that mine will 'snap' and do something stupid to them. There is nothing I can prove on him.........and to the contrary, he found a sweet Christian woman online ( the fav. pasttime) and got her so convinced that he was Mr. Wonderful.........which isn't hard for him to do.........and she married him within 6 months..........I have watched his 'case building' and I have to admit, the man is brilliant! He may be sick, but he is freakin' brilliant. Made himself out to be broke.........put her to work.........quit his job.......dropped everything he can drop as far as responsibility to my kids.........I can't go back to court everytime just to 'make ' him do something..........and I wish I could not need the alimony and cs and let him go completely.....
Here's another weird thing.........talk about trying to make you go crazy.........he was hardly ever around during marriage........or the separation.........but the day I filed for divorce, the man has been in my face and judging every single thing done with the kids........calls here almost eerily every single day to speak to the kids........to someone who didn't know him, this is seen as a good thing......
So, here I am now, gone from neglect etc.........to 'in your face' accusations etc..........I think he is just trying to undo my character because his pride is so hurt cause I 'took his house........it's my fault he is in financial straights.........which is a lie.........but he would live that way just to make it appear so......We've been divorced now 2 yrs......gone since 04, coming upon 4 yrs.........and we email more, and he is more in my life now than he ever was in 18 yrs of marriage.........What is that??
I feel very alone with what I 'know', just like Michelle........knew, felt, Wade had cheated on her.........I also know there has to be so much more that I don't know..........but she needs to know her blessing in the fact that Dr. Phil has helped her out of this and she will know she is not crazy . So, God bless you , Dr. Phil, for helping this woman and her kids get to the TRUTH.........the real truth......not just the one that Wade has convinced himself of......and everyone else of. How long did it take you being with Wade for him to 'crack' though? Mine would change personalities every year and one half..........I'm sure you didn't spend that much time........maybe, Wade was just farther along. I am still concerned for my kids, and where I thought by leaving him he would find someone else to abuse........I still seem to be the main target of his anger and hatred.
Blessings on you and for Michelle.............and whereas I feel it is ultimately sad for Wade that he has lived such a deviant lifestyle,and wasted his life... one must think of the REAL victims here, his victims..........thank God his kids will be spared his ongoing anger and violence and living in daily fear.
(Original Air Date: 11/19/07) Should you stay in a marriage with your husband if you find out a secret that disgusts you? Michelle thought she had the perfect marriage until recently, when she found out her husband of four years, Wade, was a sex addict and compulsive liar. He admits to cheating on her while she was pregnant, but says since then he's been faithful. Michelle made Wade take an online polygraph test that he failed. Why is Michelle convinced Wade is having an affair, and what proof does she say she has? Wade says there's a simple explanation and wants to take another lie detector test to prove his innocence. When Dr. Phil reveals the results of the second polygraph, will Michelle's fears be confirmed or put to rest? Concerned for the well-being of their two sets of twins, will Michelle decide to divorce Wade or hold on to the hope that their marriage can be healed? Join the discussion.
