Michelle,
Thank you soooooo much for being brave enough to share your story with the world. Your husband is my husband to a T. In fact, there were at least five times when you said, word for word, the things I constantly scream at my husband. One thing in particular that stands out in my mind is when you pleaded with him, "Are you trying to drive me crazy?"
The moment that just absolutely broke my heart was 7 months ago when my husband admitted to me that sometimes he keeps the conversation going in circles on purpose just so he doesn't have to deal with what I'm saying. The look you had on your face, I have had on my face so often it defines my marriage. I guess the destruction that these men bring to our spirits is just collateral damage to them, totally worth the price of maintain their illusion of control. Being a person with a lot of compassion I just don't understand how someone can do that to another person.
Anyway, I could go on and on, but my point is that 4 days ago I told my husband I was moving out. It is a very hard decision, but I felt I had to choose between my health and my marriage. I cannot suffer through anymore of this stress. I can actually feel my thyroid palpitating when I get so insanely frustrated and angry.
Speaking of which, I was thumbing through Dr. Phil's book Relationship Rescue last night, which I read cover to cover before, and in the chapter on Bad Spirits, of course, is a very acurate description of our husband's passive aggressive behavior. I know the purpose of the book is not to find a way to point out all of your partner's flaws, but when you think you are going insane it is a great comfort to read something so concrete and know that what you are feeling is, indeed, real. The phrase I plucked from the book that so perfectly describes living with someone like this is, "It's like trying to nail jello to a wall."
I haven't actually moved out yet because I need to find an apartment first, but I keep second guessing myself, which I think is natural. Tonight, my husband asked me what I was thinking and I said, " I'm wondering if I'm making the right decision. I'm wondering if this is the best way to fix things." Twenty minutes later when we were having an absurd conversation during which he was trying to explain why when he omitted something really important and then later threw it in my face when I was upset about what I thought was the truth, that he was lying when he said he told me the truth at that moment because he wanted to be honest with me, when in fact he told it to me to rebuff what I was legitimately upset about. (Do you see? Do you see how this could drive a person insane?????)That's when I remembered that I was not moving out to try to save our relationship, but to save myself.
Good luck to you, Michelle. I hope you find a way to do what you need to do for yourself and your children and keep reminding yourself that you and your kids are the most important thing. If your husband is anything like mine, every conversation you have with him will reinforce your feelings once you decide to leave.
(Original Air Date: 11/19/07) Should you stay in a marriage with your husband if you find out a secret that disgusts you? Michelle thought she had the perfect marriage until recently, when she found out her husband of four years, Wade, was a sex addict and compulsive liar. He admits to cheating on her while she was pregnant, but says since then he's been faithful. Michelle made Wade take an online polygraph test that he failed. Why is Michelle convinced Wade is having an affair, and what proof does she say she has? Wade says there's a simple explanation and wants to take another lie detector test to prove his innocence. When Dr. Phil reveals the results of the second polygraph, will Michelle's fears be confirmed or put to rest? Concerned for the well-being of their two sets of twins, will Michelle decide to divorce Wade or hold on to the hope that their marriage can be healed? Join the discussion.
