Topic : 06/24 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2

 I am in an odd position as the sister. I watched a minor situation grow into an enormous one over the course of my brother's twenty year marriage because my mom and then my brother will not let things go. My mom blamed her daughter in law and wasn't very nice about it sometimes. But really, my brother is the one who guided what would happen. I adore my sister in law and my brother. They're doing a good job raising their children. Has my brother acted correctly all the time - definitely not. Did he change a lot in being married to his wife, oh yeah.  I think my mom could have let a lot go - I wish we had Dr. Phil then, saying "someone has to be the hero." And I think my brother and sister-in-law could have been a lot more gracious and understanding. Now, everyone walks on eggshells, and the relationship is actually worse than when the marriage started. So please, you have to be the hero. Shed your tears, let him be controlled and understand that you will always love him. As I read your post, I keep thinking - you think she's controlling and needy, but he probably doesn't see her that way. You think he's changing and he probably is - he's becoming a grown up and making his own choices. Also, what happiness are you setting aside? The happiness of being a good part of this young couple's life and later being a welcome part in their grandchildren's life? That happiness? I think there are some decisions you need to make.

 Good for the mother in this situation. I saw the first show and thought she and the girlfriend were both awful. Then, the mother tried to change. And that effort, I think, succeeded. She struggled a lot in this situation, and Dr. Phil sure isn't afraid to take her accounting. But she stood up and bore it, and accepted responsibility for her past actions. Good for her, I'm really proud of her.  Now it's time for the young couple. I really don't understand the son here. He said in the taped piece, "I wasn't really sad that my mom wasn't there." Ow. Then, in the show he said directly to his mom, I just want you to understand it's me who feels this way, not my wife. And he wanted him mom to respond. I just thought - the sound I just heard was that of her heart breaking. Dr. Phil has it right. I hope this couple can apologize for their awful behavior as nicely and as graciously as the mother did. Really what they should have done, after the flowers came and the letter of apology, is invited the mother to the wedding. They could never have gone wrong doing that. I hope they make some like gesture in order to heal the relationship. It's on them now. If I were that mother (and I am a mother of an only son, raising him on my own), I'd be sorely tempted to turn away from them and just grieve the loss. If Dr. Phil weren't involved I'd say there's nothing more for the mother to do. Since he is, I guess there's hope the couple will make things right. The couple really is despicable in this situation.

What the heck is wrong with Donna's son!  He needs to realize he has married an extremely controlling woman.  She will come between him and any other person he show one ounce of affection for including his family and friends.  He will learn a hard lesson here because when life becomes unbareable for him with his wife (I predict within 2 years) he will have his Mom there for him.  You can always get another partner put you  can't get a new mother.  I pray they don't have children come into this marriage.  Donna you may have made a few mistakes and you swollowed your pride and appologized but I noticed that your appology was not accepted and I believe she will never accept the appology because then she would have to let all these things go.  The son also needs to know that he can have a relationship with his mother and conversations with his mother which should never include anything about the wife, without his wife ever knowing.  Sometimes sons and mothers have to do that but it must be kept to themselves.  If the son would try this I'm sure Donna would give it her best and it would ease the relationship in the right direction.  I am not suggesting that the son be deceptive, but it is his mother and if the wife won't even try to patch this up for good, it is up to him to keep in contact with his mother even if it is to assure her that he is well and healthy.  Mothers worry about these things all the time.  It does not stop when their son gets married.  Mothers want the best for their children and they can tell immediately if they are receiving the best in life from their partner or not.  I think this wife was under the impression that this wedding was all about her.  She forgot her loving partner and his family and friends.  Imature and selfishness are only 2 of the many attributes this young lady owns.  I believe she will never come around to her inlaws, so it is up to the son to gather up his balls and set things right with his mother.

 

I watched the show and I got so angry at the daughter-in-law and husband that I had to turn the channel (briefly).  You know from the first show that his mother was really angry and did not behave properly and said things that shouldn't have been said but I think if your back is against a wall and believe me Michelle is the wall you fight back anyway you know how.  I am not saying it is the right way nor do I condone that but I think the mother was really hurting and because Michelle said and did things and her son did not even try to understand why his mother was feeling or acting that way is absolutely incredulous to me.  I am a mother-in-law and believe me if my son-in-law treated me or looked at me the way Michelle looked at her mother-in-law I think I would have flipped on her.  I hope when Michelle sees the tape she sees how actualy ugly she looked at her mother-in-law.  All pompous and haughty thinking she did nothing wrong and that she has nothing to be sorry for.  I am not a violent person nor do I condone hitting but I think I could have smack that ugly look off her face. Sorry; I really had to vent because she is a brat and I am being kind when I call her a brat.  You have one mother in this world and to not allow her to have the privilege of seeing her only son get married; well I think she should forget about them and allow them to grow up and then try to mend the fences.  That guy is so whipped it is ridiculous.  Michelle said he does what he wants; see he told me to be quiet and I did; I allowed him to talk  Well, thank you Michelle.  Michelle and her mother need to get counseling and to take nice pills.  Michelle's mother thinks Michelle is right in feeling or acting like she is; well that woman needs counseling too. I would not want to be around that girl and I feel sorry for any future children they have because they will be like her and bad mouth the grandmother and it won't be pretty.  I am sure this is what Michelle wanted all along; she wants her husband to be only with her and her family and forget his.  That is very sad.  I am sorry to say his family turned their backs on him and that is a very sad.  As we all know there are two sides to every story and then the true story; well I looked in between and believe me that guy should have dumped Michelle and take back his life.  Good luck to his mother and I hope she finds peace within herself and knows that at least she tried and can only hope he will grow up.  I don't think Michelle will come around or if she does it won't be within her heart telling her to; it will be because her husband asked her to.

 

Dr. Phil I love your show.

 

Sincerely,

 

Helene

I think Michelle is a spoiled little brat.  I also feel a year down the road her husband will be back to mommy saying the marriage is over.  It is obvious who will wear the pants in this family.  The mother in law may have been at fault in the beginning but has made jestures to fix things.  It was obvious this girl is NEVER going to accept the MIL and does not even want to try.  I think she needs the counciling. And the husband needs to stand up to his new bride and speak his opinion.  I don't think he wants to lose his mother for ever and that is what will happen.

     I just can't believe how spineless the son has been on this show and the last show. Why he lets that insecure bully of a wife push him around and interfere with his relationship with his mom, I DON'T KNOW... The two of them made me sick... They keep saying that they want an appology and for the mom to "own up" to what she said. I think she did do that, and is making an effort and they just won't let go of the past. Well, they said some pretty rotten things to the mom also and have they owned up to that??? Have they appologized????

That Michelle really needs to grow up. She is very immature and quite *itchy if you ask me. I feel SO much for the Mother.... That is her son and that daughter-in-law should be completely ashamed of herself for allowing this to carry on to the point it has. I also think that Michelle's mother is just as immature as her daughter.

Makes me sick!!! I pray that the mother and son can work things out but I don't ever see her and Michelle having any kind of relationship as long as Michelle continues to act the way that she does. She's downright hateful and has a POOR attitude.

The bride just sat there the whole time with this smug look on her face. Man i just wanted to jump through the screen and slap that smug little look right off her face. This man (and I use the term man loosely) will regret what he is doing to his mother. He can have a relationship with her without involving his wife if he so chooses, but what he chooses is to be told what to do by her.  Jay, you need to get a backbone before it is too late and your mother is no longer around. Stop letting your snooty wife tell you what to do. You only get one mother and once she is gone there is no turning back the clock.

 

It breaks my heart  for Jane because this is her only son.  No matter what Jane does nor does not do, their reaction to her today, was to continue to find fault.  They have no love or respect for her.  It is like a power struggle on who is right or wrong and that seems more important than caring about her and understanding and loving and forgiving and accepting.  Jane or no other person is perfect.....not even them.  Jane has been seeing a therapist.  The son and his wife needs to do the same.

If they do not get counselling now and get things straightened out....then more grief to come for Jane when the  grandchildren are born. 

 

LOL you hit the nail on the head! I'd hate to see Michelle as a mother-in-law herself, could you imagine?!? Wait until she has a grown son who marries a little witch like her....Karma, BABY!!!

I have never seen such a mean spirited girl in my life than that selfish DIL. What goes around...she will get it all back. The worst is that it is so obvious that the mother loves her son deeply and just wants to make it right. It is obvious to me that no matter what she does, the DIL will pick on her. How did she obtain so much control? The son needs counseling. It is obvious to everyone that the mother is a good hearted (albeit misdirected) soul, while the DIL is all about herself. I hope this never happens to me. I have never seen a Dr. Phil where the motivation of a person was so obvious! She should be ashamed of herself. Too bad she is incapable- too far gone at such a young age!