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Topic : 06/24 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2

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Created on : Tuesday, November 20, 2007, 06:04:42 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 11/27/07) Dr. Phil follows up with a family torn apart when the mother was banned from her only son’s wedding. The bride-to-be, Michelle, said she’d rather burn in hell than let her future mother-in-law, Jane, attend the ceremony, and her fiancé, Jay, stood behind her decision. This sent the entire family into a tailspin, with the best man resigning, the aunt disowning the groom and the wedding planner on alert to call 911 if Jane showed up. The big day has come and gone, and everyone returns to update Dr. Phil with the latest. Were they able to bury the hatchet before the wedding? Jane has gone through a rollercoaster of emotions, and Dr. Phil finds out what has her so mad at him, she even wrote him a scathing letter one week after her appearance. Has Jane done a 180-degree turn since? Has Michelle stopped her “campaign of hate mail” as Jane called it and opened up her arms to her husband’s mother? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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December 1, 2008, 6:21 am CST

sadden

I just say I find this whole situation very sad.  I would like to say that I see everyone is either for the MIL or the bride but I have to say, I think the person who really needs to do some work in the son.  I see that the MIL is trying to do what she can to be the bigger person and solve her mistakes.  That was shown on the show. I agree with Dr. Phil that they son and bride were not gracious but I think they need to be seeing that therapist too.  They need to be working on what they have done wrong.  But especially the son.  He needs to find out what his role as husband and son is and how to function as both. He needs to grow up.  I sure hope that he will get some help too.   I just lost my father and he was not perfect has a father and did things that hurt me but I forgave him and was able to enjoy the remaining years we had.  I would give anything even for him to do something that would hurt my feelings just to have him in my life one more time.  I would give anything to be able to hear his voice or see his face.  I sure hope the son realizes what he is doing to himself everytime he decides to act like a child and push his mom out of his life.  Or realize what kind of pain he is going to have when he realizes he has no more chances to fix this or to see his mom one more time.  I also just had a new baby that my dad will never get to see.  i feel so much pain when I think of this or know that he will never have a grandpa.  I pray that this son realizes what he has done wrong and fix this so he does not have to have this pain.
 
December 1, 2008, 6:59 am CST

06/24 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2

Quote From: something2say

I definitely agree that this DIL is a spoiled brat.  The MIL may have done some things that breached boundaries, but I think that the son could have assertively established boundaries and still insured that his mother was respected by him and his new bride.  Apparently, he is the product of an overbearing mother because he has chosen an overbearing wife and is sadly stuck in the middle.  So if change is dependent on him standing up and being "a man," nobody hold your breath, probably not gonna happen.  I think that it is going to be impossible for the MIL to please the bratty DIL at this point.  Who could blame her if she just bowed out and let them have their way, but it is a show of love for her son that she's willing to let the DIL win in order to have a relationship with him.  My God, I couldn't believe that the DIL cut up flowers that were sent as acknowledgement of their wedding.  It is clear that anything the MIL does will be perceived negatively from this point on.  The DIL is so bratty that she even has to have an apology the way she wants it.  If the MIL says she's sorry if they took something she said wrong, then the DIL says she just needs to say sorry without making excuses.  If she just says she's sorry (as in part two), then she's not sincere.  It is clear that the MIL can not win with this girl.  I think that the DIL is guilty of everything that she has accused the MIL of but takes no responsibility for her part.  The MIL is right when she says that her son is now controlled by his wife.  I mean he doesn't have an original thought in his head, it's all echoes of his wife's thoughts.  I think that the DIL is twisted when she makes the accusation that the mother has a sick relationship with her son because the MIL told him to tell the DIL that he loves his mother.  I'd like to know the context of that conversation, because this DIL appears to have some evil and warped perceptions.  If the MIL has done something to her son besides breaching boundaries (which is normal to a degree), then he needs to admit that, otherwise his wife just comes off as a picky, bratty, drama queen.  I have a mother who is annoying as can be when it comes to mine and my sister's marriages and families, but no matter what I have to respect her and would never say some of the things that this girl has to her or my mother in law and neither would my husband.  We've just make the decision to establish boundaries in those extended family relationships without hurting anybody, confronting anybody, or disrespecting anybody.  Because you really can't control other people and how they behave, you can only control yourself.  I used to think that I could only have a relationship with my mother if she behaved a certain way, but realized after some time that she is who she is and I can't change that, so I have to accept her, ignore her a lot, and get on with it.  DIL and son really need to grasp this concept regarding his mother.
I agree with the line..."dont expect this man to change".  I have to admit to thinking when I watched this episode that really this Jay guy should get out as quick as his feet could carry him....he will live to rue the day marrying Michelle.  Still..his funeral I guess.  I am wondering if Michelle and her mother (whom I blame for bringing her daughter us so badly) ever get to read or hear any of these opinions....it might well be the eye-opener they BOTH need. 
 
December 17, 2008, 9:09 am CST

NO RESPECT

I really can not believe that that young girls mom let her set there and speak the way she did about her mother in-law.  She acted as though that poor lady is a serial killer or something.  If her husband was to act that way to her mom there would be hell to pay!!!  I see both sides here.  I am a mom to just 1 son and I can be very very protective towards him with anyone.  For a long time it was just him and I, I was a single mom.  So we have a special bound that only we have and yes he has a girlfriend.  They both graduated this last year and have been together for almost 3 years.  He's in college and she went in the Navy for 6 years.  They are doing great ,so far and plan to stay together.  So when my son gets out of college where ever she is stationed he plans on going there.  I understand he is an adult and makes his own choices but I still tell him whats on my mind and he can take that and go from there.  I don't care if he is 60 years old, I can still tell him my opinion on something and he can listen and decide what HE wants.  That young lady on this show just wants to rule her husbands whole life and doesn't really care who it hurts in the long run as long as she gets her way.  I also have a VERY VERY OPINIONATED mother in-law now.  She acts as though she can run ALL of her kids lives. All 4 of them.  I put up with her because my husband is the love of my life and he needs his family as much as I need mine.  That girls mom should be embarrassed that her daughter acts and continues to act this way to her husbands mom.  She apparently thinks very highly of herself and HER parenting skills to let her own daughter act that way.  IT IS CALLED RESPECT!!!!!  They have know idea what is it if that young lady can set on your stage and talk like she has a mouth full of /*&%$#  towards her mother in-law.  And her son needs to get a back bone and stick up for his mom.  Sometimes people need help with letting go and sometimes people can just be assholes to them.  Grow up young girl, I don't say lady because until you learn respect and not to act like a spoiled brat your a young girl.  Her husband ahs a job where you couldn't show his face and it's undercover and all that.  Does he really need a whine self absorbed wife at home whose whinning about flowers of all things, when he should have a clear head? NO!!   GRow Up!! And tell  YOUR mom to get her own life also!!!!!
 
December 22, 2008, 4:22 pm CST

The Apple doesn't fall far from the tree

Quote From: amyh883

I really can not believe that that young girls mom let her set there and speak the way she did about her mother in-law.  She acted as though that poor lady is a serial killer or something.  If her husband was to act that way to her mom there would be hell to pay!!!  I see both sides here.  I am a mom to just 1 son and I can be very very protective towards him with anyone.  For a long time it was just him and I, I was a single mom.  So we have a special bound that only we have and yes he has a girlfriend.  They both graduated this last year and have been together for almost 3 years.  He's in college and she went in the Navy for 6 years.  They are doing great ,so far and plan to stay together.  So when my son gets out of college where ever she is stationed he plans on going there.  I understand he is an adult and makes his own choices but I still tell him whats on my mind and he can take that and go from there.  I don't care if he is 60 years old, I can still tell him my opinion on something and he can listen and decide what HE wants.  That young lady on this show just wants to rule her husbands whole life and doesn't really care who it hurts in the long run as long as she gets her way.  I also have a VERY VERY OPINIONATED mother in-law now.  She acts as though she can run ALL of her kids lives. All 4 of them.  I put up with her because my husband is the love of my life and he needs his family as much as I need mine.  That girls mom should be embarrassed that her daughter acts and continues to act this way to her husbands mom.  She apparently thinks very highly of herself and HER parenting skills to let her own daughter act that way.  IT IS CALLED RESPECT!!!!!  They have know idea what is it if that young lady can set on your stage and talk like she has a mouth full of /*&%$#  towards her mother in-law.  And her son needs to get a back bone and stick up for his mom.  Sometimes people need help with letting go and sometimes people can just be assholes to them.  Grow up young girl, I don't say lady because until you learn respect and not to act like a spoiled brat your a young girl.  Her husband ahs a job where you couldn't show his face and it's undercover and all that.  Does he really need a whine self absorbed wife at home whose whinning about flowers of all things, when he should have a clear head? NO!!   GRow Up!! And tell  YOUR mom to get her own life also!!!!!
I think you have hit the nail on the head with your post!  It is so sad what this girl has done and is doing to her husband - and that her mother has apparently stood by and watched without giving her any guidance, while she did it!  And the son... oh my - can we say "whipped"  - with a capital "W"???! 
 
January 19, 2009, 6:03 am CST

Bridezilla

This bride is so self centered!!  After seeing her mom, can understand why the daughter turned out this way.  The MIL did not handle the situation very well, but she did not deserve such harsh treatment.  The groom will live in hell if he does not wake up and see that his bride has some control issues.  He needs to grow a backbone and stand up to her, demand that his mother be treated with respect.   I was lucky enough to have  a wonderful MIL, was honored to care for her in her final weeks, will miss her forever.  Bridezilla will be really sorry someday, unless she is totally sociopathic.
 
February 6, 2009, 12:10 pm CST

Your last sentence

Quote From: edna220

This bride is so self centered!!  After seeing her mom, can understand why the daughter turned out this way.  The MIL did not handle the situation very well, but she did not deserve such harsh treatment.  The groom will live in hell if he does not wake up and see that his bride has some control issues.  He needs to grow a backbone and stand up to her, demand that his mother be treated with respect.   I was lucky enough to have  a wonderful MIL, was honored to care for her in her final weeks, will miss her forever.  Bridezilla will be really sorry someday, unless she is totally sociopathic.

Says it all!  People suffering from psychotic disorders often cannot feel empathy for others; it's like they don't have a conscience - or don't listen to it/recognize it, maybe?  It is a terrible, tragic shame what happened to these people at the hands of this young woman.  She clearly needs help.

(Bless you for caring for your MIL.)

 
June 17, 2009, 7:29 am CDT

About Michelle and Jay

  Jay is going to feel very sorry that he has allowed a spoiled, immature brat to come between his relationship with his mother  Regardlesws of ANY poor behavior on the Jane's part, Jay owes his mother a tremendous debt of gratitude for raising him, providing a roof, making sure his bodily parts remained safe, providing food,etc.  Short of the mother being an axe murderer he owes her big time.  He has such ingratitude.  He is not a man for standing up to his mother in order to appease his spoiled, sniveling, immature, ingrate of a human being  wife but rather he is so  much less of a man.  He was so demeaning towards his mother, so condescending in demanding an apology for her behavior instead of turning to his ridiculous wife and saying to her: " No matter what, I owe my mother a tremendous debt of gratitude.  If you love me whatsoever you will treat my mother with some respect." Michelle should have kept her huge mouth shut.  (Such an UGLY mouth!)

  Michelle's mother has obviously been a very poor parent and I agree with Jane that Dr. Phil totally, completely ,missed the boat on this one. Dr. Phil seemed more concerned with bringing on incendiary quotes "You said, she said" then actually address the core of the problem which is both a lack of respect and ingratitude. Dr. Phil is slipping into the murky waters of slime t.v. in which morals and principles give way to ratings.  In short, he seems to have sided with the ingrates instead of promoting the fifth commandment of showing respect for the mother.  (I am not even Christian but see the need to promote  learning to respect others, bottom line, by first learning to respect your parents. I don't believe there is anything in the bible that says the mother must respect her daughter - in -law but there is sure a commandment about respecting parents.  Even rude ones. Even parents with big mouths. Jay left Jane to grovel in front of him,  her own son.  It was pathetic.  Jay needs to  become a better human being, dump his poor excuse of a wife and apologize to his mother for being such a blind ingrate. Michelle needs to watch both shows enough times for her to understand that she comes across as selfish, immature, heartless and of a very ugly character. What goes around comes around.  I hope one day she has a daughter-in-law from hell so she can appreciate how controlling and self centered she has been! Sorry Jane that you have to deal with such people!

 
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