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Topic : 06/24 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2

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Created on : Tuesday, November 20, 2007, 06:04:42 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 11/27/07) Dr. Phil follows up with a family torn apart when the mother was banned from her only son’s wedding. The bride-to-be, Michelle, said she’d rather burn in hell than let her future mother-in-law, Jane, attend the ceremony, and her fiancé, Jay, stood behind her decision. This sent the entire family into a tailspin, with the best man resigning, the aunt disowning the groom and the wedding planner on alert to call 911 if Jane showed up. The big day has come and gone, and everyone returns to update Dr. Phil with the latest. Were they able to bury the hatchet before the wedding? Jane has gone through a rollercoaster of emotions, and Dr. Phil finds out what has her so mad at him, she even wrote him a scathing letter one week after her appearance. Has Jane done a 180-degree turn since? Has Michelle stopped her “campaign of hate mail” as Jane called it and opened up her arms to her husband’s mother? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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November 26, 2007, 5:37 am CST

Look beyond and see the truth

Quote From: nanal41

I hope that bride decides to bury the hatchett.  Her husband will be remembering this as long as

their marriage lasts.  In the ups and downs of marriage, it will be the first thing to pop in his mind.

It's time for the girl to be the hero....grow up, there will be others in your lifetime that will not please

you.  My mother in law never liked me, was constantly making ugly remarks, and I would laugh as

if I thought she was teasing.  I NEVER said one disrespectful thing to her.

Learn to COPE.

The DIL is not interested in the marriage.  It will definitelt pack ASAP. Don't worry sonny, mammy will be there for you. I have never seen this kind of situation in my life. I have been married for 15 yrs and have a difficult MIL whom I avoid asmuch a s I can, but I still know my kids need their granny.

 

People like DIL are gonna make bad mothers not to talk of bad MIL. Only God knows what happened in her previous relationship! Lucky guy he got away in time. Jay, Shame shame shame on you

 
November 26, 2007, 5:53 am CST

childish behavior

Quote From: baileygirl7

If it's a matter of stopping the "childish behavior" and being the "bigger person" than I would think that the mother-in-law, being the mature one, would be able to do so. Again, the son needs to "man up" and deal with this situation, not sit there like a wet blanket. Mother-in-laws should be willing to back off when their children get married so that their in-laws will enjoy having them around, not dread it.

  

   I agree with you so much.Dr Phil says it often... do you want to be right? or do you want to be happy?. I'm a mature woman now with grown kids. I feel it is our role to be the bigger person . Do whatever you have to to keep the peace in the family. life is just too short for all this nonsense.

 
November 26, 2007, 7:05 am CST

Give Jay a break

Quote From: nnenna

The DIL is not interested in the marriage.  It will definitelt pack ASAP. Don't worry sonny, mammy will be there for you. I have never seen this kind of situation in my life. I have been married for 15 yrs and have a difficult MIL whom I avoid asmuch a s I can, but I still know my kids need their granny.

 

People like DIL are gonna make bad mothers not to talk of bad MIL. Only God knows what happened in her previous relationship! Lucky guy he got away in time. Jay, Shame shame shame on you

He is very young (just 22) and it is his first love...
 
November 26, 2007, 7:53 am CST

been there, done that

My oldest son married two years ago and it has been a nightmare.  However, I have learned this one thing and I can best describe it this way.  There is and always will be some friction between the two women who love this one man.  If mom can see the situation this way, maybe she can see beyond the conflict.  We who are mothers are always a mother hen with our biddies.  When our son, the biddie, announces that he is getting married, we are so excited.  ANOTHER biddie, only the new soon to be bride is not.  We cluck and our biddies start looking around for mama hen.  (Men are always biddies inside).  He then notices that his chick is looking at him funny with her hands on her hip, maybe glaring?  She sees him as a rooster and wants him to act accordingly.  He is torn.  He hears his mother's clucks and has always responded in the past.  Now his HEN is calling him her rooster and doesn't think he should respond as he has in the past.  Mother hen is so confused, and hurt.  After all, her biddie has always responded to her call.  
 
November 26, 2007, 8:56 am CST

Spoiled Brat

Quote From: lovespeople51

 I have to admit that I am quite worried that there are actually people on this planet that can be so heartless.  It shouldn't matter what the mother in law to be (MITB) said in the past.  She has apologized and begged for forgiveness.  If I were the MITB I would find it very difficult to sit and take the continued accusations of the BTB (God forbid, can't the son see the real truth?) after apologizing to her and crying in front of the whole world (practically).  The BTB just wants to be right and show the MITB that she now has control of the son.  I can understand a bride not wanting to be married to a mommy's boy but that should be a topic discussed between the BTB and the GTB.  And IF the MITB is too demanding then the GTB should discuss that in private with his mother.

 

This spoiled rotten bride has not been brought up well.  She obviously is use to getting her own way and is testing the GTB to see if he will put her before his mother.  He will loose no matter which way he goes unless he intervenes and shows respect toward his mother and the spoiled BTB and handles the situation in a fair and honorable way that can bring a compromise by each.  HOWEVER, if either of the women feels they have to continue to belittle the other after the GTB feels he has come up with a good compromise then I would again in a firm but loving tone, state the compromise and ask that each day forward is a new day.  If one woman has a problem with the other in the future, it would be nice of them to go to lunch together and calmly discuss their feelings.  And each needs to know that their feelings may not be what is actually happening.  Sometime we can feel someone doesn't like us and we find out later that they not only liked us but loved us.  Our feelings were incorrect.

 

There is no reason the BTB and MITB have to be great friends or see each other hardly at all.  They both need to think of the son and GTB and his feelings.  A son should be allowed and want to visit his mother periodically and the wife should not begrudge that and know that she doesn't have to visit with him.

My husband is an only child at 63 and his mother is 90.  He goes over every Saturday and takes her grocery shopping and makes sure things are attended to that are important to his mother that she can no longer do.  She isn't the best house keeper and she will not allow any of us to help and she can afford to hire a cleaning lade though she refuses to spend the money and believes she is capable and needs the exercise anyway.  I love her but going over and sitting in a very filthy house is not my idea of a good time.  We get along fine when we speak and do see each other.  I don't begrudge his time with her and she will insist he take good care of me when I am sick.

  I truly hope this BTB doesn't have kids right away and use them to keep his husband away from his mother.  There should be forgiveness and forgiveness should be asked by both women and given.  If you both love this man, then don't cause him grief.  If one of the women continues to cause grief, then he would be stupid to put up with it. 

 

There has to be limits, rules, guidelines to follow with these two families.  It is apparent that neither of the parties have much knowledge and experience with respecting people, overlooking another's weaknesses and forgiveness.

 

 I still believe the BTB's parent's should be ashamed of themselves.  Nobody thinks their child is capable of being cruel.  Well think of all the murderers behind bars or put to death.  Their parents didn't think they were capable of killing either.  Wake up Mom and Dad!  Your daughter is very self centered and you are just pushing her more towards the edge.  She will have no friends or men who will care for her long if they are worth having because smart people walk away from people like her.

I feel very sad for this girl she really is very mean spirited, however, I believe her Mother had

something to do with this. On the show she never said anything about how her daughter's

behaviour affected her. If it was me on the show I would have let my daughter know how very

disappointed I was with her. She was never brought up to treat people like that. Of course she

should allow her husband to be's Mother to attend the wedding.

The husband should show some moxie and insist that his mother attend his wedding. What the

bride is forgetting is that mom was there for her son way before he met her. And it is THEIR

wedding we are talking about, not just hers. I give them a few years tops.

Lynda

 
November 26, 2007, 9:04 am CST

your one of those dil.

Quote From: mac2372

I FIND IT INTERESTING THAT EVERYONE FEELS SORRY FOR THE MOTHER IN LAW.  SHE IS NO ANGEL.  I MYSELF AM A DAUGHTER IN LAW TO A WOMAN WHO PRETTY MUCH IGNORES MY EXISTANCE.  SHE PLAYS FAVORITES WITH HER OTHER DAUGHTER IN LAW---OVER THAT OF HER OWN DAUGHTER.  SHE PLAYS FAVORITES WITH HER GRANDCHILDREN.  OFTEN TIMES PEOPLE POINT FINGERS AND MAKE ASSUMPTIONS THAT IT IS THE BRIDES JOB TO MAKE NICE WITH THE MOTHER OF THE GROOM........HOWEVER, IT WOULD SEEM THAT IT IS JUST AS MUCH THE MOTHERS RESPONSIBILITY TO MAKE NICE WITH THE BRIDE.  AS FOR THE SON.  MAYBE HE SEES THE PICTURE FOR WHAT IT IS.  MAYBE HE IS SIDING WITH HIS BRIDE TO BE BECAUSE HE KNOWS HOW HIS MOTHER IS AND BEHAVED IN THE PAST.  AS FOR MY HUSBAND AND MYSELF WE SPEND VERY LITTLE TIME WITH HIS FAMILY.  USUALLY DURING THE HOLIDAYS ONLY.  THEN FOR AS SHORT A TIME AS WE MUST.  WE BOTH GET LITTLE ENJOYMENT OUT OF IT.  THERES ALOT OF COMPETITION BETWEEN THE OTHER DAUGHTER IN LAW AND MY HUSBANDS SISTER.  SO TAKE A LOOK AT THE MOTHER OF THE GROOM AND CUT SOME SLACK TO THE YOUNG BRIDE.

Well I can see your one of those dil.  I am a mother-in-law and I have the same dil. Yes I have had arguments with my dil but when it's all said and done I have been the one to say the "I'm sorrys" but nothing helps, my dil is just a spoiled brat and she has ruined my relationship with my son and his family.  I still have a mil and we get along great but if there was any tension between the two of us because I love my husband so much I would do all that I could to make things right between the two of us.  Remember that old saying respect your elders.  This dil from this show I think was all wrong as I think your quote was. If you have problems with your mil are you trying to make things right?

 
November 26, 2007, 11:10 am CST

DRAMA QUEEN?

SOUNDS LIKE THE DAUGHTER IN LAW IS A DRAMA QUEEN. SHE WILL EVENTUALLY REGRET DRIVING A WEDGE BETWEEN MOTHER AND SON. I'VE BEEN ONE OF THOSE VERY FORTUNATE WOMEN WHO HAS HAD 2 WONDERFUL MOTHERS IN LAW. THEY CAN BE QUITE AN ASSET TO ANY FAMILY RELATIONSHIP, AFTER ALL SHE  RAISED THAT WONDERFUL SON SO SHE CAN'T BE ALL BAD. LOOKS LIKE THEY COULD BOTH BE A LITTLE MORE FORGIVING. THE SON COULD POSSIBLY EVENTUALLY SIDE WITH HIS MOM, THEN WHERE WILL THE DRAMA QUEEN  BE?
 
November 26, 2007, 12:26 pm CST

Dear Mama Hen

Please just step back and take in a deep breath and look at all your baby pictures of your son.  He has grown up to be a wonderful man and believe it or not he is in love with a wonderful woman.  Sometimes she is just wonderful because your son loves her.  Try to trust that you have done a good job raising him.  He has the job of his dreams, he's handsome, well liked and an asset to the world.  This man would not choose a woman who was not up to his dreams.  Love her if you can, because your son loves her.   Love her simply because she sees what a great job you did, and loves your son.  Take joy that all things can be resolved.  Your soon to be daughter in law is so afraid.  She may not have the confidence that she can meet life's' challenges as well as you and truthfully she needs you, your love, your patience.  Please do not make your son choose between the two of you.  That's the way he feels now.  Torn as if he must choose. 

 

Just take a deep breath, look at your pictures and try to see a positive future.  The opportunity to watch two people you love begin their journey into life together.  In fact I think you will get a good laugh at what they think life, love, marriage, home and children are really like.  Even if you miss the wedding, hold on to the fact that you raised a good man.

 
November 26, 2007, 10:12 pm CST

Questions for Jay and message for Jane

First, I have watched both shows. And would like to take Michelle and put her over my knee-I think she is a brat and Jay is blind by love(lust)  Now, for the questions for Jay:

  Why would you want to marry a immature girl that hates your Mother?

  Do you hate your Mother too-you act like you do?  Your Mother is your responsibility to make and keep the peace.  If Michelle does not like your Mother ,then You and You only talk and visit with her. Like Dr Phil said" you have a place for your Mother and a different place for your,now wife"

 Unless I hated my Mother I would never marry someone that hated her ,and did not want her to come to the  my wedding . My Mother , who now rests in peace ,was a difficult person, but inside her was so much love and care that  weighted more than the difficult part of her.

  And do not dare , withhold a grandmothers love for her grandchildren. Take the childen alone ,to see grandmother, if thats what it takes ,until Michell egrows up..The children too ,will pay the prce if you withhold your children from their grandmother.

   You will regret it later, after it is too late if YOU do NOT fix things. It is NOT all your Mothers fault, you have a part in there too.. Look ,where you could have done things differently. First : tell Michell to calm down and have some respect for your Mother.. for she is your blood  and if she loves you she needs to love your Mother too..,or at least be respectfull and polite....And to cut up the roses your Mother sent-is NOT acceptable....

 

  And to Jane:

 it looks like you have made great efforts to change.  Bless you.  Now, take a few steps back and leave Jay and Michelle to themselves.  Do not call, email, or send them anything. Be silent.  You have other family and friends that love you , so for now ,give them alll your love and attention. And wait to see if Jay will stand up and be a man and show some respect for his Mother-you , even with your faults.  Good Luck. I will remember you in my prayers-all four of you(Michelle's mother too)

 
November 27, 2007, 2:16 am CST

Wow!!!

Well I just got through watching this episode, hoping for a better outcome for the sake of Jay and his Mom. It is apparent that Michelle has no intentions of forgiving her Mother-in-law of her past failures.  My sincere hope is that Jay will learn what it means to be a real son. Jane is doing more than her share of working out the flaws in her character. I suppose Jay never needed his Mom's understanding and compassion and forgiveness in all the years that she raised him. How easy it s to forget all that our parents have to go through for us.

 

Michelle and Jay have a list of demands Jane MUST meet in order to be a part of Jay's life. Well I sure hope they have a realistic measuring stick. I honestly don't think anyone could live up t their standards.It's obvious that the first mistake Jane makes and the whole thing is down the tubes. What happened to tolerance.? Are Jay and Michelle really that perfect that they can demand hat people live by certain terms or they're history? Wow!!!! 'm floored.

 

Who doesn't have family members who are at times hard to deal with. I do. And I have found that UNCONDITIONAL love, forgiveness, compassion, and tolerance make a happy family. Michelle is allowed by her Husband, Mother and Dr.Phil to think she is in no way wrong for this mess.She is very selfish and has a huge ego. I'm a daughter, daughter-in-law, and have a son who will marry one day. In every thing have seen of this fiasco, this problem will remain until Michelle also gets therapy for her insane hatred, and Jay for his complacent despising of his own mother. SO SAD!!!! Keep up the good work Jane. Even if they don't come around, you've done your part.

 
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