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Topic : 06/24 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2

Number of Replies: 1897
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Created on : Tuesday, November 20, 2007, 06:04:42 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 11/27/07) Dr. Phil follows up with a family torn apart when the mother was banned from her only son’s wedding. The bride-to-be, Michelle, said she’d rather burn in hell than let her future mother-in-law, Jane, attend the ceremony, and her fiancé, Jay, stood behind her decision. This sent the entire family into a tailspin, with the best man resigning, the aunt disowning the groom and the wedding planner on alert to call 911 if Jane showed up. The big day has come and gone, and everyone returns to update Dr. Phil with the latest. Were they able to bury the hatchet before the wedding? Jane has gone through a rollercoaster of emotions, and Dr. Phil finds out what has her so mad at him, she even wrote him a scathing letter one week after her appearance. Has Jane done a 180-degree turn since? Has Michelle stopped her “campaign of hate mail” as Jane called it and opened up her arms to her husband’s mother? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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November 27, 2007, 2:39 am CST

How have you seen both shows?

Quote From: basalinas

First, I have watched both shows. And would like to take Michelle and put her over my knee-I think she is a brat and Jay is blind by love(lust)  Now, for the questions for Jay:

  Why would you want to marry a immature girl that hates your Mother?

  Do you hate your Mother too-you act like you do?  Your Mother is your responsibility to make and keep the peace.  If Michelle does not like your Mother ,then You and You only talk and visit with her. Like Dr Phil said" you have a place for your Mother and a different place for your,now wife"

 Unless I hated my Mother I would never marry someone that hated her ,and did not want her to come to the  my wedding . My Mother , who now rests in peace ,was a difficult person, but inside her was so much love and care that  weighted more than the difficult part of her.

  And do not dare , withhold a grandmothers love for her grandchildren. Take the childen alone ,to see grandmother, if thats what it takes ,until Michell egrows up..The children too ,will pay the prce if you withhold your children from their grandmother.

   You will regret it later, after it is too late if YOU do NOT fix things. It is NOT all your Mothers fault, you have a part in there too.. Look ,where you could have done things differently. First : tell Michell to calm down and have some respect for your Mother.. for she is your blood  and if she loves you she needs to love your Mother too..,or at least be respectfull and polite....And to cut up the roses your Mother sent-is NOT acceptable....

 

  And to Jane:

 it looks like you have made great efforts to change.  Bless you.  Now, take a few steps back and leave Jay and Michelle to themselves.  Do not call, email, or send them anything. Be silent.  You have other family and friends that love you , so for now ,give them alll your love and attention. And wait to see if Jay will stand up and be a man and show some respect for his Mother-you , even with your faults.  Good Luck. I will remember you in my prayers-all four of you(Michelle's mother too)

I'm curious how you have seen both shows when you wrote this on November 26, and Part 2 isn't being shown until the 27th?  Do you get some sort of special early broadcast?
 
November 27, 2007, 4:52 am CST

Sometimes we just need to "Be".

IMO, at a certain point in time, a mother just needs to be there if needed. I have a grown son and daughter. At this time in my life and thiers, my husband and I are just simply here for them.

 

They have both  had long term relationships,my son 3 1/2 years, my daughter 4 years. I am thankful that my daughter broke up with her boyfriend. My husband and I treated him like our son as long as they were together, because my daughter was obviously crazy about him. Our main problem with him is that he wouldn't work. My daughter carried the load financially. But we kept our mouths shut for her sake. My son and his girlfriend started dating very young and were together for 3 1/2 years. We thought the world of her and thought maybe they would marry eventually. About 8 monts ago, she decided she need her "space". I can totally understand that because they were so young and had never dated other people. That's the one thing that I thought about and my husband and I discussed while they were together. (We kept that to ourselves.)

 

As I've said, after the raisin' is over, all parents can do is "be there". There is way too much dialogue going on between Jane and the couple. As an older woman myself, I would say to Jane, step back and let things cool down. On the other show, Jane kept saying that she had done that very thing. But let's face it ,Michele can't very well have an argument by herself.

 

The main thing that I can't understand about Michele is that she feels that she has to be pro-active in making sure that her MIL to be, understands how she (Michele) feels at all times. I don't thing this is necessary at all because Jay is obviously very supportive of Michele . It seems that Michele is so very insecure that she thinks she needs to constantly be trying to get her point across to Jane. It would help things immensely if Michele,also, could just step back and let things cool down.

 

I think they could both take some pointers from Jay. He seems to think before he speaks.

 

I think if these 2 women would just pipe down, things might have a way of working out.

Being an older woman myself, I would suggest that Jane take the lead and back off. That means no dialogue at all. I think that's the only way to try and move forward in a positive manner. As long as the 2 women are hurling insults at one another, nothing will ever change.

 
November 27, 2007, 5:23 am CST

Hey tweekie64!

Quote From: tweekie64

I am a mother in law and I really felt very sorry for the mother of the son. The girl that he was marrying really was very "mean spirited!" I don't know how things could be fixed unless the bride would learn how to respect other peoples feelings! When the children come along, it will only get worse because they have started out on the wrong path. The mother always holds the key to the gate.
I am a mother. I ain't got no key,nor do I even have a gate. What do you mean, "The mother always holds the key to the gate."? When my kids were small, I was the center of thier universe, the alpha and the omega if you will. That all began to change when they reached middle school. At that point, they both, began pulling away from me. They wanted to be more emotionally independent. I think that is part of going from a child to an adult.(The adolescent stage.) I think that in order to have a good emotional relationship as an adult, a kid has to go through that stage and break free of the intense emotional relationship that they have had with thier mother as a child. I believe it's normal and necessary. Of course, as a mother I had to be willing to let go of my emotional attachment to them also. I think maybe at that time, I turned to key over to them. 
 
November 27, 2007, 5:38 am CST

11/27 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2

Michelle and Jay don't get what Dr. Phil is  saying.  The MIL may have done wrong, but they are not inocent in this either.  They don't even ackowledge their mistakes.  Jane was admitting to it and apologizing, but Michelle seems to want more.  Michelle and Jay don't seem like anything would make them want to work on it, so why don't they just admit that they dont' want to work on it.  I didn't see Michelle or Jay say, "ok we are sorry too that things got this way, let's make this work."  No they just want to be right.  Their actions are not becoming as well.   I know for a fact that MILs can be hard to get along with, having one myself.  But at some point you have to let go of I'm right and I'm not backing down attitude.  Michelle and Jay said that Jane has promised before to change, well, that was before let's move on.  No one can change that easily it is a work in progress and there may be times she may revert back.  Jane is human and needs help and her son should want to help.  She is obviously trying again.  Like Dr. Phil said I wouldn't want to go to court and see Michelle and Jay there.  They have no forgiveness in their heart.  Michelle seems to be a spoiled brat with no compasion except to have things be her way.  She is not willing to do anything to help the situation and neither is Jay.  Even when Dr Phil asked about how they are contributing to changing the situation, they have no answer they just keep bringing up how Jane does all this stuff.  They need to get off there soap box and look at how they act as human beings.   Michelle comes accross as someone I wouldn't personally want to know.  A bitter spoiled brat.  Jay is no better.  He is just sitting there.  Jay is going to regret this one day if he does not resolve it.   Jay should stand up and say I am going to try to make this better.  Jane is trying to be the hero and these two just want to hold on to the past and complain about poor us.  Get over it and try to work it out.  Life is to short and when his mother passes he will really regret his decisions.  Unless he has no heart.  Those two need to start acting like adults.
 
November 27, 2007, 5:49 am CST

Good Job, Jane

Congrats on taking care of yourself and starting to learn a better way for your own life. The "kids" will either learn and get on board or they will not and there's nothing you can do about that.

 

Seeing how hard you've worked and I hope you will continue to do so, I wanted to put a personal message to you on the boards. I don't know you or your son or new daughter in law, but you have OBVIOUSLY put real effort into living better and as some wise person once said: The best revenge is living well.

 

Keep your chin up.

 

Jenny

 
November 27, 2007, 6:45 am CST

Come On

One day this bride will have a son, it's just the way God works. When she does then she will understand what it means to come between a son and his mother.   This will come back to her. My mother in law died 3 years ago. I could not have forgave myself if I robbed my husband of those years with her. Let me tell you she played games and pushed my buttons for years. But, I found a way to love her b/c she was the woman who brought the man I love into this world. She helped make him the man he is.  (I have been with my husband since I was 18 and am now 36.)  I would have NEVER put my husband in a place to select sides. If the bride loves her husband she will find a way to GROW up and bring PEACE to this situation. Our parents are not perfect but they are the only parents we have. When they are gone, it's over. You can't go back. This son needs to be a MAN and get this RIGHT.  The love you have for a mother is different then the love you have for your wife. It has nothing to do with the other. Once the bride and son understand that they can move forward in their relationship with each other and the mother.
 
November 27, 2007, 6:52 am CST

banned from wedding part 2

both of these women really need to grow up but especially the daughter in law. i took care of my future mother in law even after she talked to me badly. once she got to me and she realized she was sick and dying with cancer she apologized to me for how she treated me.  it did not change the way i cared for her. she was a good person and i am glad i got the chance to know her better and spend time with her. her own daughter would treat her mother and myself poorly. her daughter to this day treats me badly. i do not let it affect my love for her brother and what we have in the future. it is her loss not ours. she left her brother standing at the house the day of the funeral and left without him. my position is with him. to this day his relationship has grown closer with his father and that side of the family he never really knew growing up. this son had best not destroy the relationship he has with his mother over his wife. that is his one and only mother, no matter what she does. i can guarantee you that daughter in law has not put her relationship with her mother at ends.
 
November 27, 2007, 6:57 am CST

11/27 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2

Quote From: aussie21

I saw a family with problems on both sides. Ultamately its the son's choice not anyone else's who her marries or starts a family with. I saw the MIL dishing her fair share of disrespect and rudeness out not just the DIL. the son agreed with most of what his BTB was stating and I dont think that it';s because he's whipped. I think that its because he loves her and its true.
OMG I CAN NOT WAIT TILL HE TELLS THE DIL TO HIT THE ROAD AND HE NEEDS HIS MOM CAUSE I KNOW THIS WILL HAPPEN AND WHEN HE DOES I WANT TO SEE THAT SHOW. HE IS BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF BY THAT LIL BLONDE BIMBO AND HER SO PERFECT MOM. IT MAKES ME SICK TO SEE THAT. POOR ME. YA MOM IS NO ANGEL BUT AT LEAST SHE CARES ABOUT HER SON. WHO DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE BALLS TO SHOW HIS FACE ON T.V. OR STICK UP FOR HIS OWN MOM. I DON'T CARE WHAT SHE SAID OR DID. IT'S HIS MOM. MY MOM WAS NOT THERE FOR ME AS I WAS GROWING UP. BUT GOD DARN SHE WAS STILL MY MOM NO MATTER WHAT. REMEMBER THAT.
 
November 27, 2007, 6:58 am CST

11/27 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2

It is really sad to see family fighting each other. God's purpose for family is not this. The mother went a little too far but Michelle should really be ashamed of her self as well as the son. Yes, the Bible say that a son should leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife. It also says, that you should honor your father and your mother. To the son this is your mother, the person that God gave you to be your mother, the person who raised you, loved you and took care of you, you should not be treating your mother this way. To Michelle, how would you feel if it was the other way around and he didn't like your mother. And  remember this you reap what you sow, one day, if God willing you will be a mother . To the mother, as hard as it may be you are going to have to let go and let  your son find himself. Give it to the Lord, Pray it works. If any of you do not know Jesus, get to know Him. And forgive one another.

Be ye therfore tenderhearted, forgiving one another just as Christ has forgiven you.(Ephesians 4:32)

I pray for you all, for you to have compassion for each other and for each of you to receive for yourselves the everlasting, uncoditional love of God, and for you all to receive knowledge and peace that passes all understading. In Jesus Name.

 

 
November 27, 2007, 7:18 am CST

Jay loves this drama.

Jay has found a childish girl to fill a dramatic role for himself.   I have 2 sons and a daughter,

all married.  If my sons choose such a hateful person, allowed such fighting to keep going, ewww

I would be voicing alot at him but definately ignore his ery immature Jr. high school mentality mates

venom of revenge and nastiness.  My daughter would never act that way to anyone,if she did I surey would not be as ignorant as that Mom was.  what look of hate did she see?She seen anger, Justified anger.

Jay sits there like  a little boy who accomlished to pit mom against a sibling? SAD !

Dr. Phil:so sorry you allowed so much put on the MIL, I thought it the 1st show and it let up only a little.

It did start with the childish brat her son choose and allowed to put that drama in thier relationships, and

obviously not just the MIL endured it?

Michelle wants blood tears, that is totally on her negative ways!

 
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