Topic : 06/24 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2

Wow this young woman brings out the worst in other people.  I've seen this kind of spoiled and immature bahavior from my own DIL, and it is the cause of such pain and anxiety that I am forever scarred by it.  The MIL featured had her own problems, but seems to be willing to humiliate herself in public in order to re-establish her relationship with her son.  For all her faults that tells me alot - she loves her son.  I have found myself also being baited into reacting in a way that is so not who I am,  that I can really relate to how the MIL has reacted in the past. I think there is a pervasive sickness where woman have to control their husbands to the exclusion of all others who love them-  I think if a man does that we call it spousal abuse.  But when a woman does it -- they blame it on the MIL or other family member.  Please Jay -- don't have children with this girl for a LONG time.  She is not fully baked and she will turn on you and leave your life in ruins.  Take heart MIL -- there are legions of us out here, who miss our sons terribly and pray they will survive  these woman.

The  entire show sickened my stomach. I think that the husband needs to get a clue. If my fiancee did not like my mother, that would be his problem. I would make sure that I spent time with both of them, but regardless of either one of their feelings, my mother would attend my wedding. I felt so sorry for the mother. It seemed as if she was begging for forgiveness as if she was the only person who needed it. I dislike the bride, I never felt the need to jump through the T.V. as I did today. I would have loved to take that look off of her face. 

On a happier note, I just wanted you to know that I love your show.I have it recorded every day. Dr. Phil, you are the man.

If Jane is "faking" the change of attitude, give her an Emmy!  Just from her body language and the fact that she didn't jump down everyone's throat during the second show, should tell them something.  What I want to know is how Michelle and her mother could say in the video interview (taped before the second show) that Jane "had not changed" since the first show, given that they had not spoken with her quite a while (or at all).  They were so busy making her "wrong" that they wouldn't consider that she may have changed.

How nasty to cut up the flowers that Jane sent!  They could have given them away or quietly thrown them away, but instead they chose to be hateful and cruel.  I definitely think that Jay and Michelle were disingenuous when they said that they "want" Jane in their lives.  Michelle seems to be trying to put an irreparable wedge between Jay and his mother, and Jay is allowing it. 

Dr. Phil is correct that nothing that Jane could do would justify Michelle saying some of the things she did and, that she (and Jay) are being ungracious toward Jane.  However, he kept saying toward the end of the show that they were "right".  Yes, they were technically "right" some of the time, but they hadn't tried to make any changes or look at the situation from a different point of view.  The worse thing one can do is tell someone who is more interested in being right than improving the situation is to tell him/her that (s)he is right, because that is all (s)he hears. 

I applaud Jane for all of the work she put in between the shows and would like to encourage her to continue on this work.  When she is ultimately disappointed by her son (and daughter-in-law), the therapy will come in helpful.  Michelle has no empathy. Jay's mother doesn't want to be his "wife", she just wants not to be cut out of his life.  I know, because my sister-in-law did the same thing to my mother, my sister and me...and my brother allowed it.

What goes around, comes around...too bad Michelle (and Jay) won't recognize it when karma comes back and bites them in the butt!

I did not see part one of this series, yet, I cannot believe what I am hearing on this show today! Michelle is immature, green, wet behind the ears, and obviously the result of a household where parenting did not include teaching Respect, Forgiveness, Honoring parents or the importance of relationships. Michelle should place herself in the position she placed her mother-in-law in. Imagine that in 25 years she will be forbidden to attend her only sons wedding and let us see her reaction to the news. If she remains as hateful and outspoken in the future as she is today, I forsee she will have the opportunity to learn compassion for others as she will be on the receiving end of some of the bitterness she is planting.

Further, Michelle's words do not match her actions. She loves drama. She loves to create chaos. She loves the attention. She obviously equates Jay's love for her by how much he shows his lack of love and respect for his mom. How sad. She does not even know what love is. At this point, if Jay and Michelle remain status quo, Jay's mom will have another chance to attend one of Jay's weddings. Jay will be just as capable of abandoning Michelle as he was at abandoning his mom.

Jay, too, did not learn to honor his parents, respect his elders, forgive, or the importance of relationships. The little girl he married is just that, a little girl. Not yet a mature, forward thinking woman planning a lifelong marriage, family and children. She is a spoiled brat desiring to win at all cost and not smart enough to see she is losing far more than she will ever win with her attitude and self-righteousness.

A great example for any children Michelle and Jay may have. Their children will learn that parents are disposable, people are disposable. If you don't like what they say or do, just disown them. A great way to produce harmony, love, cooperation, family, successful lives.

Sorry, Dr. Phil.  I have great respect for you but agree with the above person.  I felt like you wanted to get some closure to the situtation...some productive outcome...because that is what you do.  Since Jane was willing to step up and be the Hero you "threw her under the bus"...using her offers to change as an opportunity to resolve the situation w/o expecting Nellie and Jay to meet her half way.  In the last few minutes you hit the nail on the head when you addressed Nellie, but sorry, it was too little too late.

Michelle is fortunate to have a husband that supports her 100% and lets his family know in no uncertain terms that if they won't treat his wife with dignity and respect, they are not welcome in his life.  I applaud them both for sticking together and staying strong.  The only thing worse than having a nasty, mean-spirited woman attack you out of jealousy for the love her son shows you is to be told that you are on your own because he won't oppose his mother for any reason.

I also understand Michelle & Jay's frustration with Jane's refusal to actually apologize.  The funny thing is, I see it from the other side.  Years ago when my own MIL was on a witch hunt to get rid of me, she wrote me letters explaining her hurt feelings, her sadness, her bewilderment, and of course the accusations.  I wrote back with very logical "apologies" carefully addressing every issue and saying things like "I'm sorry your feelings are hurt" and "It's unfortunate that being around me makes you so angry".  This simply infuriated her, prompting her to call me more names and fueling my justification for rejecting her.  I had a bit of an "a-ha!" moment after today's show, watching Jane pull the same stunt.  I never truly apologized to my MIL because I didn't feel like our problems were my fault.  She wanted to hear "I said and did this and that, it hurt your feelings and I was wrong.  I am sorry for doing it, and I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings".  She wanted a REAL apology, complete with my taking responsibility, admitting what I'd done, and acknowledging her feelings.  I don't know if it would have made things any better.  I guess it doesn't matter because I never could have made myself admit that the things I did were anything but completely justified.  To put it plainly, I wasn't sorry.