Topic : 06/24 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2

I think that Jay lets his wife tell him what to say and do. He needs to grow up!!! That is his mom. Even if they can't get along doesn't mean that he should have nothing to do with his mother. My family hates my husband and he hates them, but I will never choose one over the other and both sides know it. My family will always be my family and I love my husband. He really needs to stop and think about that. His mom will always be there for him but will she??

I think that Jay should show more respect for the woman that gave him life! This whole situation seems so trivial. No one in this has shown there good side, but it looks to me that the MIL is atleast trying to get over all the hateful words, etc. Michelle I do not beileve will ever like her MIL and it will constantly be a tug of war for her husband. My sister-n-law has done way worse to me.. She has stolen from me, wrote a letter to my parents full of lies, manipulated my husband and I's relationship, brought unsavory people into my home, and the list goes on and on. I have never forbid my husband to have a relationship with her. There has been times were I have had to take myself out of the equation. However I have always gone back to rekindiling the relationship, for my husband. That is his family. I know how to seperate myself emotionally and still care about my husbands sister. If Michelle wants to be a gracious wife, she should find a balance for her husband.

I am the daughter -in-law,but  I hate conflict, confrontation and drama. I strive for peace and forgiveness. I feel that i do everything she should be doing, but the result is still not pleasant. We had all the same issues. Instead of banning anyone from the wedding we decided to get married at 12:05 am Jan 1. It cut down on so many of the issues. My first year of marriage my mother in law had me in tears constantly. I married the baby, he was the last one to leave the house and when his first wife left him he moved back home again. She was a widow and they would "date" every weekend. The only time we had peace was when she was busy obsessing over something else. Well 11 years later she had a health issue and we invited her into our home. Nothing has changed, yesturday she told my husband/her son that i didn't really love him & when my daughter turned 18 (she's 15) I would leave him and that I was very fake. All that after cooking her meals, doing her laundry, swallowing my pride over & over. I feel that Jane, the mother-in-law after watching the show over & over learned how to play that victim in that arena. Time will tell. But even seeing the "posse" with her in the audience her behaviour is generations old and it doesn't change that fast.

i just posted another message when I saw this one !  I cannot agree with you MORE.  Amen to you, my fellow sister.  I'm in my mid thirties, but my value system goes back to the '50's.  As a mother of three sons the statement about this generation of prospective brides gives me pause for concern.  I hope and pray my sons choose someone that is truly going to be worthy of them.    And God bless you for "turning the other cheek" where your MIL was concerned.  You absolutely did the right thing.  That makes you a better woman, wife, and mother leading by example.  1 Peter 1:22.

If this couple can't include everyone in the festivities then they should elope.  Picking and choosing which relatives you "allow" to attend the ceremony is a crappy way to start a new life together.

When I saw these shows, it brought up so many emotions for me.  I have been married to a wonderful man for 13 years.  His mother has shown some of the same characteristics of this mother.  She did attend our wedding, but did not speak to me or anyone in my family.  She hosted the rehearsal dinner but acted the same way.  This was not the first time she had acted this way; we dated for almost 5 years before we were married and sometimes she would talk to me and sometimes not even acknowledge my existence.  I was very young and her actions left me feeling underserving and unworthy to be loved. Her actions were a result of pure jealousy.  I had never given her any reason not to like me.  I ttook me many years to realize that she would have acted this way no matter who he chose to marry. If only I had been a stronger person then and stood up to her things might not have been so unstable for so long. Let me say that the hurtful words exchanged between these two on the show was not the case with us. I was raised to respect my elders, and I always respected her and her husband.   My husband and I now share two beautiful children, the oldest of which is almost 9 years old.  When my oldest son was 2 and an only child then, my mother in law decided not to speak or talk to us for almost 3 years for no apparent reason.  This lasted until my husband invited her over for a family Christmas.  Both of my children enjoy their grandmother  and my oldest son doesn't remember a time that she want in his life.  We (my husband and I )  have chosen to keep it that way for now to spare his feelings. My mother in law calls me now on a daily basis and we do have family get togethers.  Even though in my heart I believe I have forgiven her, many bitter feelings are still there. I wil never feel close to her the way that she would like for us to be.   Sometimes when I think about it, I have resentment towards my husband whom I love dearly for allowing her to treat me this way and expecting  me to turn the other cheek.  Now that I am a mother, I would rather be shot than to hurt either of my sons this way intentionally.  Nothing would hinder me talking or speaking to my own child for 3 years.  They are my world and their happiness means everything to me.  My advice to this young bride is to move away from his mother, as far away as she can get.  Believe me if I had done that the past 13 years would have been so much easier!

i feel if the son kept his mother somewhat involved in his life none of this would have happened,when a child grow's up an get's married we dont pretend as parent's our child never exsisted,an we dont punch a card that say's i give up all the love i have for my child,but thay do grow up an thats great,but i feel if thay kept her involved just by a phone call to say hay this is what we are doing,an what's going on,the groom's side is always forgotten when there is a wedding,his wife need's to grow up alot,an her mother has not helped her to be a good daughter inlaw at all,this is sad i do feel so bad for the son's mother,i personally would never forgive her for not letting me see my only child get married,this was so wrong an there will be a whole lot about that.an someday he will blame  his wife for this,time for the kid's to grow up now an see what will come of this mess thay caused

That poor bride.  I've been married 22 years. My wedding consisted of my sister-inlaw calling me a bitch and my husband's family ignoring me. I went to the family functions for the first ten years for my husband and then I refused.  I couldn't take the abuse any more.  Last year most of his family didn't come to my daughter's graduation even though my husband and kid's went to all theirs.  This year the same thing for my son's graduation.  When I think back on my wedding I think of how it was ruined. I think this bride is right because at her 50th anniversary she won't have a spoiled wedding in the back of her mind. My husband made choices to see his family at times and he now regrets them.  A person shouldn't have to take abuse because you have the same blood.  We are happier without them and isn't that the point in life. If the grooms family wants a relationship they should respect his new family with Michelle and just show her love and support.  Why should Michelle be pushed around for the rest of her life?  The husband  has his life to live and his old family should support him or back off. 

My husband and I have been married for 16 years.  Even though I do not agree with some of the things my mother in law does, I have never said in ill word to either one of my in-laws. They still are my husband's parents and brought him into the world. To the son: The Bible says to Honor thy Father and Mother.  There are no conditions listed in the Bible.  You may not like everything she does, but letting your new wife speak to her the way she does is horrible.  I wonder if the your face was blocked because of your  "job" or if was from pure embarrassment that you are not man enough to stand up to your new wife and deal with your own mother.  I deal with issues with my family and my husband deals with issues with his family.  Love covers alot.  As an in-law you will always be an outsider.  You should never do anything that will fan the flames of discontent.  It will only come back to haunt you later in life.  My husband and I eloped 16 years ago over a stupid disagreement with our parents.  Later everyone felt awful but time healed the wounds.  My dream was to renew our wedding vows for our 5th wedding anniversary so that my dad could walk me down the aisle.  Much to my dismay, my dad passed away before my 5th wedding anniversary.  I so wish I could turn back the hands of time and do things different but, in reality I have to live with that decision everyday.  I am the baby of 4 children and I denied one of the greatest opportunities my parents could have had in sharing one of the greatest moments in my life.  I am very close to my mother and love her very much.  Once you mature and are a parent yourself, alot of things look different.  Don't let your wife take away your mother.  If she truly loves you, she has to accept all of you (including your mother).  Look back on your life.  Who was there no matter what?  Bad day at school, fight with a friend, trouble with a teacher......your mom always had your back.  No matter what happens, love may come and go, relationships may come and go........But a mother's love............................ IT'S UNCONDITIONAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!