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Topic : 06/24 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2

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Created on : Tuesday, November 20, 2007, 06:04:42 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 11/27/07) Dr. Phil follows up with a family torn apart when the mother was banned from her only son’s wedding. The bride-to-be, Michelle, said she’d rather burn in hell than let her future mother-in-law, Jane, attend the ceremony, and her fiancé, Jay, stood behind her decision. This sent the entire family into a tailspin, with the best man resigning, the aunt disowning the groom and the wedding planner on alert to call 911 if Jane showed up. The big day has come and gone, and everyone returns to update Dr. Phil with the latest. Were they able to bury the hatchet before the wedding? Jane has gone through a rollercoaster of emotions, and Dr. Phil finds out what has her so mad at him, she even wrote him a scathing letter one week after her appearance. Has Jane done a 180-degree turn since? Has Michelle stopped her “campaign of hate mail” as Jane called it and opened up her arms to her husband’s mother? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.
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lvacffeshp
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November 27, 2007, 9:35 am PST

11/27 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2

You know after reading through this discussion and the last show.... it seems to me the fight is over:  "namecalling."  I mean if you are married long enough... you probably are going to call each other a name too....  I think there is no motherinlaw who likes her daughterinlaw and some cause more trouble than others.... And she is always going to wish she was better...  but to start a marriage like this....  I don't know I just can't see it lasting.... and I think Jane should look at it this way:  At least you will be able to attend his next wedding.....  I know that sounds incredibly rude but this is the beginning.... there should be none of this.... All this should start later....  I hate fighting.... and although I will defend myself at times and what is mine in this free country... I will avoid a fight and walk away.  I don't think anyone should have to put up with contentious people.... but I think certain people and families LOVE to fight and thrive on putting others down and are happy when other people fall.......  Sometimes I think adults need to be ADOPTED and although you can be POLITE and CUSTOMER SERVICE to those you are forever stuck with... I think you open up and share your heart with those who are in your corner.
 
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shanni
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November 27, 2007, 9:42 am PST

11/27 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2

Quote From: pella61

That poor bride.  I've been married 22 years. My wedding consisted of my sister-inlaw calling me a bitch and my husband's family ignoring me. I went to the family functions for the first ten years for my husband and then I refused.  I couldn't take the abuse any more.  Last year most of his family didn't come to my daughter's graduation even though my husband and kid's went to all theirs.  This year the same thing for my son's graduation.  When I think back on my wedding I think of how it was ruined. I think this bride is right because at her 50th anniversary she won't have a spoiled wedding in the back of her mind. My husband made choices to see his family at times and he now regrets them.  A person shouldn't have to take abuse because you have the same blood.  We are happier without them and isn't that the point in life. If the grooms family wants a relationship they should respect his new family with Michelle and just show her love and support.  Why should Michelle be pushed around for the rest of her life?  The husband  has his life to live and his old family should support him or back off. 
What Comes Around Goes Around.  Your not guaranteed to be totally happy with who your children bring home or decide to marry.  Would you like that person to have such an influence, to boot you out of your child's life? I treat my husband's family good (even though I have been treated and sometimes my kids have been treated like a dog) only for the sake of knowing that, some day I may not like who my sons bring home, but I will still have my kids and grandkids in my life.  I don't make myself a doormat for my inlaws by any means, but when they hurt me, I express my feelings to my husband and let him deal with them.  Your mate should always be your first line of defense.  I never make my husband choose me or them in hopes that my son's mates later on will not make them choose them or me.
 
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mantuax
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November 27, 2007, 9:43 am PST

cut it off

Jay and Michelle should be ashamed of themselfs. Abhorrent behavior at best.

Kudos to Janes family for not going.

Its funny how Michelle acts like she is some hottie that has it all but the more I watch the show and hear her ungracious voice I cant help but feel what an ugly ugly person she is - and unfortunitly Jay is as ugly now too.

 

IF I were faced with such things from ANY of my children it would be the last time they EVER see my face ever. Change all phone numbers, relocate and drop off the earth. Then let them wonder. At some point in time - maybe no tommorow or the year after but it always happens - you need something from that parent. And then their gone - not passed away but gone so as to never be treated like that again.

 

There is almost (there are very very few occasions I can think of) no reason to ever treat any of your parents like that - ever.
 
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ses3131
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November 27, 2007, 9:55 am PST

11/27 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2

Quote From: lyndah

I feel very sad for this girl she really is very mean spirited, however, I believe her Mother had

something to do with this. On the show she never said anything about how her daughter's

behaviour affected her. If it was me on the show I would have let my daughter know how very

disappointed I was with her. She was never brought up to treat people like that. Of course she

should allow her husband to be's Mother to attend the wedding.

The husband should show some moxie and insist that his mother attend his wedding. What the

bride is forgetting is that mom was there for her son way before he met her. And it is THEIR

wedding we are talking about, not just hers. I give them a few years tops.

Lynda

I agree that this girl is a spoiled person.  The son should be ashamed of himself.  His mother is his blood and he should respect that.  I have family that I don't like, don't get along with and do not care to really be around much but DON'T TALK ABOUT THEM OR PUT THEM DOWN IN FRONT OF ME FAMILY IS FAMILY.  He should be ashamed of himself this is his parent.  He should tell her yes I am married to you now but this is my parent if you don't want anything to do with her fine but she is my Mother and I will respect that.  Nothing I have heard this mother say or anything I saw on the show would deserve what she is getting from her son or his spoiled wife.  
 
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dorothy80
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November 27, 2007, 10:20 am PST

I can (unfortunately) relate

I have watched this show and can unfortunately relate.  I think everyone is out of line.  My situation is slightly different.  I am married to an adopted only son.  I describe him like this becuse I think all three things lead to his mother's intrusiveness into our lives.  I made some mistakes along the way.  I left my home state to live in his.  We live less then a mile away from his parents.  His parents are 20 years older than mine and recently I have begun to think that this may be part of my problem with his mother.  I view her more as a grandmother figure and I find that that restricts me from speaking up for myself and my family.  She calls frequently in the course of a day.  She requires alot of attention.  I try to deal with this, but sometimes find it hard.  I feel like I want to lock up the doors and put the phone off the hook. 

My husband and my mother didn't have it easy to begin with either.  They got in an arguement early in our relationship.  Unlike the son in the show I made them face each other and not take sides.  I stepped out.  I basically told them that i love them both and they need to figure this out becuase I am not choosing.  I think that is a big mistake on the son's part.  This is between his bride and his mother.  A lot of it is petty.  There just seems to be a lot of respect missing from all sides.  Grudges are burdensome and they seem to dig up the past too much. 
 
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grandmommyof7
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November 27, 2007, 10:47 am PST

11/27 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2

Quote From: karenbbrown

Please just step back and take in a deep breath and look at all your baby pictures of your son.  He has grown up to be a wonderful man and believe it or not he is in love with a wonderful woman.  Sometimes she is just wonderful because your son loves her.  Try to trust that you have done a good job raising him.  He has the job of his dreams, he's handsome, well liked and an asset to the world.  This man would not choose a woman who was not up to his dreams.  Love her if you can, because your son loves her.   Love her simply because she sees what a great job you did, and loves your son.  Take joy that all things can be resolved.  Your soon to be daughter in law is so afraid.  She may not have the confidence that she can meet life's' challenges as well as you and truthfully she needs you, your love, your patience.  Please do not make your son choose between the two of you.  That's the way he feels now.  Torn as if he must choose. 

 

Just take a deep breath, look at your pictures and try to see a positive future.  The opportunity to watch two people you love begin their journey into life together.  In fact I think you will get a good laugh at what they think life, love, marriage, home and children are really like.  Even if you miss the wedding, hold on to the fact that you raised a good man.

That was beautifull put.
 
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grandmommyof7
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November 27, 2007, 10:57 am PST

11/27 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2

Quote From: threeboysni

i just posted another message when I saw this one !  I cannot agree with you MORE.  Amen to you, my fellow sister.  I'm in my mid thirties, but my value system goes back to the '50's.  As a mother of three sons the statement about this generation of prospective brides gives me pause for concern.  I hope and pray my sons choose someone that is truly going to be worthy of them.    And God bless you for "turning the other cheek" where your MIL was concerned.  You absolutely did the right thing.  That makes you a better woman, wife, and mother leading by example.  1 Peter 1:22.
Amen from me too!!!!!
 
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mommy2nicholas
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November 27, 2007, 11:04 am PST

11/27 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2

Quote From: pella61

That poor bride.  I've been married 22 years. My wedding consisted of my sister-inlaw calling me a bitch and my husband's family ignoring me. I went to the family functions for the first ten years for my husband and then I refused.  I couldn't take the abuse any more.  Last year most of his family didn't come to my daughter's graduation even though my husband and kid's went to all theirs.  This year the same thing for my son's graduation.  When I think back on my wedding I think of how it was ruined. I think this bride is right because at her 50th anniversary she won't have a spoiled wedding in the back of her mind. My husband made choices to see his family at times and he now regrets them.  A person shouldn't have to take abuse because you have the same blood.  We are happier without them and isn't that the point in life. If the grooms family wants a relationship they should respect his new family with Michelle and just show her love and support.  Why should Michelle be pushed around for the rest of her life?  The husband  has his life to live and his old family should support him or back off. 
Are you kidding me?? I doubt this couple will see a FIVE year anniversary, much less a FIFTY. Sing it with me D-I-V-O-R-C-E!!! LOL
 
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stephaniese
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November 27, 2007, 12:06 pm PST

Banned From the Wedding, Part 2

I think Michelle is an immature brat and I think Jay needs to thaw out his heart!  Seems like Jane is trying to figure out a way to make the relationship work but all Michelle and Jay are fixated on is having Jane grovel and admit to past grievances.  I don't see what point there is in having Jane admit to what she's done.  It serves no point other than to make Michelle and Jay more self-righteous.  Let the past be the past, clean the slate and move forward.  You can't change what's been done on either side.  No one acted perfectly.  Michelle should realize that the way Jay is so easily throwing his mother to the side is reflective of how easily he can shut Michelle out of his life if she angers him through the years.  A good wife would encourage her husband to find a way to salvage a relationship with his mother instead of adding fuel to the fire the way Michelle is doing.  At the end of the day, when Michelle and Jay reflect on how they've handled this situation, i.e. cutting up the flowers and throwing them away, not inviting his mother to the wedding, I think they will be embarassed and hopefully at some point remorseful because they didn't rise above.
 
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cgrapes
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November 27, 2007, 12:15 pm PST

Wimpy Newlyweds

The "happy" couple speak as if there is one person instead of two.  Rarely did I hear the groom or the bride say, "I .......... ."  They both refer to themselves as "WE."  I wanted to hear each of them own and embrace their individual responsibility.  The girl I find rude, crude and socially unacceptable.  The Mom seems to be improving.

 

 
 
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