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Topic : 06/24 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2

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Created on : Tuesday, November 20, 2007, 06:04:42 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 11/27/07) Dr. Phil follows up with a family torn apart when the mother was banned from her only son’s wedding. The bride-to-be, Michelle, said she’d rather burn in hell than let her future mother-in-law, Jane, attend the ceremony, and her fiancé, Jay, stood behind her decision. This sent the entire family into a tailspin, with the best man resigning, the aunt disowning the groom and the wedding planner on alert to call 911 if Jane showed up. The big day has come and gone, and everyone returns to update Dr. Phil with the latest. Were they able to bury the hatchet before the wedding? Jane has gone through a rollercoaster of emotions, and Dr. Phil finds out what has her so mad at him, she even wrote him a scathing letter one week after her appearance. Has Jane done a 180-degree turn since? Has Michelle stopped her “campaign of hate mail” as Jane called it and opened up her arms to her husband’s mother? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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tantalos24

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November 27, 2007, 11:00 pm PST

11/27 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2

Quote From: dsarmstrong

You should be ashamed of yourselves. Family is one of the most important things you will have in life. I do not have family and would give anything to have one. I would do whatever was possible to try and ensure peace and love within the family. This is the time of year for sharing and loving and you need to understand that ALL families will ave problems. The mature person will extend the olive branch and try and make peace. A wedding is such a special time that is suppose to bring 2 families together not drive them apart. Now that you have had your 15 minutes of fame over this, move past it. Learn to forgive. As it states in the Bible, if you do not forgive one another then God cannot forgive you. Love each other, put the past in the past an live for today because tomorrow may never come. Stop being selfish and open your arms to everyone. One day I pray you realie what you have missed out on by pushing your family away. If you really do not want a family, I would be more than happy to accept them into my life. I would love to have someone I could turn to in good times as well as bad times. The words of the Bible are being fulfilled very quickly. Take a deep breath, step back, regroup, apologize and ask for forgiveness. It will bring blessings into your life if you learn to forgive and forget. I will pray that God will bring this family back together in love, peace and haromy.

Blessing in God,

Donna

Donna, You said it so well.. You put everything so nicely. I totally agree with what you said. I really fell that the daughter-inlaw is very immature and DOES NOT want him to have a relationship with his mother.. I think she will do anything to discourage this relationship. I think this marriage at some point will have problems. The son will see through this and guess who will be the first person he will run to? Yes, his mother and she will be there with open arms.. That is what you call love.. That girl and her mom have some real problems. I have 2 sons who are both married.. Let me tell you, I sure wouldn't want her for my daughter inlaw.. She is just the type of person that will always cause problems.. She is so, so immature. I know that son will smarten up to this. But, as you say we all need to keep them in our prayers...Cindy

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golfbum

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November 27, 2007, 11:06 pm PST

Shame..Shame.. Shame!!!!!

Quote From: heylor

I have never felt compelled ever ever ever to write to a show about anything......but this bride....Yikes!!. As for the son, honey this is one of probable a couple of wives you will have (and I suspect the most embarassing one) , your mom however is the only one you will get. Someone needs to teach this girl some manners as evidently that was a lesson skipped at home. Shame on you mother of the bride!!

The mother of the bride didn't have much help at home to teach her daughter any lessons about decency! She let her daughter run loose and didn't do much to help shape her views about tolerance, kindness, humility, and forgiveness!! Shame on Jay...Shame on Michelle......and shame on the Michelle's MOM!!

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fishcanswim

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November 27, 2007, 11:10 pm PST

Can we get an update on the update in the future?

I hope that Jane has changed but I am honestly fearful that this might be a manipulation tactic. While I think the bride should have been more graceful in her dealings with her MIL, I understand where she and her husband are coming from. I do not feel that Jane's apologies are heart felt. IF she truly wanted to put all of this behind her, she would have sucked up her pride and admitted to her wrong doings rather than telling her DIL and son " I am sorry for whatever you FEEL that I have done."

This situation is so sticky and is more common that most people think. I am a firm believer that if someone is toxic in your life, then the best thing to do is to not allow them in your life any longer. If Jay and Michelle really want a relationship with her someday, I hope their hearts are able to see past her actions and can learn how to appropriately handle themselves should something similar ever arise. If they feel that they have tried countless times with no progress, then their happiness and health is far more important than the potential for a mother-son-DIL relationship. The same can be said to Jane.

I know from personal experience that it is easier said than done. But, sometimes when a person has abused your feelings countless times, you lose any desire to remain in touch. Too often we look past things because some one is a family member....when in SOME situations, you are healthier without that toxic influence. Family relationships should be maintained because you love and or respect eachother, not because society says that you are entitled to eachothers presence.

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golfbum

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November 27, 2007, 11:11 pm PST

Nope...aint happenin...

Quote From: vesdjs

Time to be a humble winner, Dr. Phil said, and I agree. The bride needs to be a gracious winner which I hope she does. Yes, the mother in law was wrong. But the bride needs to open her heart to her mother in law, and let by gones be by gones. Get on with living, and let the past be the past. The Groom will never have another mother, and he needs to step up to the plate, and bring these two women together. He needs to be a real man. Dr. Phil you were dead on right with this one, in my opinion. I completely agree with you. I feel the mother in law is starting to really try hard. My hats off to her. Anyone can try to change, and we have to let go of the past, when someone who has hurt us, comes to us, with a willingness to change. The bride and groom may have some issues of their own they need to work out.. I hope the bride's mother is not egging this fued on. Time to lay down the hatchet, and get on with living for ALL OF THEM, NOT JUST THE MOTHER IN LAW. To me life is just too short to bicker it away. That is just plain stupid!

Yeh..sure agree with Dr. Phil...Did you see Michele when Dr. Phil told her what he thought?? Believe me, she let whatever Dr. Phil said go in one ear and out the other. Michele could give a hoot less about family stability and all that garbage! She just want's to be RIGHT and have her Jay all to herself.....until she bores of him.....

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purplewic

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November 27, 2007, 11:13 pm PST

so sad

i am so saddened by the way this michelle is treating jay's mother. and the way jay is treating his own mother. i am sure she is not perfect but she IS his mother. i am childless and most of my family is gone. i would love to have a family. if i had that chance, i would treat them like gold. forgiveness is one of the most important lessons in life. in my opinion, the mother could be perfect and michelle would still find fault. i have seen this before.....michelle wants to isolate jay and apparently will stop at nothing (not even dr. phil) to have him all to herself. i think the mother should just bide her time. be silent and just be there. what is to be will be. good luck to all involved and Blessings!

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joylyner

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November 27, 2007, 11:14 pm PST

To Michelle

Quote From: wow1960

Donna,

Im really sorry that you do not have any family. Ill will be more glad to share mine with you. ITs easy for you to sit back and say the things that you have said because obviously you havent had the experiences that some of us have had with our familes. Just because these "people" are our family doesnt mean we have to have a relationship with them. For example: I have a sister that is 55 years old and stole my mothers identity. Yes, it is called Identity Theft. She shows no remorse for what she did. Now, because of this, I do not choose to have a realationship with her. You cant trust these kind of people. I have given her family money in time of need, and she has chosen to lie and steal and I do not feel like I will ever have a relationship with her ever again. So, until you have been in such a situation then I think you need to think again about wanting family. Sometimes its more heartache than its worth.

I feel very sad for you that you feel about anyone the way you do. Grow up. My mom is dying from colon

cancer and you act the way you do; you see what you are putting Jay through. I have a brother just like

you they don't want to be bothered they think they are #1. Hey, Dr. Phil tried to tell you that you are just

NOT being gracious and that was putting it nicely - I think your husband is a wimp and you are making

him more so. He didn't want his face shown probably because he is ashamed and ashamed of you

and his choice. It's hard to back out now, but there will come a time, you just wait. Donna had a few

good things to say. I have lived a long time (60) and I have learned much. You have a long way to go.

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sensible1

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November 27, 2007, 11:21 pm PST

Pretty is as Pretty Does

How sad this whole situation was/is. It really stinks! What happened to "honor your mother..."? What happened to mutual respect? Compromising? Forgiveness?

Michelle would be a beautiful girl (woman) if she were even simply "pretty" internally. Instead, she exhibited hate, spite, extreme selfishness, wrath, bitterness, unforgiveness, pettiness, stubbornness, inability or failure to admit wrongdoing, disrespect for her husband by the disrespect shown his mother, and on and on. This totally takes away from her appearance.

I don't see how the wedding day could be joyful knowing that the groom's mother was banned from it. It would affect most people the entire honeymoon.

The bigger problem is her husband, Jay's. I can't imagine how a man could allow one person to isolate him from his mother and family; to disrespect his mother like that; to agree to the wedding ban for her. He could have taken charge, telling both his mom and his fiancee' to back off from insulting each other. He could have chosen to have a separate relationship with his mother, keeping the contact with her. Jay, you only get one mother in life.

I missed part 1, but can tell Jane is no saint. Still, respect should be shown to one's mother and mother in-law, and she did say she was sorry. Her therapist said she's changed and has been working really hard. I agree with those who believe she should "move on"--leave them totally alone. They don't want her in their life. He will regret it one day and come running back. Hopefully it won't be too late.

Michelle's mother should be very ashamed--her daughter gave (gives) the appearance she has not been reared properly (called "home training" when I was growing up). It reflects unfavorably on her mother.

Where are the fathers???

What a complicated mess!!! Will pray for them...

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tantalos24

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November 27, 2007, 11:24 pm PST

11/27 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2

Quote From: josette47

It is quite simple really. He chose to marry her. His mother either accepts it or doesn't. If she doesn't like

her dil, then don't have anything to do with her. It is up to her son to maintain a relationship with is mother.

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks his wife she may or may not be. This is for her son to eventually find out and learn from, if there is any hidden agendas with his wife. I really don't understand why the mil is even concerning herself with anything. She needs to focus on herself. Like I mentioned previously I do not believe that she has changed at all. I don't particularly like my brother's wife, however, it is his choice of a spouse and we respect that. We are all civil to each other, but doesn't mean we all have to start holding hands and skip through the bluebells. Not everyone is going to like certain people, and some people just have alot of negative energy. I remember a quote I read many years ago. "Make the most of what comes, and the least of what goes". If you are spending too much time working on secondary relationships then you are wasting your time. Relationships in my opinion should be 80% fun and 20% work, anymore than that then you have lost control of your life. Some mother's just don't like any woman their son's choose as a wife, and it is as simple as that. She is the older person, supposedly wise from years of learning, in my

eyes she behaves like someone much younger than her years.

Obviously you don't have sons or daughter-inlaws... I would be sick if my son treated me like this.. I have wonderful daughter inlaws and of course I am sure they get angry with me at times.. But let me tell you they would NEVER disrespect my husband or myself such as that child today.. She is a very immature girl, and she has some issues.. If you noticed there seemed to be no father. She is dealing with some kind of issues from childhood.. That is for sure.. as far as I am concerned her mother is the one that should be embarassed... If my daughter was that cold hearted and tried to turn her husband against his family, I wouldn't show my face on national televisison.. It wouldn't matter if his mother was a saint, that girl is very controling and is threatened by his mother's love.. Someone else wrote this too, she has some kind of father issues... This is very apparent.. She needs help. The grooms uncle and best man seemed like very normal people and they seem to see through her too. She is turning her husband against not only his mother, but the entire family... I think the mother is trying and everyone needs room to grow... Give the mother some grace... Perhaps you have never had daughter inlaws or son inlaws...

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vinnysgirlyo

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November 27, 2007, 11:27 pm PST

What a little witch!

Is it just me or is Michelle the one with the problem? I have 3 sons that I am very close to and if they ever brought home a girl like her I would have my child commited. What in the hell does the "son" see in her anyway? Does he not get the fact that eventually he will be the recipient of her "wrath". It doesnt take a genius to figure out that she is jealous, controlling,immature and not to mention totally miserable with herself.This is all just a twisted little game she plays to see how far he will go to prove his love to her. She gets her validation everytime he losses another friend or family member because of her. Jane has her issues but she has been dealt a dirty hand and I give her credit for keeping her cool. Atleast she can take some comfort in the fact that Michelle wont be around forever, eventually he will resent her. Michelle needs to take some personal inventory and figure out what true beauty is, peroxide and lipgloss can only take you so far and then you better have something that radiates from within......and clearly she has let that part of herself go untouched and unrefined.If she replaced the tanning bed with a therapists couch, she might have a chance at happiness. I guess we will have to wait for the next Dr. Phil followup show to hear about her meltdown, or just catch it on Divorce Court.

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tantalos24

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November 27, 2007, 11:28 pm PST

11/27 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2

Quote From: potridge

Tuesday's show struck such a chord with me that I barely blinked. My oldest son is involved with a terrible woman. I have tried my part but it doesn't look like it will get any better. She has told me that she is not going anywhere and I might as well get used to it. The only solace in this is that I am not the only one who feels this way. She has alienated all of his friends to the point where they ignore his calls just so they won't have to deal with her. I have cried many tears over this and I am the saddest knowing that this has put my son in the middle. I love him so much but even that can't get me past the fact that she is controlling, needy and is turning my son into someone that none of us know anymore. Am I supposed to put my happiness aside forever to keep the peace? Easier said than done.

When I read your email, it made me sick for you... You are not going through an easy thing.. If anyone can say anything about this show, it would be you.. Good Luck to you, I will keep you in my prayers...Cindy

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