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Topic : 12/04 Doomed from the Start?

Number of Replies: 358
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Created on : Friday, November 30, 2007, 01:40:54 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Physical and verbal abuse, a cheating spouse … what are the deal-breakers in your marriage? Dr. Phil talks to a couple on the verge of breaking up, and he has help from Bishop T.D. Jakes, renowned pastor and author of Reposition Yourself. Anthoney says he cheated on his wife, Erin, many times and admits to being verbally abusive during their five-year marriage. He said his wife moved across the country with their three children and recently stopped returning his phone calls. Erin says she still loves her husband but will only take him back if he's a changed man. Anthoney claims that he's gotten his life back on track, but can he be trusted? Can this family reunite, or should they just call it quits? Join the discussion.

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December 1, 2007, 1:44 pm CST

Phystical And Emotional Abuse As a Marriage

My former husband began verbally abusing me on our honeymoon. Being cursed out because you offered to help him change a camera lens is a real eye opener. Then it progressed. Nothing I did was right. Finally he made me walk 20 out of the New Hampshire woods on a cracked hip and without my glasses. Since I'm legally blind without glasses and I wanted to scream the entire time, I can assure you that this event is seared in my mind forever. Why didn't I leave then? Because I was too scared. Because he had me convinced that I was a bad wife and it was my fault. Because I had no place to go and no way to earn a living. I finally came to my senses and got the hell out of Dodge. It's been rough but I made the right decision. Thirty years after our divorce he's still telling people that I'm nuts, that it was all my fault and sending nasty emails. We have a disabled child and have to correspond or he wouldn't have my email address. I just ignore his ranting and respond only to the questions about our child.

 

froach_gael

 

 

 
December 1, 2007, 1:53 pm CST

Doctor Phil Show

Doctor Doomed From Phil Start The. What do you call that? If kids would stop playing games then things-

would get lot better. See You on Tuesday December 04th, 2007. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.-------

 
December 1, 2007, 2:18 pm CST

Run Erin Run

 I have observed such men for several years and have yet to see one change. Their intentions are good but that is as far as it goes, I am afraid. The road to hell is paved with good intentions! Run as fast as you can, Erin! You don't need a husband who uses sex and abuse as a brain candy. You don't need another child!
 
December 1, 2007, 2:46 pm CST

Doomed from the start

 

Sounds all too familiar. My husband has been lying to me for most of our 14 year marriage. He did leave out physical and verbal abuse. He drug me through financial ruin including bankruptcy, ruined credit, placed the house up as collateral for a business deal, several drug problems, drug running and infidelity on top of all the lies about expensive purchases he made on our joint credit card and never paid the bill.

14 years of this has forced me ask him to move out, I was trying to keep this marriage together for the sake of the kid's but their Father has no integrity or moral obligation to his family. We were loosing out to his needs. I was holdign on to hopw that he would take the time to realize that family trumps everything   period

I still love him, but I know that he will never cahnge because he doesn't want to. I think this doomed from the start marriage has a chance if both are willing to roll up their sleeves and do the hard work required to save the marriage. Dont give up, work at it. Like the man say's;  leave no stone unturned and earn your way out of the marriage- you owe it to the children you owe it to each other, to part friends or remain in the marriage in love. God bless and good luck

 
December 1, 2007, 3:42 pm CST

Women do it too.

Quote From: bigskyman

I wish you would have a man and woman on here where the woman cheats on the husband. I know it happened to me. It seems all you ever here about is the man, and I know I have heard of women who have cheated on their husbands. My relationship is over and I don't want to fix it. I have met a wonderful woman now and life is great.
Oh, women are just as capable of cheating as men. Furthermore, who is it that men cheat with?(Other women) It happens and it's just as hurtful and wrong for a woman to do it as it is for a man to do it. I think we'd all agree with that.And IMO a woman cheating is a deal breaker. I'm glad you met a wonderful woman. Enjoy your life!
 
December 1, 2007, 3:44 pm CST

If only for the kids...

Way to go Erin!!  I wish my mother had had the courage to leave...I used to wonder what my life would have been like had I not grown up in such a dysfunctional environment.  Time and experience taught me not to dwell on a past I cannot change which allowed me to love being me without regret or if only's. 

 

BUT.....had I not heard the things my father said and called my mother, I would not have been scared of him. I would not have come to blame her for being too weak to stand up to him and not brave enough to defend me. I would not have believed that her inaction on my behalf was because I was unloveable, unworthy and unimporant. I would not have confused lust for love. I would not have married young just to get the hell out of that house. I would have a relationship instead of a truce with my family today.

 

Way to go Erin....your kids may never have the words or understanding to be able to tell you the many things you saved them from simply by removing them from the situation but I do. Watching your idols battle each other tears apart the belief that love is real. Hearing the two people that created you saying hateful things to each other, lights a fire of fear deep inside you...a fear that if they can stop loving each other..how long until they stop loving you too?  You get the idea.  I would have traded an everyday father for anyday peace. But that's just me.

 

 

 
December 1, 2007, 3:57 pm CST

Run and Never look back!!!

     Any type of abuse, be it physical, verbal or otherwise, is an absolute deal breaker.

A successful relationship requires trust and respect from all the parties involved and there is no chance of having feelings of trust and respect for an abusive partner.

Also if there are children involved, their safety and well being are paramount. If one spouse has so little respect for the other that they abuse them, what makes you think that they won't turn on their own children? Get out of that situation for your children's sake, because abuse in all forms is a vicious thing and easily passed down from generation to generation.

Abusers are often master manipulators, able to convince those around them that they are perfectly normal and that they would never harm the one that they love along with any children that they have. When a partner leaves such a relationship they are often assailed with declarations of love and promises that the abuse will never happen again. But guess what?

It's a lie.

That's why it seems like a never ending cycle and it often stays that way for a long time.

It takes a strong person to gather their famiies and leave their abuser. Many times, they abuser is the one that is in charge of everything in the relationship. Those leaving find that they often have little more than the clothes on their back and their lives.

Fortunately for myself, I've never been in such a scenario, but many people that I love dearly have and it is my hope that this woman, Erin, holds onto the strength to stay away from her husband. Not only for herself but for the health and well being of her children, because children see and hear everything that goes on in their parents relationships.
 
December 1, 2007, 8:04 pm CST

Dr. Phil, Be Responsible Here


I hope that Erin is given the opportunity to get help. She has three children to care for, which makes it difficult to maintain resolve to protect herself from a man who has burnt his bridge with her to dust.
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December 2, 2007, 6:33 am CST

12/04 Doomed from the Start?

Quote From: princessgina

If you cheat male or female it's defanantely wrong and even more wrong when you abuse the spouse. If the chick in the story goes back to her husband then she's asking for more. If she's smart she'll stay away from the loser.

 Once a dog always a dog!!! HE will only change  for a little bit until he know he has you back in the same position!! Don't do IT!!!!!  

 
December 2, 2007, 8:59 am CST

Hit me once, shame on you

Hit me once, shame on you. Hit me twice, shame on me.

 

I would NEVER stay in a relationship that was abusive in any way, physical or otherwise.

Too many women focus on finding him the help he needs so he can be "fixed".....rather than focusing on finding themselves the help they need to get out.

God bless any woman who finds herself in an abusive relationship. May she find the strength to reach out to supportive and loving friends and family to help her get OUT.

 
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