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Topic : 12/04 Doomed from the Start?

Number of Replies: 358
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Created on : Friday, November 30, 2007, 01:40:54 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Physical and verbal abuse, a cheating spouse … what are the deal-breakers in your marriage? Dr. Phil talks to a couple on the verge of breaking up, and he has help from Bishop T.D. Jakes, renowned pastor and author of Reposition Yourself. Anthoney says he cheated on his wife, Erin, many times and admits to being verbally abusive during their five-year marriage. He said his wife moved across the country with their three children and recently stopped returning his phone calls. Erin says she still loves her husband but will only take him back if he's a changed man. Anthoney claims that he's gotten his life back on track, but can he be trusted? Can this family reunite, or should they just call it quits? Join the discussion.

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December 1, 2007, 4:33 am CST

Do we have to ASK if physical and/or verbal abuse should be a deal breaker in a marriage?

Yes, physical and verbal abuse SHOULD be a deal breaker in a marriage. A woman or man should never feel that they should compromise themselves or thier children to this kind of behavior. I think the reason I just can't understand why this question should even be asked is because I've never been in that type of situation. I'm sure it's much more complicated when a spouse or partner finds themselves in this scenerio and feels confused about it. On the outside looking in, it's a no brainer for me. It's DEFINITELY a deal breaker!
 
December 1, 2007, 8:01 am CST

12/04 Doomed from the Start?

Quote From: housewife52

Yes, physical and verbal abuse SHOULD be a deal breaker in a marriage. A woman or man should never feel that they should compromise themselves or thier children to this kind of behavior. I think the reason I just can't understand why this question should even be asked is because I've never been in that type of situation. I'm sure it's much more complicated when a spouse or partner finds themselves in this scenerio and feels confused about it. On the outside looking in, it's a no brainer for me. It's DEFINITELY a deal breaker!
I wish you would have a man and woman on here where the woman cheats on the husband. I know it happened to me. It seems all you ever here about is the man, and I know I have heard of women who have cheated on their husbands. My relationship is over and I don't want to fix it. I have met a wonderful woman now and life is great.
 
December 1, 2007, 10:28 am CST

Get out and stay out

If you cheat male or female it's defanantely wrong and even more wrong when you abuse the spouse. If the chick in the story goes back to her husband then she's asking for more. If she's smart she'll stay away from the loser.
 
December 1, 2007, 10:55 am CST

An Adult Child's Perspective

 Having grown up in a violent, abusive family, witnessing as well as hearing the abuse between my parents, being abused by my parents...contrary to some people's opinions, I was most definitely affected by the physical and verbal abuse.  Attending support groups--Adult Children of Alcoholics, Al-Anon, open AA meetings-- is helping me to deal with how I view myself as well as others.  Sadly, our society, which includes the Christian community, tends to look the other way.  Children suffer for their parents' (live-ins, revolving-door partners, whatever you care to refer to them) decisions.  Commenting on this particular couple, the proof is on both to demonstrate change for the better.  The children need to witness consistent progress from both their parents.  Progress and not perfection.  Mistakes are one thing.  Make the necessary amends to ensure health for all involved.  Consistent abusive behavior, however, must never to be acceptable or ignored or treated lightly.
 
December 1, 2007, 11:11 am CST

Anger Issues

I have a friend who, after she became engaged, found herself in a violent argument with her intended and was hit by him. She calmly stepped away and said "I love you but this relationship is over until you take and complete an anger management course and commence with counseling." He did and they are now happily married for 10 years with two children and his anger has never been a problem since. Smart woman. She didn't let being in love with him cloud her reasoning and cause a bad situation to snowball. Good for them!
 
December 1, 2007, 11:18 am CST

Understanding verbal abuse

My husband never hit me in all ther years we were married but I was terribly verbally abused and my son was physically abused. It's hard to explain to people what verbal abuse is. It's not just being called names, in fact that was not my husband's most common form of verbal abuse. It was more about the subtle psychological undermining he did of me by withholding information, denying what he had just said, creating confusion, minimizing my concerns, manipulating, demeaning. In those ways he gained power and control and kept me from being the individual I was created to be. And it was a deal breaker!
 
December 1, 2007, 11:37 am CST

Abuse

Quote From: housewife52

Yes, physical and verbal abuse SHOULD be a deal breaker in a marriage. A woman or man should never feel that they should compromise themselves or thier children to this kind of behavior. I think the reason I just can't understand why this question should even be asked is because I've never been in that type of situation. I'm sure it's much more complicated when a spouse or partner finds themselves in this scenerio and feels confused about it. On the outside looking in, it's a no brainer for me. It's DEFINITELY a deal breaker!
I was in a marriage for 17 years, very verbal and some times physical.  Now I see it repeating itself in our 21 year old son.  Kis learn this behavior from their parents.
 
December 1, 2007, 12:47 pm CST

Leopards don't change their spots

I would be surprised if this marriage would be able to survive. I don't think anyone has the right to physically or verbally abuse their spouse or children. My concern would be the children, depending on how old they are, they could follow in the footsteps of the parents. It's the "Monkey see, monkey do" syndrome.
 
December 1, 2007, 12:58 pm CST

Oh my!

After 5 years verbal abuse, emotional abuse and physical abuse...why would she stay? My first husband beat me once. I told him if he ever hit me again, I was gone and he would have a skillet molded in the form of his head. He must have believed me, he never raised a hand to me again. I may weigh 100 lbs but for the sake of my children, I would have fought like a buzz saw. His excuse? He was drunk and didn't remember, I made sure he did. This girl is flirting with the possibility of death, Get Out while you can! Don't look back! Get rid of this piece of garbage, I did and never regretted my choice.

 
December 1, 2007, 1:35 pm CST

Run and don't look back

Quote From: bigskyman

I wish you would have a man and woman on here where the woman cheats on the husband. I know it happened to me. It seems all you ever here about is the man, and I know I have heard of women who have cheated on their husbands. My relationship is over and I don't want to fix it. I have met a wonderful woman now and life is great.
My daughter was in an abusive relationship.  Her ex also cheated on her.  Her ex is remarried and he is cheating on his new wife.  He is abusive with her and my Grandchildren!  We have two different police reports against him.  One for my daughter and one for the children.  Yet he has worked the court system and has taking my daughters children 4 states away.  HE (MY EX SON-IN-LAW) WILL NEVER CHANGE AND NEITHER WILL THIS GUY.  If you think for one minute this guy will change, you need to have your head examined.  Take if from me, I have not seen my Grandchildren and my daughter has not seen her children for 6 months.  Run and keep running.  Jerks like this need to have their man-hood cut off and dumped on some island with each other where they can only hurt each other. 
 
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