Topic : 12/05 Internet Dangers

Ok Marcus said what he did was wrong, but at the sametime who wants to be with a woman who doesn't care about the way she look? if she gains a bunch of weight? If he offers to buy her a nice outfit and she declines? That right there tells me that she has no self-esteem or self-respect in how she looks or appears to other people around her. I think that's extremely selfish on her part. Not only that but who wants to be with someone who lets themself go? seriously! I mean she can pawn it off about it being the kids this or the family that, but come on here. Theres nothing wrong with your husband wanting to buy you a nice outfit ONCE in 8 yrs? they have been married? So yea Rhodesia can pass the buck off to how its about the kids always needing this or that or that her husband comes first, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with a wife/mother being treated to something on occasion. Its not like Marcus is doing this every single day and that the kids are going without food here...........

Unfortunately the simple yet harsh reality is that Rhodesia has become sooooo lazy and laidback that she just doesn't care about her self appearance in the slightest. But she is NOT the only person who looks at her, who sleeps in the same bed with her and who wants to be romantically involved with her..... So if she dont care enough to do it, then go elsewhere right? That's what Marcus did. Who wants to be with someone who just dont care enough to care at all....What does bother me is how she tries to pawn if off on the kids and family, and then tries to sell it by sobing/crying on national tv.

Come on Rhodesia just because you got married and had a family, does not give you the right to totally let yourself go to the point where your husband isn't even attracted to you, even after he willingly offers to buy you a nice ourfit. Also Rhodesia dont pawn it off on the family and the kids.. They are not going hungry or anything like that. You became a lazy, jobless mother who just got sooo lazy you dont care anymore, gained weight, didnt want anything, and according to you put everyone else first all the time, which by the way isnt the way it works, or needs to be......

Shape up and give your husband the respect enough to want to be with you, to find you attractive. He goes to work all day while you do whatever you want, all the time.....As Dr.Phil would say LETS GET REAL!

If you are with in a relationship with someone, you expect the relationship to grow and deepen over time; you expect a heart connection to be made and maintained.  You operate your life based on this expectation.  When your partner in the relationship does not or cannot make an emotional connection, the relationship becomes very painful.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight into personality types most capable of repeated infidelity are:

Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss  AND Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward OR Emotional Unavailability by Bryn Collins

Malignant Self Love:  Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin OR Overcoming Passive-Aggression by Tim Murphy and Loriann Oberlin

Get Me Out of Here:  My Recovery From Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland OR Girl Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen OR Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger

Healthy Boundaries Workbook: Using Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Set and Maintain Better Boundaries by Deborah Deiboldt Legge

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

Though harder to spot, emotional abuse is easier to deny.  But just as physical abuse has signposts to mark its presence, emotional abuse, being a systematic attack on one's sense of self, has common traits.  Physical abuse comes in degrees of severity - emotional abuse also runs the gamut of intensity and damage.

There are relationships, marriages and families that are so destructive the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  Make a promise to yourself to leave.  Leave so you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can learn to live a joyful, peaceful, trusting and fulfilling life.

Hope it helps!

   The addict or abuser will always find an adequate excuse.  It may be flimsy, but they will never find fault with themselves.  They will blame MySpace.  Or Craig'slist.  Or something.  An abusing husband will claim "she let herself go, she isn't as attractive as a size 2 runway model."  (He never notices he is not Denzel Washington)  When he feels the need to damage this children as much as his spouse, he claims that  "she's isn't a good parent."  When he attacks her value in society,  (we are as valuable as the money we earn) "she didn't earn enough money. "

    Those are handy excuses. 

    And the co-dependent finds excuses for him.  To the rousing strains of Tammy Wynette's Stand by Your Man, she forgives the unforgivable.  She is lost in the myth that this is a competition she must win with all the **** .  She will prove to all the--well, let's be charitable and say-- women that he cheated with that she is the better woman.  She goes off into a happy, feminine fantasy where she proves she deserves and truly loves him.  

    He has learned to play a co-dependent for a fool.  All he has to do is say "I'm sorry" and all the past is forgiven, and he gets to go on his own merry way.  He wants to protect himself from all those other women with a legal marriage.  (He can avoid an intense relationship with someone on Craig'slist by suddenly remembering 'I'm a married man")

    A reconciliation is in the best interests of the abuser, not the co-dependent..  She surrenders herself  in any relationship.  She is the last one to realize this because focusing on  being the best woman, the best wife, and the best mother that she can be takes up all her time and attention.  She forgets to remember if he is being the best husband or father.  He's a only a man, and he is not responsible for his own actions.   All the other women are the problem.  When she's honest with herself, which isn't often because she has as much self-esteem as a gnat, she admits she uses him as if he were  sexual object--the only dildo in town.

   And, she returns to that marriage as deluded as the first time she left.  I  

How typical of a scorned woman.  Cheating is wrong.  But having the court produce a restraining order to keep him 500 feet away is just disgusting behavior.  And she says their children are in pain. Duh?  What he did was wrong.  What she did is evil.  Who is she to keep him away from his kids?  She should be punished in court for falsely accusing him of whatever it was to make the court honor her request for the bogus court order.  She admitted that they both violated the order several times.   This is one of the many reasons that men are so screwed over in the courts and have Fatherhood, REAL FATHERHOOD taken away or shot down to be just a special visitor and a paycheck.  These women choose to lie to the courts to get even with a man even if it hurts their children.  How evil it is!  This is a horrible epidemic in this so called country called America.  This country and the court systems are detroying our families.  Many women help to destroy our families as well.   And why is it that the Dr. Phil show puts her in the studio and not him?  Maybe she should be in the remote location and him on the stage.

Dr. Phil suggests that he has a long way to go.  What about her and her actions?  She has some ownership in the situation as well.  She's no saint.  She has proved that by being untruthful  in court.  So the truth is not that important to her either.  Getting even is not honorable.  being evil is not good.  Revenge has hurt her kids. Shame on her.  Shame on him too but we still did not hear about all that was going on that may have pushed him to cheat.

I'm so tired of people saying the internet is bad and blaming their problems on a website.  I cant stand people saying that it makes people cheat and do things they shouldnt... they do it themselves it has NOTHING to do with the site or the internet. The wife on the show today shouldnt hate myspace but be THANKFUL for it... in that it showed the real side of her husband and what he is capable of doing so that she can think twice of staying in a marriage like that. If it wasnt for sites like myspace, they would find another way to cheat if they are wanting to and it wouldnt be as easy for people to find out about so they can know what is going on. I have been a member of myspace for over three years now and I would hate to go without it. Its a way for me to talk to all my friends and family near or far and to share pictures and memories together.... its a way for people to display who they are celebrate themselves and share it with others... and meet people from all walks of life. There is nothing wrong with it. As Dr Phil says.. its not about the use but abot the ABUSE. If you have a child under the age of 18 myspace has settings that will not allow people to view their page without being their friend or knowing them... you can set it to only accept messages and requests and only allow people to view it if they know their last name or the email. There are precaustions both parents and people in general can take to be safe... some just dont chose to. I feel sorry for the girl who is missing on the show today... mabey it will teach people to be more caustious before going off with a stranger like that. I met my boyfriend of three wonderful years online... and I can tell you there are things you can do to make sure meeting a person is safe. INFORM yourself!