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Topic : 12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

Number of Replies: 513
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Created on : Friday, November 30, 2007, 01:44:52 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
How far would you go to be a mother? Dr. Phil's guests are women whose biological clocks are ticking time bombs, and they're willing to risk almost everything to become pregnant. When Tonya and Keith got married, they agreed not to have children. Six years later, Tonya has had a change of heart and is now obsessed with having a baby, but Keith is totally opposed to the idea. Can they reach a compromise without resenting each other, or will the baby talk end their wedded bliss? Next, Eric and Michelle have been married over a year and have been unable to conceive. Eric refuses to spend another dime on fertility treatments because he says there's no guarantee she's going to get pregnant. Michelle won't take no for an answer and has even considered going behind her husband's back and charging fertility treatments on her credit card. After talking with Dr. Phil, will Eric decide to invest in the procedures, or will Michelle put her baby dreams on hold? And, Dr. Phil fitness expert, Robert Reames, and his wife, Arminae, share their painful five-year struggle to have another baby. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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December 1, 2007, 4:00 pm CST

12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

Tonya and Keith need to get a divorce. Bottom line. They made an agreement before they got married not to have children. Now she wants one, he doesn't. That is a dealbreaker. If having a child is more important to her than saving an already established marriage, they need to call it quits, because if he gives in and has a child to make her happy, it will be unfair to him. If she does without a child for his sake, she'll be miserable.

 

My husband and I also agreed that we did not want children, and I have taken steps to ensure that it doesn't happen. We are happy with that decision, but should we both decide later on that we want a child, which is not likely, we are open to adoption. I don't know why more people don't choose adoption. I get called selfish and get strange looks all the time when I tell people I don't want kids. How is it selfish to know you won't be a good parent, and take steps to keep it from happening? Can't be any more selfish than having to have your own DNA as opposed to adopting a child that is already here and will have to otherwise grow up in the foster care system. There are selfish reasons for having kids as well as not having them.

 
December 1, 2007, 10:36 pm CST

I finally had a baby after 7 years!

  I want to tell everyone that is having trouble having a baby to have Faith!!  It took my husband and I seven years to have our first child and there is no way to tell someone how much it hurts when all you think about is holding that child and being the best parents that you can be!  Most people stop using birth control and boom their pregnant, or they have a one night stand and boom they are pregnant. (At least that is how I felt.) Day in and Day out all you think about is having that baby, everyone says don't think about it and it will happen.  But that is so hard when it does not happen.  And everyone says "well why don't you adopt" Well that is fine if you are rich or a movie star.  But for the average person like my husband and I were we could not afford to adopt a new born and there is such a long wait in most cases. (Unless you have a lot of money) we had insurance to cover having a baby but did not have enough money to adopt.  But I finally put it in Gods hands and if it was not in our cards to have a child of our own than we would love and spoil our nephews like we always had.  After putting it in Gods hands and a move from He.. we found out that we were really going to have a baby.  I could not believe it and thought I needed to be pinched!  I was 32 at the time and 9 months later we have a beautiful baby girl!  It took us one miscarriage and four years later until our son was born!!  We are in heaven!!!  But 12 years later I will never forget that feeling and each day I thank god for my answered prayers!!  There are two many people that have babies but do not want to be parents!  And so many really good people out there that would do anything to have a baby!  Please do not take your children for granite!  Love them every minute!  And I will pray for all the people out there that are going to be great parents someday!!
 
December 1, 2007, 10:49 pm CST

Relax

Quote From: goofy2704

I am  a 30 year old married women who has been trying to get pregnant for 2 years. Last year we seeked fertility treatments and had no success yet. Unfortunately we are in that 30% tile for no unknown reason as to why we cannot get pregnant. We have been lucky so far since our insurance copy has been covering the treatments. Our insurance company only covers three months of each cycle of drugs so in two months we will be on our own financially if we plan to take it to the next level. Trying to become pregnant is like having another job you are told when to have intercourse and how often, spontaneous is not even thought of anymore. Growing up I always knew I wanted to have children, I never imagined it would be this hard. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Yes I am sure you have heard this from everyone (and so did I, and I thought if I heard it again I would screem!) But turn it over to God and relax.  I did after 7 years and Feb. 1996 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl four years and one miscarrage later I gave birth to a handsome baby boy in may of 2000.  I am a older mom (I always wanted to be a hip young mom) but that must not have been what God had wanted.  So now I am a very happy somewhat hip older mom (unless you ask my daughter!) But just remember I know it seems like you are the only one.  But there are others just like you here to surport you!  I will pray for you!
 
December 1, 2007, 11:53 pm CST

Desperate to get Pregant

Stop trying to hard, that what is wrong with half of these people.  I have 2 lovely boys and another due in January 2008.  I had have had the misfortune of also having 3 miscarriages and 3 major surgeries with my baby factory in the processing having terrible scar tissue damage, losing one ovary and tube, and only being given a 10% chance of falling pregnant with assistance.

 

Everyone just put to much pressure on them and their partners to get pregnant, taking their temps, measuring when the right time to have sex, blah, blah.

 

I give you the best advice that I every got, from my doctor's nurse.

 

STOP TRYING, RELAX GET RID OF YOUR STRESS AND ENJOY LIFE, LOVE AND SEX.  AND DO NOT AND ANY CIRCUMSTANCES PUT PRESSURE ON YOURSELF TO GET PREGNANT.

 

AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL DON'T TELL PEOPLE THAT YOUR TRYING TO CONCEIVE

 

I followed that advice still, and have never put pressure on myself or my husband, we are truly blessed with what God has given us.

 
December 1, 2007, 11:56 pm CST

Honor Your Contract!

Either honor your contract, or get out! To badger your husband into allowing you to have a baby against his will is WRONG! If you want a child that badly, give this man his freedom to NOT be a father, and go find someone who wants to be a daddy to your tick-tock child. Vows are supposed to be forever... the wedding vows as well as agreed upon contracts made when you both felt the same way. If he ultimately gives in and you have a child with him, he will be saddled with support of the child if he doesn't have a change of heart, and that's totally unfair - to the child AND to him. He should not have to give in to your demands because you're feeling old and insecure. And if you really feel the only thing that will bring you happiness is to have a baby of your own, then relieve this man of any unwanted guilt and obligation. Let him go and go on to be whomever you think you have become, and do what you believe is necessary for you.
 
December 2, 2007, 12:44 am CST

Been there, done that!

I was once in the situation of one of doctor Phil's guests, I so badly wanted to be a mom, but my husband was firm about not wanting to be a parent.  When we first got married, I was dumb enough to agree with him that he should get a vasectomy and thought (at that time) that if he was so dead set against having a child, than this was ok because I was so in love with him that it just didn't matter.  As the years began to tick by, I realized how huge of a mistake it was for me to write off my own deep feelings, and we had many arguements about the topic of having children.  I was so lonely inside and a piece of me was missing, but again I sucked it up because I am so in love with my husband.

 

Out of nowhere, about 7 years ago my husband had a change of heart!  I was THRILLED to say the least.  Not only did he change his mind, God put a situation in front of us almost immediately after my husband shared his new feelings with me.  Shortly after, my husband and I adopted a new born baby boy. 

 

I'm not going to sugar coat it...if we had to go through the real adoption chanels of going through an agency, etc., we would not have been able to afford it.  The cost of adopting is outrageous and it makes me sick to think of how many kids are out there for adoption, and good, loving people who deserve and desire to be parents can't adopt them because it is financially out of their reach.  My husband and I were blessed to be in the right place at the right time.  I had a friend whose niece was pregnant (with her fourth child) and knew she was not able to keep it.  This girl was a heroin addict and had already lost her other three children to "the system".  While she didn't know my husband and I, she trusted her aunt (who was my friend) and to make a long story short, today we have a son!

 

Not long after we had the desire to have another child.  I went through artificial insemination for a little over a year with no luck.  Ultimately we decided to adopt again, and pursued it through the Department of Social Services.  We reluctantly tread on, because we were afraid that we would have a child placed with us and then ripped away along with our hearts (there are many horror stories out there)...to our delight, we soon became parents to a 13 month old girl (now age 3) and have never looked back.

 

My husband has said many times that he regrets all the years wasted when he had firmly decided no children.  These children have changed our lives and have fufilled our destiny and hearts.  Not only do we love these children with every breath we take, we made yet another leap and have since become foster parents!  My husband and I requested infants only, and for the past year have had the privilege of caring for about 10 children who were in need of a home and in need of love.  The experience is undescribable and we are continually amazed at what we have to offer these children, but what they too have to offer us.  Right now we have a 1 month old baby girl that is such a delight.  Our other children (now ages 7 and 3) have become very compassionate kids and have eaten up the foster care experience with us.

 

I look back now and see how depressed and saddened I used to be at the thought of never being a mom and now I am constantly told that I have "found my calling" with foster care and with being a stay at home "professional" mom. LOL

 

Bottom line, follow your heart!  Don't write off being a parent if that's where your true love is, but don't become so obsessed with it that you tear apart the loved one's currently in your life and sacrafice those that have been with you all along.  Get some couselling if need be, and realize that God will put the situation in front of you if it's meant to be, just keep the faith.  Here I am now, my husband and I together for 23 years, kids I went to school with already have grandchildren and at age 42 we have 2 kids under the age of 8!  It is a trip I would not trade for anything!

 

Do not write off adoption as an option, and do not write of Social Services...there are thousands of kids out there who need a loving family, and you will be AMAZED at how quickly they will adapt and fit right in to your family.  Don't give up!

 
December 2, 2007, 9:14 am CST

desperate to be a mom

after reading the blurb for the upcoming show desparate to be a mom, i am astounded how far women are willing to go, i too was in that situation. i am 50 year old woman who has been married since i was 17 years old. i suffered from infertility, i started treatments when i was 18 and had everything done you could possibily do. i even had drug treatments that were never tried before, i had surgery on my ovaries, and all in an effort to have a baby, i continued to run to doctors for 16 years, until a doctor finally told me there was nothing left to try, i thought my life was over. my husband was willing to go as far as we could afford to go, but our marriage suffered greatly and it caused more heartbreak going to the doctors than if we had tried adoption. finally after all those years, we privately adopted a girl from someone we knew, she came to us straight from the hospital. she is now a beautiful, smart 16 years old young woman, we might never had the privledge of raising her if i had continued to try to have my own baby. the doctors today especially in the states (i'm from canada) try to milk couples out of their money. by closing our minds to one thing maybe we miss another, because if having a child in your life is what you want then what is the difference if that child comes from your womb or someone else's. loving a child is the most important thing that as a married couple you'll ever accomplish and the most satisfying.
 
December 2, 2007, 10:07 am CST

12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

Unless their is a health reason I can't undertsand why people would on purpose choose not to have kids. Kids are a blessing from God in my opinion. Kids put up for adoption should be sent into loving homes of people who can't have any kids.
 
December 2, 2007, 10:08 am CST

Look into natural medicine

You might want to research Dr. Randine Lewis and her "Fertile Soul" books and retreats (also www.thefertilesoul.com  

My daughter who is an acupunturist in California told me about her, as she has applied to to intern at one of the  retreats.  Dr. Lewis has had very good success with infertile couples using Chinese medicine techniques and holistic or mind/body approaches.

Maybe this would be something to look into for a future show--

 
December 2, 2007, 3:29 pm CST

PCOS?

Hi... To all couples trying desperately to conceive, my prayers go out to you.  I, too, had problems conceiving.  Many times my husband and I said we were going to stop the fertility treatments... that was until we met a wonderful doctor in our area who finally diagnosed the problem.  I have PCOS.  It aparently is not difficult to diagnose, but most doctors treat the symptoms individually instead of viewing them as a whole.  That was five years ago.  I now have a wonderful nearly three year old son and a beautiful ten month old daughter.  Don't give up.  I know it can be heartbreaking.  So many times we thought we were pregnant and were not.  I spent many nights crying. 

 

I also have to say this:  I have a cousin who could not conceive.  Her doctor finally told her that there was nothing else that could be done, and that they should look into adoption.  Sharon now has a wonderful little boy she adopted from Russia.  There are so many children who need homes... wonderful children who just need a chance.  Good luck to all of you!

 
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