Quote From: cdragiceI watch Dr. Phil nearly everyday and generally have great respect for him and his opinions. I've always found him to be fair and sensible. However, this episdoe made me so incredibly angry that I had to come on this site and say what I feel.
In the matter of the first couple, I can see his point. Depending on how strongly the man feels about not having children, it's something he needs to consider for his wife. But SHE needs to do the same for HIM! Marriage isn't just about making the woman happy, it's about both partners doing things for each other. I was very surprised that he didn't seem to focus on that.
It was the second couple that sent me through the roof! It's sad that she needs to have a child to validate herself. In my opinion, her husband was extremely sensible and, for once, Dr. Phil was definitely NOT. Spending thousands of dollars to CREATE a child is NOTHING like spending it to SAVE a child that already exists! That woman is throwing money after something that simply will not happen for her. I'm sorry that she can't have kids, but that's life! Maybe there's a reason for that. Not every one is meant to reproduce.
However, the thing that upset me more than anyone is that Dr. Phil did not discuss adoption. If having a child is that important to you, then spend the money on the actual child, not on the possibility of one!! There are millions of children in desparate need of a loving family at this very moment, and this woman has the audacity to spend her entire savings on something that will not happen?! And Dr. Phil told her to do it?! There are already far too many people on this planet, it makes a lot more sense to save one that already exists than to just add to the problem.
That woman is exceptionally selfish, and I was extremely disappointed in Dr. Phil for supporting her. I only hope her husband has enough sense not to listen.
This issue about having children must have come up when the couples were discussing their marriage before announcing their engagement. If she entered the marriage knowing he did not wish to have children--and now she has changed her mind--she should also consider changing her husband. The marriage is over.
This is too large an issue for compromising.
Unfortunately, I know how that poor second woman feels. I was married 7 years, and I was 29 years old when I starting trying to conceive. As a teenager, I was taught that it is contraception that was challenging. As a young wife, I discovered that certain joy of resorting to basal temperatures, charts, and cervical mucus. Months passed, and still no babies. I became a nervous wreck. I felt less than a woman or person. (This is how I felt--people are not Vulcans and capable of being perfectly logical)
It turned out that the unknown reason that I could not easily conceive reared its ugly head. I was developing cervical cancer. Once each year, I made enough chemicals to conceive. I was overjoyed when this happened. Things were looking up.
But the cancer reared its ugly head. It masked several alarming symptoms, and that first child was
stillborn. One of the most horrible things that can can happen to any woman is going into the delivery room to have a child that she knows is dead. And then, six weeks later, my PAP smear came back to the doctor marked "suspicious, probably malignant." I learned the true value of "double lab" for biopsies. I had an operation, and I had to take cancer drugs for six weeks.
Eventually, I had a daughter and a son.
I would never, ever say that it was easy. I would never say that all a person has to do was think positive thoughts. Or relax. For some people it is destined to be MUCH more difficult! And there are absolutely no guarantees.
(I suspect that Dr. Phil did not discuss adoption because neither one of these couples could pass the psyche test for adoptive couples. There is too much angst in both of them to bring a child into their worlds.)
How far would you go to be a mother? Dr. Phil's guests are women whose biological clocks are ticking time bombs, and they're willing to risk almost everything to become pregnant. When Tonya and Keith got married, they agreed not to have children. Six years later, Tonya has had a change of heart and is now obsessed with having a baby, but Keith is totally opposed to the idea. Can they reach a compromise without resenting each other, or will the baby talk end their wedded bliss? Next, Eric and Michelle have been married over a year and have been unable to conceive. Eric refuses to spend another dime on fertility treatments because he says there's no guarantee she's going to get pregnant. Michelle won't take no for an answer and has even considered going behind her husband's back and charging fertility treatments on her credit card. After talking with Dr. Phil, will Eric decide to invest in the procedures, or will Michelle put her baby dreams on hold? And, Dr. Phil fitness expert, Robert Reames, and his wife, Arminae, share their painful five-year struggle to have another baby. Talk about the show here.
