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Topic : 12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

Number of Replies: 513
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Created on : Friday, November 30, 2007, 01:44:52 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
How far would you go to be a mother? Dr. Phil's guests are women whose biological clocks are ticking time bombs, and they're willing to risk almost everything to become pregnant. When Tonya and Keith got married, they agreed not to have children. Six years later, Tonya has had a change of heart and is now obsessed with having a baby, but Keith is totally opposed to the idea. Can they reach a compromise without resenting each other, or will the baby talk end their wedded bliss? Next, Eric and Michelle have been married over a year and have been unable to conceive. Eric refuses to spend another dime on fertility treatments because he says there's no guarantee she's going to get pregnant. Michelle won't take no for an answer and has even considered going behind her husband's back and charging fertility treatments on her credit card. After talking with Dr. Phil, will Eric decide to invest in the procedures, or will Michelle put her baby dreams on hold? And, Dr. Phil fitness expert, Robert Reames, and his wife, Arminae, share their painful five-year struggle to have another baby. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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December 2, 2007, 4:04 pm CST

12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

What is wrong with adoption? There are so many wonderful kids out there that need a home, and if you adopt through the foster care system, it costs little or nothing to do so. My husband and I went through fertility issues when I was trying to get pregnant the first time. Thankfully, the Lord has blessed us with 2 beautiful healthy little boys. We tried for over a year and went through 2 rounds of meds and the temperature charts and all, which I know is nothing compared to the many years of infertility that alot of women go through. My heart certainly goes out to those women who have been trying for so long.We had made up our minds though, how far we were willing to go as far as treatments, if I didn't get pregnant after the 3rd round of Clomid and had discussed adoption. I have a few friends who were unable to concieve but adopted children, my next door neighbors are in the process of adopting a beautiful little baby boy after a few years of not being able to conceive.They've had him since July, when he was 2 days old. Adopting domestically can be a roller coaster ride, but as I said, adopting a child from the foster care system doesn't cost much or doesn't cost anything. Another friend of mine has a brother and sister that she adopted from the foster care system and these children are so precious!! I babysit them frequently and I love them like my own. Some dear friends of ours from church have adopted 3 beautiful, sweet little girls from China.

 

The title of this show is Desperate to be a Mom, you don't have to physically give birth to a child to be a mom. I heard someone say this one time, when you adopt, you give birth through your heart!! My husband and I have tossed around the idea of adopting a child through the foster care system, but right now our financial situation wouldn't allow us to.

 
December 3, 2007, 3:48 am CST

What are you saying here?

Quote From: princessgina

Unless their is a health reason I can't undertsand why people would on purpose choose not to have kids. Kids are a blessing from God in my opinion. Kids put up for adoption should be sent into loving homes of people who can't have any kids.

That people shoud be forced to breed and put the kids up for adoption to supply people who can't breed with kids?

 

And if you can't understand why people might not want kids, your ability to understand things is pretty limited.

 
December 4, 2007, 12:04 am CST

I think you misunderstand

Quote From: marianparoo

That people shoud be forced to breed and put the kids up for adoption to supply people who can't breed with kids?

 

And if you can't understand why people might not want kids, your ability to understand things is pretty limited.

I don't think she is saying anyone should be forced to have a child.  I think she is talking about the children who are already in the system and need homes.  With all the children in need nobody needs to be "forced to breed".
 
December 4, 2007, 4:42 am CST

12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

Quote From: marianparoo

That people shoud be forced to breed and put the kids up for adoption to supply people who can't breed with kids?

 

And if you can't understand why people might not want kids, your ability to understand things is pretty limited.

Well, I was going to respond with something a leeetle bit nicer, but you hit the proverbial nail on the head. They don't have to understand it, but I don't know why it is so hard for some people to wrap their minds around the fact that some people simply do not want children.
 
December 4, 2007, 4:47 am CST

Not everyone feels that way....

Quote From: princessgina

Unless their is a health reason I can't undertsand why people would on purpose choose not to have kids. Kids are a blessing from God in my opinion. Kids put up for adoption should be sent into loving homes of people who can't have any kids.

There are just as many valid reasons for not having children as there are for having them.

 

And, people should not assume that just because a child gets adopted that he/she is going to a good, loving home.

 

And, not everyone who adopts is unable to have children.

 
December 4, 2007, 4:50 am CST

Dear Desperate

Have you and your husband considered addoption?  I would not recommend going behind his back and having expensive fertility treatments.  That to me is dishonest and unfair.  You change the rules not him. I would think you both need to try and work it out or move on.

 

 
December 4, 2007, 12:46 pm CST

get over it

If you are unwilling or unable to love an adopted child, then  you are unable to love a bilogical child.  I am a single adoptive parent of a child born to a mother with a $350/day heroin habit, who also took any other drug she could get her hands on.  My daughter, born at 32 weeks, was on a morphine drip for 12 weeks to go through withdrawal from an addiction to heroin, cocaine, crack, and marijuana.  Two years earlier my sister adopted her brother,who had the same prenatal polydrug history.  At  27 months, my daughter was diagnosed as bi-polar.  My daugher is Hispanic and Native American, and I am white.  At age 3, she pointed out that "our skin doesn't match."  I was taken aback, because I had never given the fact that we were different races a single thought. My brother has an adopted child and 2 biological children, my sister has a stepson, 3 adopted children, and 2 biological children, and I have my daughter.  We talk openly about adoption, and there is no difference in the love and attention any child receives.  So, if you believe you can only love your "own" child, perhaps you should evaluate your ability to love any child.  A child is  a child, not a trophy.
 
December 4, 2007, 6:45 pm CST

12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

Quote From: marianparoo

That people shoud be forced to breed and put the kids up for adoption to supply people who can't breed with kids?

 

And if you can't understand why people might not want kids, your ability to understand things is pretty limited.

We're not talking about animals!
 
December 4, 2007, 8:21 pm CST

How can you compromise?

How can a couple compromise on a child.  If one does not want one, should they say, well, I love you and you want one..so...let's go ahead.  NO WAY!  A child should never be planned to come into this world with the full knowledge that one of their parents does not want that child.  This is so wrong.  She agreed when she got married that they were not to have kids.  If she has changed her life and her heart to that point, she either needs to get out and find a father in someone else or live the childless life they planned.  He should not have to give up his life for a child.  She, as well, should not have to give up her desire to have a child.  BUT, she should decide that if a child is that important, then maybe finding a partner who shares that desire is the solution.  I just don't see how you can reach a compromise on this topic.  The child is either here or it is not.  There is no lease program or rental agreement.  Once you have a child, you have that child until YOU die!
 
December 5, 2007, 9:31 am CST

Relax

I to had problems having a baby at only 2, my husband and I tried for a year and nothing, I went to the doctor to see what could be wrong and got the run around because I was so young.  Well about a month later I found out I was indeed pregnant and we were so overjoyed, we told everyone then tmy world fell apart I had a miscarriage at three months I was completly destroyed, I had to have surgery and was told not to try again for 6 months.  This all took place right before Christmas and right after my best friend had her first baby.  Then in Febuary I felt pregnant and took a test although it said I was pregnant I was still not sure, I went to the doctor the next day and found out I was indeed pregnant.  The next month I was having the same symptoms I had with the miscarriage with the first, well  long story short I have a beautiful 2 year old little boy!  So my advice to everyone trying jus relax and I wish you the best of luck
 
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