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Topic : 12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

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Created on : Friday, November 30, 2007, 01:44:52 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
How far would you go to be a mother? Dr. Phil's guests are women whose biological clocks are ticking time bombs, and they're willing to risk almost everything to become pregnant. When Tonya and Keith got married, they agreed not to have children. Six years later, Tonya has had a change of heart and is now obsessed with having a baby, but Keith is totally opposed to the idea. Can they reach a compromise without resenting each other, or will the baby talk end their wedded bliss? Next, Eric and Michelle have been married over a year and have been unable to conceive. Eric refuses to spend another dime on fertility treatments because he says there's no guarantee she's going to get pregnant. Michelle won't take no for an answer and has even considered going behind her husband's back and charging fertility treatments on her credit card. After talking with Dr. Phil, will Eric decide to invest in the procedures, or will Michelle put her baby dreams on hold? And, Dr. Phil fitness expert, Robert Reames, and his wife, Arminae, share their painful five-year struggle to have another baby. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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December 6, 2007, 8:32 am CST

12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

Hi to all!

My heart goes out to any woman and man who is suffering from infertility. I have experienced infertility and have done all the infertility treatments, including IVF and FET.  Finally, after 4 years I have two healthy boy/girl twins that are 3 months old. 

Infertility is a disease that affects your mind and your body.  I sympathize with all these woman on the show. Hang in there!

I do think that both husband and wife HAVE to be on board together though.  Their marriage is on the rocks because he doesn't want a baby, BUT if he does cave and decides to have a baby, will he resent her? Will their marriage be on the rocks once the baby comes?

Everyone should respect everyone's decision to either not want to be a parent or the couple who is desperately trying for her own biological child.  Please understand that adoption is not always the answer for couples.  While adoption is great, it's not for everyone so please respect that.

Prayers for everyone longing for their baby! 

 
December 6, 2007, 8:40 am CST

12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

In addition...some people cannot just relax to get pregnant.  Although relaxing will definately help...however they have medical reasons as to why they cannot conceive without help.  Many have issues as the lad on today's show.  She has PCOS.  People with PCOS may only ovulate as little as once a year. 

Good Luck to everyone!!!

 
December 6, 2007, 8:42 am CST

12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

I am the mother of seven children.  It was only five years ago when I was int heir spots.  I was despiratly wanting children.  My husband and I both came from large families and we both wanted to have one as well.  We thought that we were never going to experience the love of children in our lives.  while doing fertiltiy and adoption processes both in hopes that one would work out for us.  They both did at the same time.  We were placed with a newborn baby girl and the day of her birth we learned that we were expecting quintuplets.  Two years later we were surprised with the addition of our son.  You never know what is in store for you in the future.  I look back and I know why we were meant to go through all that agnoy and that was too prepared us for what we have today in our seven small children.  life is crazy and hard but I often remeber those hard times when I wanted a baby and never thought I would get one.  That memory helps me treasure what I have and even make it through those struggle times like when they are all sick.  For you who are going through this keep your prayers going and know that there is a reason for everything.  Three years from now you may be looking back and realize why you were struggling now.  Good luck in your journeys. 
 
December 6, 2007, 8:42 am CST

Give Up..... BUT.....Never Give Up

OMG the couple who want to have a baby and cant keep trying we have been married for 16 years in april have been trying to have a baby for the last 5 we got pregnant from clomid and lost it on Valentines Day 05

well as upsetting as that was I kept going....I was past a 10 more like a 100 lol and my hubby was wanting a child to but he was in it for the sex lol everyday....it became a job and not fun anymore and then every month when my "friend" showed up it was just heartbreaking and I couldnt take it anymore the dr told us the treaments were going to be 2500 just like yours and we couldnt afford that so i secretly decided to wait til we got our taxes back the next year(a few months, because we were still trying)i was going to do it without my hubby knowing and tried not to worry about it so much and the first time we had sex without trying to have a baby we felt like we got us back and it was so wonderful we just decided to let the "baby thing" go for a while and got back in touch with us and I wasnt so stressed out and worried and upset that it wasnt happing and people (mom) kept saying your trying to hard just stop trying and it will happen well i got so sick and tired of hearing it i just shut the world out and i be damned if mom wasnt right  found out Jan 07 we were expecting and Sept 07 we had a beautiful healthy baby boy., NEVER give up on what you want it will happen but just dont stress over it so much, I too had ovarian and menstrual problems in the past its hard but everything happens for a reason and when its time it will happen no matter what you try to do to get pregnant if its not time it just isnt time but good luck it will happen when you least expect it it did for us and nothing ever happens for us and when it does happen for you its a whole new world

 
December 6, 2007, 8:44 am CST

Possible Help for Poly Cystic Ovaries

My daughter suffered from poly cystic ovaries and went thru two artificial insimination just to fail.  She was online with a fertility doctor group from New York City.  She was told to purchase an all natural herbal supplement (Ovulex) that would increase her days of ovulation. She did thru Ovulex.com.  The cost was about $160.00 much, much less than the fertility costs. She was told to take the supplement for at least three months. 

 

After two months use with each of her two births, it worked.  She was pregnant and now I have two beautiful grandsons.  I hope this information is useful to many viewers that suffer from poly cystic ovaries. Fro $160.00, it is well worth the cost.

 

Also I want to say, my daughter gave the website to two of her close friends and it too worked for them.  Each one gave birth to a healthy baby.. 

 
December 6, 2007, 8:49 am CST

12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

I feel for the lady who has PCOS, I suffer from that.  Sixteen years ago  I gave birth to a beautiful little girl. My husband and I tried to have another child for several years but couldn't. It nearly wrecked our marriage! We went through alot of bad things in our life because of it.  But 5 years ago we got our lives back on track and our family was so happy and doing great. Guess what?  In July of 2006 I found out I was pregnant!!!!!  I now have a 16 year old daughter and a 9 month old son. I'm 36 and my husband is 41.  It was an amazing suprise but we had to stop and reorganize our lives again. But none of us could live without Benjamin now!  I hope and pray these families have a happy outcome!
 
December 6, 2007, 8:53 am CST

I agree with what you're saying

Quote From: bluevibe

Why is it always the guy who has to change his mind?  These women knew when they got married that their husbands didn't want kids, and now they resent them.  Well, nobody forced you to marry him!  Be honest with yourself--if you think there's any chance you might change your mind, it needs to be brought up before the wedding.  People should be allowed to not want children and not browbeaten for it.

Have these women considered adoption?  Fostering?  *Must* it be a biological child (do they love kids, or is it an egotistical need to replicate themselves?).  A friend of mine married in her late 30's and, rather than risk the complications of late pregnancy, she and her husband adopted.  Another couple adopted after having a stillborn child.  Another adopted a child as a single mother.  That their new babies are not DNA-related to them doesn't matter: They are their parents.  They didn't fail and there is nothing wrong with them, and three little girls who would otherwise be parentless now have families that adore them and wanted them very, very, badly.

I also want a family but I'm 30 and totally single.  I don't want to have a child out of wedlock and cannot afford to raise one on my own.  Some of us don't get to have biological children.  I'm trying to get used to the idea that I may never even have a husband to make children of my own an option.  Yeah, it's lonely.  If I end up marrying later and we decide we want kids, adoption will be my preferred option, without any hesitations.

I am also mystified that people who insist that children are a blessing from God do not, conversely, consider that not being able to have children might also be part of God's plan.  Maybe His plan is for some of us to take in children in need, or to do some other great thing with our lives.  (I'm not saying children aren't a blessing from God, I'm just saying that all of us may not be destined to receive the same blessings.)

But I wanted to explain to you how it felt when I began to want a baby. (And I was fortunate enough to have 2) We got married at almost 20. At that time, niether of us wanted a baby. We had discussed before we married that we DID want children. Then at about 25, this "feeling" came over me from somewhere deep inside, I guess. I began to yearn for a baby. It was not a concious thing, not a concious decision, I just began to yearn for a baby. It was not a feeling that I had any control over. I just simply wanted a baby to hold in my arms and cuddle and raise. Long story short, my husband also wanted children, so we did. I don't think my husband experienced that "feeling" the same way that I did. I can only imagine how it would feel to have that "feeling" and then not be able to conceive. I guess it would be hard to come to terms with.  An aside, when we wanted to have a second child, it took well over a year to conceive, so we were considered infertile at that time. We didn't try to do anything to promote conception, other than the usual. I was not desperate to have another baby, but I am so glad that we did go on to have our son. (our daughter came along first)

 
December 6, 2007, 8:54 am CST

12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

I normally agree with Dr. Phil but I really feel he's way off when it comes to this topic.

 

How is it in any way, shape, or form to bankrupt your family or force your partner into doing something they don't want to do for your own selfish ambitions. These women seem to think that wanting something entitles them to have it. If you and your partner are already financially struggling what sense does it make to bring a child into that environment. I was in a position similar to these men and I told the woman, whom I was engaged to, to pursue that with someone else because I wasn't going to let her bankrupt us for her selfish reasons. Best decision I ever made.

 
December 6, 2007, 9:32 am CST

I agree with the natural approach.

Quote From: camc1225

You might want to research Dr. Randine Lewis and her "Fertile Soul" books and retreats (also www.thefertilesoul.com  

My daughter who is an acupunturist in California told me about her, as she has applied to to intern at one of the  retreats.  Dr. Lewis has had very good success with infertile couples using Chinese medicine techniques and holistic or mind/body approaches.

Maybe this would be something to look into for a future show--

Several years ago I did the low carb diet thing. A close friend of mine that has PCOS went on the diet to quickly drop a few pounds. Interestingly during this time, she began having regular periods. This was without taking hormones which she had previously done to have periods.

Eating meats and low carb fruits and veggies doesn't cost an arm or a leg. It seems more natural than getting hormone injections. I worry about the long term effects for women taking fertility treatments.

 

I wish all the couples the best of  love, health and happiness.

 
December 6, 2007, 9:39 am CST

good life

hi dr. phil and robin, i can see how happy you two are with each other, and i admire you both so much. i watch your show everyday and see how many people you help. i understand these women who would do anyhing for a child. my husband and i have been married 28 years. i was 14 years old when we got  together. we are very happy and  i am very lucky to have such a great man in my life. we had 1 child and after a  very hard delivery we had a son. i could'nt have anymore safely so i had my tubes tied. our son was killed by a drunk driver at age 17.  I wish  i could go back and not tie my tubes (as dangerous as it would be)  i would do anything to be able to have another baby. that kind of want never goes away. some women are not whole until they do have a child. every woman that wants to have a baby needs to experience the birth process. its a love you never knew you had. so if you want a baby, dont stop trying.  like robin, i could not imagine not having my son  in my life. even the pain of the loss of my son, i would do it again in a second.   
 
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