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Topic : 12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

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Created on : Friday, November 30, 2007, 01:44:52 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
How far would you go to be a mother? Dr. Phil's guests are women whose biological clocks are ticking time bombs, and they're willing to risk almost everything to become pregnant. When Tonya and Keith got married, they agreed not to have children. Six years later, Tonya has had a change of heart and is now obsessed with having a baby, but Keith is totally opposed to the idea. Can they reach a compromise without resenting each other, or will the baby talk end their wedded bliss? Next, Eric and Michelle have been married over a year and have been unable to conceive. Eric refuses to spend another dime on fertility treatments because he says there's no guarantee she's going to get pregnant. Michelle won't take no for an answer and has even considered going behind her husband's back and charging fertility treatments on her credit card. After talking with Dr. Phil, will Eric decide to invest in the procedures, or will Michelle put her baby dreams on hold? And, Dr. Phil fitness expert, Robert Reames, and his wife, Arminae, share their painful five-year struggle to have another baby. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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December 1, 2007, 7:55 am CST

Trying to Have a Baby

I am  a 30 year old married women who has been trying to get pregnant for 2 years. Last year we seeked fertility treatments and had no success yet. Unfortunately we are in that 30% tile for no unknown reason as to why we cannot get pregnant. We have been lucky so far since our insurance copy has been covering the treatments. Our insurance company only covers three months of each cycle of drugs so in two months we will be on our own financially if we plan to take it to the next level. Trying to become pregnant is like having another job you are told when to have intercourse and how often, spontaneous is not even thought of anymore. Growing up I always knew I wanted to have children, I never imagined it would be this hard. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
 
December 1, 2007, 10:34 am CST

12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

Quote From: goofy2704

I am  a 30 year old married women who has been trying to get pregnant for 2 years. Last year we seeked fertility treatments and had no success yet. Unfortunately we are in that 30% tile for no unknown reason as to why we cannot get pregnant. We have been lucky so far since our insurance copy has been covering the treatments. Our insurance company only covers three months of each cycle of drugs so in two months we will be on our own financially if we plan to take it to the next level. Trying to become pregnant is like having another job you are told when to have intercourse and how often, spontaneous is not even thought of anymore. Growing up I always knew I wanted to have children, I never imagined it would be this hard. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
have you thought about adoption?  there are so many unwanted children all over the world
 
December 1, 2007, 11:37 am CST

Adopting is an option

I can and do sympathize with the many women in this world, who for one reason or another, can't get pregnant.  The joys of motherhood are boundless.  Yet, pregnancy isn't all there is to being a mom.  I had a sister in law who for no medical reason, could not have children.  They went through agonizing test after test.  They did the next best thing - adopted children who really needed parents.  I think there is a God in Heaven who prepares people for adopting because of all the lonely children in need.  Why can't people just accept their life where they're at, and give a great home and all that love to children who never knew the love of a real mom and dad?  There are thousands, if not milliions, of children around the world who are suffering and dying because they were not wanted by their own biological parents.  There's more to parenting than the biology of it all.
 
December 1, 2007, 12:51 pm CST

My Opinion but

I am 51, have 3 daughters, and 2 grandchildren...If the Husband is oppossed to having a Child, I truly think the wife needs to rethink exactly why she wants a baby. It has always amazed me that one must have a license to hunt, fish, own an animal and drive a car....but no requirement to have a child. It seems the wife isn't thinking very straight. What is more important? Being pregnant is the easy part....it's the raising of a child that is hard. I raised mine but in this world, with a clear conscience I would say why? This world is going downhill and if I could have a baby today, my choice would be absolutely not. if this couple cannot agree on this decision, I would vote a defiante no.
 
December 1, 2007, 2:06 pm CST

Doctor Phil Show

A Be Desperate Doctor Mom Phil To. That is very funny. Your wife is a Mother to two boys.  No wonder Ro-

bin want to have two boys. See you on Thursday December 06th, 2007.  Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaande-

ren.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 
December 1, 2007, 2:12 pm CST

Desperate???

The word desperate conjures up a mental picture of a less than stable person. Is this the kind of person who should be in charge of children? Why would a woman be desperate to have a child? Is it because she feels less than a woman if she doesn't conceive? And, if so, who put that nonsense into her head? Why is no one thinking of the child in those situations? Desperate to have a child denotes pretty selfish emotions, in my view. No inocent child should find him or herself in a situation like this. Before women decide to have children, they should get their own emotional house in order. They should be ready to think about someone other than themselves.
 
December 1, 2007, 2:36 pm CST

We too had trouble

We too had lots of trouble getting pregnant...it took us 21 years to have our first child....we spent 4-5 years going to fertility Doctor.  We could only go as far as our insurance would allow us, which was high hormone shots....lots of shots.  After 4-5 years of montly disappointments and 4 miscarriages, my husbands Father was dyeing, so we stopped.   Two months after his death, I just felt pregnant...it was Christmas Eve.  I took a pregnancy test (left over from my fertility clinic days) and found out I was pregnant!!!  I August of 2001 I gave birth to our daughter, Halle, who is named after her Grandfather who died....when they went back to the day of conception, it was on the day he died....which my husband and I know just could not be.  What ever was wrong with me, Halle fixed as in November of 04, I had our Son, Daniel.  I then had to get my tubes tied, as I was 44 when I had Daniel....We really think that if I had been more relaxed during the whole fertility clinic thing, it would have worked.  My Doctor (who birthed both my children) at one point told me that he was giving me enough drugs and hormones to get my husband pregnant!  All I can say is try, TRY, to relax.....and I will keep you all in my prayers, because that too helps.  I understand the whole wanting a baby so badly that you think of bad things to get one....we were married 21 years before Halle came along, and thats a long time to dream of being a parent.  Hang in there, and we will keep you all in our prayers.
 
December 1, 2007, 3:33 pm CST

12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

I can understand the desire to have biological children.  Since I was 25 I wanted to have a baby. I used to tell my friends if I weren't in a relationship by the time I was 30 I was going to have a baby on my own.  When 30 rolled around I wasn't financially prepared to be able to become a stay at home mom and my opinion was and is if I couldn't be home to enjoy the growing years with my child then I did not want to have one yet.  I pushed the pinpoint age to 32, knowing that the best and safest time to get pregnant is before 35. 

In the middle of this inner turmoil I met a man who was a widower and had three children.  His children were still young but they were no longer infants.  I became attached to this family and imagined a life with this man, his three kids, and a baby of our own.  Unfortunately he did not want to have any more children.  I deluded myself into believing he would change his mind when he saw how different life could be in a two parent household.  My dream continued vivdly in my head, only he never changed his mind.  He was honest right from the beginning but because I'm used to finding ways to make things work out, I figured this would to.  How would he be able to deny me of my deepest desire? 

Well we are married now, his kids are in their teens, and we do not have a child of our own.  For a long time I resented him for not changing his mind about having a baby with me.  I felt like I compromised a lot of my dreams for him and that he should want to have a baby with me. 

Long story short, I began watching children for a living.  It's going on about two years now and I love what I do.  The kids I enjoy working with are from 9 months to 3 years and I am rewarded everyday by their love and appreciation. 

Looking back I realize how having a baby with my husband would have been a bad idea especially since he did not want to have another child.  I still think about what pregnancy and childbirth would have been like, and I feel guilty for not giving my parents grandchildren, but the relationships I have with his kids are priceless.  For all intents and purposes I am their mother.  They have often commented to me how I have known them practically their whole life, it has been more than half of it.

Though I love his kids as my own and would not trade them for the world, sometimes it's tough when they ask questions about when they were born.  They were very little when their mother died and they forget that I was not there.  I don't know what happened in the delivery room, I don't know when you took you first steps, I don't know your first words or how funny you were as a toddler.  It definately can be emotionally difficult at times but most of the time I realize how much I've given these children and how much they have given me.

 
December 1, 2007, 3:37 pm CST

Trying to get pregnant

I can symotize 1000% percent! My husand and I have been trying for over 7 1/2 years now and we are getting to the breaking point!I have undergone Fertility treatments in the past and have had surgerys and shots and pill its a never ending cycle. We are enrolled in a clinical trial that should be starting soon and this will be the end if it doesnt work. It will be our first In-Vitro Cycle next step will be adoption which we are doing no matter what. A baby will be ours no matter how! Hold on people and try what we did go to Resolve meetings or talk to a DR they can and will help! If you would like to talk please dont hesitate to respond to my message.

TAKE CARE

TRYING IN FLORIDA

 
December 1, 2007, 3:47 pm CST

hold your horses

I am a 50-yr old mother of 3.  22 yrs. ago my husband and I desparately wanted children.  We exhausted all fertility procedures and succeeded with invitro fertilization 17 yrs.ago.  Then several yrs.  later, we conceived naturally.  Although I love my children deeply, and I spent numerous nights and days crying and in despair to have children, I believe God instills in us a drive to have children at a certain time in our lives.  We become desparate.  However, this time period, although very painful, does pass and the drive weakens so we can focus on other stages of our lives.  Please do not give up or jeopardize  a relationship, just to have kids.  If you do have children and your husband still does not want them, then you will have brought children into the world and into a divorce.  My suggestion would be to act as foster parents for the many children in need of homes.  After some time taking care of children, you may decide it's not as important as you thought it would be or your husband might change his mind and reconsider his decision not to have children.  Either way, don't rush into anything.  If I could redo anything about the time we spent in infertility treatments, it would be to try to not make that our main focus--to enjoy each other and look for joy in life and not dwell on what we didn't have.
 
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