Topic : 12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

To the women out there that have been trying to conveice and still aren't having luck - I pray for you. I can only imagine how frustrating and upsetting it must be.

To the children, ALL OVER THE WORLD, who want nothing more than to be part of a loving and caring family - I pray for you. I can't even begin to imagine the pain and suffering.. the sorts of things these children must be feeling and thinking. It really is heartbreaking.

I do feel for these women who have been trying to conceive for so long and still continue to be unsuccessful, but my heart really breaks for the kids who don't even have parents to begin with. More and more children are brought into this world while more and more children go unnoticed. I'm not saying that women should turn to adoption if they cannot conceive...

.. but let's be honest about something - I think it would be safe to say that most women don't adopt because they want a child that is of their own flesh and blood. A child THEY conceived, THEY gave birth to. It's not that they don't feel for the children who don't have parents or that they're selfish and don't care.. I just believe that deep down, in their hearts, they truly want nothing more than a child of their own flesh and blood.

Okay, here's a thought,

Should SELFISH people have children ? NO WAY, there are already too many parents who have had children as status symbols, "See I have it all now ".

You can't be selfish and be an effective parent, the baby dosen't really care if it's Superbowl Sunday if they need your  attention, they need it NOW and if a person isn't willing to give up the game to tend to the child, then they should NOT HAVE KIDS.

There's NOTHING wrong (actually I wish more young couples would do this) with getting your marriage on track and your finances (you don't need to be rich, but its good to have some saved)in order BEFORE having children, find out who your spouse is first, find out who you are FIRST.

Okay there are many stories out there about how "he fell in love with the Baby after it was born ", I think a better balance would be show how many DON'T fall in love, DON'T give up their own persuits, show the people who RESENT having parenthood FORCED onto them, or giving in because their parents wanted Grandchildre, or he gives in just to make his Wife happy and there are women who give in just to make their Husband happy, these are the most SELFISH reasons I've ever heard to have children, and think about this,

What if YOU were the child being brought up by the parent who made it clear through their actions, if not words, that they didn't want you in the first place ?  Aren't there enough children living with that ?

Sad to say, but I have known a handful of women who promised their HUSBANDS-TO-BE that they didn't want kids, all the while planning to convince them to have children once the marriage had taken place. One of my sister's friend even purposely got pregnant (lied about the pill) TWICE (one would think he wouldn't have trusted her after the first lie). Now she's complaining that the father spends little time with his children. Well, daaaaaaa....he never wanted children and was honest about that before the marriage!

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The woman needs to honor her word to her husband; if they agreed on no kids before they married, than she need to find happiness elsewhere when it comes to babies...be an aunt, a babysitter, a Godmother, work at a daycare, etc. Her vow to her husband comes first since he trusted her word before their marriage. Marraige is about TRUST and HONESTY. If he comes around to having a child (on his own) than that's great. Otherwise, honor your word and commmittment to him.

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As for debt, NO DEBT is acceptable but one. I don't have credit cards (they are all paid off). The one debt we DID have that was acceptable was infertitility treatment debt., providing BOTH HUSBAND AND WIFE WANT CHILDREN.  The procedure worked with child number one, but didn't with child number two (we got pregnant the natural way with #2 after spending thousands on failed infertility treatments).

Good luck to all infertile couples; it's a horrible feeling not knowing if one can ever conceive and a horrible feeling knowing one has to go in debt to adopt ($25,000). God bless them all. Trust in Him; he knows how your life is supposed to be.....

I also had a friend that marrried a man who had been abused by his father.  He told her before the wedding that he did not think he would be a good father and did not want children.  She agreed.  After about 5 years she would cry and beg him to have a baby.  Then she would accept it only to feel the loss of her decision later.  She would go through a depression and come out of it again.  A real roller coaster for her.  He never wavered in his decision. 

Men who say that they don't want kids aren't kidding.  If they say it and you don't agree then don't marry that man.  He is NOT your soulmate if he does not share your dreams.

As for my friend and her husband- they have been married for 25 years.  They have managed to find fulfillment in each other and their marriage works. 

I was told a long time ago it would be hard to concieve due to the fact that I have polycystic ovarian syndrome. I am here to tell anyone with this problem there is hope! My husband and I have been together 13 years married 8 of them and we wanted a child for a very long time. We had two miscarriages and gave up trying so hard because of the constant disappointment. Three months after my last miscarriage I had a funny feeling I might be pregnant again so without delay I bought a pregnancy test from the dollar store because I didn't wanna spend more $ on expensive tests. It  was positive, the line was very light and my husband said I was reading to much into the test. Well I went and bought the test that spells it out and Pregnant is what it said. Now considering my problem I didn't wanna get too excited and for next six months I took at least two pregnancy tests a day to make sure I was still pregnant. In Feb. of this year I gave birth to a healthy baby boy 7lbs. 15oz. without complications and without invitro or artificial insimination seeing as we couldn't afford it.  Now I still deal with the other complication of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome like the access hair and the horomonal problems but I still have my beautiful boy who is now 9 1/2 months old so don't be discouraged and stop being overly stressed because that will play a part in keeping you from getting pregnant as soon as I stopped worrying it happened for me and funny enough I still have 30 pregnancy tests I took during the pregnancy to make sure I was still pregnant.

Oh yeah here is a picture to prove it could happen!!!

Man o man, I am not a tearfull guy but when DR.Phil said in the show, He went and thought that much of his wife's feelings to try to give Robin another child even after having a surgery to never have another, I had to leave the room, What a Guy, What a DAMN good guy, Man I wish I was more like the man he is

Jeff/TN