Topic : 12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

i so totally disagreed with this show . . . i felt dr phil was only supporting the female and her wishes to have a child.  and so he reversed his mastectomy - big deal.  robin is mother incarnate and can never see herself as being anything but a mother. . . even after her children are grown.  she has never had to face the real world (she has been totally taken care of by her husband ) , she has never had to worry about getting a job to support herself or to ad to family finances.  she has never had to worry about retirement, insurance, or electric bills.  she has no education to make it in the real world.  i heard on another show that she keeps asking her married son about having children . . . how insensitive - maybe her son does not want children. and she spends all her days going to her husbands job - what other wife in teh world goes to work with  their husbands everyday to be supportive???   answer - someone who only identifies themselves has being a wife and mother.  BORING . . . anyway maybe dr phils views today were biased - based on the fact that all his wife is is a mother and therefore feels every woman is like that.

Couldn't have said it better. 

 

Everyone knows that adoption is always  an option... but be respectful to the fact that adoption is not always the solution...it's not for everyone.  

 

If I would have accepted the fact that since I'm infertile and need some medical help, then I would not have my two children with me today.  I see nothing wrong with seeking medical help and spending MY MONEY on IVF instead of adoption.  That's our choice. 

 

I do believe though that BOTH husband and wife need to be in agreement together, and didn't 100% agree with Dr Phil today. But, also who is to say that if they would get a divorce, she moves on and has a baby, and then her ex-husband feels he missed out and regrets the decision....it's just a risk they have to take, either way.

 

 

 

 

I am 40. I have been tryin to have a baby since I was 18 years old. I've been pregant twice both ending in miscarriage. through out the years I have been through various tests all ending without a baby, To mak matter worse. Now I an batting kidney failure. one doctor says go for it and other says don't try at all. I am willing to adopt. We were going to try foster care but I cant give them back once I get them so I don't wnt to do it any more. I can't afford fertitly treatmets or adoption.  love children. I have been working with chilren since i was 15 years old. I plan to work with childen's services in the field of social work. Kids are my heart. I am also a step mom. this is my 2nd marriage and i was a step mom twice. the first time I loved, raised., trained,nurtured this children only to have them go back to there mom. (partially my choice). never hearing from them again. now i dont put forth that much effort because I think Im afraid of getting hurt. I have been hurt several times while investing my efforts into other peoples children. How do i become a mother without gettinmy feelinghurt, going into financial dept nd risking my life   Help help help

If I had a dollar for everyone who gave advice while I was struggling with infertility I'd be rich!  I"d like all of you giving "advice" who haven't been through this to think twice before you post such comments as "just adopt" and these women who desperately want a child are being "selfish."  Those are very insensitive statements to a heartbreaking problem.  I am a proud mother of a 7mo old baby girl, via in vitro fertilization, after about 4.5 years of trying to conceive.  I want to share my story to help those going through it and to educate those who haven't but care for someone who is struggling with it.  My advice if you're going through this is to explore all your options and dicuss with your spouse how far you're willing to go before initiating treatment, if you do go the fertility route. Some doctors are now offering some money back if you go through several treatments with no live birth as a result.  My advice to people who want to know how to support someone going through this is PLEASE don't offer suggestions (like you can always adopt!), just tell that person you love them and are there for them in whatever capacity they need you-and tell them often!  Fertility struggles can leave a person feeling very alone in the world so your loving presence is all a person going through this needs.

I have never been through such sorrow as I did when I went on the fertility treatment roller coaster but obviously I am one of the blessed ones who can say it was worth it.  I wish all of you struggling with this peace in the process, my heart goes out to you all.

I can't watch the show right now, (it will be on again later) because my grandson wants to watch Elmo's World.I am just praying that Elmo isn't a repeat too! I will follow what I can on the message board, I guess. I think it is callous for anyone to hand out the old 'you can adopt' line because it is a substitute (even if a good one). I'm very lucky I got pregnant at a very young age. It was the one time teenage pregnancy was a blessing. It turned out I had endometriosis and if I had waited, I wouldn't have my four great kids now.  I was 21 yrs old with 4 kids. it was rough, but worth every minute. I hate to think what it would be like without them. I wish these women lots of luck&good wishes

Oh, give me a break!!   Not everyone wants children believe it or not.  I think that chldren can just suck every ounce of energy out of a person and would totally take over a person's life.  Why would anyone want that? 

 

I have a husband who I  love with all my heart and soul and would not want  to take any time and attention away from him.  Besides, there are way too many people in this very over-crowded world.  Ever think of that? 

I was just really curious on why all these woman think that they have to get pregnant and have to be a Mother? I have no kids and I am very happy, because I am able to do what I want, and have a lot more free time, I don't plan on ever having any kids, and it does not bug me, I was just wondering why they feel they have to have a baby?

      

I am now 26 yrs old.I got married when I was 19 and we wanted to start a family right away. We tried the traditional year before going to the doctor with a problem. We didn't get pregnant that year, but during that year my sister got pregnant which really hurt. I went and was diagnosed with PCOS, which Michelle on the show said she has. I only got a period once every few months. I started on birth control to get my period so that I could start Clomid, after 3 weeks on birth control I found out I was pregnant. The birth control was ust enough to kick start my ovaries. I had a beautiful baby girl in Dec. of 2002. We decided that we would try again right away since it took so long the first time. After a year of trying for #2 we finally got pregnant again. Shockingly when our son was 6 weeks old I found out we were pregnant with #3 without even trying. My husband decided that 3 was enough for us, so I had my tubes tied after or 3rd, which I regret everyday and pray for a miracle. I know that some people don't believe in God, but I do and I honestly believe that God sends the most perfect baby or babies to the parents at the most perfect time, whether it be through pregnancy or adoption. Don't lose faith or hope. I know that it's very hard to hear to relax, but you have to know that it will happen one way or another. Good luck to all and I hope you dreams come true very very soon!!

I realize you think you are being helpful when you tell someone who is struggling with infertility that they should consider adoption; however, having struggled with infertility for 5 years, I can tell you from personal experience how insensative, inconsiderate and uneducated such a comment really is.  Until you experience the hell of struggling to concieve, you have absolutely no business dispensing solutions!  Adoption is a wonderful experience for some parents; however, it is NOT a "next best thing" to having your own biological child (and it NEVER should be!)  It is a completely different experience, one that should not be considered "the next best thing" when trying to become a parent.  I don't know whether to be outraged by the insensativity of this message or sad that this person is so clearly uncompassionate.  How dare you tell infertile couples to "just accept their life where they're at."  The pain of infertility is so deep and so personal, it is appalling to read such an insensative comment.  I'll admit, in the 5 years we struggled, I was faced with many comments like this.  Thank you Dr. Phil for bringing this subject into the spotlight.  It's so rare that anyone tries to tackle this issue, and it's very clear by this mindless, obtuse message, that it's a topic that needs to be discussed.  I hope you'll continue to do more features on infertility so those facing the unimaginable pain of infertility don't have to continue to be bruised by these simple-minded, hurtful remarks.

I saw this story on Dr.Phil today and I wanted to jump into the tv.  I am a 34 year old woman

I've been married for 9 years.  I struggled with infertility the first 6 years of my marriage.  During

that time my husband never waiverd and never doubted he just always told me that we would some

day have children.  I too have PCOS and I went tru the whole gamut of treatment from Clomid, to

artificial ensemination and finally In-vitro with ICSI.  For someone struggling with PCOS I recommend

going directly to In-Vitro Fertilization, for me it took on the first try.  We had two beautiful babies a Boy and a Girl.  In-vitro Fertilization takes the guesswork out of the whole process because you are transfering an already fertilized egg.  If someone had told me that before I went on this 6 year journey, I would have done in-Vitro in a hearbeat. 

My children are the reason I wake up every morning they are my joy, my pride, my everything.

My husband is the greatest father I've seen he plays with them cuddles with them wrestles with them. 

 

I understand the husband's point of you about not wanting to get into debt.  We spend close to $25,000 initially, his employers coverage changed and we were able to have the insurance pay for the In-vitro.

Yes we are the lucky few and I understand, yet the joy that children bring into our lives is something that cannot be quatified.

What is the point of having a house and material things when you have no one to share it with.