Topic : 12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

I wish all the couples that are "desperate" to have a baby to please consider Adoption.  I went through 8 yrs of unsuccessful & emotionally painful infertility treatment and did everything to try and have my "own" baby.  Please, please understand that when you adopt a baby, this baby is your "own".  You will feel every much the mother that you think you will feel getting pregnant.  I adopted the most beautiful baby girl and she is five years old now and she is our child...our daughter!  She is so much like us...like me!  We truly thank god for her everyday.  She is a blessing!  Please take all the desire, money, time and effort that you spend trying to conceive and adopt a baby!  I promise...you will feel no difference, you will not miss out on anything!  The pregnancy, the rushing to the hospital all the things that you feel are so important that you so NEED to experience...YOU WILL!  You WILL experience so much excitement, joy and bonding with this child that you can only dream and imagine.  I almost cringe now when I hear couples discussing their infertility tx and how much is cost and how many times they've tried because I was there.  I feel so foolish!!! Because all of these years...I could have been a mother!  We could have been a family!  Believe me there are no regrets with adoption, just joy, happiness and being a family!

Isn't that what you truly want?  If you truly want to be a parent then you must consider adopting a child.

 

 Let me start here by saying. I am married and not able to have children.WE may adopt in the future but at this point who knows,I live my life...our lives.

We have known couples like these ones today.We have struggled, this year alone 2 best friends and my brother all had babies. They where all "happy accidents", do I feel sad sometimes? Sure I do.I am not going to sacrifice my marriage for a thought or a glimpse of a child.

These people are selfish and self centered to the extreme. I live in Canada and here you have universal healthcare. I am waiting for an MRI and an operation,meanwhile woman do IVF and have 6 babies in ICU and  that gobbles up healthcare dollars. OHIP pays for a lot of testing and it makes me angry.Thankfully I only had 2 tests to find out what was wrong with me.

If you are THAT much of a narccisist to have to create a little "mini me" when there are tons of children waiting for adoption, there are deeper problems.

I would too! I couldn't imagine not having my daughter, and I would so love to have another one right now. I wish you all the best of luck and I hope you men have a change in heart because your wives deserve to have the joys of motherhood. Nothing can ever replace that feeling!!!

exactly what I kept saying at the screen the whole show!  Why didn't Dr. Phil even touch on it?  I think it's rather selfish, myself, to spend all kinds of money on trying to get pregnant when there are so many parentless children in this world that you could love.  I understand that being pregnant is a big experience that many women don't want to miss out on, but just think that men don't get that experience and they don't complain about it!

P.S. It's really hard to type on this site... it skips every other letter I press, it seems, so I have to press it again.

I understand wanting to have a baby, but what about other options?  What about adoption?  It seems to me that these women want to be pregnant.  There was little talk about life after getting pregnant. 

 

I noticed that Dr. Phil didn't offer the younger couple the option of adoption.  It just seems to me that the one woman who had physical problems with getting pregnant and was contemplating putting charges on her credit card could look at other options for having a child... such as adoption.  Or, is it that she just wants to be pregnant?

 

Perhaps, rather than continuing to pay for medical treatments that seemed to have little chance of working, Dr. Phil could have suggested other options.  There are plenty of babies already in the world.  If a couple is interested in having a child to raise and love, not getting pregnant isn't the end of the line.

 

 

This was a great show. We have been there. was married age 20.  Had 5 years of both of us having test.

gave up after 4 years and started adoption. After three meeting's at adoption agency. I became pragnent.

I too had one or two periods a year.  Before we got to deep into adopotion I was expecting my first child.

We were 20  when we got married and 26 when our son was born. I was told I had a slim chance of having another child,  but Our daughter was born in 1974. There wonderful kids grown and have family's of here own.

We are so blessed. I had very real feeling for these lady.  Thank you.

I think it's very irresponsible for Dr. Phil to advise anyone to sink themselves into debt in order to have a child.  Financial problems are one of the top issues that couples argue about, and add that on top of a stressful infertility situation and no one is getting pregnant!  Going deeply into debt to have a child does not make any sense.  Having children is expensive enough once they get here; how does going into debt to have a child help a family to start off strong?  I think that is extremely selfish.  Folks have to start being a lot more financially realistic in this country! 

 Dr. Phil is soooo correct in advising Michelle that her state of mind has a significant effect on her ability to get pregnant. I have been where she's at; wanted to have a baby soooo bad and finally got pregnant (my doctor called it "one chance in a million" due to my fertility problems). Sadly -- I miscarried that baby, and you can't imagine the heartbreak, hearing continually in my head, "one chance in a million" (and that chance DIED with the miscarriage). For three years, I was angry, bitter, enraged, full of hate and crushed by the "unfairness" of the miscarriage -- I lived and breathed ANGER, and could NOT let go of it. Finally, my doctor, who was of the same mind as Dr. Phil and realized my bitterness and inner rage was part of the problem, sent me to a therapist (who was also a hypnotist) to "get to the bottom of" the prolonged and extreme anger I had. It took five months of therapy to find the underlying reasons for the incredible anger I had. In less than a year, I was pregnant again -- and 18 years ago (at the OLD AGE of 38!) I gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy to ever grace this earth ... and I'm pleased tp say that now, 18 years later, my only child, Christopher, is STILL the joy of my life and the most beautiful boy to ever grace this earth. As Dr. Phil said, I can't imagine life not knowing him, enjoying him. To Keith ... you will be SURPRISED how, at 48, your life will be ENRICHED by a child, the "extra joy" you will experience with your wife if you go with it. I KNEW Chris would add an amazing dimension to my life -- I had NO idea how far beyond my dreams or expectations the JOY of his being IN my life would bring. I hope you allow yourself to HAVE that, Keith ... and let your wife have that. You seem like a good man with a good heart, and I think you'll make the right decision; 48 is NOT too old to be a dad in today's world. If I had it to do all over again -- giving birth at 38 -- I'd do it in a heartbeat.

You talk about how much adoption costs and you say you spent thousands and thousands on having a bio child?  That doesn't make sense to me.

 

We know many people who have very little money for adoption and manage.  If money were the only factor no kids would get adopted.  God provides.

I saddens me when I hear people refer to adopted children as being "unwanted by their own biological parents."  I am a birth mother and there was never a time that I did not want my daughter.  I was young and wanted her to have a family who could provide for her in a way that I was unable to at the time.  I don't know the story of your sister-in-law's experience, but let's show some respect for those who entrust our children to other people to raise when we cannot do it ourselves.