Topic : 12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

you are so right! i was very obese, and lost 90lbs before i got prego....

Pills do help with PCOS. but there one GREAT site that dr Phil and his staff forgot to mention!

 

www.soulcysters.net

 

it is a great site for everyone who has PCOS and wants to learn how to deal with it.
The struggle with PCOS is that is diffrent in each and every woman. SO what works for me, might not work for you. And what worked for you, might not work for another.
There is so much more that they need to learn about PCOS but at least this great site is around to help woman figure out the medical system!

I think Dr. Phil dropped the ball on this one. While I love children, and certainly understand and empathize with people's desire to have children and to be parents, I don't think he at all addressed the obsession some of these women were displaying. Understand -- I am not criticizing anyone out there who is having difficulty having a child, nor am I suggesting that dealing with being unable to have one is insignificant. I firmly respect how heart-breaking and difficult these decisions can be.

However, I think there were larger social issues here that Dr. Phil was not addressing. This is not a surprise, as his show generally treats all problems as individual problems, without referencing larger social narratives and pressures that also impact people, their lives, and their understanding of themselves. Even so, I was still somewhat surprised that he did not address the extent to which these women were willing to go all lengths to have children -- in fact, by suggesting that there husbands should support them, he tacitly suggested that such feelings were natural and such lengths were understandable. The question is: why are women willing to go to such lengths to get pregnant? Why do women dream of having a baby, even in their childhood? I don't believe it's all biological, and I'm somewhat skeptical about biological clock arguments. I'm not dismissing biology entirely, but I also think a social system that suggests that women have very little value outside of their reproductive capacities is also to blame.

Should children exist to fulfill our sense of purpose? I don't think so. And can one be part of a family without children? Absolutely. Again, I understand that wanting a child and not being able to have one is a tragic thing, but I also truly am unhappy with a society that constructs childless women and childless couples as somehow bereft. Can Robin imagine life without her son? No. But people without children aren't in a state of lack, and this episode did nothing to dispel that narrative.

I am 31 yrs old and was told 8 yrs ago that I could not have children. It crushed me. I eventually accepted it and I was thankful I had my stepson.. Then 1 yr ago I found out I was pregnant. I took the test 2 times & went to the doctor before I let myself believe it. It was a hard pregnancy, I was on bed rest the entire time, had to have ultrasounds every 2 weeks at a specialist 2 hours away.. and then had to have an emergency c-section. My beautiful daughter is 6 months old and I feel so blessed and complete now. Please do not give up hope. There may be a reason why God has given this to you.. you may be destined to help a child thru foster or adoption. There are so many children out there that would love your love.. We was thinking of adopting when we found out we were pregnant. Please believe that everything works out for a reason. I know that is hard to accept when you want a child so badly.. I will keep you all in my prayers..

While your message may have intended to make the poster feel better, it has shown that you have not only had no experience with the heartache of I/F, but you've also not researched the cost of adoption, which is often times as much or much more than infertility treatments.

After trying to conceive for 6 years, I've done everything my finances would allow in order to have a baby. I am not one of the I/F patients out there who has infertility insurance.

If you've researched adoption, you would realize that adoption is also an unsure thing and very expensive, not to mention the emotional hurdles you need to jump before you're ready to start that equally tough process.

If someone came up to me and offered me $16,0000 so that I could adopt, believe me, I'd take it. It's not as easy as just deciding you want to do it, unfortunatelly.

 I truly believe that when we believe in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, we will meet again in heaven those we have lost on earth. If you are a believer, know that you are only separated from your children for a time, and you will hold them in heaven. I, too, miscarried a much-wanted baby and one of my deepest sorrows was not being able to grieve the "death of a life" because I didn't even know if I was carrying a boy or a girl. I said as much to my mother, who lovingly said, "GOD KNOWS." That gave me real comfort -- to know that GOD knew my child and that my child was in heaven, basking in His love and waiting there for me! My doctor also recommended that -- because there was nobody to have a funeral for, no body to say goodbye to, that I hold my OWN personal and private "service" -- give the child a name, and have some type of ceremony (with a close relative or friend, or alone) to "say goodbye," let go. I did do that, and it helped also ... to recognize that the child I miscarried WAS MY CHILD and a life, just as other people's live-born children ARE their children, and a life.

One of the problems in our society is that we are very ignorant of how to deal with miscarriage -- people don't know WHAT to say or how to respond to a miscarriage, so they say nothing at all ... and mothers of miscarriage NEED to be able to talk about their babies, acknowledge their existence, and mourn the loss of a much-hoped-for child. I SO wish I could talk to you, and help you understand that you ARE a mother -- your children just left early, as many mothers whose kids don't come back from Iraq are still mothers ... and you WILL be reunited with those children again! I hope you can take some comfort in that, and CELEBRATE the brief existence of children you did not get to know here -- but WILL have the joy of knowing in heaven. They wait for you there!

Congrats, I also used injectables, menopur. I am now 21 weeks along with our second child. Having a child can be the best experience of your life. Good luck

How about spending all that money on an adoption lawyer?  I mean, do you want to be a parent, or do you want to be pregnant?  There are sooooo many children who need good homes out there that I think these people are a little off base spending so much money on trying to conceive, risking their marriages and families, and their savings and well being, their mental and emotional health even.  I've never been in that position and I've always wanted to adopt children vs. have my own, so I may not get the point of trying so desperately to conceive.  But again, I urge people incapable of conceiving to at least consider adoption.  It's a personal choice, I recognize, but I have heard people say they won't even consider adoption, they want their own children.  But when these people are so desperate- they say they want to be a mother so desperately- well, why not be a mother to an adoptive child?  It just makes sense to me.

 Anybody familiar with the Dr phil mantras are aware that Dr Phil puts children FIRST. What happenned on today 's program? The very thing he despised was the very thing he supported. Thinking surrounded by thoughts of 'ME ME ME!' with no cosideration given to the prospective children to be involved as a result of such 'ME ME ME' attitudes.

  He wants to state a claim that by having children the hubbies are contributing to their relationship. But ARE they? What happens if the child(ren) brought into the world are children like myself when I was born: multihandicapped, and diagnosed as never being able to take care of myself as autonomous adults? Medical experts have stated that handicapped children recieve less affection from their parents because the parents are too preoccupied with the child's handicaps to give the child the required affection they need. So was Dr phil's advice to the guys to engage in whatever means possible to contribute to the relationship by having children sound without any consideration given as to what the child would have to experience. My answer is NO!  My Mother was#is an air head. But when she had her second child it was through the process of adoption so that she would not have another like me. What than is wrong with adoption? Why should abortionists get richer because these women don't want children unless they come out of their own vagina? Mothers are not mothers just because a child comes out of her body. Some kids who are adopted have better Moms than those who's mom is biological!  My Mom is biological but is also the reason why I am psychologically trans gendered. As she put it: I'll be an adult when I become like her. A guy like me becoming like his Momma is trans genderism in my psychology books. Sort of like taking a radio to the beach that works on ac current only and than, at the beach, bitching because one

can't change the wiring completely to make it work on batteries!

 

My god,  Dr Phil has thrown the men under the bus completely on this episode. I lived the first situation. Agreed no kids and got married. Over the Years , she became increasingly hostile about nearly everything and finaly told me she changed her mind and wanted a child. That was supposedly the reason for the hostility. I was assured that things would be as they should be between us if we had a child, completeness you know.  It was either divorce or become a older father and ignore the fact that she made an agreement without counting the cost. I took what I thought to be the high and honorable path and chose the path Dr Phil advocates. We've had a child now for more than five years. Guess what; we are at the brink of divorce. Life didn't get better between us. I wasn't her night in shining armor. I actually am more near the bottom of the priorities. There are all new reasons to be hostile. I love my child completely and would give my life for my only child. But, the marriage did not become the fantasy family.

 

Beware Mr, you really need to decide if you want to pay for what probably will be the rest of your life for your "X-wife" to have her child. Yes, X-wife. Don't kid yourself, the euphoria of the warm fuzzy you got on stage will disappear when life sets in.

 

As far as the second couple who can't get pregnant is concerned, once again Dr Phil threw the man under the bus to give the women everything she wants. What about paying for the sure thing of adoption. There are countless children the want a loving mom and dad. You ,woman, are very selfish to feel you have to give birth to be happy. Go look at the faces of the orphan babies that need a mom and dad. Find it in your heart to love and cherish one of those little ones. That is the truely selfless thing to do for both of you.

 

Dr Phil, it's all becoming a one way street - give the women everything and screw the guys...???