Topic : 12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

I keep reading people’s posts about “why don’t people adopt more?”…. that is not an answer for everyone.  There are valid reasons to not adopt.  There is concern with the adoption laws in the US, that often side with the birth parents, and could end with a child being taken back by their birth parents.  There is the cost… it can be overwhelmingly expensive.  International adoptions can also be extremely expensive.

Then there are the emotional concerns.  Unless you are an adoptee, I don’t believe your opinion about how wonderful adoption is is completely valid.  Have you lived a life of feeling like you don’t fit in?  Have you lived a life never understanding a biological connection?  Have you lived your life knowing that you were given away by the people who were supposed to love you unconditionally?  I’ve yet to meet a fellow adoptee who is not insecure with relationships, and tended to worry as a child that their adoptive parents would “go away”.  I certainly understand that this is not the situation for ALL adoptees, however, it has been prevalent in my experience, the experience of my brother, 4 relatives, and multiple friends and clients I have dealt with. 

I have a tremendous respect for people who adopt.  I think adoption is a much better alternative to foster care or growing up with an abusive or unfit parent.  However, many people have lived or witnessed many of these concerns, and adoption is a road that they can’t emotionally go down.  I get the feeling that there is a lot of judgement towards them because they’d rather conceive a child, or don’t feel adoption is a valid option FOR THEM.

"Sounds like you're very clear about what you want and desire for your family, so any pressure you recieve should be easy to brush off, yes?"

Yes but it can be annoying when people wont leave you alone about it.Just respect my way of thinking just like I respect everybodys who want to have 10 kids for instance.

"Your commitment to your choices is probably easier to remain committed to since the desire for the alternative is absent.  Not everyone is you, not everyone is lacking that desire.  And one day, you may find yourself singing a different tune if that desire ever does grace your body and persist."

Yes thats why I wrote never say never.

"I found your post interesting because of the wording you used "just because I decide to change my mind." "

Well since english is not my first language,its hard for me to find the right words sometimes.I am only speaking for myself that I dont want any children and never wanted any.I sometimes even say I dont have a biological clock .I never babysat or watched other kids and never wanted to.

"I think Dr. Phil has a full understanding of how a woman being denied her desire will ultimately foul a relationship far more than offering understanding to the husband could."

Maybe so,but its not fair to the partner who doesn't want any kids,be it man or woman.I would rather get a divorce than be pressured to have a baby I didnt want.

Dr. Phil, you really surprised me, but impressed me.  You really do love your wife, Robin.  The fact that you reversed your surgery for the love of your wife was so very touching.  *Thank You*

Now for Keith and Tonya.  First of, Tonya you made a promise with Keith before marriage not to have children.  Secondly, I am a firm believer that women or men that don't have kids shouldn't marry into a "READY-MADE Family".  It is very unfair to the childless partner.  I would "NEVER" be interested in a man with kids.  Secondly, Keith, that is what you get for attempting to marry a much younger woman instead of someone your own age with kids.  I do agree with "Never Say Never....".

Eric & Michelle, I feel you both are going to be just fine.  What I don't understand is unless the Dr. Phil show is willing to pay this cost, it is easier said than done to just go on with this expensive procedure to conceive.  Can't a longing to have kids be cured by adopting?

And the celebrity couple, you are already blessed with a daughter.  I don't get this "giving birth to someone else's eggs".  It is not the mother's child, it is only the father's.

Good Luck :-)

Accept that it might not happen.

This message is as much for Dr. Phil as it is for the other readers.  FOR the men who were leaning towards having a child...The thing that concerned me about today's show is the fact that Adoption was never discussed as a viable option to the question of  things you would do to be a mom.  Dr. Phil's Fitness Trainer came on in the end and no other options were expressed to them or anyone else if pregnancy didn't occur... The reason this concerns me is that if couples out there do eventually decide to try and have a baby and it doesn't work- there is definitely another option.  We are the proud parents of a bioligical son and a soon to be adopted daughter.  Our son is 8 years old and after successfully conceiving him with no problems, I was unable to conceive again (due to Graves Disease- we chose not to go through Fertility procedures).  There are 100,000 children in the Foster Care System in the US awaiting a 'Forever Family'.  I am grateful to all who adopt, worldwide but not nearly enough adoptions take place through the State system.  Our new 3 1/2 year old daughter is everything I could ever imagine in a little girl and them some.  Sure, it's a transition, but also one of the best decisions we have ever made.  So, if you are unable to conceive and can't afford tor don't want to go through the costly fertility procedures- YOU HAVE OPTIONS!  Check out your local Department of Children and Families.  Adoption classes start all the time and there are children of all ages and races.  Also, you don't have to be married to adopt through the state system. AND- you don't have to be rich to adopt through the system either.  You do need to be happy, stable and loving. The state even offers a subsidy program to help offset your new child's needs.  Our daughter will have college paid for through the state, as well as Medicaid until she's 18 years old.  It has been an amazing option for us and we are so grateful to the state for the program.  I wish all the families well and appreciate all the wonderful work Dr. Phil and Robin do for children.