Topic : 12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

Story of Tonya and Keith.

Having a baby is a wonderful thing.  I hope all of these couples have taken into consideration the possibility that their child may not be perfect.

I was 41 when I became pregnant with my son.  It was the most wonderful 2 years of my life.  Then we received the horrific news that our son had Autism.  We are very lucky, our marriage has survived but it has changed our life dramatically.  Our son is 9 years old and doing quite well, we love him dearly, however, we have spent every available cent we have to provide therapy for him to help make his life and our life better.  We were also prisoners in our home for 5 years.  His sensory issues were so bad that we could not take him anywhere, not even the zoo.  We also moved to another state where the services for Autism were much improved from where we were living.  It is amazing what a parent will do for their child.  Since moving, our son has improved to the point that we can now go to Culver's for lunch.  The point I am making is as a couple you need to be prepared for anything.

My husband also did not want to have children but agreed to make me happy.  Luckily, my husband is a wonderful person and has never thrown it in my face. 

We also did not believe this would happen to us!

All the best,

There is an adoption tax credit of about $11,000 the federal govt gives to offset adoption expenses.

While adoption is not for everyone and some infertility treatments makes sense 47 year old women spending thousands and using donor eggs is extreme and not right in my opinion. I think people that would push the envelope to get pregnant when they are obviously too old probably should not adopt either. They are too self focussed to parent well.

Adoption is a different journey but an equally special one. I love both my kids and the journey to them both was amazing.

I think if you have an open heart and are not obsessive about having a bio child you are ready to be a parent.

Interestingly, I have a friend who is a neonatal intensive care nurse. She hates it now because so many older women are having multiples and high risk pregnancies. She said there often tons of complications. She said many of them will not do selective reduction because they feel it is against "God's Will." She questions the logic on that one too because it is against God's will to have a busload of children at 47 too. She used to love her job but she said so many of the moms now are pushy older women that micromanage the nurses and fail to realize that it is not the nurses who caused their children to have all the issues. It was their choices to have babies way toooooo late in life.

I think taking steps to have a bio baby is fine but I have a really problem with couples who go to EXREME measures when their bodies are not equipped to take a child to term.

I also struggle to have any sympathy for people with 1 child who then go to extreme measures to have a second child. You are missing the forest through the trees.

The first couple seemed less in love to me than the others and I suspect if they are having issues with money and goals this early on they are in for a rocky road.

I always wanted to be a mom and have babies. A health problem lead me to believe I would not be able to conceive. I did not obsess and stew over it. I got involved with projects to help children in general. I got fulfilled in other ways and did not focus on fertility. I developed myself as a whole person. I would have been sad if I never got pregnant but I would have dealt with it. I was open to adoption from the beginning. I think that is because I was not self absorbed like some of these people seem.

I ended up being fertile after all but chose to adopt and have a bio child. I had an open heart.

Women may have no control over their fertility or infertility but they do have control over the means they will go to to have a child. They have control over how far they will go. They have control over deciding how many miscarriages they will endure. They have control over deciding to have 8 embryos implanted with the risk that they could all take. They have choices.

I find it disturbing that so many women are willing to go to such extreme measures to try to get pregnant.  If they can't then....take a hint!!  The world would be a much better place if all the money that was spent on fertility treatments was directed to a worthy cause.  And for you career women out there who decided to work until you were 40 and THEN decided to try to get pergnant...hey you missed your window.  Get over it.

I write this to all the women who wish to have a baby, tho having your own child is a god sent, there is another god sent even a great. We took a child at birth to care for while the mother was to go to drug rehab. for which she never completed, thus long story short we ended up with the child,and have now had her for 4 years. she is the joy of our lives. we are in the process of adopting her now, which i hope will be final dec 19. we call her precious miricale for she is our miricale.

so think of all the drug babys out there whom no one else wants because drug babys usally have many problems. but to us she has given us only love.

Comments like that are so insensitive.  Take a hint?  You obviously don't have any empathy.  There are millions of people out there who would make great parents and the world would be a better place if they were parents but are unable to have kids and you say "Take a hint?"  I'm not just talking about the people in their 40's either.....You have obviously never wanted something  that you had to work for and you would do anything for.  There are many people out there who shouldn't have kids in way, shape, or form and you are telling people that would be great parents to "Take a hint".  You should be ashamed for such a comment that is so unfeeling.   I feel sorry for you. 

You know autism has nothing to with age, I delived my son (now 6) at the age of 18 and he was diagnosed with autism at the age of 17 months. It was devistating, but we knew something was wrong so we were ready for the news.... My son has all his medical and therapy paid for thank God for social security :)